The walk from Rayne's to home was literally less than five minutes, it's practically on the same road.

I felt slightly sick.

Honestly... I felt really freaking alone.

I guess I just- I have always held Rayne to such a high regard. He's my favouite freaking person but I don't know what on earth is happening.

I do know what is happening. This whole situation is destroying our friendship. It's destroying my trust.

I feel as if I am nothing to him and I have never felt like that with him before.

Once I get home, the isolated feeling inside my chest grows when my mum and dad are nowhere to be seen.

So I gather some things to distract myself and head into the garden to do some writing.

To write is to an escape. It's to escape into a world you have constructed yourself. A world where you can decide what happens next. I never had the choice this morning, to end up feeling this shit. It just happened to me and so I was sat here, laid out on a blanket, earphones loud, pen and paper, feeling sorry for myself.

Feeling pain over things that kept going wrong.

Oh to be back in Italy and fascinated by life again.

I was creating characters today. Brainstorming their appearances, their complexities, their loves and their hates. I am imagining back stories and histories and relationships that make no sense but also every sense to them. I don't even have a plot for these people, these figments of my imagination. Just sometimes I like to create, to imagine and then I let the characters inspire me.

Rolling over I abandon my character building and reach out to touch a daisy right beside me. The sun was hot today but I still, even alone, didn't feel comfortable lying here undressed. My dress remained firmly on my body. Even though I knew I was overheating.

I have always had a focus on flowers. I have always felt the connection between nature and people. The human body. It's fragments: hair, scars, textures of skin, wrinkles. You ever looked at the roots of a tree and the veins of an old lady, the way they cross, weave, spread? The way each carry vital substances to the core of its organism. The bruising of skin to a purple sunset, the way clouds can hold such solid colours but also blend into one. Lightning and blood shot eyes-shit just a storm and the way such emotions can be portrayed through our lenses. Finger prints and the way wood rings in relation to it's years. I wish our finger prints conveyed our years, I wish they-

There's so many more similarities between nature and the human form. So many connections. So many parallels.

Freckles and the night sky. Stars and how the spread out in the darkness, the opposite of my dark freckles spread out over my fair skin. The lines of your palm and the branches that break off from them, how they tell the secret of prophecies which never really come true. Until they do. And how they are leaves of a tree, a tree of family histories seen within the wrinkles of a hand, or a cheek, or an eyelid.

I just am fascinated and this stuff going on with Rayne is distracting me from loving.

Loving the world, it's people, my writing.

I decide I need more inspiration and so instead of staring at the lone flower in my garden I decide to head to those fields of wildflowers that I wanted Luella and I to visit.

I would invite Lue but my phone was dead and I sort of prefer the idea of being alone.

I decide to borrow the car. I don't know where my parents are but- I am sure it's fine and I just change into something fresher, braid my hair down the back and grab a few things I want.

Like my notebook. My sketchpad. My camera.

I just wanna find do some- I will explain more when I am there.

It wasn't too far to the Moorland fields, but I decided driving would be the best choice. Probably should have thought about the whole- why the car was at home on a Saturday morning though because unfortunately, before I even made it out of town it stopped.

As in all electrics cut out and the key- ha well from the angry sound the car was making indicated that I should stop trying to start it again.

"Shit." I whisper.

Things kept going wrong.

So wrong. All I wanted to do was go and pick some god damn flowers.

All I wanted to do was admire the god damn pretty freaking-

There's a knock on my window and I startle, whipping my head to him and my eyes are wide and confused when I see it's August.

"Did you follow me?" I say.

He rolls his eyes and then he lifts his hand to the back of his neck.

Then he asks me the question.

"Are you okay?"

You shouldn't ask someone who is clearly not okay whether they are okay because all it does is make them want to cry.

Or get angry.

Thankfully I didn't cry.

But I did rant.

"No August I am not okay. Rayne is a fucking asshole sometimes and so are you and so is the world because all I wanted to do is go to a field and see the flowers and then I am still like twenty minutes away from Moorlands and my dad is going to kill me because once again I broke something but this time it's the god damn car!"

He stares at me, at my angry eyes and then his eyebrows furrow.

"I followed you because the car broke down this morning, Jackson had to tow it back to your house. I was about to drive home and then you passed in the car which I thought was broke. Decided to follow in ... curiosity."

"Oh." I whisper. "So I didn't break the car?"

"No you somehow got it to work for a few miles."

I rubbed my face in exhaustion.

"Come on." August says, opening my car door.

"No."

"Emersyn, you bubble of rage, get out the car." He actually laughs at me.

"No I am mad."

"I know." He opens it more and leans across me, unbuckling my seat belt and I just sigh, grabbing my bag and the keys.

"You should message someone and tell them that you've just had to abandon the car on the side of the road." August says and he backs away as I get out.

"Can't. Phone's dead."

"You can use mine." He says and he watches as I lock up the car and we walk in silence back over to his car.

"Um your dad's number is saved under 'dick'."

I laugh at that, looking at him as he passes me his phone.

"Kinky."

"That's your dad you are talking about." August retorts and I cringe.

"Yeah okay." I grab his phone, it already unlocked, and I go to the resents calls and press on the number.

Wow.

It really was saved under dick. Wow.

"August son I am sick of the sound of your voice." My dad chuckles down the phone and I smile at his attitude.

"Dad it's me."

"Oh my favourite daughter."

"I am your only daughter." I mutter and he laughs.

"Okay hit me why the fuck you are calling on August's phone?"

I cringe at his mouth, he always swore, it's so- harsh sounding.

"I broke the car." I say and then I sigh. "Well no, no one told me the car was broken so I just took it out and now it's dead on the side of the A20."

"Emersyn." He groans and then I hear Jackson ask what I had done now and my dad chuckles, filling him in.

"Sweetheart I left you a note on the kitchen side telling you not to touch the car and I also text you it."

"Well my phone is dead." I mutter, getting into August's car.

"Why are you leaving the house with a dead phone?"

"Technically my phone's at home."

"This still doesn't explain why you are on August's phone?"

"He is stalking me." I say and my dad chokes slightly, so does August and he throws me his most unimpressed look. "Joking, joking." I reassure them both. "Um, he knew the car was broken and then he saw me driving it so I think he was like concerned."

August laughs and so does my dad.

"Our August concerned?"

"Mhm." I hum, pulling my seatbelt on and August starts the car. "Anyway so yeah, sorry about the car."

"It's fine Em. I knew I should have taken the keys."

I just sigh. "Where are you anyway?"

"I am at your mum's. Jackson and I are working on a case and wanted to do it with your mums coffee and art surrounding us."

"Fair enough." I smile. "I guess Jackson will come and get the car later?"

"Yeah." He laughs and then he pauses. "How are you today Em? You snuck out this morning."

"I just went to see Rayne."

"Mhm. We wanted to talk to you."

"I know." I say. "We can talk later?"

"Okay sweet, make sure you charge your phone and tell August I said cheers for picking you up."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too." He says. "Bye."

"Bye." I end the call and then place the phone on August's lap, ignoring the way he tensed at the contact.

"My dad says thank you."

His eyebrows raise. "He did?"

"Yeah." I say, then I look around. "Where are we going? This isn't towards home."

"I know." He says and I just look at his side profile.

"I know you didn't say that shit to Rayne for me, but thank you."

His eyes dart to mine and he nods.

"I was just surprised to hear him speak like that- my brother- he's never been one to just join in."

It's the whole identity crisis thing.

I just remain silent.

Rayne hurt me today. Like for real.

"Are you two okay?" August asks and I just stay silent again.

I don't know how to reply to that.

No we aren't okay. But do I even-

I just sighed.

"Don't pry." Is all I offer, and he nods once.

We drive in silence and then my eyes widen when I realise where we were pulling up to.

He'd taken me to Moorland's fields. The flowers.

"You didn't need to- you could have just taken me home."

"You aren't okay and I don't do support. All I can do is take you to where you were going."

I stare at the side of his profile and I then sort of see the whole picture, his tense face but a background of wild bright flowers behind him, out the window.

It looked beautiful and I just stared slightly.

His eyes snapped to mine.

"Don't overthink."

I wasn't thinking anything.

I just get out the car, grabbing my bag and I head towards the flowers.

It was man made this field. I keep referring to them as wildflowers, but they were all planted. But no one knows who did it. Just one year a few years ago it was a plain field and then the next someone had planted loads and loads of flowers, flowers which spread and grew to a sea of petals over the years.

I hear August behind me, following me down the path and I am just so confused as to why he-

"You can go." I say, not turning around.

"Why are you here?" He asks and I just ignore him, walking towards the little opening and I don't hesitate to walk out amongst the beautiful bulbs of colour.

"You are trashing the flowers." He mutters and I turn around and look him dead straight in the eye and then I lie down, being engulfed them.

A vibrant display of flowers covered the ground and then there was just me, placed smack bang in the middle of the meadow. Bold purple, soft pink and light lavender sprayed out in every direction and I just smiled; I was being weird. But I couldn't care less.

There was a faint sound of bees, of insects, of things buzzing around me but I just closed my eyes letting my senses take over. I let the sound increase and almost in contrast the sweet smell of blossomed flowers seems to relax me.

I was in a state of living. Surrounded by beautiful flowers, tense because of the buzzing, relaxed because of the perfume in the air. Lavender is relaxing, it reminds me of my mum.

I sighed.

"Em?"

I opened my eyes and August is stood beside me, looking down at me.

Confused.

"What?" I grit.

"Um..."

'Lie down." I snap and he shakes his head. "Lie the fuck down Leo."

His hands raise in surrender and he begrudgingly lowers himself down beside me.

"This doesn't mean I like you." He mutters in response to my smile. I smiled because I was glad he stopped blocking the sun.

"Good."

His head turns to me, his large body crushing many flowers whereas I had choses to lie down in a small gap.

"Good?" He questions and I nod, my eyes closing again, and I just tilt my face up to the sun, ignoring the way his eyes are attached to my face.

"I don't care anymore."

"Good decision." Leo laughs, turning his head back to the sky and I open my eyes.

"I wish the clouds were reflective."

His head turns to look at me again and I just stare up at the few dotted white clouds.

"Why?"

"I think it would be beautiful if they were mirrors, if they reflected the colours."

August shakes his head.

"I don't. They're white, pure, they don't need to reflect the ugliness of the world down here."

"How can you lie here and say the world is ugly?" I ask genuinely appalled.

"The bad outweighs a field of flowers Emersyn Rose."

I shake my head, sitting up and taking out my notebook.

"It honestly just doesn't."

His lips tug up, sitting up too and he turns so to create a little distance between us.

"You see more good in the world than bad?"

I shrug. "I like the good more than I do the bad. I choose to love."

His eyes narrow. "Love isn't a choice though. You don't choose to love."

I frown at that. "You can do."

"Who have you chosen to love Emersyn?"

"Huh?" I ask, turning to face him and I can't help but get a little memorized by our surroundings.

"You said you can choose so who have you chosen to-"

"No." I smile. "Things. Places. Scenes."

His head cocks to the side.

"I agree, you love who you love that's not really a conscious choice. But I mean I choose to see the world through a lens where I find things that I love and then I appreciate them."

"What like?" He asks and I shrug, lying back down a little harshly.

"Fields of flowers being one."

August just sighs and watches me.

"You seriously were going to drive all this way to just lie down amongst the flowers?"

"I am searching for inspiration." I correct and he just watches me, making me feel urged to open my eyes and meet his.

I don't.

"Inspiration?" He asks.

"I want to understand a character I am writing."

"One that lies in fields?"

"No." I laugh and sit up and then I abandon my shoes and he frowns as I start to walk away from him.

"Where are you going?"

I turn and look him dead in the eye.

"No where."

"Huh?"

I bend and I feel the petals of a poppy underneath my fingers and then I grab it and tear, lifting the broken petals in my hand and I let them sprinkle out between my fingers.

He watches, his eyes confused, harsh even.

I then start picking some flowers, creating a bunch in my hand and August stands up and follows me as I walk.

He was carrying my bag, my shoes now and I just ignore his presence.

Just feeling the power.

Then he actually talks.

"This seems slightly destructive."

"Why?" I enquire.

"You can't just pick flowers Em. You're killing them."

"I want to know what it feels like. So I can write about it."

"Picking flowers?"

I laugh, shaking my head.

"No. What it feels like to pick something up for it's beauty even though you know your touch might be harmful."

His eyebrows furrow.

"I want to feel the conflict. The pain. The power." I speak. "To touch and be able to destroy."

I turn away from him, walking onwards and he follows me.

"I want to create a character like that." I explain. "One that destroys what he touches but can't help himself from wanting to reach out and touch anyway."

"He wouldn't do it." August says. "If he cared that much he wouldn't touch."

I smile.

"That's where the conflict comes in. Because what if she wanted to?"

"Huh?"

"If the character knew that he would hurt her, so he stayed away. But then what if him staying away was hurting her too."

"Then she'd just be in pain." He answers for me and I shake my head.

"No because she loves him."

"You have me lost Emersyn."

"I know. I haven't figured the plot or well anything out yet."

I look down at my bunch of flowers and I wonder what would happen if you froze them.

"Can you freeze flowers?" I ask him, turning around and he freezes, making sure not to stand too close to me.

"I guess so but when they thraw they'll be a mussy mess."

"Oh." I whisper.

"You can dry them?"

"I already have a scrap book of pressed flowers."

"Why?" He chuckles and I shrug.

"Why not?"

"Just put them in a vase and watch them die." August tells me.

I blink. "Sounds morbid."

"I think it could be inspiring." He explains and I just smile a little to myself. At his words.

"We can go now." I say.

"Are you done?"

I nod.

"Okay then." He says, nodding back towards the path.

"Wait ima take a few pictures."

"Why?" He says.

"Because I want to."

August waits besides me and I take out my camera, doing my own little thing as he watches.

"My brother kicked his mates out."

I ignore him. I don't want to think about Rayne. This is called a distraction.

"Are Luella and Trev okay?"

"From the sounds of it yeah."

His tone indicated he meant it in the most literal sense.

"Good." I smiled.

"Luella's at ours if you wanted to come back."

My lips parted at that, utterly surprised at the voluntary invitation.

August walks in front of me, unaffected by my silence.

I was thinking.

I don't see why not.

"It's just I don't have my phone." I say and he nods.

"Fair enough."

Fair enough. What does fair enough mean?

"As in you are taken me home or as in...?"

"As in I am free today so whatever you want Em."

I frown. I am- I am confused.

"Are you feeling bad about what your brother said?" I ask. "Why are you being nice?"

"I feel like being nice today."

"And other days?"

"I decide on the day." He laughs, looking behind him and throwing me an amused look.

I just freeze.

I am not at all used to warm August.

"You told me my face was boring earlier."

He chuckles. "Okay maybe my niceness depends on the hour."

"That's a little exhausting."

"For you and me both."

"Leo?" I ask and he turns, looking around at me. "You don't need to do this."

"Do what?"

"Compensate for him. I am fine."

"Maybe I wanna hang out in a flower field?"

I smile at that, looking up at him.

"Yeah?"

"Yup of course."

I laugh and I watch him turn back around even though I knew there was a ghost of a genuine smile on his lips.

Woah.

"So you aren't asking me to come back to your flat because your brother said shitty things to me?"