"Stop." I groan trying to grab the notebook from Luella's hands and she just laughs, pulling away from me and holding it to her chest protectively.

We had been shut in August's room.

Some guys were coming round, I think dealers, I didn't pay much attention but the guys made us come in here when they got the text.

So here we were, relaxing on August's bed.

Well we weren't relaxing anymore.

I told Luella what Rayne said and so she was now deciding we needed to make an active list of the shit I needed to do this summer. Because apparently Fuck him.

Or well in fact she wants me to do the opposite of that. She wants me to break up with him and find someone else to fuck.

She'd written this in my notebook. My writing one.

It's sort of sad.

Anyway I was less than impressed mostly because most of the suggestions she has written down have been awfully blush worthy.

"Do you yanoe masturbate?" She asks and I let out an annoyed sigh, sitting up and glaring.

I try to glare anyway, her totally calm curious face makes me slump back on the bed in embarrassment.

"Why are you so-"

"I don't know okay." I hiss.

"You don't know if you pleasure yourself or not?"

I whine. Like I let out this noise from my throat which even surprised myself. Luella just laughs.

"I know that." I grit. "I meant why I find it embarrassing I guess just cos it's all pretty new to me."

She nods.

"I am going to write down masturbation."

"Luella." I hiss, shaking my head. "You don't need to write that-"

"Okay I am going to write touch yourself in front of a mirror."

My eyes are wide, my cheeks burning.

"Lue!"

"Em." Luella laughs loudly, lifting her hand to my cheek. "In the mirror it's hot and I feel like you need to boost your self-esteem."

I shake my head.

She writes it down anyway.

"We already agreed to go skinny dipping and well we've both seen each other's tits now so like that's not even going to be awkward." She says, writing it down too.

I just sigh, lifting my legs up and stretching them like I used to. I was bored and I wanted to see how flexible I still was, I think I miss ballet. Well I don't. I am just- I need to do something to keep myself fit.

"Do you run?" I ask her and she flat out just laughs in my face.

"No."

"Damn." I mutter, pulling my legs to my chest as I lie on my back.

"What on earth are you even doing?"

"Just stretching." I mumble.

"We should all play strip poker."

I frown.

"I don't even know how to play regular poker."

Luella sits up. "Really?"

"Nah that's a lie. I taught myself a few years ago."

She laughs and lies back down. "I thought as much."

"There are so many sex scenarios you should try but you need to actually freaking do it first."

I hush her, rolling my eyes.

"I am in a complicated situation." I smile and Luella just shakes her head at me.

"It's not that complicated. Break up with him and then live your single life."

I smiled. I wish it was that easy.

I had a feeling breaking up with Rayne would fully destroy our friendship. And I just couldn't bring myself to do that.

But I also couldn't be around him at the moment.

So I dunno what the fuck to do.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" Luella asks and I raise an eyebrow at her, she just sends me a small grin.

"No."

"Why?"

"Probably the same reason I haven't ever touched a guy Lue. This conversation is making me miserable."

Lue laughs and she lies down besides me. "Okay. Okay. I will stop talking about it now."

"Stop talking about what?" Trev says as he pops his head in the room.

Luella closes the notebook and gives him an amused smile.

"Nothing."

He shakes his head at her, walking in and August follows.

"You two are up to no good I can feel it." Trev says and he sits down on the bed, then he just lies down, spreading himself across me and Luella just laughs at him, reaching out to remove some hair from in front of his eyes.

They have been so much more affectionate. I think. Or they are just not hiding it anymore.

I was unsure.

But all I know was that T is heavy. But the hug is pretty welcome after today so I just wiggle under him getting comfy and he laugshs, actually lying down with his head on my stomach, his arm thrown around my waist and he looks up as Luella gets comfier sat up beside me.

"Emmy is comfier than you." He whispers and a slow smile spreads over her lips and she nods.

"Yeah." She agrees and then it's my turn to laugh when she snuggles up besides me, sitting up with her back against the headboard but moving so her side was close to my head.

"Join the snuggle fest August." Trev says and August just chuckles, walking over to his draws and he slips something in them, then he walks over to the bed and collapses on, and I breath slightly shocked when August relaxes his head in Luella's lap.

He lifts his phone and he starts to scroll through it and I just close my eyes for a second. This was cute.

I smiled.

"Emersyn?" Luella says and I open my eyes cautiously, not liking her tone.

"Yeah?"

"You wanna go clubbing this Wednesday?"

I turn my head up to her.

"Wednesday?"

"Yep." She smiles. "It's like mid week special or something and well I know neither of us as work on Thursday so I just thought-"

"What about us?" Trev laughs wrapping an arm around me tighter and he just snuggles his face into my dress.

"Emersyn honestly you are so fucking comfy."

"You aren't invited." Luella laughs and I just smile slightly. My stomach is soft, not at all toned anymore. That's probably why.

"Em?" Lue says and I just nod at her.

"Sure."

"Sure?"

"Yeah as long as it's not some crazy theme night I am down."

"Nah I don't think there's a theme."

"Okay."

"Mate we need to do something on Wednesday. The girls are going out without us." Trev mumbles to Leo who just breathes a laugh and shrugs.

"I am out on Wednesday."

"The whole day?"

August nods.

"Well shit."

Luella presses her hand down on August's forehead and he tilts his head up to meet her eyes.

"Where ya going?"

"Grandmother's." He says and they both nod.

"You mean Charlotte or Beth?" I ask him and August looks towards me.

"Neither. Nani."

I cock my head.

"My mother's mother."

"Oh Mila's?" I ask and he nods, staring back up to the ceiling.

"Why are you visiting her?" I ask and August mumbles no reason but Luella says it.

"He visits her every couple of weeks, she's not well so he goes in and checks that her nurses are doing their jobs and that she is okay. Drives seven hours to do it as well."

My eyes widen, looking at Lue and then back down to August's pissed off face.

I couldn't help but smile.

"Wow you almost seem like a good person."

"Emersyn mouth closed." He snaps and I just laugh, lifting my hand to stroke through Trev's hair. August watches me, his eyes on my hand and I just ignore it, smiling as I am pretty sure Trev is about to fall asleep.

"You staying for dinner?" Lue says. "A quiet one tonight. Just us, Chinese?"

I send her a sad smile and shake my head. "Mum has asked for me home."

"Oh?"

"Mhm, they think I am showing signs of bipolar." I share with these few people.

I don't really know why.

I just am not a secretive person.

Luella's eyebrows lift.

"Wait what?"

"My mum has bipolar, like she has since she was even younger than me. Apparently, it was around this time that it got really bad and I think my parents are both just worrying."

August has lifted his head which was rested on Luella's thigh and tilted it so he could listen to me too.

"Are their worries valid?" Luella asks and I shrug.

"I personally don't think so. I am very much in control. But they are stressing me out. Like- if I have it I have it. They know the protocol. I know what I am supposed to do. My mums got it managed now, like it's not that scary. But they are so concerned. It's just confusing."

"So what's happening when you go home?"

"Who knows." I laugh. "Well actually Rayne's there waiting for me so probably an argument and then a double parent ambush."

Luella pouts at me and she shakes her head.

"Don't go home."

I laugh. "I have to."

"When do you have to?" August says and I shrug, leaning my head against Luella's side and she just laughs, wrapping an arm around me.

"What time is it now?"

He tilts his screen to me and read half four.

"Have to be home by six."

He nods and then he reaches up and takes one of his pillows, placing it on Luella's lap and he lies back down.

Luella just shrugs and her eyes are attached to Trev's face as he dozes hugging me.

"You two figured things out then?" I whisper and Luella's eyes snap to mine.

She shakes her head. "Nah we fucked and haven't talked about it."

"Oh." I snort, laughing as Trev's hand reaches out and he just pats her or well August, but I am pretty sure he meant it for Lue.

August just closes his eyes, him and Trev falling slowly dead to the world.

Like what?

"This is weird." I whisper looking at Lue and she looks down at boy of the guys.

"They don't sleep much. Like August is always awake and Trev focuses better at night so he gets shit done then."

"So they're tired?"

She nods, smiling down at them.

"Have you two ever..." I whisper so quietly that she stares at my lips trying to read them.

My eyes dart from her to August and hers widen.

She shakes her head.

"I have only really been with..." She nods at T. "Since Grey. Plus..." She nods to sleeping August. "Would never do that."

I nod in understanding.

"Why?" She asks.

"Curious."

She raises an eyebrow down at me and I just watch it confused.

We were all so comfy and I knew I was going to fall asleep soon, I couldn't help it My eyes were becoming extremely heavy. "You're sleepy." Lue whispers and I nod, closing my eyes and breathing a little sigh.

"Great I am trapped." Lue mumbles to herself as I settle, all of us spread on August's bed, all of us apart from Luella drifting off to sleep.

....

I have never been some to stray from physical touch. I grew up in an affectionate household. Soft touches and affection passed through finger tips is the norm, it's the silent language used amongst us all. And despite my squirminess about some things, touches, hugs, affection that's never been a thing that's made me feel awkward.

August however...

I woke up when my warmth was ripped away from me and I just rub my face upset that I was being startled awake. Then I opened my eyes and Luella and Trev were missing, August sat up glaring down at me.

He was the warmth I suppose.

"Chill." I whisper, reclosing my eyes to avoid his angry ones.

"It's six Emersyn. I have training later." His voice is cold, and when I finally lift my eyes to meet his, he wasn't even looking at me.

I guess Lue and Trev must have left and somehow August and I ended up close in our sleep, it's fine.

I sit up nodding, very groggy. I didn't realise I'd fall asleep asleep, I should have made someone set an alarm. I am going to be so late to dinner.

Oops.

"Training?" I yawn, swinging my legs off his bed and again rubbing my eyes because they felt so sleepy.

"Swimming."

"You'll take me home first?" I ask and he nods once, standing up and going over to his dresser.

He's moody August again.

Which is brilliant.

I just stay silent, watching him grab his swimming bag and then an over night bag.

"You staying at home tonight?" I ask quietly and then wait.

He doesn't reply.

"Leo?" I ask softly, standing when he nods once to me to say he is ready.

"Are you mad?"

He just sighs and then picks up my bag, handing it to me and I quickly sweep around for my things, grabbing my notebook and my camera that was sort of just placed around his room.

I wondered where Trev and Lue were but I didn't ask, I just followed him silently out of his room and then through the flat to the hall.

"Can I please text my mum off your phone?" I say quietly as we walk down towards the building lift in more silence.

"Mhm." He casually hands me his phone and I just put in his pin and open her messages.

I make a small stressed noise. Rayne waited all this time?

"What's wrong?" His voice is sharp, harsh and my head snaps up to August's. His voice doesn't match his eyes which still hold the same version of colours than they did when he asked me if I was okay this morning.

Sometimes his words, his mood, doesn't fit his actual intentions. I am discovering this.

"Nothing." I mumble.

I don't want to show that anything is wrong in front of my parents. But I also don't want to talk to him today.

"Emersyn?" August enquires again, his voice less pissed off and I just shrug, stepping in to the little box as the doors open.

"Mum said Rayne is still there. I don't wanna see him today."

"I'll come in and get him."

My head turns to his and he is just leant against the back of the lift, the back of his head against the mirror, his eyes closed.

"It's fine I'll get mum to tell him to go away."

August doesn't say anything as I type.

I wasn't lying. I would prefer it to be just us.

I hand the phone back to August and he takes it, slipping it into his pocket.

"You're coming to our uni next year, aren't you?" August says, his head turning towards mine and I nod once.

"I think so."

"Think?"

"No like I am." I say.

"Are you doing halls and all that shit?"

I shake my head. "I don't think so. I- Can you see me in dorms?"

A small chuckle leaves his lips and he nods. "To be honest- yeah. You're very-"

I frown as he pauses. "Very what?"

"Preppy."

"What does that mean?" I ask and August just shrugs.

"You're the English major, read between the lines."

"I think you're being mean." I nod. "I've concluded that whatever you meant was probably offensive, so I am not going to think about it."

He exhales an amused breath and the doors open so we step out to the building reception. "Self-preservation and all that."

"Exactly." I agree.

He pulls open the door and waits for me to walk through. And the silence between us isn't unwelcome, it's not even awkward I guess. It's just I am so vividly aware that I would much rather be talking to him than not right now and that makes the silence heavier.

Because I am a chatty person, like I just am, I will chat. But I never feel the need to coax someone into talking to me like I do with August.

We exchange only a few words on our way home. Despite my efforts. But turning into my drive, I tense when I see Rayne's car parked outside the house.

August notices too, I know he does but he doesn't mention it.

Doesn't mention it but he gets out the car as I do.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking in with your dad." He mumbles and nods for me to get walking.

"Checking in?"

"Yeah. And I'll get Rayne."

I don't reply to that, I feel awkward, I feel like walking through the front door with August trailing behind me is going to look bad.

"Okay." Is all I decide to reply as I unlock the front door, calling out to my mum.

"Outiside." She calls through and I just dump my bag by the door and head through the house.

August follows in silence and I am not surprised really, we walk through out large kitchen to reach the back glass doors and I sigh when I see Rayne, Ivy and My mum out back, just chilling up on the patio besides the pool.

"I thought you asked your mum to get him to leave."

"I tried." I whisper and all three sets of eyes are on us as we walk to them.

"Where's Cole?" August's tone is off, and I look up at him feeling his uncomfortableness.

"He'll be down in a second." My mum smiles at Leo, kind as always. "He's just grabbing something."

August nods and he sends a small smile to his mum, Ivy I mean, as she sits up and looks at him.

"What have you two done today?" She asks and I just take a seat down at the table, August doesn't, he stands behind and stays rigid, awkward.

Not awkward, just cold.

He's tense.

"August rescued me after the car broke on me, he-"

"Took her to see Luella. Luella was at mine."He missed out the whole flower thing but okay.

Rayne eyes are guilty, attached to mine as I just look at him, I feel little under his gaze.

"Can we go talk?" He whispers and I just shake my head.

"I don't want to."

"We need to."

My dad cheerfully bounces down the steps towards us, tossing August a bag.

"Got your clothes in it. You know, the ones Emmy came home wearing the other night."

Ivy's eyebrows raise at that and my mum laughs, reaching forward and she manually presses her fingers against Ivy's forehead and lowers her brows.

"Emersyn talk to me." Rayne's voice is frustrated now, louder and it draws the attention of our parents.

And I let out an annoyed sigh, standing up and walking away, back into the house.

Dramatic exit, perhaps.

But he was so fucking annoying.

He follows me.

Of course.

"I want space." I whisper, standing around the counter so he would stay opposite me.

"I-"

"I don't want to see you Rayne. I don't want to do this anymore."

He shakes his head. "Emersyn you know-"

I heave a sigh. "This isn't helping you. It's making you someone who I don't recognise. Someone I wouldn't choose to be around."

He remains silent, his eyes searching mine and he shakes his head.

"Please."

"Choose Rayne." I say.

"What?"

"Us breaking up wouldn't be exposing you." I say quietly. "That is what I want I want us to break up because I can't do this when it is ruining our friendship."

"But-"

I let out a short breath.

"Do you just not care?" I whisper at him, my tone very harsh, harsher than I think ever.

My dad and August walk in then, my cheeks are flushed, his eyes panicked and my dad immediately puts his back up.

"What's happening?"

"Nothing dad it's fine."

"You need me to ask your friend to politely leave?"

I laughed that that. At the distancing my dad did. Not using Rayne's name, calling him my friend.

"No we're going up stairs." I round the corner and grab Rayne's wrist, pulling him with me.

I try anyway.

My dad catches Rayne's other wrist and I tense.

So does Rayne.