I called Rayne.

I didn't really have many other options.

August- him and this other guy were doing something. As in crushing tablets sort of something and Luella and Trev were nowhere to be seen and well, I was in an oversized t-shirt and some boxers and I honestly felt vulnerable.

I felt all messed up inside about August and his attitude and hands in my hair so I decided I needed to leave.

So yeah, I slipped out, wet clothes in hand, phone up to my ear and my bag tucked up under my arm.

It was late. But it wasn't late late. If that makes sense? It was twenty past twelve.

"Emersyn?" Rayne's voice is slightly harsh, annoyed.

I wince.

I haven't even read the six missed messaged from him.

"Hi." I say softly.

I felt upset. I don't even understand why.

I had such a good night, with him, with Luella.

"Em?" His voice is softer and I get into the buildings lift.

"I need a lift." I say. "Is there anyway you can come and pick me up?"

He is silent.

"Not really Em. I am- I have drank."

Oh shit.

"Oh. Oh yeah okay." I breathe.

"What's happened? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I whisper. "I am sorry I just left, I just gathered you'd be talking to Will for a while and I didn't wanna, as your girlfriend, walk in on anything happening between you two because then-"

"No I understand." He says. "He's here now." He says. "One second let me go outside."

I pause at that. "Where are you?"

"Still out. Like we all went to a pub after the café shut."

"Oh." I say. "And it's still open?"

"Yeah why don't you get an uber to us?"

I laugh. I had wet hair, no bra on, and a t-shirt that hardly covered me.

"No I am just going to go home."

Rayne makes a confirmation noise and the elevator chimes, and I hover out in the hall so I don't go in the rain just get.

"Did you go to August's?"

"Yeah." I say gently. "But it's- I am not going to August's I am going to Trev's." I say and Rayne hums.

"You know Trev and your friend Luella have something going on right?"

I blink at that, rubbing my face. "Yes Rayne I noticed."

Goodness me. I was so tired.

And cold. And sick of the weird vibes from Rayne.

"If I was seeing someone Rayne you aren't allowed to-"

"Em we are together." He says and I pause.

"Have you kissed Will?"

Silence.

"Have you?" I say in exhaustion, wanting to make my point but honestly all I want is to sleep.

"Yes." He grits.

"Then by your morals, by your expectations of me, you have cheated on me Rayne." I say. "But we aren't actually together- so I can't be mad at you. The same way you can't be mad at me."

"You are seeing someone then?" Rayne says, surprise evident in his voice.

"No." I sigh. "I am not but your possessiveness is annoying me."

"Sorry. It's just- I need- never mind Em I know I am a prick at the moment." He says gently. "You want me to order you a uber?"

"No." I cringe. I couldn't get in an uber dressed like this. Those things can be dangerous.

"I got it don't worry." And then we say goodbye, him telling me he'll text me, that I should tell him when I get home.

And so then I am scrolling through my contacts and I know I need to call someone to pick me up.

I need to call someone who I am comfortable enough with dressed like this and who I can sleep in the car with them.

Which means Dad.

And I am cringing because I know he'll be asleep, they will both be. And I have never asked either of them for a rescue like this before.

But I press on his number and sit down on the floor, the carpet was this generic blue and green stripped thing which was sort of awful, there were no flats down here, just the laundry and post room. I leant my back against the cold wall.

"Bub?" My dad's voice is sleepy, clearly startled by his phone.

"Dad." I say softly. "I am so sorry to wake you."

"Where are you?" He says immediately, as if he knew I needed him to come and get me.

"August's." I offer. "Can you pick me up?"

"Yes. Are you okay?" His voice is deep, concerned and I hear him getting up, getting dressed.

"Yeah I just wanna come home. And I don't- my clothes got all wet and-"

"I am on my way Em." He says. "It'll be a while though."

"Shall I walk anywhere to meet you?"

"No." He says immediately. "You still in the building?"

"Yeah."

"Stay there."

"Okay." I whisper, pulling my legs up to my chest and I shiver.

And my dad puts me on speaker as he drives and we speak about random shit. He doesn't once ask me about my evening or why I am calling him or anything to do with the fact I was at August's.

Not until I get in the car and he takes a look at me.

"You are in his clothes." My dad says, his eyes attached to the material and I just strap my seatbelt on.

"I know." I say. "Thank you so much for picking me up."

My dad smiles slightly at that, he was exhausted, I could see it on his face but not once did he make me feel a pain.

"Sweetheart I will always come and pick you up."

I close my eyes, reaching back and grabbing the blanket he brought for me.

"Emersyn what happened tonight?"

"Nothing." I promise him, my eyes still closed as I mumble.

"I just danced in the rain with Luella and then we ruined our clothes so we borrowed August's."

"That's all?"

"Yeah." I whisper. "And then I just really wanted to leave and Rayne's been drinking so I couldn't get him to pick me up and then I didn't feel safe calling like a cab."

"I am glad you called me. You can always call me."

"Thank you." I say softly and I can feel my dad's eyes on my face momentarily.

There's a moment of silence and I feel myself drifting off more. Then he interrupts my peace.

"You taken anything bubba?"

Have I taken anything? He means drugs right? He seems so calm. What is wrong with my parents? If other parents suspected drugs I am sure they'd be a lot more unimpressed than the soft tone my father is currently talking with.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"I haven't. I've had like four gins and a couple of shots."

"So you're just really tired?" He asks and I nod, humming a yeah.

"Okay sleep then. We'll be home before you know it."

"Okay." I whisper.

....

I was being carried.

And I didn't mind.

I was comfy.

"Is she okay?"

My mum's voice should have pulled me out of my little coma, but it didn't. I was awake but I was so damn tired I just stayed dead weight, my eyes closed.

"Yeah. Sorta." My dad says, seemingly struggling as he puts me down on the sofa.

"Was she awake when you-"

"Yeah she was fine, not even drunk. Just tired."

I sit up on the sofa, finally opening my eyes and my mum crouches down in front of me, her signature dressing gown wrapped around her.

"Sorry for waking you."

She just laughs a little, shaking her head at me.

"You look considerably less dolled up than the last time I saw you."

"You saying I look a mess mum?" I laugh, sighing when her hand strokes my head, and she just leaves it there, cupping my cheek.

"We are worried." She admits and I just try and force myself more awake.

I don't know why I am so tired. I guess just the alcohol, the amount of socialising and all the hysterics with Luella really drained me.

And perhaps the whole thing where August thinks I'm some sort of scheming, manipulative person is also taking its toll.

"Everything I told dad was the truth. I am fine, just was trying to be sensible and ask for help."

"Why'd you need help?" My mum says and I just look her straight in the eye.

"My friend Lue was busy, sorting out stuff with our other friend T. And August was occupied, I didn't feel comfortable enough with everyone else dressed how I was so I decided to come home. Rayne couldn't give me a lift so I asked for you."

Well for dad.

But mum and dad are practically the same person sometimes so.

My mum nods and my dad sits down lifting my legs and letting them fall over his lap next to me on the sofa.

"Okay. But you told me you were going out with Rayne?"

"I didn't lie. I did." I whisper. "Can we talk about this in the morning?"

She nods. "Are you sure you are okay?"

I blink. I mean I think so? They honestly freak me out.

"Yous are dramatic." I whisper sitting up more and laughing at them.

"We just love you."

"I know, but aren't you supposed to be mad at me for like- waking you up and coming in late and getting stranded and shit-"

My mum pulls a face. "I don't believe in that parenting style."

I just nod, but then I lie back down.

"Come on, bed." My dad says and I grumble, shaking my head and snuggling into the comfy sofa.

"I will just grab her a blanket." My dad says standing up.

"Grab her duvet?"

"Okay." My dad chuckles at my mums' instructions.

"Emersyn baby?" My mum says quickly, quietly, and I open my eyes.

"Are we being too much? Is it more overwhelming?"

I just frown at her and reach for her hand. "I am not overwhelmed."

I wasn't. I don't know what they think but whatever they are stressing about I knew it wasn't good.

I hold my mums hand and then I close my eyes as soon as my dad dumps my massive duvet over me.

And then my mum sits down on the floor, besides my head and I sense my dad sitting on the coffee table besides her.

I know they are watching me drift off, I know it's sort of strange. But in a weird sense it felt almost nostalgic. Safe even.

"We need to be less- less in her face. With our worries." My mum says quietly.

My dad is confused. "So we don't highlight possible little-"

"I just- thinking back. The more someone tried to make me see it, the more I grew blind. Blind and angry. Blind and resentful."

"Okay love." My dad whispers. "She was fine though. She seemed a little sad but she- I know you think it's starting but I just- I am not sure."

"I know. Neither am I." My mum agrees and then I just listen to them talk, about me, about the mess they think I am.

And it confuses me.

But I swore to August tonight, that this wasn't me being a mess. That I was fine. And I truly believe that, I know that even.

So why are they concerned?

....

I slipped out early in the morning and went to Rayne's.

I didn't wanna see my parents.

I didn't want another talk. I don't need to talk. I am literally so fine it's frustrating.

So Rayne met me half asleep at his doorstep and seeing as it was only seven, we crept upstairs and I climbed into his bed.

"Harrison warned me last night." Rayne whispers as we lie besides each other.

Honestly, I wanted a hug. But things have been- I don't know. It's been less okay to just hug him.

"About what?" I say, fighting the weird feeling and scooting closer to Rayne and his warmness.

He opens an arm for me and I smile at that, resting my head on his shoulder.

"About you."

My eyebrows furrowed immediately.

"About me?" I look up and Rayne turns on his side, making my head fall back on the pillow and I just turn to look at him too.

I was tired, but the morning sun and this conversation was keeping me awake.

"He- he told me that whilst we were singing you and August were staring at eachother. That he picked up on weird vibes. That you dropped everything as soon as August came, and went off with him. He said that I needed to watch that."

I pull a face immediately.

"Rayne, Harrison was staring at my ass all evening. I don't think he has any right to comment on my actions. I don't think he has any actual regard for our relationship."

Rayne pulls a face, pulling back and looking at me. "He was staring at you?"

"Yeah." I stress. "And then you tell me he was watching me so intently that he noticed August's and my eye contact as I sang? Like that makes me so uncomfortable."

"He was just saying that he thought there might be something going on."

"There isn't." I say. "But think about why he might be saying that? Like- I dunno it's just a bad vibe."

"You think he wants you?" Rayne asks and I cringe.

Obviously no.

"No. I just. There is nothing with August and I. I looked at him because he walked in and I dunno, I was nervous, singing is scary and he was the most familiar person there I guess."

Rayne nods.

"But I think you need to be careful with that guy." I say, warning Rayne back. "He- not only did he 'pick up' on something with August and I that doesn't exist. He also told you. He wanted to cause us problems. Which obviously it's not caused us problems because we aren't actually together, but it could have done if we were. So like why does he want to split us up?"

Rayne frowns. "I think you are overthinking this."

I shake my head. "No I just think you need to be careful. And more careful about Will."

He frowns deeper. "What do you mean?"

"Rayne if you wanna break up and peruse Will- goodness I will be so proud of you. But at the moment we are together. And I spent the night trying to distract William's girlfriend from the looks you and him were exchanging."

He cringes at that, nodding.

"And also with Harrison. You said he was watching me stare at August?"

Rayne nods again.

"Rayne that was the same time you were singing directly to Will. So if he was watching me maybe he was watching you and if he was watching both of us then shit man we don't look very committed to each other."

Rayne nods again. "What are you saying?"

"I am saying we should break up."

He looks panicked.

"But I know that's not what you need or want at the moment." I continue. "So I am saying we need to be more convincing. Or just stop looking at anyone other than each other because August thinks I am-"

I pause.

"I just I don't want to be painted a bad person because I am not acting like I am in love with you."

Rayne nods. "Okay I hear you. We act like we love each other because we do love each other but we aren't acting like we are committed to each other."

I agree. "I mean I guess that's because we aren't actually in love?"

He smiles. "Sadly not."

"Sadly?"

"I wish I loved you like that."

"You do?" I whisper and he nods.

"You're a catch."

I laugh, smiling at the compliment and I close my eyes, pulling his duvet up to my head.

"What did August say to you then?" Rayne asks and I just frown immediately.

"I think he thinks I am a bad person."

"He doesn't." Rayne says. "How could he?"

"He thinks I am trying it on with him I think."

Rayne laughs, his hand coming up to my face and I open my eyes at his touch.

He never really- he's a hugger but he doesn't do like gentle touches. It's always me, that's like my thing.

"Are you?"

My eyes widen and I glare at him. "No."

"Then why does he think that?"

"I think he's confused why I am trying to be his friend. Plus like- we- I dunno."

"You dunno?"

"Just. He thinks it's strange that I am hanging around with them. I think he thinks im like rebelling or something and then when I convinced him I was fine, that I just liked being with them all, I think he thought I meant I wanted something from him. But believe me I don't."

"What did he say? Yous talked that much?"

"We talk now." I say. "Or when he allows it I guess."

Rayne nods, letting his hand fall from my face and I move closer for the hug.

"Is that why you wanted to come home?"

"Yeah sorta. I don't know. He made me feel guilty about being there. When like for one that is not even my intention, and two we aren't even together properly so I don't know why I felt the guilt."

Rayne nods.

"And then my parents- everyone see's this version of me that I am becoming as something ugly and I can feel myself changing, becoming more confident and even like I just feel happier and I don't understand why people keep telling me it's a bad thing."

Rayne hugs me, his arms wrapping around me tightly.

"It's not a bad thing." He promises. "You mean people as in your parents who are just worried because of your mum's condition. You know this. You know you are okay. And August is just a control freak, ignore him. In his own little way he's looking out for me. He doesn't know you."

I nod, snuggling in.

"You know me though.' I whisper. "Do you think I am changing?"

"Yeah." He agrees. "But it's not a bad thing Emersyn. You are still the kind, generous person I have always known as my best friend. You are also just adding a little fire to the mix, getting out there more, letting loose. That isn't a bad thing. You aren't changing for the worse."

I smile, hugging him tighter.

"Love you." I mumble against his chest and Rayne laughs, hugging me back and tells me that he loves me too.

And then I fall asleep as I always do.

When I woke up again I was alone and I didn't mind one bit. I spread myself over his bed and smiled a little to myself at how everyone I share a bed with always gets angry at me because I sleep chaotically. I like to spread my limbs I lie to cover a lot of space.

But before I can drift off again in my comfy ass position there's a knock on the door and I freeze.

Rayne wouldn't be knocking on the door.

"Rayne?" August's voice makes me groan.

I was sick of him.

Goodness I have spent my childhood trying to get his attention, trying to get him to like me and now that I was almost on that track, I realised I don't even want to.

"Rayne?" He says again, knocking on the door and then he sighs opening it and I gape at him, sitting up and pulling the duvet up to cover me.

I wasn't even undressed. It was like automatic.

His jaw clenches when he sees me.

"Where is my brother?"

"Morning Leo." I mumble, sitting up and letting the duvet fall back down.

I rub my eyes, having practically just woken up and I reach over for my phone, knowing that Rayne would have text me to tell me where he was going.

I lift my eyes to August's in annoyance.

"He's outside. You didn't think to check before just bursting in here?"

"You mean before I checked his bedroom? No Emersyn the first place you check for someone is their bedroom."

I glare at him, rubbing my eyes again because I was so freaking tired.

"Why are you still here? He's in the garden."

"Because what I need is in here." August mutters and walks in the room.

"What do you need?" I ask.

He ignores me and starts looking under the bed for something.

"August you can't just go through his shit."

He ignores me again, pulling boxes out.

"August."

He ignores me

"August."

Nothing.

"Leo."

"Will you shut up?" He snaps and I pause.

"Stop talking to me like that." I grit. "I won't be talked to-"