《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Mutual Idiots
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Mutual Idiots
FireWithfire11
Romance, Reckless, Humor, Teen Fiction, Drama, Criminals
LOVE IT. A little generic, but CUTE. Love the use of the colors.
Sweet and straight to the point. I do think it will sound better if in present tense. 'is' not 'was.' I do really like the final part "So what happens when a storm meets a hurricane? Chaos."
To be honest I wasn't sure it was Eva until you said 'she.' Also it would help if I remember things I skim at....*Hits forehead* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! The cane!!!
AWWWWWWWWW!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SHIP IT!!!
I like how you use 'She' to symbolize the mother. I LOVE the description of what Eva sees.
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Reckless and Impulsive are the same thing. Impulsive is a synonym to reckless. A hurricane is a storm, but I do see where you're going. I LOVE it!! I laughed and all i can think of is SHIP, SHIP!!! I'm a hopeless romantic. I like how the chapters are diary entries. If I have time I might actually read on. The only thing I had a problem with was the use of reckless and Impulsive. As well as Hurricane and storm. What about Hurricane and Wind? Since a Hurricane, can't be a Hurricane without wind.
Rate from 1-5
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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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Wraith Eminence-an evil dungeon core
What is evil? The destruction of life? The sacrifice of the many for the good of the one? The manipulation of others in persuit of your own goals? Many consider that to be evil others call it being a dungeon. Wraith is a dungeon who specializes in dark mana and undead creations, like all dungeons he wants to be the best at what he does and compete with the other dungeons around him inbetween baiting adventures by kidnapping the blacksmiths daughter, poisoning the town well, blackmailing the mayor all in the deliberate effort to bring adventures to his dungeon to kill them take a part of ther soul and all the mana in their body as well as their treasure. Is he evil, definetly, more evil than most dungeons, undeniably.
8 159Rebirth of the undead
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8 162Death Galaxy
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8 160Failed Hero
He couldn't help anyone in the end. He had tried, oh how he had tried, but in the end nothing came of it. So he had decded to end it, to join the numerous namelless cadavers scraped up and tossed in a morgue. But for this nameless victem, death was not the end. First Story, constructive criticism would be appreciated
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on the night two lifeless bodies were found in the yugi household, (y/n) yugi, the female triplet of tsukasa and amane, hung herself with two black ribbons in the music room of kamome gakuen. her story quickly spread as the tale of 'mystery no. 8, jisatsu-san of the music room' with the help of sakura nanamine. but little do the yugi twins know, (y/n) is the one with the role of jisatsu-san, hiding among the school and desperately trying to bring back the pieces of her past together again. ! this story contains manga spoilers !! under slow progressing editing !{ a collaboration with @Big_Brain_Author }{ jshk triplet au }[ best rankings ]#1 in #tbhk #1 in #jibakushounenhanakokun#1 in #toiletboundhanakokun #1 in #minamoto#1 in #tsukasa#2 in #readerinsert
8 58Silence
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