《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: The Day I Got Expelled
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The Day I Got Expelled
madisueb
Humor, antihero, space, powers
Interesting....It doesn't look very professional... (If your looking for a cover artist go to Clubs-Multimedia Designs) The covers I've made myself are horrible... Exhibit A the cover for this *Cough* *Cough*
Shows it's comedy {CHECK}. Fantasy {CHECK}. I do feel like something is missing, but I'm not sure what.....
Is what Mike Zodiac does is that frowned upon? If so you should mention that.
Hold the phone.... If Zodiac is his last name; is that is biological name or adoptive name? Because if I'm getting this right his father is Nathaniel Sagittarius, who later his name became Seven??
How can he quiet down when he's not even talking.
Now somethings make more sense...
4 💙💙💙💙
The cover needs a fixer upper. The Summary is missing something, but I'm not sure what... To me it sounds more Percy Jacksonish...But I can tell right away that's not what this story is like. The chapter was long (of all my years on Wattpad. It is suggested to do no more than 500 words per chapter). But how your story is I think it's okay for this chapter to be long. As some of your other committers have said I agree your story is interesting and intriguing. I added some comments on things. I did see some little errors. Re-read this story out loud and it will help. I actually might read on (if I find the time 😭)
Rate from 1-5
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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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