《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: The Day I Got Expelled
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The Day I Got Expelled
madisueb
Humor, antihero, space, powers
Interesting....It doesn't look very professional... (If your looking for a cover artist go to Clubs-Multimedia Designs) The covers I've made myself are horrible... Exhibit A the cover for this *Cough* *Cough*
Shows it's comedy {CHECK}. Fantasy {CHECK}. I do feel like something is missing, but I'm not sure what.....
Is what Mike Zodiac does is that frowned upon? If so you should mention that.
Hold the phone.... If Zodiac is his last name; is that is biological name or adoptive name? Because if I'm getting this right his father is Nathaniel Sagittarius, who later his name became Seven??
How can he quiet down when he's not even talking.
Now somethings make more sense...
4 💙💙💙💙
The cover needs a fixer upper. The Summary is missing something, but I'm not sure what... To me it sounds more Percy Jacksonish...But I can tell right away that's not what this story is like. The chapter was long (of all my years on Wattpad. It is suggested to do no more than 500 words per chapter). But how your story is I think it's okay for this chapter to be long. As some of your other committers have said I agree your story is interesting and intriguing. I added some comments on things. I did see some little errors. Re-read this story out loud and it will help. I actually might read on (if I find the time 😭)
Rate from 1-5
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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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The Beginning, The End, And Everything In Between
Emily was never very sane, the appropriate term would be 'intelligent psychopath', she just prefers mass murdering bitch. Emily beat a rabbits head in when she was 5, she spent her entire school life discreetly killing animals and humans alike, and went to university to get a psychology degree as a general 'fuck you' to the world. She graduated university and went off the grid for a year killing over 1000 people and labelled as one of the worlds most dangerous psychopaths. But all good things must come to an end, the police figured out her identity and Emily was reduced to waiting in alleys for unfortunate passerbys. But while in the middle of torturing some fuckhead who thought he was smart by trying to hit on her she was summoned by God, which isn't exactly the dream for Emily. He tells her that he will grant her 5 powers and send her to a new world to cause chaos, a world that Emily read about in books, a world that Emily could really ruin. Hi, this is my first novel because writing looks fun and I tend to be incredibly bored a lot. I don't know if I'm any good so please tell me what I'm doing wrong as a review Chapters will come out whenever I feel like a reponsible person PS: I am a very indescisive person so the synopsis will change a lot, have fun with that. PPS: I am terrible at writing synopsises. So I'm reading this a few years later and my god its shocking no one shot me in the head when I was younger. But uh, people have been DMing me asking if this story has stopped, which it has. (why was I allowed on the internet during my EdgeLord Phase, I don't know, but someone really should have stopped me) But thanks to all the people who read this, it really does mean a lot.
8 166The Twin Lands
Join our heroine Enru on her journey in a world where humanity lives in perpetual light and warm while their enemies, the spider beings called Araxin, live in perpetual darkness and cold. Just because they live in the darkness and cold though doesn’t mean the Araxin want to stay there forever however, and this time their bid for the Southern half of the continent looks to be shaping up worse for humanity than ever before. Every ten years the planet nears its second sun in such a way that the Northern half of the continent warms and thaws and the Araxin enter a period of explosive growth, before always attempting to assault the humans in the South. Through events that you will need to read and discover yourself, sixteen year old Enru ends up vital to the survival of humanity, but can she succeed? In a world full of humans, dragons, giant intelligent spiders, trogs, behemoths lurking in the deep, magic, politics (can’t forget the politics) and more, what wonders await you? NOTE: This is my very first attempt at writing ever. Not just my first attempt I am showing people or my first attempt that went anywhere, but my first of any kind. I welcome constructive critisism and I know my grammar is not always the best. If something is majorly bothering you please leave a good comment or review on it rather than just a 0.5 rating and saying I suck. NOTE2: The main character will be gaining power that is, if used correctly, well above the standard for her race however I plan to implement it in such a way that she does not end up being crazy over powered and able to end every fight at her whim. She will struggle, she will lose sometimes and there will be loss along her journey to save her race. There will be no harem and I am unsure if there will be any sex scenes or even romance as this is my first story and I am not confident yet at being able to write that properly. So if you came here for the standard royalroad super OP guy that flies around having sex with every female character he meets, this is not that. Update Frequency: As this is my first story and I am still in the early stages, I cannot say how often updates will be. I lead a very busy life and this is a new way for me to relieve stress. I hope to be able to put out a few thousand words every few days at the least. Enjoy the story! PS. Cover was found on the website thedailybell.com, they did not source where they found it. I rotated and resized the image.
8 76Consumption
Braxton was just an average everyday male. His life was peaceful, boring. He was tired of his hometown, he wanted to escape, wanted new experiences in life. When a girl from his High School comes up missing, it sends the once peaceful town into a frenzy. Can Braxton solve the mystery or will he be to late to save his hometown?
8 59Dreams or Another World - Not a Zero
No, my name’s not Doug. I lied. Waking up in this hospital bed and right away I’m being questioned. They say I’m a hero, saved some girl. I don’t remember any of that. Like the stories you read, a stranger in a strange world where magic and fantasy races exist, but technology hasn’t advanced. It was all just a slice of life as I learned and grew in this world. Was… Author’s notes. Original work. First draft. Inspired by various fantasy games and books. Written with a focus on character development and interaction. Combat, progression, leveling, classes, but no numbers or stats. I’ll try to keep the language clean, PG-13, no smut. I’m in the US, writing in English. I intend to complete this story or at least bring it to a proper ending. I have a destination in mind. I find as I write, doors and ideas open, while others close and are discarded. I'm new to creating. My apologies now while I learn. I have not settled on a book cover or artwork, still looking for something that fits. Registered & Protected #20VjeKDv2U6nynW6
8 173Solar Flare
In the beginning, there was a great darkness. It spread far. It got fat. But then came a boundless explosion. Then came light. The darkness was displeased. -Galaxy Spanning Ancient Legend. Azonne Le is the latest in a lineage that stretches back to the dawn of time. Roxanne Belmonte is a gifted but lazy girl yearning for an inspiring life. An extinction level event will connect them forever.
8 109Lawman.
Lawman follows the exploits of Relovan, a Human Police Enforcer stationed on the BlargonianPlanets – a series of small planets on which pure Essence is mined, and refined into fuel. On hisday off, he finds himself and his fellow Enforcers caught up in a fight between two Void Lords,beings of immense power, who answer only to the Council, after the pair of Void Lords touchdown on the Station, seeking to refuel their respective Void Walkers. In the ensuing clash,Relovan punches above his weight and subdues a number of Void Knights – those in the serviceof the Void Lords – before becoming directly involved in the confrontation between the VoidLords themselves. His performance during the incident catches the attention of the current PoliceChief, Nura, who essentially takes him under his wing, and assists him in various ways,including when he is summoned to answer before the Council for getting involved in the spatbetween the two Void Lords. The book ends after the conclusion of the Hearing.Relovan is a stickler for the Law – something that prompted him to learn not only the laws ofvarious territories and planetary systems, but also the native languages and customs, so as touphold the law as best he can. As a highly trained, and immensely skilled former soldier,Relovan’s abilities along with his latent talent regarding the use of Essence, allow him to hangwith beings infinitely more powerful than him. Lawman is a full length manuscript that I will likely self publish once I have the artwork for it.
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