《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Elusive Eternity
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Elusive Eternity
WoodNymphWarrior
Mystery, Action, Fantasy, Thriller, Teen Fiction
LOVE IT. It's mysterious.
To be honest... What did I just read??? I didn't understand most of the words. If your audience is Teens keep in mind their vocabulary. I feel like something is missing...
WOW!!
4 💙💙💙💙
To be honest I was going to give you a three due to your summary and I thought your first chapter wasn't going to be good, but WOW!! You have surprised me. Your first chapter is powerful and strikes the clear message of this story. I LOVE the detail you gave for the restaurant, but I don't remember you describing Mrs. Nathans. I would like to how she looks. There was one part that confused me; I wrote you a comment within your story. Due to this being a new story, it's okay for the summary to not be that great. Some summaries don't get good till you realize more to your story. I might read on, if I have the time. Keep Writing.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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8 135

