《Critique And Editing Info》Critique:Road Trip
Advertisement
Road Trip (But cover says 'Peregrination: A struggle to survive')
SimplyMeka
Adventure, Teen Fiction, Drama, Journey, Death and Life
Mysterious. I like the use of green in the back (So Forest or woods as location). As well as fire in which in your story symbolizes survival.
Sweet and straight to the point. States the topic and states the problem. I feel like something is missing, but I'm not sure what.
In the long run this page will be useful since you have six or more characters.
Agroup of friends...But then there is this one girl, who just moved to America? I don't see how you could get a girl like her to sit in a car for two hours with people she doesn't know. I don't even like sitting close to my family. I need space in on a long car ride also SNACKS!!!! What the heck is wrong with these people!!! ( I know it's a story...). Also who leaves their keys in the car???
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Why are they in the woods/forest?? Also choose between using Sun Li or Sunny. It can confuse the reader.
Wow.... dead. If your going to do different perspectives using Third Person. Don't use he and she, since you have six characters. Use their name.
3 💙💙💙
I see potential with this story. It's not my cup of tea, but I can see people who like the Maze Runner and Hunger Games liking this. So which one is the actual title. Having more than one title is confusing for the reader. Also keep it sweet and simple. I like the name on the cover since It's more mysterious. The summary I feel like needs dialogue, just a little. I commented some stuff. I pretty much stated everything in the chapter portion. Keep writing.
Advertisement
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
Demonic Devourer's Development
The most powerful demon of Hell reduced to a mere slug! Thanks to his unique ability to absorb skills of the creatures he ate, Voren became the strongest demon in Hell. But just when he was ready to relax and enjoy the luxuries he conquered, gods descended from Heaven to take him down. One against many, Voren fought valiantly, but in the end, he was defeated. Still, the gods couldn’t break his spirit. He lost all his demonic powers, but even all of gods’ efforts couldn’t wipe out Voren’s memories—and his unique ability. As a last attempt to destroy him, gods made Voren reincarnate as one of the lowest creatures there is—a slug. But even that won’t stop Voren from taking his immortality back and getting his revenge. He will reach Heaven… through violence. And enjoy everything the mortal realm can offer on his way there. This story is also published on Webnovel and I publish chapters on it 2 days earlier.
8 90Hard Luck Hermit
With his mother buried and his cultist family members out to ruin his life, getting abducted by alien slavers is actually an improvement for Corey Vash.A quick and chaotic escape attempt only succeeds thanks to an unintentional rescue from the impressively skilled and infrequently sober bounty hunters aboard the Hard Luck Hermit. With no clue about how to survive in space and nothing to return to on Earth, Corey joins the crew in their efforts to make a quick buck, try new drinks, and figure out who the hell keeps trying to kill them.Updates Wednesdays
8 185I love you so much I hope you believe it too
"If you love me.. and I love you.. then we could always be happy so take my hand and let us dance under the bright moonlight(Currently editing)
8 225After the Calamity
A sequel to my story, Before the Calamity. After the fight with Ganon, Link and Zelda are reunited. However, things are not as perfect as they should be. The two of them encounter new struggles as they try to readjust in a world with no place for them. Breath of the Wild belongs to Nintendo. Ps- cover art is mine ;)
8 173Behavioural Tutor
Tommy was known as the school's 'Bad Boy', the 'Troubled Kid', the 'Problem Child' and in extreme cases, the 'Psycho', all because he was different. No one understands him, until one day when he gets a Behavioural Tutor and a Therapist. He's had them before, but these people seem different. They're willing to listen to him, to learn about him, but in doing so, realise something is off about Tommy. Is he just a cool kid with an attitude, like Techno? Or is there a secret Tommy's tried so hard to hide. One that would explain his behaviour and frequent injuries. One that would make Tommy a victim and not a culprit.So... this got derailed so uhm... it's now a gang book! I have no idea why people like this monstrosity but wooooooo angst!Im not really going to go into too much details with TWs, (I don't want to spoil the plot) so read at your own risk. I'm really sorry! But as for the ones that I know of: SHpanic attacks Weapon useWeapon description Death Swearing(Pls tell me if there are more I should include)This is a lot like Flower_Blooms's book called Behaviour so please go and read theirs as well :]Cover by kait kait on twitter.(Yes, I'm English so we put the month after the day)1 on tommyinnit --> 11/10/211 on behaviour --> 8/10/211 on tommy --> 14/10/212 on tubbo --> 14/10/213 on angst --> 17/10/2150on philzaminecraft -> 3/12/2169 on sleepyboisinc -> 10/11/211 on sbi --> 14/11/212 on angst --> 18/11/213 on wilbursoot --> 26/11/211 on sleepybois --> 27/11/21200 in fanfiction --> 29/11/2143 on technoblade --> 3/12/214 on ranboo--> 6/12/2112 on tutor --> 25/12/211 on tommy - -> 4/07/22
8 109Skyris {GirlXGirl}
Though once at peace their world is now rising in war. The Deamons and Angelo both have mighty kingdoms secluded to their own races, run by monarchy's. And just like every great kingdom. There are always those who wish to see them fall.Skyris is the mountainous region of floating lanshelfs the Angelo call home. Little is known of the lands queen, seen as cold and vicious she strikes fear in those unlucky enough to be caught in her presence.One choice out of a hundred possibilities can change your view and put you in the middle of a dangerous game. A lesson learned too late by one who wanted to change things, but not like this.
8 404