《Critique And Editing Info》Critique:Road Trip
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Road Trip (But cover says 'Peregrination: A struggle to survive')
SimplyMeka
Adventure, Teen Fiction, Drama, Journey, Death and Life
Mysterious. I like the use of green in the back (So Forest or woods as location). As well as fire in which in your story symbolizes survival.
Sweet and straight to the point. States the topic and states the problem. I feel like something is missing, but I'm not sure what.
In the long run this page will be useful since you have six or more characters.
Agroup of friends...But then there is this one girl, who just moved to America? I don't see how you could get a girl like her to sit in a car for two hours with people she doesn't know. I don't even like sitting close to my family. I need space in on a long car ride also SNACKS!!!! What the heck is wrong with these people!!! ( I know it's a story...). Also who leaves their keys in the car???
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Why are they in the woods/forest?? Also choose between using Sun Li or Sunny. It can confuse the reader.
Wow.... dead. If your going to do different perspectives using Third Person. Don't use he and she, since you have six characters. Use their name.
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I see potential with this story. It's not my cup of tea, but I can see people who like the Maze Runner and Hunger Games liking this. So which one is the actual title. Having more than one title is confusing for the reader. Also keep it sweet and simple. I like the name on the cover since It's more mysterious. The summary I feel like needs dialogue, just a little. I commented some stuff. I pretty much stated everything in the chapter portion. Keep writing.
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Rate from 1-5
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1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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Lana dreams of becoming the most successful and famous Merchant in the world, a Merchant Queen. But she is just a common girl in a world of magic and mythic beings. Everyone thinks she is crazy for having such goals, even her family thinks that she is going for too much. “Wants to be a Merchant Queen?”, “Who does she think she is?”, “What abilities does she have to make such claims?”, “Poor girl, she can only fail...” “She did what??”, “She signed a ten years contract with a Spellcaster?”, “A Mage from the most powerful and proud magic’s school is working for her?”, “She opened a new tradeline, where nobody thought possible?” Follow Lana in her journey to become a Merchant Queen and watch her being rewarded and punished for her daring and innovative attitude. Author's disclosure: My purpose in this novel is to explore trading and adventure in a magic world. I'll try to put some humor and good fights in the novel to make it more fun. This is a spin-off novel of AK – The Alchemy Kingdom. You don't have to read the other novel to understand or follow this one. It might offer some additional information and entertainment, tough. You can also check my other spin-off novel, Harbinger of Death, which will be more action-focused and a little grimdark. Even if you are not a fan of the genre, give it a chance. I'm adding some soft romance in the hopes to make it unique and interesting. I'm trying to improve my writing skills, so your comments and reviews are welcome. New chapters three times a week. To support me and read more chapters, check my Patreon.
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8 194Ishtar's smile
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8 137midnight thoughts
A compilation of short poems and quotes written by yours truly.Highest: #1 in poetryAll Rights Reserved © John Schorwinson 2017Marvellous cover made by @soundthealarm
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