《Critique And Editing Info》Critique:Road Trip
Advertisement
Road Trip (But cover says 'Peregrination: A struggle to survive')
SimplyMeka
Adventure, Teen Fiction, Drama, Journey, Death and Life
Mysterious. I like the use of green in the back (So Forest or woods as location). As well as fire in which in your story symbolizes survival.
Sweet and straight to the point. States the topic and states the problem. I feel like something is missing, but I'm not sure what.
In the long run this page will be useful since you have six or more characters.
Agroup of friends...But then there is this one girl, who just moved to America? I don't see how you could get a girl like her to sit in a car for two hours with people she doesn't know. I don't even like sitting close to my family. I need space in on a long car ride also SNACKS!!!! What the heck is wrong with these people!!! ( I know it's a story...). Also who leaves their keys in the car???
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Why are they in the woods/forest?? Also choose between using Sun Li or Sunny. It can confuse the reader.
Wow.... dead. If your going to do different perspectives using Third Person. Don't use he and she, since you have six characters. Use their name.
3 💙💙💙
I see potential with this story. It's not my cup of tea, but I can see people who like the Maze Runner and Hunger Games liking this. So which one is the actual title. Having more than one title is confusing for the reader. Also keep it sweet and simple. I like the name on the cover since It's more mysterious. The summary I feel like needs dialogue, just a little. I commented some stuff. I pretty much stated everything in the chapter portion. Keep writing.
Advertisement
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial55 Chapters
The Way of Wrought Earth, or: My Tale of Rebirth as a Mostly Inanimate Rock
Mirage Winter. Second Clause, current act. A Relic Hunter's life is harsh — and often short — in the shattered lands of the Frontier. But when Whitelight reemerges, a legendary blade capable of separating anything the user wills it to cut, a newly formed unit organized of Hunter’s both young and old (and sediment based, in a particular case) vow to stop it from falling into cruel hands. Standing against them is the Frontier itself: the unbridled wrath of global federations, fellow Hunters, and those who lurk in the shadows of giants. As the world races to unravel a history desperately concealed, a semi-sapient rock soon realizes that some things are better off dead and buried — especially when those secrets carry an insidious corruption with no cure. Iteration: Mirror-glass Stars in Iron Oceans. First Clause. A soul wakes up as a rock, clinging to fragmented memories and knowledge of another era. What fate awaits such a creature? No, this isn't satire. Yes, I am dumb enough to try to take this seriously. Updates Wednesday, Friday with a variable amount of chapters. This story is not recommended for the easily disturbed. This is your only warning.
8 112 - In Serial62 Chapters
god Dimension
so the main Character is called lee He is 18 years old who at height of 5'7 feet.The story takes place half a year after his little sister Naomi disappeared before his eyes when she was on her computer.lee Just come home like every day and go to his sister room, He looks into his sister's room and suddenly the computer turned on “Hello, lee Do you want something more? know what really happens to your little sister and your father? A new chance of making thing right and getting back all you lost? If so click yes.” look forward to lee adventure in the world of animes movie and light novel world I fan of Terror Infinity and I was so up stepped that all the story about it stop,So I give it try and write my own story, read my story powers of x men toriko one piece naruto terror infinity and more Warning: Major spoiler for the Manga, Anime, Light Novels, Full disclosure. Several elements inspired by stories such as terror infinity, any related fanfic stuff cough side b and domain My first story it takes time but I believe in the story. enjoy
8 188 - In Serial30 Chapters
Larystaro
A long time ago, an ancient war happened between angels. Those who lost became fallen angels and formed an empire in another plane. They follow a single leader who they respect and love. They colonized new worlds and become technologically advanced. They did this all for the leader they love. One day the Empress was building a device which jammed and sent her to a lower magic/xianxia world. This world suppressed her powers, she became nothing but an ordinary fallen angel. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I try to write chapters everyday. Releasing them at 5pm GMT. Constructive criticism welcome! -Image from my friend Vialive :D
8 97 - In Serial21 Chapters
The Zombie Apocalypse: The Ville
A group of 2020 high school seniors journey through the zombie apocalypse.
8 244 - In Serial21 Chapters
Little Lockwood
The untold story of the youngest and most unwanted of the Lockwoods. Follow his journey from the beginning of the story that you already know and see how he will shape and change the lives of those in Mystic Falls. This is the story of Linkin Lockwood.◇ This story will contain triggering content and written for a mature audience ◇For those of you who do read on, I hope you all enjoy it.
8 200 - In Serial42 Chapters
Unearth The Shadows
Fantasy novel | gay romance sub-plot| poc main character. An heir to a monarchy threatened by a popular revolution forges an alliance with an amnesiac man with forgotten links to the rebellion. • • •Heron, Monarch-in-Prospect of Ceres, lost his mother to an icy storm. Two years later he still battles with the grief. The storm is back. And Heron finds a man trapped unconscious in the middle of the cold winds. His vital signs are odd and the only thing he remembers is his name : Davir.Heron provides Davir with medical care and finds in the stranger the opportunity to have a pawn in the royal guard. An alibi to buy himself liberty from the control of the ruling council of the capital. An indebted man is a man easy to persuade, and Davir acts as intended. As a popular rebellion against the Monarchy festers in the capital, Heron's new-found liberty soon leads him to cross paths with the rebels. An unsettling discovery comes to the surface: he'd been lied to about the death of his mother by the ruling council. Suspicious that he's, too, a pawn trapped in a tangle of political interests he cares little for, Heron is determined to get to the bottom of the secrets kept from him. Davir's military abilities could be of great help. Davir, too, needs Heron's ressources to discover his forgotten identity. An alliance between the two is then formed. But the clues leading to Davir's past point toward where they shouldn't : the rebellion and dark, sinful, supernatural arts of soul eaters.____________________________________©Copyright A. Gonçalo. All rights reserved.
8 100

