《Bloodthirsty(KNJ)》25. A Bad Feeling
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"You know, you could've just told her."
Yoongi looked up at his younger friend and frowned
"Jin hyung said she might hate me."
Hoseok rolled his eyes at that.
"Jin hyung isn't in his right mind lately though."
Yoongi sighed and held his head in his hands.
"I don't know what to do, I miss her so much."He cried out.
"Well, she misses you too," Hoseok said with a knowing smile.
Yoongi suddenly sat up after hearing that.
"Does she really?"
Hoseok nodded, still smiling. But Yoongi just frowned again and looked down. "She's been avoiding me all day. Also, she keeps sending me death glares..."
"I mean, she is mad at you."
"It's not like I did it with bad intentions? I just wanted to know her whereabouts all the time so that if anything happens to her... with everything that's been going on around Nari, I want to make sure that everyone is safe."
"It didn't feel that way to her, hyung. She must've felt as if you were spying on her. As if you didn't trust her."
"But that's not-"
"I know. Just give her some time."
"I don't think that would cut it."
They exchanged a look, then Hoseok gave him a compassionate look.
"It's hard, isn't it? Being in love."
"Tell me about it." Yoongi sighed.
"Just tell her, hyung. It'll be okay."Hoseok advised after a short silence.
He looked at him as if he was thinking about it, then he suddenly suggested "let's have a drink."
Hoseok laughed as they left Yoongi's office. It was a little late, but they both really needed a drink. Yoongi was going through a heartbreak and Hoseok was feeling lonely because his wife and son were on a trip to their hometown. He was missing them like crazy and going home to an empty house wasn't that exciting.
They went to a pop-up bar not too far from their workplace and ordered a few drinks and noodles. They started reminiscing the old days and that's when Yoongi noticed someone he wasn't expecting to see there. Taehyung. He seemed lost in thoughts and his facial expression was that of someone really sad. Yoongi called him out. Maybe talking to him would distract him from his heartache.
"Are you okay?" Yoongi asked as Taehyung was sitting at their table.
"Am I okay? Is the sky really blue? Are fairytales really happy stories?"
The two older men were confused at first, then after a moment, Hoseok shook his head from left to right.
"Poor kid is going through a heartbreak as well."
"Oh."
After that, none of them said anything for a few minutes. They were busy sipping on their drinks and eating their food. Until Taehyung finally decided to speak.
"She broke up with me all of a sudden. Like one minute we're happy, and the next, she is breaking up with me. To protect me, she said. (He scoffed and continued) How ridiculous. And I can't find Jimin anywhere. I'm worried."
"Worried? Why? Did something happen?"
"Well, he used to disappear like that for days, in the past. But it hadn't happened in years, so I'm scared that his past came back to haunt him. I don't know what happened, he refuses to talk about it. It's eating him up and... I mean if only he would share his worries with me. I'm willing to help him overcome them. We're best friends after all, right? Why is he locking me out? Why is she locking me out? They say they love me, but why are they not trusting me with their demons? We can fight them together, you know? Do they take me for a clueless child or something? Especially Jimin, he's always like this. Even in high school too it was the same..."
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Taehyung broke down and as they were trying to comfort him, Yoongi realized something. He was only thinking about her hating him when she'd know the truth, but what about how she was feeling right now? How did she feel knowing that the man who said he loved her was hiding something from her and refused to tell her? How did she feel knowing that he was tormented by his past and he still wasn't ready to share it with her?
He suddenly stood up and put a few bills on the table.
"Hoseok, please make sure he gets home safely okay?"
"Hyung-"
"I'll see you tomorrow."
He hurried out of the pop-up bar and got into a taxi. He needed to fix everything. He didn't care how his father would react after this, he just needed to fix his relationship.
Soha was having a great evening, a blast. She couldn't be happier! She was having fun with her sister and her family. What could she ask more?
Yeah, who am I kidding? Nothing's going like I want it.
She couldn't even focus on one thing for long. Every song, every laughter, every smell reminded her of him. She missed him so much, it hurt to breathe. Okay, let's not be dramatic, they saw each other every day... Still, she missed being with him like they used to. But she was too proud to call him. And she was still mad at him for what he did. She knew he did it to protect her, but he could've asked first. He could've been frank with her and express his worries, but he chose to go behind her back. And she would never have known if Nari hadn't mentioned it. She had felt so stupid at that moment!
"Soha?"
Her sister's voice brought her back to the present and when she saw her facial expression, she frowned at her.
"What?"
"You... uh, why are you crying?"
"What?" Soha let out in surprise before touching her face. Indeed, she was crying! And she hadn't even realized it. Fortunately, her brother in law and her nephews were already in bed. She had insisted on helping her sister tidy up after dinner, so it was only the two of them.
"What's wrong, sis?" Sooji asked, worried.
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. You're not one to cry easily, so it must be serious. Come on, tell me."
Soha thought about it for a moment. Her sister was really worried, but she couldn't tell her everything. She had her own problems to deal with and she also didn't want her to have a negative image of Yoongi before even meeting him.
"It's just... I was thinking about something... it's about work."
"Omo, what is it?"
"I can't really talk about the cases we work on, but it's a murder case."
"Aww, okay. I'm sorry that it's taking such a toll on you, sweetie."
"Don't worry. Is it okay if I leave? I'm exhausted."
"Of course! Thank you so much for coming."
They hugged and wished each other good night before she left.
She didn't completely lie, she was tired. And sad. And lonely. She felt like calling Nari once she got home, but her friend was married. She wasn't sure it was appropriate at this hour. Who else could she call? Jungkook? He did have the habit of staying up late and he was a good listener too. But she didn't want to bother him either.
Plus, he would probably call his Yoongi hyung right after their call. Yoongi was the last person she wanted to see right now.
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And yet, here he was, sitting at her apartment door like a homeless person. He must've heard her coming because he suddenly looked up and got up quickly. He looked paler than usual and his eyes were bloodshot. Did he fall asleep waiting for her? How long did he sit there?
When she reached her door, she gave him a dark look and asked him in the harshest tone she was capable of, "what do you want, sir?"
She knew he hated it when she called him that, especially outside of the office. But she didn't care, she wanted to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible.
"Baby, please."
"Don't call me that." She snapped.
There was a silence, then he nodded.
"I'm sorry for coming unannounced. I wanted to talk to you."
"But you have nothing to talk to me about. You made me look like a fool and you-"
"About what happened with your father. I'll tell you everything. But please, don't hate me."
"But I already do!"
"No, you don't." He held her by the wrist and pulled her closer. "I know you miss me and I miss you too, Soha." He continued slowly.
"What are you on about? Let me go!"
She tried to break free from his hold, but he pulled her into his arms and held her so tight, she could feel the heat of his body through their clothes. She tried to push him away, but he tightened his grip and she was too worn out to keep fighting anyway.
"I won't let you go, I can't let you go." He murmured against her skin and she finally let go.
He made her so weak, it was embarrassing. But what could she do? She was in love. He made her crazy with love and desire and she couldn't fight it. It was too late for that.
"Yeah, but I can't breathe" she murmured back and he stepped back almost instantly. She felt cold all of a sudden. He was blushing.
"I-I'm sorry I-"
"Do you really want to talk about it?"
He nodded, so she proceeded to open the door and he followed her inside. She asked him to sit and made some tea for herself and coffee for him. She brought the drinks and sat on the same couch as him, but a few feet away.
Yoongi didn't move nor talk for a while. He kept his head down and tried to collect his thoughts. He wasn't even sure where to begin. Were there any words he could use to ease up the blow? To make her not hate him?
"You don't have to say anything if you're not ready to talk about it." Soha said calmly.
He looked up at her with surprise. "I don't want to force you into doing anything," she continued, "just go back home and get some rest, you look horrible."
"Soha-"
"It's okay, Yoongi. Just go."
He searched her face and frowned.
"You're still mad."
"No, I'm not. I just don't want to spend any more time with you."
"But I missed you. Can't we just... forget about all this? I promise to do better. I won't ever hurt you again, I won't ever do anything behind your back, I... I'll give you anything you want, I'll do anything you want. Just don't break up with me? Please?"
"I'm not breaking up with you," she sighed.
"Then what is it? Why are you treating me like this? I said I was sorry. Soha, baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Enough! I get it! I heard you now please stop. Just shut it!"
The room went silent, but he kept staring at her. Soha felt herself melting under his gaze. Why was he so adorable and hot at the same time? Why did she love him so much? Why couldn't she just let go? Stop being mad at him? He had made a mistake, maybe he'd learned his lesson and wouldn't do it again? She trusted him after all...
Or did she?
"I know why you did what you did. I know you had the best intentions... but I'm still mad at you, I can't help it. Yoongi, you spied on me."
"I didn't spy on you, baby! I just used it whenever I was worried so I knew where you were."
"It's the same thing! Did you even trust me?"
"Of course, I did! I've always trusted you!"
"Do you even know what kind of trust I'm referring to? Do you trust me to defend myself in case of danger?"
"It has nothing to with trust. I'm in love with you and I don't care if you're superwoman or black widow, I'd still worry about you. Baby, please try to understand me."
"Well, I can't!"
"How would you feel if I was as reckless as you and threw myself into danger everytime?
"I'm reckless? Me?!"
"Yes, just like your friend Nari. You're both crazy and need to be watched all the time. Look, I'm not trying to insult you or anything like that. It's just a fact."
She rolled her eyes and tried to get up, but he pulled her back to her seat.
"I really worry about you, constantly." He said in a soft voice. "Don't you ever worry about me? I would do anything to protect you. Do you feel the same? Is this a one-sided love, Soha?"
"You have no right to doubt my love for you-"
"Then why aren't you trying to understand me?"
She sighed and looked down at his hands on hers, she looked back up at his face. He looked so pale and tired. But it wasn't an ordinary type of tired. He was tormented. Soha wondered if it was because of her or if it was something else. Probably his past and whatever happened between her dad and him. What could it have been? Why was it so hard for him to talk about it? She wanted to help him get through it, she wanted to be there for him, but he wouldn't let her in. Why? She didn't want to push him too hard, but at the same time, she felt like she needed to know.
"I'm trying, I really am. But you're not making it easy. You locked me out."
"What? No, that's ridiculous..."
"It's been troubling you for a while hasn't it? It has resurfaced. Whatever it is that happened in the past, it's coming back to haunt you. And you still don't want to talk about it. You'd rather carry the burden alone instead of carrying it with me. Me, the woman you swear you love, the woman you proposed to not so long ago."
He wasn't saying anything anymore. He just kept on staring at her until at some point, a tear fell down his cheek, then another one and another one. Poor baby, he couldn't take it anymore, she could see it. He must have been going through hell all this time. All alone.
She got closer to him and held his face in her hands.
"Baby, say something. Talk to me."
He shook his head from left to right.
"Please," she begged.
She really wanted to relieve him. She would do anything, but what could she do when he wouldn't let her in?
"You'll hate me and I'll be all alone again."
His trembling voice, his words, his expression... It all broke her heart. She hugged him and let him cry in her arms until he was too exhausted to do anything at all. He ended up falling asleep and she wasn't even surprised. He must have had so many sleepless nights...
She did her best to get him to bed, then she took his jacket and his shoes off before covering him. She tiptoed to the bathroom so that she wouldn't wake him up. He was sleeping so peacefully that she didn't want to disturb him. He probably needed to rest.
After she showered, she wore her pyjamas and went to bed. She watched him sleep while thinking about their conversation.
You'll hate me and I'll be alone again.
That sentence broke her heart even more. Why couldn't he see that she would never let him down? Why was he so scared? What did he do?
She lifted her hand and touched his face. He was so cute. And she had missed him like crazy. She really didn't want anything to ruin what they had. They needed to fix this, and they were going to. She would make sure of that.
Nari ran her fingers through her hair in a nervous gesture, then looked up at Hoseok. He was trying to hide it but it was so obvious that he was worried. He gave a small smile and held her hand.
"It's okay, kitten. We'll catch him."
"Will we? This is taking so long and I'm scared. My family, my friends... What will he do to us? He doesn't seem like he's joking around. He killed over a dozen women who looked like me! He'll kill me too!"
She broke down in tears after saying the last phrase and Namjoon quickly held her in his arms. She had just realized the magnitude of the situation. This psycho might actually kill her. She was so scared. She usually wouldn't be feeling like this. Of course, she would be scared but she would take him right on. All those games... it would've been a challenge to her.
But she couldn't act recklessly like that anymore. She had a child on the way and a husband. It wasn't about just her anymore. It was a whole family.
"You guys saved the conversation, right?" Yoongi asked expectantly.
Namjoon nodded and took out his phone. He played the conversation so everyone in Yoongi's office could hear it. Soha, Yoongi himself, Hoseok, Nari and Namjoon.
"Are you ready?"
[silence...]
"Ready for what? What do you want? "[Nari sounding rather upset]
"Uh uh somebody's mad. Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you soon."
"What do you want?!"
He laughed and it was such an unpleasant sound.
"So impatient."
"Stop wasting our time, you freak! What do you want?" [it was Namjoon this time]
"I want you. Both of you. In different ways, of course. I mean I don't really have a preference, but I wouldn't have views on someone with whom I share the same DNA. Even I'm not that twisted. Okay, I revealed too much already. I have to go, I need to prepare for our upcoming reunion. Take care, you two!"
There was a heavy silence in the room. Nari was reliving all the emotions she went through the night before. Fear, panic, anger, desperation... But mostly fear. She felt so weak for feeling that, but wasn't it normal? Again, it wasn't just her anymore.
"Okay, this psycho is pissing me off. Who does he think he is?" Soha hissed.
"He thinks he has some kind of power and he can do what he wants," Yoongi responded, his hands forming fists.
"Which is true in a sense, isn't it? We don't even know where he is. And if he hadn't come out by himself, we wouldn't even have known his face. How can we catch him? He is like a ghost. No prints, no trace, no nothing. Just videos."
"I don't agree with you on this one, kitten. We do have some clues. We know that he follows Namjoon everywhere, so he can travel. How does he do that? I can think of many possibilities already. And he is definitely not a ghost, someone has to have seen him somewhere. Jungkook and I are working on that."
"And he probably has someone who helps him. It could be more than one person. We even think that maybe (Yoongi lowered his voice) it's someone in the police."
Everyone seemed surprised except for Hoseok. Soha squinted her eyes and looked from Yoongi to him.
"You guys talked about that possibility already? Is that why you've been spending more time together?"
"What do you mean? We always hang out outside of work." Yoongi frowned.
"Not as much as in the past few days. And you kept that to yourself? Do you suspect us?"
"What? Baby no. We were in a fight and Nari had so much on her plate already, I didn't want to worry her more."
"When you tell us doesn't really matter. Do you have a suspect in mind?" Nari inquired.
"A few, actually and we're watching their every move."
"Okay, that's good. Will you let me know what you find?"
"Sure, but I really want you to sit this one out, Nari. Please."
"Wouldn't I be safer here though?"
They all exchanged looks and Yoongi sighed.
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