What happened?

My thoughts are everywhere, imagining every worst scenario. As soon as the call ended, I run downstairs, put on my shoes and jacket.

"Niall where are you going?" Mum asks but there's no time to answer. No time to waist. I run out into the cold and get into my car. She must be freezing, I think as I start the engine and drive off. "Gravity Climbing Centre" she said. I give the address into the GPS and it finds the way to her. One hour and 7 minutes. That's way too long! I give the address in again, hoping that it finds another, quicker way. But it doesn't.

"Fuck!" I yell and hit the steering wheal. "Fuck! Fuck! F*cking shit!" I take a deep breath and just have to accept it. It won't help when I curse or hit myself. Ignoring red lights, might help. But what if police stops me? It will only waist more time that can't be waisted. "F*cking shit!" I yell once again. Besides that, Olivia would get mad at me for ignoring the red lights, I think. "That's dangerous! Something could have happened to you!" she would yell at me. She would forget that she was in the cold, waiting, after she ran away, and only would care about me, possibly getting hurt. That's the person she is. She cares more about others than herself.

Why did she run away? I ask myself over and over and over again. What happened? Why did it f*cking happen? Why did she had to run so far away from her house?

She probably doesn't even know why she ran to the Gravity Climbing Centre. She doesn't know why her feet carried her to that place. She doesn't know what happened to her there. She doesn't know... that I ruined her life there.

Something tells me that it has something do to with Aaron. I didn't like him from the moment I first saw him. Actually, I didn't like any of the guys, to begin with, but Aaron gave me the worst feeling. The way he hugged her longer than the others did. The way he looked at her, had his eyes on her – on what's mine.

He told her that he loves her, even though he has a girlfriend. He should f*cking stick to his girlfriend and not tell mine that he loves her.

He loves her but she doesn't love him back... right? Why can't he accept that? Olivia loves me and no one else... right? She doesn't love him and just me. She wouldn't have started dating me if she still loves him. She wouldn't have gone through everything when she still loves him. She loves me. That's why she went through everything, through all the pain.

I still feel a stab in my heart every time I think of all the pain that I gave her in the last few months. She didn't deserve all of it, but there wasn't a way to avoid it. I wished there would have been,but there wasn't. I still feel a stab when I think about her crying because of me.

Another red light and I get more and more nervous and more and more anger builds up. I don't know what I'm going to do when she tells me that she ran away because of Aaron. I don't know how I'm going to control myself.

When he hugged her longer than the others did, when he danced with her, had a water fight with her, when he picked her up and carried her, I wanted to punch him. When he told her that he loves her, I wanted to kill him. Why can't he understand that she's mine?

She is mine, isn't she?

I shouldn't start doubting our relationship now. She loves me, I love her. That's all that matters.

My head hurts and I don't know who long I've been sitting on this swing. Every breath I take seems to be difficult and feels unnatural. Breath in, breath out.

I watch the hot air of my breath mixing with the cold air around me every time I breathe out. My chest starts to hurt like it always does when I'm cold. I regret it - not taking my jacket more than running away. When Aaron said all those things, I just wanted to leave and be away from him as far as possible. I couldn't think of my jacket, which would have been smarter. My heart hurst when I just think about it. I kinda knew that our conversation wouldn't go well, but I didn't thought that it would end this bad.

The tears that rolled down my cheeks on the way here, have dried and my heart has stopped racing, but it still hurts. I look around the park and feel like I've been here before, even though I can't remember one time that I've ever been climbing or talked about it or even thought about it. I never had the desire to go climbing and now that I'm sitting in this park, next to a climbing hall, I don't feel the desire either. Maybe it's because I've got more and bigger things to worry about. I look at the shield "Gravity Climbing Centre" and tilt my head to the left and right side over and over again, looking at it from different angles, hoping to remember something that was in my past... but nothing.

The seconds or minutes that I've been here now, only made me realize how much I don't actually know. I think a philosopher once said "I know that I know nothing" and that pretty much explains my whole life. Was it Socrates who said it?, I ask myself but then shake my head. That doesn't matter and is probably wrong anyway.

I know that I know nothing... When you really think about it, it doesn't even make sense. How do you know that you know nothing when you know nothing?

I don't know anything. Nothing about my childhood, nothing about myself. I start doubting everything that I think I like. Is 4 really my favourite number? Is blue really my favourite colour? Are pandas really my favourite animals? Am I who I want to be? Is my life the way I want it to be? Is all worth it at the end?

Few months ago, I had clear answers to all those questions, now that I'm alone in a park with my thoughts, I don't have any answer at all.

I wished there would be an answer to everything, but I guess that not how life works.

When I look up from my hands, that I've been staring on, I look around only to see that I'm all alone. But like, which normal human being in the world would sit in a park next to a climbing centre two days before christmas while it's snowing? I wouldn't be here if I had another choice. Going home was definitely not a choice and staying at Aaron's wasn't either. Running away wasn't smart but if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have done it differently – well, maybe bring my jacket. I should go home, but Niall is on his way here and I don't want it to be for nothing. Besides that and most importantly, I really want to see him now. He's what I need and I don't care if it sounds super cheesy. I want him and that might be the only thing that I know for sure.

When a black car drives by, hope builds up in me. But when the car drives away, hope dies, as it always does in my life. It gets build up, only to get destroyed again. I feel like, I get build up only to get destroyed again.

I take a deep breath and watch my hands and feet start to tremble as snow flakes come down. I try to think about happy moments, hoping that they warm something in me. Like the time when Niall and I were on that roof, alone and surrounded by small candles forming a heart. Or the time when we ate breakfast in his house after our first official date. We just stood across from each other, ate and didn't have to say a word. Just looking at each other in the eyes was enough.

I want to relive those moments over an over again. I want to go back in time and feel what I felt.

Whena black car parks in front of the park, I get up from the swing. I can't control myself and as hard as I try, my knees don't stop shaking and tears just roll down my cheeks. Niall gets out the car, takes his jacket off as he runs over to me. His hair is down, just how I like it, and his face is red. Once Niall is right in front of me, he puts his jacket over my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. His body is warm and I snuggle into his chest. When I look up into his eyes, I see that they are red from crying.

"Did you cry?" I ask even though it's obvious and giggle quietly with the rest of energy that I have left in me. He nods and chuckles quietly. His hot breath is on my cheek as he breaths in and out before whispering into my ear.

"I love you, Olivia. I love you so so much."

"I love you too, Niall." I say as he cups my face.

"Promise to never run away again." He looks me deep into the eyes and I start to feel anxious. I would like to believe that I'll never ever run away again, but I know that one day I will. I don't know why I'll run away but I have a very strong feeling that something will cause it and I'll run. Running away from problems is never the best solution, I know and I have to admit that, but it's a way to push the problems to the side – for at least a little bit.

"I can't." I shake my head as more tears come and my cheeks start to feel hot.

"Please, Olivia. Promise-promise me to never run away. I can't cope when you're upset and feel like running. I hate that. Please promise me... please." Tears roll down Niall's cheek and it feels like we're in a Nicholas Sparks movie. I shake my head before I can promise him something that I won't be able to hold. It's either his or my heart, maybe both our hearts that are pounding so fast that I can hear it.

"I want you to be happy, Olivia. Please-please never run away again. Not from me." He rests his forehead on mine and steps one step closer to me as his hands are still on my cheeks.

"I won't, Niall, not from you. Never from you." I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. "I would never run away from you, Niall." I kiss his other cheek and with it his tears away.

"Tell-tell me what happened... please." His voice is weak and Niall starts to tremble. I shake my head, not knowing what to tell him – not knowing how he'll react. I know that Niall can be very jealous, he punched a hole into a wall and he started a fight with Adam and he got furious just because Toby was in my flat and we weren't even a couple that time. I know that he'll overreact but I don't know bad it's going to be.

"It's Aaron, isn't it?" He asks when I don't answer. I bite my lip, look down and than he automatically knows. "What did he do, Olivia? What did Aaron do?"

"It-It's not important." I mumble.

"Did he hurt you?" Niall asks. I shake my head. "What did he say to you, Olivia? Please tell me." He begs and I hate it. I hate the fact that he has to beg me for something. He shouldn't have to. I want to tell him, but at the same time I don't. A part of me is still trying to protect Aaron from Niall. Aaron is my childhood friend and was my first boyfriend. It comes automatically that I try to protect him, even though I really shouldn't.

"Olivia please." Niall takes my hands in his as his face is still closely to mine.

"He just... he just said things that hurt my feeling." I finally confess.

"What do you mean?" He wants to know and heavily breathes in and out.

"He-He said that I'm with you just because you're famous and-and that's not true and then-then he said that I'm just using you and I-I flipped and yelled at him and then he calmed me down and then he-he... I can't." Telling him all the things that Aaron said already hurt, but I can't tell him that Aaron kissed me even though I know that I have to.

"What did he do, Olivia? Please just tell me." Niall puts a strand of hair that fell into my face to the side and cups my cheek with one hand as he puts the other one around my waist and pulls me to his chest. "I hate seeing you like this." He whispers and wipes a tear away.

I take a deep breath. "He kissed me."