"He-He did what?"

I think I heard wrong but when Olivia starts full on crying, I know that he really kissed her. He kissed my girlfriend even though he has a girlfriend. He kissed Olivia after he told her awful things. He kissed her even though she's mine. I can't think straight as my mind is imagining a million and one different ways to kill him. I want to punch him, kick him, kill him, bring him away from Olivia as far as possible. He's the reason why she ran away. He's the reason why she's crying and upset.

I take a step back from her and run my hands over my face and through my hair. My cheeks are burning hot and I feel the anger building up. I can't – I don't know what to do now. I can't kill him. At the end of the day, he's her friend and I can't go to jail.

"Niall it's not a big deal." She whispers and presses her lips together to stop her tears.

I swallow all saliva in my mouth and take a deep breath. I hold my hand up, showing her to give me a minute or two. I don't know what to do, what to feel, how to react now. She knows and sees that I'm angry. She says that it's not a big deal, but maybe that's only for her because for me it's a very big deal. I hate to be jealous, I hate to be angry. I know that she doesn't like it when I'm like this but I can't control it.

"He-He fucking kissed you." I finally bring out and punch the tree next to me. It surprises her, making her scream my name.

"Niall!" She exclaims and takes my hand. It's swollen and a little bit of blood drips down onto the snow. "Niall..." She cups my cheek with her other hand and I rest my forehead on hers.

"He fucking kissed you." I whisper and feel my body tense up. A tear escapes my eye and she wipes it away with her thumb. Her hand is cold against my hot cheeks.

"I know." Is all she can say before she wraps her arms around my body. I put my arms around her, closing the hug and taking in her scent. She's heavily breathing against my chest and I can feel her chest slowly rising and falling.

"It's not fair... Not fair to you, to me, to us, Olivia." I say and look over her to the tree that I just hit.

"I know." She mumbles. Her eyes are closed and tears still roll down her cheeks. It seems to never have an end. The tears never stop no matter how hard I try to make her happy and smile. There will always be something that makes her cry. Happy moments are just temporary, even though I wished I could pull them into infinity. I hate to see her upset, crying, unhappy. That's not what I want for her, for us. I want her to be the happiest person, always, forever. I don't want her to be ever upset, but I know that I will never be able to prevent it, no matter how hard I try.

"It's not fair."

She's gone through a lot and even though she can't remember it anymore. But I can. I know how much shit happened and it's not fair that she has to go through shit even now. Her childhood wasn't the best and it's just not fair that she still has to go through shit. But at least she can't remember it anymore. She can't remember the times that I have engraved in my head.

"It doesn't matter to me, Niall. I can forget about it... please forget it too." she begs but it's impossible for me to forget it. It's impossible for me to forget anything that has to do with her. She's my one and only, always in my heart, always in my mind. I know her since she's four and ever since, she's always in my head. All those years that we haven't seen each other, she was always in my head. When I auditioned for the X-Factor, it was for her. She was the one who told me to sing songs for her. She was the one who told me to believe in everything. "Nothing is impossible" she used to say and even though she can't remember it, I can and I will never forget it. She always had hope and cared about others. Sometimes more than herself.

I know that she can't forget that Aaron kissed her but she's going to try for me. She doesn't want me to be upset about it, so she pretends that it's not a big deal even though it is.

"We both know that I can't." I quietly say and kiss her cheek. "But I can pretend."

She softly smiles and kisses me. I kiss her back, passionately, hoping to take her pain away. She giggles against my lip and my heart warms up. Hearing her laugh is my favourite sound in the whole entire world.

"What's so funny?" I ask and take a step back, holding her hands. She shrugs and gives me a kiss on my cheek.

"You just make me happy." She whispers and lets go of my hand.

"What are you doing?" I ask her as she sits down on the swing.

"Push me." She smiles. Her tears have dried on her cheeks and her body has stopped to tremble. "I want to fly, Niall." She looks at me with sparkling eyes. I missed to see her like this. She seems to be carefree, tries to act happy around me, tries to make me feel better even though she isn't feeling well. She puts a fake but at the same time genuine smile on to hide that she's actually hurt and to hide that she actually doesn't feel like smiling right now. But she does it. She does it to make me feel better, hoping that I don't see that she's not okay. She's hoping that I feel better, because that's all she cares about. I act with it, even though I just want to hold her in my arms and comfort her. She thinks that I can't handle it when she's upset, but I can. I can handle it for her. I want to hold her and comfort her, to make her feel better because that what's important to me. She acts like she's okay to show it to me and to herself. I guess, there's time to hold her in my arms later, but for now I go behind her and push her on. She swings higher and higher, giggling and forgetting what she just went through.

I will never forget it though and once she's back on the ground, standing right across from me, I put my arms around her and don't let go.

"That was fun." She whispers against my chest and snuggles into me. I hold her tight as it begins to snow again. The snow flakes fall and it feels like we're in a movie. It feels like we're at the happy end of a movie where everything is going to be fine from now on.

I don't want Niall to worry about me and try to act happy, to make him happy. We both know that I'm not fully happy though, but it's enough for now.

After standing in the park, in his arms as snow flakes come down to us, Niall and I get into his car. I'm not sure if I want to go home and Niall clearly doesn't know if he should take me home. He drives around, takes wrong turns to make this journey longer and I enjoy every moments. We both don't really talk, but the silent and knowing that the other one is right here is enough for us. One of his hands is on the steering wheel while the other one is on my thigh. I have my hand on his and open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. To be honest, I feel like words would only ruin the moment.

After we drive past the cinema for the fourth time, I break the silent.

"Take me home, Niall."

"Are you sure?" He asks and rubs up and down.

"Yes." I say and think about it again.

Mum's probably going to ask where my jacket is and I'll have to lie, say that I forgot it at Aaron's and that I'll get it as soon as possible, even though I plan on never going back to that place.

Ethan's probably going to ask where I was and when I say I was at Aaron's, he'll ask why and I'll have to lie and say that I just wanted to visit him real quick.

Mr.McAllister is probably going to ask why my cheeks are so red from the coldness when I was only few houses away.

Mum's probably going to ask if everything is alright and I'll have to say yes even though nothing is alright.

Ethan will probably ask why Niall drove me home when he left to drive home to Mullingar just few hours ago.

Everything I'll tell them won't match up and they'll notice that something is wrong and then the real struggle starts. They'll ask if things are really okay and I'll have to lie. The bad liar I am, they'll know that I lie and they'll ask again and they'll ask why I'm lying and they won't stop to ask until I'll break down in front of them and tell them the story.

"Wait!" I exclaim and Niall stops the car. We're only few minutes away from my house and the car behind us honks three times because we just stopped, before it drives pass us.

"We-we can always go to my place if you want." Niall looks at me with scared eyes. My sudden scream scared him. He's concerned and worried again. I shake my head. One side of me would love to go to Mullingar and spend the time with Niall and his family. That side doesn't want to face my family who always asks questions like it's a quiz show. That side doesn't want to talk about problems and why something is how it is. But my other side, doesn't think that it's fair. Niall should spend his christmas with his family and enjoy the time with them. It's not fair to his parents and Greg, if I take up Niall for myself. Even if we'd go to Niall and spend christmas with his family, he would only look out for me. He shouldn't have to look out for me and I should be able to look out for myself. Niall's family should have him, at least for christmas and I guess, I'll just have him for myself afterwards. I don't think it's fair if I have him all the time, even though I'd love that.

"No. No, it's fine... drive me home, Niall." I smile at him as genuine as possible. The look on his face though, tells me that he knows that it's fake but he still drives me home because that's what I claim to want.

When we arrive in front of the house, we kiss goodbye, long and passionate. "I love you." I mumble against his soft lips.

"Promise?" He cups my cheek with one hand.

"Promise." I smile as I snuggle into his hand.

"I love you, Olivia." He smiles and kisses my forehead. Sometimes a kiss on the forehead means more than on the lips and now it was one of those times. I hold my tears back and pull away from him.

When I stand in front of the door, I wait for him to drive off. Only when I can't see his car anymore, I get inside.

"Olivia? Is that you?" Mum yells from the living room.

"Yeeaaahh!" I yell back and take my shoes off. I walk into the living room and see her and Mr.McAllister sitting on the couch, watching a Christmas movie. "Where's Ethan?" I ask.

"He's upstairs with Jazzy and Aaron."

My heart skips a beat.

"He said that you just left and forgot your jacket. He was looking for you but apparently you're phone is turned off." She says and looks at me with a worried look. "Is everything okay? Where were you?" She asks.

"Yeah, where were you?" Aaron, who suddenly stands behind me, wants to know.

My heart skips another beat and I wish I could sink into the ground right there, right now.