"Yeah, where were you?" Aaron asks who suddenly stands behind me.

My heart skips another beat and I wish I could sink into the ground right there, right now.

"Out." Is all that leaves my mouth before I turn around and go pass Aaron, into the kitchen. I hope that he isn't following me, but I know that he is. My throat is dry and my hands begin to shake as I take a water bottle out of the fridge. I'm about to step back and close it, but then Aaron says "Olivia..." and my body tenses up and decides to stand still and not move.

"I-I'm sorry." He says and I know that he's right behind me. "I-I really don't know what went with me... it's just that, you know,... It's just that I wanted answers and I know that what I said was really mean and I'm really sorry... it's just... I-I can't stop thinking about you and about what would have been if you hadn't broken up with me... I'm sorry." He touches my arm, but I pull away. I step back from the fridge, close it and take a sip of my water bottle as I let his words go through my mind again. I'm sorry, he said but that can't change the fact that he hurt me with his words and then kissed me. My heart feels heavy when I just think about it. It's like I cheated on Niall and technically I did. I got kissed by another man and even though I pulled away the same second, I still feel guilty. His lips touched mine, even though my lips are only reserved for Niall.

"It isn't just about what you said, Aaron. I feel like you don'tunderstand it at all. It started when you had to start that stupid water fight. Why did you do that? Like, what did it bring you?" I ask but he doesn't answer. He doesn't answer because he doesn't know himself.

"And then when you and the others came here drunk home at night, you told me that you still love me while Niall was laying in my bed. And plus, when we all were at Sam's, you couldn't just bet here, enjoy your time. No, you had to follow me and tell me that you love me. How did you think that I would react? Did you think that I would jump into your arms and break up with Niall? You're in a relationship with Hannah and you say that you're happy but then you tell me that you still love me. You say you want me to be happy, but then you interfere with my happiness? You want me to be happy... but then you're the one causing me pain." I feel tears building up as I stare him into the eyes. He opens his mouth, wanting to say something, but then closes it again. I swallow the tears down and continue, because I'm not done yet.

"You confuse me, Aaron. Listen, I wanted to tell Hannah what you said, but I couldn't bring it over my heart. I couldn't tell my friend that her boyfriend who is my ex boyfriend still loves me. I just couldn't. I mean are you still together?"

He nods.

"Then why do you do all these things? Why do you kiss me when you already have a girlfriend? Why do you say that you love me when you should love her? I mean... like.... I don't understand you. I just don't" I exhale and take another sip of my water. My throat is still dry and my cheeks are burning hot.

"I'm sorry." Is all that he brings out.

"Can-can we please... never talk about it again? Because I won't and... the truth is, I don't want to see you anymore, Aaron." My decision is made as the words leave my mouth. I don't want to see him voluntary. I don't want to talk to him voluntary. If I have to see him on parties or when we hang out with the others, I'll just have to ignore him and he'll have to ignore me.

"We both know that that's impossible." He reaches his hand out for me, but I just pull away.

"It's not. I'll be in London and you'll be here. For the rest of time that Ethan and I are here, I'm going to ignore you and you're going to have to ignore me. I don't want you to touch me, I don't want you to talk to me... I mean, honestly, I don't even want to be in the same room as you." I say straight and I know that it's very harsh of me and I know that it hurts his feelings, but I don't care. He hurt mine, now I hurt his.

We would have never worked as a real couple.

My heart feels cold in his near and I don't want that. I don't want to be in his near.

"So it's over. Just like that?" He takes a step forward but then two steps back. "What about the good times we had, Olivia? What about all the fun we always have together?"

"Aaron, it doesn't matter to me. Don't you understand? I'm done with you. You hurt my feelings, you kissed me even though I'm with Niall. You...you fucking made me run away!" I squeeze the water bottle in my hand and water splashes out. Mum heard me and comes into the kitchen.

"Everything alright?" She carefully asks as she walks over me and takes the bottle out of my hand. My cheeks are burning hot of anger and I feel the tears building up again.

"Yes. Aaron is leaving now." I say as I look directly into Aaron's eyes. Something in him breaks and he leaves.

When I hear the door close, I breathe again. I didn't even notice that I was holding my breath until now. Mum rubs my back as I take the empty bottle.

"What happened" She asks slowly and carefully. It's like I'm a about to explode bomb and she has to deactivate me.

"It's not important, mum. Don't worry. It's over now." I say as a tear rolls down my cheek. It's like I just broke up with the love of my life, even though it's the total opposite. Aaron is and will never be the love of my life because Niall already is, but now it's over between me and Aaron. I'm over it. One problem out of my life, one hundred more to come.

Mum puts her hand around me as I slowly breathe in and out. One problem out of my life, one hundred more to come, I think...

"Mum, why can't I remember my childhood?" I ask and prepare myself for an excuse that she always tells me when I ask her that.

She takes a deep breath, thinking about what she could tell me now. "Well, what do you want to know about your childhood?" She asks and it's just another way to go over it without giving actual useful information.

"Everything." I say as I always do and already know what she's going to answer me now.

"That would take too long, Olive." She takes her hand away and takes a step back. "You were a smart, cheerful, always happy, a bit of a nerd and always funny." She doesn't look me in the eyes as she says it. She just takes a wipe and cleans up the water that I spilled few minutes ago. She leaves the kitchen without even looking at me again and I decide to let it go for now. I don't know if that's the smartest thing ever, but I can't deal with it now anyway. It's soon christmas and I don't want it to get ruined by anything. The thing with Aaron was worst enough and I can't handle more right now.

I go upstairs to my room and lay down in bed. My mind is blank and I'd love to call Niall now, but he's probably still on his way back to Mullingar. I feel bad for calling him back and having him drive back to me. He shouldn't have to do such things for me. I shouldn't have to call him because I ran away from my problems. Everything should be nice and smooth, I guess. But that's not how life works. There's always going to be ups and downs – for some people more than for others.

I used to be one of the those who only had small ups and downs. Now my life is a rollercoaster and I'm not sure for how long I can be on this ride. I wonder if I'll break if I don't pause and take a break. A break from life would be perfect right now, but I know that there will never be a real break. There will only be a straight line before it goes either up or down again. Knowing how shitty my life is, there's most likely going to be a down and I wonder if I'll survive it.

I lay in bed, stare up to my ceiling and count the minutes until I feel like it's okay to call Niall.

On the way home, all I can think about is her kissing Aaron. It drives me mad just to think about it.

When I arrive at home, I walk into the living room to tell mum that I'm home. But she's asleep on the couch, so I just put a blanket over her before going upstairs to the bathroom. I wash the blood off my hands, which burns like crazy and clean the wounds before putting a bandage around it. I kinda regret hitting that tree now. It was stupid but I just had to punch something. Even now anger builds up when I think about Aaron kissing Olivia. She ran away into the cold because of him and again, I would kill him but I don't want to get into jail. He's not worth it.

After cleaning up the mess I made in the bathroom, I go to my bedroom and change to new clothes. A bit of blood is on my jacket and I throw it into the laundry basket in my room when my phone rings. It's Olivia. My heart skips a beat, afraid that something else might have happened.

"Are you okay?" I ask first thing when I pick up.

"I'm fine." she says and I imagine her smiling. My heart slows down and I lay down in my bed. "Are you at home?" She wants to know.

"Yes, are you?"

"I am, Niall. You don't have to worry about me." She says. I know that she hates it when I worry about her, but I just do. I care too much about her to not worry about her all the time.

"I'm not worried." I lie.

She quietly giggles. "'Course you're not." She says sarcastically and I know that she rolls her eyes at me. "I'm rolling my eyes at you." She then says.

"I know, princess." I chuckle and lay down.

"How's your hand?" She asks and I hear her moving around in her bed.

"It's okay. Kinda hurts but I put a bandage around it, so it's fine." I tell her and hear her whisper something. "What did you say?" I ask.

"Nothing important." She whispers. Her voice has became quiet all of the sudden and I wish I knew why.

"That's what you always say, but is it really not important?" I try to dig deeper.

"Just forget it, love." She says and maybe that's the best.

We continue to talk about other things, less important and more fun things. It's one of those random and pointless topics that we talk about. I missed this. Just hearing her talk, without worries. Her voice is just normal, no worries hearable, no sadness. It's just me and her, just like it used to be months ago when I called her every evening. We talk for hours until she starts to yawn every minute.

"You're tired." I point out the obvious.

"I am." She whispers and I hear her snuggle into her bedsheets. It's quiet for another minute and then I know that she fell asleep. I don't hang up for the next 10 minutes and just listen to her stable breath.