"she's lying baby," i took hold of ryder's hand leaving dainty little kisses on her cheek. "i wouldn't want someone who's been with na- everyone." i corrected myself.

fuck.

"nate, huh?" she finished my mistake for me.

"look, babe. i didn't mean it like that." i fell back in my bed.

"i'm going to leave it alone, goodnight." she punched me in my stomach with an evil smirk on her face. ryder ran to her room.

i groaned in pain making my way across the hall to her room. i twisted the doorknob expecting it to be locked but it wasn't.

ryder was undressing seductively as if she didn't know i was watching. she laid out in her bed, "oh, what're you doing in here?"

closing the door and locking it behind me i made my way to her and the rest i'm sure you can figure out.

we both took showers and laid down.

i watched ryder stare at the screen. she massaged the back of her neck and gave a bitter laugh still facing the tv.

"you okay?" i ate my last piece of candy looking at her concerned.

"honestly, fezco i'm not feeling too well. i'm gonna sleep, goodnight i lov-" she paused holding her breath.

"i love you too." i finished for her. i'm sure she was saying it without thinking about saying it, but i actually loved her and i'm sure she loves me too.

ryder cuddled tightly underneath my left arm going to sleep as soon as i rubbed her back.

the next morning we actually both got to sleep in that was until rue called me begging for a few pills. she was relapsing and it was really starting to affect me and jules. i went downstairs and smelled bacon.

ryder was cooking breakfast while ashtray was at the table with paper in front of him.

i had totally forgot about ashtray being upset at me. i sat down in front of him glancing at his sheet of paper. he moved it slightly giving me a death stare. "ay, yo. what's your deal?" i asked knowing the answer already.

he ignored me.

"what's up baby?" i greeted ryder with a hug and kiss. "good morning, hey i hope you don't mind but i have to go run a few errands for mike today."

"that's no problem, want me to go with you?" i turned my back to her looking at ashtray who had disappeared with his food going back to his room. he reminds me everyday why i don't want to have children of my own.

"no it's some personal stuff, thank you though. here's your breakfast i'm going to get dressed." she set my plate down in front of me and left for her room as well.

well, shit.

i really had nothing to do other than make a couple runs nothing too serious.

by the time i was finished eating ryder was coming downstairs dressed in all black. it wasn't like her, but i didn't think to question it.

"no kiss goodbye?" i startled her, but i could have sworn she saw me. she looked directly towards me. "i'm sorry babe, i was out of it." ry explained as she tried rushing out the door, but i stopped her.

"ryder, what's wrong?" i was worried about her. my gut feeling said something was up, yet i couldn't do any about it other than trust her completely.

•

i rushed to ry's location with my heart feeling like it was slamming against my rib cage.

i had been pushing and running into people, even tripping over my own damn shoe laces trying to get to her. the building i was lead to was an old trap house michael used to own.

the doorknob was barely hanging on.

i slowly walked in observing everything. the greenish, yellow, dingy walls down the long hallway. the cracked wooden, dusty floors. the place smelled horrible as if someone had previously died in here. there was only one flickering light above shining dim.

i continued to make my way down the hall. it was silent enough where i thought my thoughts were being spoken out loud.

then i heard cries calling out from multiple people.

"michael, i ca- can't do it." the voice was ryder's. i steadily took my time once i found the room.

there was a guy on his knees, his arms were down by his sides as he begged for forgiveness. you could tell he had been hit a couple times on the side of his head due to the bleeding that was falling down his body.

michael walked around the guy gripping him by the shirt holding him in front of ryder.

i finally had the opportunity to look up at her. my eyes widen as she held the gun in front of her aiming at the guy's head. michael begin to scream at her, "remember what he said to you? remember what he tried to do to you? he betrayed me, and touched yo-"

"STOP! i know what he did, just please stop." ryder pleaded. "who am i to take someone's life though?" she cried.

i continued to look at her noticing a gash of blood on her leg.

my heart rate felt extremely slow.

"KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER NOW!" michael yelled before everything went blurry.

all i could hear was ringing in my ear.

gun shots had been made and a body had dropped to the floor. i opened my eyes as ryder screamed like never before. thoughtlessly pulling out my gun i shot at least three times without blinking twice.

"fuck." i said before running over to the scene feeling entirely deprived of emotion.