Over the next months, Raijen spent every minute Cisley was in the room near her. Every other moment he spent keeping to himself ignoring the looks he was sure were targeted on him, as well as other children who occasionally come near to try and play.

Cisley seldom left the bed, other than to feed Brian or get her own food. Others left her mostly alone, only Lexa sometimes come to check on her.

Watching her wither into nothingness was hard, harder than anything he ever experienced before. The powerlessness caused his stomach to tie into the knots, frustration reminded him over and over again, there is not one damned thing he could do to make her feel better.

Why am I so bloody useless? With such a small body, and no strength.

Glancing at his hands he squeezed them into small fists.

It is just a matter of time before they take me out as well.

It happened twice so far, soldiers come in at a different time than usual, it was so strange, Raijen had no idea what to think about them coming in at the wrong time.

Wanting to laugh at their idiocy, but instead was met with a bitter taste in his mouth, when all the oldest children were taken out.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Raijen knew this day would come, there were no older children between those wooden walls covered with moss and sooth from the fireplaces.

Watching as little kids are forced from their mother's arms, one even killed when they hit her in the head by the spear for refusing to surrender her little girl. The realization that this place could get much worse then what it was now sunk in.

They have had it easy, working out of the wind or hot sun, always having some food, water, and bed.

But then it clicked in his mind, one day they will take him outside, to experience the world. To do whatever they raised them for as cattle in the barn. Leaving the only women who cared for him behind to her fate, for the rest of her short life.

So, instead of trying to run around the room and get away so Cisley would follow, he stayed as close to her as possible. In every moment presented to them.

Yet it wasn’t enough, Cisley was getting worse each week, each time she came back with new bruises, more exhausted, surrendering to this miserable life.

Clearly not used to it as the rest of the women here, it wore on her worst, she was weak, she couldn’t fight nor do the hard work, Raijen knew she would die much sooner than others.

Even so, he dreaded each day as they come and took her out, wondering if she will come back, wondering if it wouldn’t be better if she didn’t. Wondering if it wouldn’t be better to be just free of this place and move into another plane. He was sure she belongs to heaven or whatever version of it they had there.

Shaking his head on the ridiculousness of it, he felt the tension of the small body leave as his mother walked in yet again. She stopped when the doors closed and looked around the room.

Wondering what it is Raijen started to go near her, as she spotted him, her lips moved in an unfamiliar motion, a small smile. Just a little tension at the corners of her mouth which no one would notice unless they watched her face every minute of every day for their whole life.

For some reason Raijens legs turned into jelly, collapsing on the ground, unable to hold back, he bawled his lungs out. Tears run down the red cheeks in earnest as he felt his body shake with all the tension seeping out of him.

Cisleys look turned into one of worry, as she hurried over to her son. Picking him up from the ground and pushing his head into her small breasts for a hug.

He couldn’t help himself but just cry, clinging to her shirt. Before she could get too worried I looked into her face again, as we were sitting on the bed. Searching for that small smile, I couldn’t find it again, but I knew it was there.

***

As time passed, things started to change again, this time for the better, though slower. While Cisley was with Raijen most of the time, they started to interact more with others. When Raijen saw Cisley talk to Lexa and other women, smiling, he felt himself returning to his old way where he could start to relax.

For the first time, Raijen started noticing the other kids who were in the room with them. They were always there, but he never paid them much attention, as he felt better between adults.

The children stopped trying to make him part of their play circle once he ignored them long enough, eventually, they didn’t even spare him a glance. Thinking it is better that way he tried to ignore any feelings of discomfort from being left alone.

It is better this way. I'm much older than them anyway, and I don't even understand what they are saying after all this time.

Raijen had no idea how much time passed since he was reborn, there was no easy way to track the time and after a while counting the days become impossible.

It must have been years, or at least two of them.

The language proved exceptionally difficult to learn. He could remember names and basic words like mother, bed, chair, fire and so on, but to make sentences were different. Even though he could somehow understand what the kids meant when they used their hands and simple words he couldn’t speak.

So he never spoke, at first he was worried what others would think of it or if it would bring another worry for his mother. Maybe, because of all the things she went through, she either didn’t realize or cared for it, figuring he should start speaking in time.

Other women had enough of their own problems and worries to care for one boy not talking. Unable to comprehend most of what others told him and without reference to his own language he was nowhere near to figuring this language out.

My old memories and language learned are more of a hindrance than any help. Who’s idea was it that children learn English easier than adults? What a load of horseshit Do they even have horses here? Maybe if I just repeat all that others say like a retard I could eventually speak.

But every time he said something it comes out of his mouth as a cry or babble without any meaning, further solidifying his dislike to talking.

Another thing is I have no idea what to even talk about. What would I say to them? There was nothing going on, the days were all the same, just rinse and repeat.

The only thing letting Raijen keep his sanity was watching people, sometimes some women went out and didn’t return, replaced by another young girl. Watching them go about their routine and do the work they were assigned, from sewing, weaving baskets to preparing vegetables brought in.

There was a place for children to learn, he was made to sit in the classes too since he was now old enough for it.

The women, her name was Yana, with long black hair and narrow green eyes as if she was from Asia, but not quiet, could see right through anyone who didn’t pay attention. She was young, maybe twenty-eight, but still the oldest of all the women here.

Raijen had no idea what she tried to teach them, but others seemed to understand. So he kept mimicking the children around him, nodding when they did, shake head when they did.

She is probably teaching the same thing over and over again for only she knows how many years. As for my part, I think I have her fooled into thinking that I get what she is saying or she just doesn’t care.

It was colder than usually In his corner that day, opposite the door, Raijen wasn’t sitting there for at least a year. But yesterday, when all the women returned, they weren't all.