Chapter 007

Out of the frying pan right into the fire

Shapes and colors transmuting and transcending in one another swirling and dancing all around me and straight through me at the same time above and below me reversing time after time changing the volume from screaming to whispers back to screaming again over and over and under and around through the ground to the sky back and forth whiteness of everything interchanging with the dark and black and gray and sweet and sour hour by hour day by day from big to small but not smoothly anymore and more step by step jumping from one to another and the other by other…

I suddenly open my eyes. Holy f… what just happened? I think I just had the most crazy… something… of my both lives. I raise my upper body and visually check my surroundings. Nothing strange in sight. I clearly remember… talking with Shadow, at least if that pointless banter can be described as ‘talking’. Fortunately now I know how to open my interface… oh and that there are some rules I’m not supposed to know, which suggests the existence of some kind of enemies, or at least opposition, on the power level equal to that black madman, because with whom would he agree on them otherwise? Of course there’s also the most important information - that Iverie killed me with some Super-Awesome-Poison-Of-Doom. I really can’t wait to have my revenge.

I asked Shadow to leave effects of poison in my body. Now I just have to make someone discover them as soon as possible. But how can I do that? I guess I’ll have to use some acting to persuade Gavlan that I felt weird yesterday evening after the feast… It’s about time to leave my bed.

I try to do it… but my attempt is interrupted by a sudden headache. And it’s not just a regular one - IT REALLY FUCKING HURTS! Instantly I‘m bent in half and violently vomiting, and because of that sudden movement I fall from the bed.

I can feel my consciousness drifting away and the last thing I see is Gavlan entering the room, and a sudden panic written on his face, after that only darkness…

* * *

I feel pain, much duller this time and not as strong. It’s actually a step forward from not feeling anything… I guess. I can even think straight, but moving any part of my body is impossible. I’m in a state similar to sleep paralysis I once experienced.

I hear people talking, but I have problems understanding them. Though my hearing is perfectly fine, it’s just… too damn hard to concentrate on their voices. It takes me some time to adjust.

“So?” I think it’s my grandfather speaking.

“He was very lucky by the look of it.” Unknown voice. Female and adultlike, that’s all I can say. “Really, really lucky. He will survive.”

“Really? Are you sure he’ll be fine?!” Oh, that’s definitely father. His voice is… emotional. I can’t blame him, he lost one son, and now nearly the second one, within just a few days. It’s hard to say if he’s more relieved or still shocked about all of it.

“Yes. And it definitely was poison. Pretty special one at that. It’s called Dream Resin. After ingestion it kills when the victim sleeps and mimics a naturally caused death. The only source of it are Corrupted Lands, and it requires considerable wealth to acquire any quantity of it.” There is a second of silence while everyone’s digesting these informations and then the woman - a doctor or alchemist I guess - continues. “However, judging from the current state of his bathroom he must have expelled most of it in the evening and the amount that already got into his blood wasn’t enough to kill him. He’s young, so there shouldn’t be any long-term effects, but getting back to his healthy state may take a year or so. He is going to feel as if he is partially paralyzed, and suffer from headaches and weak hallucinations. Temporary amnesia is also a possibility. But there’s also… another matter to deal with.”

“Yes?” Grandfather I think.

“All Res alchemists and herbalists, hospitallians like me included, are obliged to report all cases in which the usage of this poison was discovered directly to the Temple. There is said to be an underground organisation in the city that is suspected of using Dream Resin for assassinations. You should expect a visit of a few Templars later today.”

“Ah, I think I heard about this organisation recently. But why would they try to kill Varth?”

“I don’t know, and frankly speaking I don’t care. It’s not my problem. You should speak about it with the Templars. Now, about the rehabilitation…”

I can’t keep my focus anymore. And… once again I fall into darkness. After all those times I’m getting used to it...

* * *

I wake up. It’s a middle of the night. I feel my body, but can’t really move any part of it except my head. Yet when I try to look around I get a funny feeling in my neck, so I decide to avoid overdoing it. But even without moving it, I can see that I’m in my brother’s room.

Well, I guess it’s logical in a way. This must be the next night, so my room might still need some ventilating after me vomiting. And this room is very close to mine… and empty. I don’t feel like I’m able to call anyone, so I decide to spend some time on thinking.

There’s only one explanation for what happened to me. Shadow overdid it. Heavily overdid it. Or simply his understanding of ‘detectable traces’ is different than mine… I mean, they are REALLY detectable. By anyone with his eyes intact. So theoretically I shouldn’t even be angry… but I am. Shadow, you FUCKING idiot…

Well, I guess when you’re doing business with an Evil God you really need to specify what you want. So in a way I’m just as responsible for this mess.

I just really hope that my Health Points won’t speed up my recovery too much. Well, it’s not like I believe I’ll get my actual health back before my fifth birthday… only three days left until then, though it’s not really that bad. All my birthdays until now were barely even noticed by people around me, only one nanny gave me additional sweets, really nice of her by the way.

There’s nothing else for me to do, I guess. I would open the interface window and take a look into the options, but in my current state it’s simply impossible as it requires reaching with my hand for it - and I’m practically paralyzed. Besides, I’m still unsure whether or not others can see it, and getting discovered by nannies or Gavlan with a strange thing floating above me would be… inconvenient.

I decide to just go back to sleep.

* * *

Once again I wake up. It’s bright outside, so it’s some time during the day. I still can’t move any of my limbs… and the weird thing is that I’m actually wearing different set of clothes than last time. Gavlan stands by the door, he sees that I’m awake and comes closer to my bed.

Damn, if I were fifteen years older this whole situation would seem like an intro to a bad gay porno. And now I hate myself for having this idea…

“You’re awake. And you woke up rather early. The hospitallian your family brought to help you, said that you’ll be asleep for at least a week.” It must be the effect of my Health Points. It would be great to have more of them… and regenerate them faster.

“That’s good.” Is what I try to say. What leaves my mouth is unfortunately utterly incomprehensible gibberish. Damn. My vocal cords aren’t working as they should. I repeat what I tried to say but this time I speak really slowly, and carefully pronounce every letter. It’s slightly tiring but at least he can understand me.

“Now that you’re awake I must inform everyone about this. You have no more than few minutes to prepare yourself.“ He smiles wryly. Really? Did Shadow possess him when I wasn’t looking? I’ve never saw him smiling before. If he was born as a catman, without any doubt I’d start calling him The Grumpy Cat. And now - this. Ok… my enhanced intuition screams to me that there’s something bad going on. What is it this time?! I could certainly use a little rest… FOR A CHANGE!

Gavlan leaves the room and soon after I can hear him talking with someone. He said that I don’t have much time to prepare myself, but for what? He was smiling so it couldn’t be about those, so called, Templars. I mean, people don’t smile when they are supposed to be interrogated… I also doubt that Iverie would come here, fall onto her knees and beg for forgiveness while expressing her eagerness to abandon all worldly matters and become a priestess in the Temple.

Damn, I’m in no shape to do such thinking. I’m really hungry! At least I’m clean… but it means that someone must have washed me after my vomiting. Now that I mention it, I’m in different clothes, hmph. Nannies must have done that. Wait… didn’t I already thought about this? My head really is in a bad shape… I don’t even know just for how long I slept. Wait… is it possible that today is…

My inner monologue is interrupted, when Gavlan enters the room again and with him is one of my nannies, carrying what looks like a trail with a small meal, and that’s good news all in itself. Gavlan is standing near the door, while nanny feeds me one spoonful at a time as I’m in no condition to eat by myself, it’s actually pretty humiliating but my throat is slightly numb and swallowing is a challenge. At least it gives me time to think about questions I want to ask him.

I’m nearly sure that today must be my birthday. And while I think that me waking up from almost-a-coma should be great news, everyone is acting weird. I’m sure Gavlan reported everything to that herbalist and/or my father, but now his behavior strongly suggest preparing me for something… and I really have bad a feeling about this whole situation.

When the meal ends, nanny leaves the room. I turn to Gavlan wanting to ask him some questions, but before I muster enough strength he tells me to wait for a bit… and leaves too. Oh for fuck’s sake, what sort of slave are you! … be more useful, please.

Few minutes later I can hear Gavlan welcoming someone. I think I heard that new voice somewhere… ah, it must be the herbalist from earlier.

The woman that enters the room soon after that is a human. No more than thirty-five years old, short brown hair. And no collar. She’s wearing a watery blue robe with a noticeable red cross on on the fabric. Wait, red cross?! Now that I think about it, her whole attire makes her look a bit like a nun… only without a coif. It only makes me sad though. Does it mean that local religions have some outright Christian elements? That’s the first time since I’m here that I see anything like it… I just hope it’s not the case of Having Every Religion Looking At Least Partially Like Christianity (Unless They Are Like Muslims) Especially If They Have Healers, that I was frequently running into in various fantasy novels, books, games etc.

On her face there is a look that can be translated into ‘Oh, why are you even bothering me with this’. Gavlan enters beside her, most likely making sure she won’t stab me or something. Constructive paranoia, I guess, if you consider what happened to me.

She begins examination with a pretty irritated attitude, but it disappears rather quickly. She must have expected a false alarm or something - after all I woke up much faster that I should - but now she understand that it’s not the matter. The examination (mostly checking my responses) quickly reaches it end.

“Well, he must have ingested much smaller amount of poison than I previously thought.” She says to Gavlan. “It’s safe to move him, but don’t overdo it. He is still very weak.”

“I’ll try to not… break him.”

* * *

Only few minutes ago I was still enveloped in blissful ignorance regarding my current situation. But now… Now I finally understand what made Gavlan so annoyingly smug. Something truly terrifying. Something straight out of a horror story… or slice of life comedy… And the worst part is that I can’t do shit to stop it. I’m currently sitting on a wheelchair, or to be more precise, because of my current condition, I’m tied to it. And while I understand that it was necessary or else I wouldn’t be able to sit straight, I still think of it as demeaning as fuck…

Gavlan pushed me into a room… full of people. All of them have typical Veles traits, but I’ve never seen them in the mansion before. They’re looking at me. Why did no one told me we were going to have guests?! It’s not like I could do anything about Iverie poisoning me, but at the very least I would be mentally prepared for what was going to happen next!

There are four people in the room, excluding me and Gavlan. Initially my sight catches an ender woman sitting in a big, stuffer armchair. She’s more or less similar age as grandpa. Long, curly, hair in a deep shade of dark blue are partially gray. Unfortunately she may not be aware of her actual age… because that cleavage is way too deep for an older woman like her. She emanates an aura of an eccentric old lady who knows how to distil all the fun from life and not be bothered by what’s left. I guess it’s Shadow’s blessing speaking…

On the right side of the armchair is a similar looking sofa. Two more people are sitting on it. A girl my age dressed in a white lace dress, waving her legs in the air. Next to her is a middle aged man with no distinguishing traits, her father if I were to guess. Lastly, further in the room, next to the window opposite to the door, on a simple chair, sits another girl. She’s holding a book but she’s looking at me. She looks slightly older than me and wears a similar dress as the first girl. Only hers is black and without lace. I think she’s surprised… or annoyed. This staring contest with everyone’s attention focused on me lasts for about a second before the door to the adjusted room goes open and woman with black hair enters and speaks.

“Oh, he’s here already. I thought it would take longer and just put Damit to sleep for his midday slumber.” Wait… what did she say? ‘Damit’? Is this a name? She used it like a name… HOW CAN YOU NAME A KID LIKE THAT?! That’s brutal. And funny, hahaha! Oh dammit… Damit.

Oh, now that I think about it, they don’t speak English. So for them it’s not ridiculous. But for me… Eh, I need to get myself together and not burst out with inner laughter every time I’ll hear his name in the future.

“Maybe it’s better for him that way, dearie. He’s only two and our nephew here is in no condition to entertain him.” Said the Crazy Old Lady. Hey, I am still in the room, you know? I can hear you! “Speaking of which…” She turns back to me. “Little Varth.” LITTLE?! “You look so much more grown up than when I last saw you. It’s been four years since then. We all heard what happened to you. Can you talk?” Oh… fuck them all! Wrrr.

I try to speak, but once again it’s not easy. It takes me two attempts to say ‘Yes, I can.’ clearly enough for them to understand.

“Mother, maybe we should postpone this whole meeting?” So… Crazy Old Lady is this man’s mother. And, if I was correct earlier, grandmother of the girls and… Damit… That name… I don’t care if they don’t know English. IT’S STILL RIDICULOUS!

“Nonsense Paforth. It’s his fifth birthday and you have only one fifth birthday your whole life! It’s not like we’ll torture him. The healer said that he can accompany us, and who should we trust about health if not a hospitallian? Besides we really should at least meet him. After all, he’s going to spend plenty of time with some of the people in this room.” She laughs a little, while I wonder what the hell is she talking about. “He doesn’t even have to talk much. It’s mostly for him to get to know us.” Paforth looks like he wants to add something, but he’s too late. “Now that we are talking about fifth birthday, do you remember your own? You were so adorable back then, that day you found my undergarments…”

“Mother.” He doesn’t look all that shocked so I guess he must be used to this. I feel sorry for him.

“Oh puss. Of course, how rude of me. Introductions go first.” I just noticed it but… on the small table right beside her armchair is a half empty bottle with a transparent liquid - I’m damn well sure it’s not water - and a glass… “I’m your aunt, Varthia Veles. Your grandfather, Naharius, is my dear older brother. This embarrassed little boy is my second son, Paforth. Yes dearie, I can see you chuckle. Adorable isn’t she?” She actually feels a bit familiar - I think that one of my Earth aunts was a bit similar. A bit - she didn’t drink alcohol, at least not in such quantities…

“Mother.”

“Yes, yes. She’s my daughter-in-law, Ferke. Paforth’s adorable wife. And what are you blushing for dearie, it’s true. Don’t give me that look son, he’s not one of those with sticks up their butts. Not yet at the very least.”

“Mother, please. Not in front of children.”

“Children, yes. My grandchildren actually. Damit’s asleep but his sister is here. Come on Meritri, stand up and introduce yourself to your cousin.”

At that the girl in white lace dress slides of the sofa. Despite her previous curiosity she looks slightly nervous. She takes both sides of her dress between her fingers, lifts it slightly and, with newfound determination on her face, performs a… curtsy. She’s blushing now, why the hell is she blushing?!

“M-my name is… M-meritri Veles” ...am I THAT scary? I’m tied to the wheelchair, how can that be scary?!

“Calm down Meritri, he’s not going to eat you. That was great curtsey for a first time. You can sit back now, and calm down.” I can hear amusement in my great aunt’s voice. “I believe it’s your turn now?” She says to the girl reading a book next to the window.

The girl sighs and puts the book down on the table next to her. My sixth sense tells me that it won’t end well. The girl stand up and similarly to Meritri performs a curtsey…

“My name is Ni’ren Veles. It’s a great opportunity to finally meet my problematic cousin. And now, if I’m allowed, I’ll go back to reading.” Veles truly are a bunch of lovely people… Ok, maybe she isn’t exactly… nice, but at least she’s not giving me the same kind of bad feelings as Iverie.

“Ni’ren! I know that your parents aren’t here, but you should behave yourself.”

“Yes grandma, I’m sorry. Can I go back to my book now?” Not waiting for an answer she sits back and with another sigh opens her book and resume reading. She has a problem with her manners and is a bookworm… I think it’s a bit familiar. We will find a common ground… probably… sometime in the future… in different universe… or something. Well it’s not like I intend to beg her to be nice to me!

“You’ll have plenty of time to read and learn starting tomorrow.” Varthia seemingly decided to ignore Ni’ren… or maybe forgot about her, as she’s already drunk. “Oh, right. Varth, you probably don’t know but your cousins are here to stay in our family mansion for a few years to get tutored together and - my brother’s words - ‘get to know each other’.” I think I heard this somewhere already… déjà vu, eh. However, this time it can actually be beneficial for a change! I mean, spending several years in books - while being completely alone - would bore to death even someone like me. ”I personally think it’s a great idea, but I might be biased since it also means that I’m going to spend some time in the city instead of that boring countryside. Even if our family here is struggling against that deadly plague of a…“ Suddenly I can hear the door opening behind me. On aunt’s face I see disgust, on Paforth’s - open hostility. All the while I feel Shadow’s blessing kicking in and screaming that there’s someone really bad behind me. I know only one person who gives me that feeling... “Speak of the demon…”

“It’s great to see you too aunt Varthia.” Urgh. Having Iverie stand behind me isn’t nice, especially when I can’t even move. On the other hand, it might actually be a good thing… because even though I’m only just five years old I would probably try to stab her with something sharp. Grrr. “Uncle Naharius wishes to see you. He made it sound urgent. So wrap up your fun little conversation and go to him, hurry.” And with that, she leaves the room. Phew…

“Stupid bitch thinking she’s so important.”

“Mother…”

“What? You know I’m right.” My great aunt seems to be quite direct person. I’d think highly of her if she didn’t just drink a solid gulp of particular transparent liquid straight from the bottle. Well, at least it looks like she and her branch of the family are possible allies against Iverie… it’s something, right? “Gods damn stuck up b… puss! She wouldn't recognize fun even if it went straight up her arse…” Well, I can’t argue with that… suggestive statement. Now I’m only curious what the hell does that ‘puss’ mean? “Gavlan was your name? Take little Varth back to his room, we will continue some other time.”

Now I just need to survive long enough to get back to health and finally start learning useful things… Oh joy…

* * *

It was a long… and painful… and tiring day, but I am finally alone in my room. Freed from the wheelchair and lying in my bed. I still can’t really move my body. I can barely speak, I can move my eyes, and move my hand… a bit. It’s tiring, but I can do it if I give my hand some rest after using it, so… damn, now that I think about it, it sounds… NEVERMIND. I have some of time for myself, so I decide to look through the options menu. I wonder what else I can find there. I mean, choosing the way I can open interface is a pretty important in itself, but maybe there are hidden some other equally important things?

I open the interface.

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||=====Update!!!=====||

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The Game has finally begun.

At least we call it a game… even tho this particular word doesn’t fit a competition in which every participant - players and audience alike - want to kill each other. Unless of course we’re talking about that one aztec game after which the losing team was always killed - that would fit quite nicely (Ingenious idea by the way, I might even use it here). Our ‘game’ is absolutely, deadly serious… and it’ll be better for you to never forget about it.

Generally speaking there were supposed to be two teams. The key phrase for now is ‘supposed to’… One mine and the other my dear twin sister’s (I’ll never cease to regret that I didn’t manage to strangle her with her own umbilical cord during our birth, our parents intervened…). She also, just like me, dragged into it someone from your old world, someone you even know, or rather knew. Let’s call her ‘Chosen One’ or ‘Hero’, it’ll be painfully accurate. She only ‘starts’ just now, five years after you, because of the arrangements me and my sister made during our negotiations when we were designing the game.

The Hero didn’t get your wonderful - magical even - intuition… In turn she won’t need it, because she’s just been born in a much better place than you and her path to greatness is practically an escalator. So… If you’ll ever feel like thanking me for giving you a second life you can just rip her still beating heart out of her chest and sacrifice it on an altar devoted to myself. Just saying…

Unfortunately, as I already mentioned, reality diviated for our plans and there are five teams instead of just two. Which means that we have three more participants - and backing them collectives of Gods - with their own goals and ideas how to achieve them. As you can guess it complicates things a little.

The silver lining is that, at least for now, you can safely ignore one of them as we know exactly what’s his goal is and to achieve it he’s going to have to make an alliance with you or the Hero. Of course I don’t need to clarify which eventuality would be more preferable.

Unfortunately that’s the end of the ‘good’ news and it’s time to put some pressure on you.

The so called ‘locals’… or to be more precise two main religions of this world (both of them you, however briefly, already know) decided to let themselves into our game. The Old Gods forged our spell and also obtained someone from your old world, however their Archenemy decided to just choose a child of one of his worshipers and simply connect it to RLGS. The Old Gods’ champion is most definitely our enemy, while the other one… frankly speaking I’ve NO FUCKING IDEA! Right now it’s your problem to find out.

What all of this mean for you? Well… it would be in your best interest if Res doesn’t find out that you’re anything but an ordinary citizen. Word of God for your next few years - act in a way suggesting lack of faith in her, but don’t ever go as far as to open apostasy or you’ll end really badly. As every inferior deity she knows only as much as her worshipers and even then only if she actually takes interest in someone. If she won’t be able to get into your head she’ll know that you’re not devoted to her - or any of her colleagues. But you’ll hardly be the only one in the city so it won’t make her angry. Just keep a low profile for now.

For the time being it seems like the next ten to fifteen years are yours to do whatever you want. You have plenty of time to educate yourself, maybe even take over your family? I have a FEELING it’ll be an interesting time in your life. Your nearest competitor in the game is one thousand kilometers away so you don’t have to worry about any premature confrontation.

Acquire riches! Educate yourself! Become someone important! But primarily build a monstergirls harem! And - of course - survive!

See you next time ; )

Shadow, The World #1 Murderous Jester Real Life Game System by Shadow666 <3…

Current number of users… 5

Oh, fuck you Shadow.