Pacing in the small confines of my cell, I processed what Gindano, the blue man - formerly a system box - told me. "So you're telling me that I was brought here because you screwed up a hero summoning, accidentally turned the kid into a demon lord, and need new heroes to fight the thing that you created?"

He nodded, taking a sip of the martini he'd magically manifested earlier. A drop narrowly missed splattering on his pristine white suit jacket which he had also summoned earlier. "That about sums it up."

I blew imaginary smoke through my snout and sat back on my hind legs. "I just wanna know why in the Sam Hill you chose me to be that person."

Gindano shrugged. "Something about a young Southern woman reincarnation into a hill dragon just appealed to me, yunnow? It was either that or some teenager who hardly ever sees the light of day and thinks of other people as below him." He shuddered. "I've learned my lesson from summoning NEETs. Not gonna happen again."

"Right," I said dryly. "May I ask why you don't just use one of the people who actually live in this world to solve this problem?"

"No," he said cheerfully, slurping down the last of his martini. With a careless toss over his shoulder, the glass shattered against the cell walls. "Now, I just came to warn you that the demon lord is about three or so years away from assuming complete world domination. I need you to grow up real big and powerful before that happens and stop him, alright?"

"I can't even get my John brown hind out of this hill without getting caught!" I protested. "How am I supposed to do that?"

He shrugged again. Standing up with a flourish, he said, "Dunno but I'm leaving it up to you to figure everything out before the fairies come back and swoop you up."

With that, he winked at me and disappeared in a flash of blinding light.

Stamping my foot, I yelled, "I suwanne!"

Bad things happened one after the other and I was hardly prepped to deal with any of it. I'd been spending my days getting drunk and running from fairies; now I was expected to face off against a demon lord?!

No. I couldn't do this. I couldn't do any of this. I'm not insukai or whatever Ginado had called it material. Not one bit!

"Good news, aberrant!" a voice boomed, startling me out of my pity party.

The handsome Dwarf rounded the corner, brandishing a tray of assorted vegetables and pork cutlets. He saw me salivating at the potential meal and grinned savagely.

"You can 'ave it," he said, "if you'll listen to a deal."

I put my head as close as I could against the bars without touching them, my eyes pinned at the food he held hostage. My stomach rumbled at the sight of it. "Whaddya want?" I growled.

"Oi'm guessin' you ain't keen on becomin' da witch's wee pet, aren't ya, beastie?"

I looked up at him, frowning. "No. Doesn't sound too good for me."

He nodded. "Course it ain't. She's a witch. Which is why Oi wanna be rid ov 'er. Ever since she came intah power, she's been schemin' and plottin' and doin' all kindsa things to change our way o' life." Scowling in thought, his meaty fists tightened around the tray. I winced as a sharp crack resounded and the food slipped through the jagged hole onto the floor.

"Surry 'bout dat," he murmured. "Oi'm just feelin' a bit strongly 'bout the matter, is all."

"Uh-huh. So what's this 'deal' you're offering?"

"Ya got strong magicks," he rumbled. "Strong enough to subdue mah tren and tie da Head Maid's knickers in a twist. I wantcha on mah side when it's time."

"Time for what?"

He smiled thinly at me, staring straight into my eyes. "Revolution."

Meanwhile, an army of twenty elite Fairy Warriors flew in a loose formation toward the Whitestone Dwarf's clan hill. They were smaller than average fairies, looking more like the stereotypical creatures from light-hearted fairy tales and children's books. Their colorful butterfly wings buzzed with determination as they jetted toward the destination, faint motes of light drifting to the ground in their wake.

F'raskas, the de facto leader of the squad, brought up her map. "Five minutes out," she called. "Form up."

Her team snapped into their places almost instantly, forming a tight W; ten wizards in the dip, seven shooters on the sides, and the two warriors at the points. F'raskas herself flew just ahead of the formation, grunting in satisfaction at their speed and efficiency; three-point-four seconds faster than the last time. "Mages, charge up your mana. Shooters, ammo check. Warriors, sabers at the ready."

Overseeing the battle preparations, the captain couldn't help but smile as she thought of the future massacre about to ensue. The Dwarves wouldn't even see it coming.