《Unkillable Loser》Chapter 14: Profanity
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Tony Kiru’s POV:
After the window with the God or Light’s message came up it once again got quiet for a short moment.
May, left alone on the stage with the mage completely evacuating the area at a sprint, had her face begin to dye red.
I wondered if she was embarrassed about the over-protective-ness of this god or of the people watching in silence, but I was very wrong. I then heard a surprisingly loud shout.
“You…. YOU stupid fucking cunt bitch of a god! ‘Did I do good?’ Are you a moron, do you have a mental disorder? I asked for you to not scare everyone and then you make a direct threat to them?! Though MY window?! I’ll fucking end you, you stupid annoying buzz in my ear!”
It took me a lot longer than I would like to admit to realize that May was the one who had shouted out those profanities. I’ve known May for a good 4 years. We were friends before college and she had always been the most innocent and soft-spoken person in our group. Yet now she was cursing with the proficiency of a life-long sailor. In fact she was continuing to curse and scream with a red face as I was trying to process this side of my friend I had never before seen. The things she was saying were steadily getting more profane by the second and it became obvious very quickly that May could actually speak to this ‘God of Light’.
Why was it obvious you ask? Well that is because her page steadily changed as she shouted.
[Message from the god of Light]
I’m just trying to protect you! Why are you so mean to me?!
We all watched in shock as a conversation between May and the god of light unfolded. May was not looking at her window but it was apparent she had received the God of Light’s message as well.
“Mean? I’m mean for telling you not to threaten the people around me without my permission!?”
May’s page kept changing to show the God of Light’s side of the conversation behind where May was screaming at open air.
“But people are scared of me, I need to threaten them to keep people from antagonizing my followers!”
“Oh boy! I wonder why people are scared when your dumb ass threatens people’s lives just for TOUCHING one of your followers! And I am NOT your fucking follower!”
At this point I heard mumbling from behind me.
“She’s… actually arguing with the crazy God….”
I turned to see Altru, his face pale and his hands shaking.
If Altru, the prince of an empire, is this scared of this god…
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“May!”
I shouted before I could think.
“WHAT!?”
“DON’T INTERRUPT!”
Oh god now they’re in sync.
“Uhm… May. Should you really be arguing with a god? Isn’t that maybe…. Dangerous?”
“...”
“...”
Both the god and May went quiet for a moment. Some of the red leached out of May’s face and she began to bring her breathing under control. It took a moment as she had been screaming non-stop for almost a solid minute.
“... You should listen to your friend over there, I AM a God.”
“Then ACT like one!”
May’s voice snapped like a whip as soon as the God said his piece.
“Listen, I’m tired of standing up here in front of everyone and screaming at you like some mental patient! if you want me as a follower, NOT A SAINT, I will do it ONLY if you grant me some requests.”
“Anything!”
Wow, this God really likes May. She cussed him out in public for a solid minute but he will grant her requests? Maybe I didn’t need to worry so much.
“Three things. First, you are only to talk to me when I WANT to talk to you.”
“...”
“Do you understand?”
“... Do you want me to talk to you now?”
“Oh for the love of!”
May took a deep breath and continued without answering the god’s question.
“Second, you are not to harm anyone who doesn’t physically harm me first.”
“How many requests do you hav…”
“THIRD. You will not involve me in your BULLSHIT! I don’t want to lead a church and I refuse to be some kind of prophet.”
“... Any more?”
May thought for a moment.
“For now, that’s all I want. Not saying there won’t be more if you want to KEEP me as a follower though. Do we have a deal?”
“DEAL!!!!”
Suddenly May’s window closed on its own and the only sound left in the room was people breathing. A light surrounded May for a second and many of the soldiers and even Altru took a step back in panic. The light quickly faded and May spoke in a satisfied voice.
“Finally, some fucking peace and quiet.”
She gave a satisfied sigh and seemed to be having some sort of zen moment, considering the extremely satisfied look on her face as her eyes closed in contentment. Then she opened her eyes and turned her gaze to everyone standing quietly in the room.
I think it was at this point May realized something. She had just argued with a God, specifically a God that people of this world fear, and she had done it in front of a crowd. Not only that; she had straight cussed the god out.
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Her face went a little slack but with just three or four seconds she recovered before she immediately tried to brush everything off.
“Uhhh, so should we have a look at Tony’s page now?”
“Don’t pass this weird atmosphere off to me!”
“Then are we just supposed to stand around awkwardly? Because I reaaaaaally don’t wanna talk about what just happened.”
“You…. you! Are you really May?!”
I had never heard her like this. She was always so passive and nice. Is this the real May?
“Sigh…”
May sighed and looked at me with tired eyes.
“Tony, just…. Please. Can you please come up here and let me go sit down for a minute.”
She looked so tired. I thought about the conversation May just had on stage. The way she talked made it sound like she had been speaking with the god for a while, and that she found them to be highly annoying. I tried to see it from her eyes.
May was currently standing in front of a crowd of people who saw her argue with a god. The atmosphere was awkward and way too quiet except for our conversation. In addition she looked exhausted from dealing with her new “friend”. I sighed internally and did what any good friend would do.
“Don’t wanna.”
I antagonized her.
May’s face heated up instantly. She looked furious. It was a new side I had never seen from her before today. Maybe some people would panic or feel like they had been betrayed, but to be honest I just felt like I was seeing the real them. And when it came to May, somehow all the profanity and anger coming out of her slight frame and knowing how different it was compared to her normal behavior; Hmmm, how do I put this?
It was fucking adorable.
“I’ll have my new god smite you, you piece of shit!”
I heard gasps around the room, people thought she was serious.
“Didn’t you just make an agreement with them? Something about not hurting anyone who didn’t physically harm you first?”
“I’ll make an exception!”
“Oh noooo, May has gone mad with power! Save me Jullian!”
I layed the sarcasm on thick and started to grab on to Julian’s shoulder next to me. Jullian looked at me like I was a crazy person.
“You! YOU!!!”
May’s rage reached it’s peak and then…
“Pfftt”
Her lips curled up in the corners as she tried to suppress a laugh.
“Hahahaaaaa. You’re actually arguing with me after what you just saw? Are you insane?”
She started to laugh whole-heartedly as all the tension eased from her face.
Now, I’ve known May for a very long time. I might have never seen her burst in anger like she just did, but I still knew she had the potential for it. More than that, I knew the best way to diffuse her ‘moods’. You needed either coffee, or lacking that you had to make her laugh. The best way to make her laugh was to just bicker. Simple, right? She laughed at me and Jullian all the time for our “old married couple” bickering routine and would join in when she was feeling crummy. Never knew why she found it so entertaining but she would crack up in the middle of going back and forth every time.
I glanced around as she started laughing and saw some of the pressure relax around the room. Altru especially relaxed his shoulders and let out a breath he had been holding. I started to walk to the stage as everyone started to relax.
“Yeah, yeah I’m mentally deranged. I’ve been awake for far too long, somehow ended up in another world, and been shot, just in recent memory! I’ve had quite the day and you could say I’m a little cracked in the head right now.”
I smiled at May as she started to step down from the stage as I got up. I whispered as she got close.
“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. Crazy god or not you’re still just May.”
I couldn’t see her face but I could tell she felt better as she elbowed me in the ribs as we passed.
I chuckled and stepped onto stage. Then I looked around and asked a loud question.
“So… where did the mage go?”
“Ah!”
Altru made a stupid face and looked around, the mage who had opened all of our pages had fled at some point and was no where to be seen.
For the second time today I felt a chill while looking in someone’s eyes.
“When I catch that little…”
Altru’s eyes looked very similar to Black when he was talking about the mages who screwed up summoning us.
I worry for the mages of this empire.
“Sigh… I’ll open Tony’s page, your highness.”
I felt a chill as I heard a familiar voice behind me where no-one had been on the stage when I walked up.
Speak of the devil and he truly will come, because Black was standing right behind me.
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