y/n: your name

tws: swearing

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y/n's pov *

four days since clay left...

i rolled over in bed and shielded my tear-crusted eyes from from the single beam of sunlight that was breaking through the clouds. my curtains were still strewn open because i hadn't remembered to close them before bed, and i was deeply regretting it now.

i hadn't really meant to fall asleep so early last night. the reality was that my body was exhausted not only from streaming for so long, but also from crying, which was kind of pathetic to say.

i tossed the covers off my legs and slipped out of bed, dragging my feet to the bathroom. i half-assededly brushed my teeth, the taste of the toothpaste making me sick to my stomach since i had barely eaten anything lately. i spit into the sink immediately and wiped the minty foam off of my cheeks with the towel hung on my door before heading back to my room.

my room that was now occupied with someone else.

"what are you doing in here?" i asked naomi, my gaze flicking between her crisscrossed legs on my bed and nick as he shut my door. "why is he—"

"he's body guarding. we need to talk, y/n. really."

"so you staged a coup?"

"yes. now sit." her expression softened and she patted the space next to her on the bed. "please."

i flicked my eyes between her and the door and reluctantly sat down. "what is there to say naomi? i already told you it was fine—"

"and that is a lie. girl, i've come to know you too well over these past weeks, and maybe i was blind before, but i see it now."

"see what now?"

"that you're in love with clay."

"naomi—"

"no! let me finish. i have a lot to apologize for right now, and i need you to hear it all, okay?"

i nodded after a second of hesitation.

she took a deep breath and then continued. "i shouldn't have kissed clay, and i am so sorry i did, and i'm so sorry you had to see it. we are not dating and will never date again. i wish i could blame what i did on an 'i wasn't thinking straight,' but i can't because i was, which— shocking, i know. i don't have feelings for him and please, if you take anything out of this, know that clay does not have feelings for me. he pulled away from that kiss in a split second because he knew where his heart was at. i was the one that kissed him. i was mad about ethan being a dick and then clay showed up and i got this.. weird motivation to just go for it. like.. uh.. 'fuck you universe, i can date nice guys!' you know?"

i chuckled lightly, my voice soft as a whisper as i spoke. "yeah."

she sighed. "it was a bad idea. it was like trying to cut open an old would that had already healed. we don't like each other like that, and we barely liked each other like that when we dated." she shook her head. "i wish i could undo it. save all three of us the pain."

i looked at my hands in my lap as my cheeks started to burn red.

i felt stupid.

had i really assumed it all wrong?

"did you rehearse that?" i joked, trying the lighten the mood.

her expression softened as i did. "m-maybe. like subconsciously. this has been all i've been able to think about for the past four days, so."

i chuckled again, but my sad smile quickly turned into a frown. "i owe you an apology too naomi," i blurted, not fully having the chance to collect my thoughts. i inhaled sharply and continued anyway, speaking from the heart and rambling whatever bounced off my tongue because i knew it would be the most sincere that way. "i shouldn't have shut you out like i did, and i shouldn't have assumed that you were dating clay again. i was trying to ignore you so that i could get over my feelings and be happy for you guys, but it was just driving an unnecessary wedge into our friendship. i feel like an idiot. i didn't even have the right story." i shook my head. "i don't want to lose you as a friend. ever."

naomi peeked up from staring at her hands and offered me a small smile. "i don't want to lose you either. especially not over a guy, god."

"right! like what are we, the main characters of a bad fan fic?" i laughed.

she laughed too, and then sighed. "we do have a pretty good friendship."

"you're my platonic soulmate nomi," i replied, my voice cracking into a whisper.

"don't say that!" she laughed, sniffles breaking her voice, "gah— can you hug me so you can't see that i'm about to cry?"

"yeah," i said in exactly the same tear-threatened way, and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

we stayed like that for a long minute, the smell of her peach lotion tickling my nose as she traced her fingers up and down my back, red cheek resting on my shoulder. it felt like aloe to a sunburn. it was comforting.

reconciliation wasn't so scary after all.

"i feel stupid for being mad at you," i muttered, voice muffled by her hair.

"and i feel stupid for making you mad at me."

i sniffled and let my arms fall down her side, pulling back to look her in the eyes. "i still don't get it though. if you guys aren't together, then why'd he leave?"

"do you seriously still not know?"

"hey!"

"sorry, but come on."

i blinked twice as i thought of other reasons why clay would've left, coming up totally blank.

"girl," naomi chastised, shaking her head. "clay left because you saw him kissing me. clay thought he messed things up with you because he loves you, you big idiot."

i flushed red, deciding not to quite address what she had said quite yet as it was making my head spin. "but that still doesn't make sense. why would he leave then? i would have understood if he came and talked to me."

"in all fairness, you did shut the door on him, but this.. this is where his idiocy comes in." she sighed and shifted in her spot like she was preparing to explain something very thoroughly.

i shifted too and gave her my attention.

"you already know this, but clay's an emotional guy right?"

"right, i guess. yeah."

"okay, well, i think that for the first in a long time, he's feeling overwhelmed by his emotions." she paused. "i don't think he's ever felt like this about anyone y/n. really. and i think realizing that scared him."

i shifted nervously and rested my cheek against my hand. "i still didn't think that'd make him leave."

"you'd be surprised. clay likes to sit on these things, which is.. i guess unexpected for his usually 'go-get-em' character. this thing with you— god, he'd sit on it for years if no one gave him a shove. he's scared of messing things up. he cares, like, a lot about stuff like this, and something as good as his friendship with you?" she looked me up and down. "i don't think he'd ever forgive himself if he drove you away trying to take things further."

i laughed and shook my head. "i guess i've been doing the same thing too, so i can't blame him."

"you guys are both so dense, i swear. maybe that's why you're attracted to each other."

"okay!" i bumped her shoulder with my arm.

she bumped me back. "that's your spark! your shared denseness— density—"

"oh god, not the spark thing again!"

"shut up, i stand by that shit! which is ironic considering i dated ethan, but whatever. do as i say and not as i do."

"and you're saying i have a spark with clay."

"damn right you do. it's obvious now. you guys are.. like.. totally, one hundred percent compatible, made for each other, need to make out right now—"

"okay, that's it—"

"no! when that idiot comes back you better plant a big fucking kiss on those lips of his. that's an order."

"if he comes back more like," i sighed, flopping back against my mattress.

she flopped back too and laid down next to me. "he's going to y/n. i know he is."

"yeah?"

"yeah."

we fell into a comfortable silence, the birds chirping outside the only background noise filling the quiet. our unintentionally matching fuzzy-socked feet bumped back and forth like a silent way of communicating, a simple "i'm sorry," or "i missed you" exchanged with every brief touch.

everything seemed less dull when she was next to me.

"you know i think we have a spark too," naomi spoke up.

i raised my eyebrows and turned my head to look at her.

"what? oh— not like that, not like that. sparks— like— are platonic too." she rolled over on her side so she was fully facing me. "i don't know. i— i guess i was 'popular' in high school— but i never really had friends, you know? it was always a struggle for me to talk to the people that i hung out with because i was really just.. lumped in with them by default." she shook her head. "i don't know. i've known you for— what— like, barely two weeks now, and i have more fun and more interesting conversations with you than i've ever had with anyone in years. we click."

"we do click," i repeated, a warm smile spreading on my face. "i guess i relate too you know, but i wasn't— like— homecoming queen popular like you were. i had a small friend group growing up but they weren't really real friends, which took me fucking forever to figure out. i was always kind of third-wheeling, or being pushed around, or the butt of jokes that always went too far, but— i don't know. my philosophy then was that i'd rather be bullied than be alone, which like— i think the total opposite now. i guess after all this i've realized that i don't have to be alone at all because of people like clay, and george, and nick, and marina, and.. you." i shrugged. "you guys are my friends. my real friends. my best fucking friends."

"hell to the yes," naomi said, and i could see the redness of tempting tears spreading across her skin. she cleared her throat, a devious smile quirking at the corners of her lips as she collected herself. "i love you, bitch. i ain't never gonna stop loving you, bitch—"

i busted out laughing, slapping her arm. "god, not a vine reference now! you're ruining the freaking moment!"

"uh, no, i'm making the moment.. like.. ten billion times better. now say it back." she propped herself up on one arm and poked me in the shoulder.

i clutched my stomach as the wheezing starting to burn in my abdomen and let out a shaky sigh. "i— hhh— i love you too bitch."

"yesss— gottem."

"gottem? that's what you're going to say to that?"

naomi rolled over onto her back again and laughed hard. i joined her, fizzling out into a high of happiness, and love, and feeling like at least something was going right for once after the spiral of poor luck we had just trudged through.

my door creaked open slightly— slowly, barely noticeably if it hadn't been for the noise— and nick poked his head in, exaggerated pout on his face.

"that was the most wholesome conversation i have ever eavesdropped on," he said.

"what are you still doing outside the door?" naomi laughed, lifting her head to look at him.

"you told me to bodyguard, what do you mean?!"

"i didn't think you actually stayed!"

"okay, well, i take my job very seriously, thank you very much."

"well—"

i sighed through my laughter— the kind of laughter that made your heart feel whole and your dimples sore— as i watched naomi and nick go back and forth. i felt light, and hopeful, and like everything was coming back together again. and maybe, just maybe, this whole experience happened for a reason, because now i was more sure about how i was feeling than i ever had been before.

"hey— can you— ha— can you stop fighting for like two seconds?" i chuckled, flicking my gaze between the the two, "i really just wanna say i love you guys. like a lot. seriously."

nick broke out into a cheesy grin. "i love you too bitch. gottem!" he shouted, mimicking naomi's voice in an exaggerated high-pitched tone.

"don't you dare—"

he sprinted forward and cannonballed onto the middle of the bed between us, bouncing the mattress like a trampoline game of popcorn. "scooch over!" he yelled, and we rolled with laughter, making room for him in our pile.

and that's how we stayed the whole afternoon— laughing, teasing, and telling stories— until the shroud of sadness that had been weighing on my shoulders slightly lifted, because now i at least had hope that clay would return, and i knew that i had my friends by my side to bear the wait.

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clay's pov *

"wake up."

i cracked open one eye at the order to see my sister looming over me, hands on her hips and eyes narrowed. my room was pitch dark and my blankets were slipping off my bed because i had tossed so much during the night, and my phone was still in my hand, nearly dead from forgetting to plug it in.

wow was i a wreck.

"what do you want?" i groaned, stretching and throwing my phone to the other side of the bed.

"for you to get up. you've been in this hole for like the entire time you've been here. it's time to.. i don't know.. move. talk. shower." she strode over to my window and whisked open the black-out curtains with the sweep of her arm, letting the cloud-masked sunlight of the outside world break into the cave i had built for myself.

i buried my head under a pillow and face planted into my mattress. "no," i simply said, muffled by blankets.

"yes." she stole the pillow from my grasp and whacked me over the head with it, tossing it to the side once she had gotten her hits in.

"ow?" i questioned, lifting my head to look at her. "what's gotten into you?"

"you've basically been dead for four days clay. what's wrong? what happened? why are you really here?"

"i told you, i just wanted to visit."

"fine, great, yeah. holing up in your room is really great quality time with us. seriously dude? what happened?"

"can we just drop it?"

"no. you are here eating my snacks and cluttering my bathroom and barely spending time with me. what. is. wrong."

"alright, fine! i kissed naomi!"

"oh—"

"and y/n saw!"

"oh—" she wandered around my room and toyed with the knickknacks lying around as she talked. "did you at least say sorry?"

"no. i left right after it happened."

"you didn't even say goodbye?" she whirled to look at me and dropped the minecraft figurine she had been holding back onto my desk.

"no, i didn't." i flopped back against my mattress and covered my eyes with my arm. "now can we please drop it?"

"do you want my advice?"

"you're fourteen, what dating advice could you possibly have?"

"you're twenty-one and you're running from a girl because you're scared to tell her your feelings. seriously clay?"

i narrowed my eyes at her.

"checkmate buster." she started spinning in my desk chair, eyes locking on me every time she did a circle.

i sighed. "are you going to give me the advice or not?"

"oh, but clay, i thought you didn't want my advice," she said tauntingly.

"fine, i'm sorry! now please?"

she smiled smugly and stopped spinning. "go. after. her."

"what are you talking about?"

"what the hell are you gonna do from here clay? you're hours away from the love of your life stressing over drama that literally could have been resolved so fast if you hadn't run."

"i didn't bolt because of the kiss."

"then why did you bolt?"

"i— because then things would have gotten complicated! i— i would have told her how i really felt and i would have come off like a dick because she literally just saw me kissing my ex. like— what— what kind of confession of love is that?" i sighed and shook my head. "it's definitely not the one she deserves, that's for sure."

my sister exhaled and leaned back in her chair. "boys are weird," she grumbled. "or maybe it's just you."

i scoffed. "thanks loser."

"you're welcome loser."

we stayed silent for a moment, staring at the blank white ceiling together like it might reveal the answer to the problem at hand on it.

"i still stand by my advice, clay. you just have to stop running. talk to her. confess. she'll understand."

"i don't think it's that easy."

"maybe not, but you won't know until you try."

i didn't respond, jaw ticking as i let her words sink in.

"it's up to you. have your blond moment and stay here. i'm gonna go watch tv." she leapt up from her chair and leaned over the edge of my bed, wrapping a loose hug around my shoulders.

"blond moment," i repeated, chuckling.

"really though. i know you love her clay. you literally talk about her every time you call." she sighed, her breath hot on my shirt. "you're an opportunist, are you not? you'd be an idiot— well, a bigger idiot if you passed up this opportunity. go get her. or, you know, don't. be a bigger idiot if you want."

"you're an idiot," i retorted weakly, a smile quirking at the corners of my mouth.

she smiled and stayed draped over me as my resolve slowly crumbled.

and finally, it was crumbling.

my sister was unfortunately and annoyingly right.

i had to stop running.

"okay," i said.

"okay? what's okay?" she asked, lifting her head.

"okay! i'm going to 'go get her,' so you get up." i tapped her shoulder and she pulled away from the hug, expression excited.

"are you really?"

"yeah. i wanna bring back a few things for the house though, so i need a suitcase—"

"what? no, get them next time you come, cause next time you come you'll have y/n on your arm," she winked.

"oh, is that so?" i laughed, slipping on my tennis shoes.

"yeah, it is so."

i stood up from my bed and gave her a quick hug around the shoulders. "love you. you give good advice for a child."

"says the manchild," she said, hugging me back. "love you too. now go get the girl."

i grabbed my phone and keys and shoved them into my jean pockets, speed walking through the hallway of my house. i hugged mom as a quick goodbye and then bolted for the driveway, not caring about the dark grey clouds overhead and the occasional heavy drop of rain as i started the car and whipped into reverse.

speeding down the interstate didn't feel nearly as overwhelming as it did before, because now i knew what i was doing.

i was making things right.

but, a shock of panic struck my body as i realized i had no idea what i was going to say to her when i got home.

that couldn't happen.

i flicked my gaze between my rain spattered windshield and my jeans pocket, fumbling to pull out my phone. i opened up my notes app and started typing with one hand, drafting some basic idea of all the things i wanted to say to her.

i actually wanted to kiss you because i'm in love with—

wait. that was way too forward.

i backspaced furiously, but my screen flashed black as my struggling low battery gave out. i groaned and tossed my phone at the passenger seat, opening up the center console as i dug around for a pen and paper to replace it.