It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was sitting at the dinner table with Emert, my mom, and my dad, being told that I was to skinny. My eyes met my mom, she looked concerned, and I couldn’t deny that, the days had worn on me since Devon left and decided to ignore me.

It had been 14 days since Devon had left, two full weeks, and I was past insane. I was just hurt now, and I was starting to hate her.

I hated what she was doing to me, it was selfish, really selfish, and I wanted to tell her that.

I stood, dinner was over and I didn’t want to stay another night here, even though I probably should anyway. I would rather be alone in Devon’s bed, at least the tears at night had stopped.

It was just the lonely feeling.

I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and looking at Emert, hugging him. Then moving to my two parents and hugging them to, “Amanda, you sure you’re ok?”

I nodded, smiling, “Yea? I’m great. I just missed you guys.”

They smiled, walking me out to my car as I threw my bag inside, “Well, you look so different… but it’s a good different. We just want you to know you can always come home if you need?”

I nodded, “I know.”

Truth was, I didn’t want to be here anymore… it just felt so weird. Awkward. Yea, that’s what it felt like. Like I didn’t belong here… and I wanted to leave, even though I felt bad for leaving so soon.

I got into my car and sped off, leaving my family behind. I wasn’t the same person who left four months ago, I looked different, acted different… I was just different. They saw it, I saw it, everyone saw it.

We just didn’t understand it.

Devon hadn’t tried contacting me, and I hadn’t tried contacting her. There was no use, I knew better, she wasn’t going to answer no matter what. I called, I texted, then I gave up.

Even though I knew she was going to come back eventually, hopefully to stay and not pack up and leave.

It felt like years since I had seen her, but in reality it had only been two weeks.

I drove up to my dorm, not seeing Devon’s car in sight. I groaned as I slammed my head against the steering wheel. Why wouldn’t she just come home?

Or call me? Or talk to me? Or just fucking text me and see if I was still alive?

I walked into my dorm, slamming the door behind me, the loneliness returning. Maybe I should just call Trevor and go and hang out with him, have some down time, no guitar or rehearsal.

I picked up my phone, hearing his voice through my ear.

“Hey stranger.”

***

I was sitting across the bed from Trevor, I was laughing at something he had said and I was happy for once in two weeks. His tousled blonde hair hanging over his light brown eyes, he was like a big brother to me, and he knew how to make me feel better.

“So how you been?”

I shrugged, “Ok I guess,” I looked down at my hands, feeling the mood fall. “I still miss her.”

He tilted his head, “I know you do… I can see it.”

“Yea… it’s pretty obvious.”

He scooted closer, squeezing my shoulder, “She’s going to come back and everything will return to normal. You’ll be ok…”

I shook my head, “When she gets back she’s probably going to want to have nothing to do with me. She’s gonna ignore me, hang out with Emerson… leave me alone. Again, and that’s going to torture me.”

“But what if she hugs you around the neck and tells you that she missed you so much?”

I looked at him, shrugging, “That’s probably not even going to happen, so I won’t get my hopes up.”

Even though my hopes were already up.

He laid back onto his pillow, throwing up a ball he had lying on his nightstand, “You never know Amanda.”

I rolled my eyes, “I know, trust me.”

“So what are you going to do when she does come back?”

I shrugged, I really didn’t know. I was hoping I wouldn’t just break down and cry right then and there, but the more I thought about it…

The more I realized the old me had come back while Devon was away.

I hadn’t picked up the guitar once, sure I still looked the same but I found myself even getting more attracted to Trevor.

Like I was turning back into my old self…

But if Devon came back, would I go back to loving her? Would I go back to being hopelessly in love with her while she ignored me?

I looked at Trevor, wishing I understood why I hadn’t gotten with him yet. He was perfect, or so he seemed. He was everything I needed, but I was scared to get into another relationship. What if I made it official and it backfired with Devon got back? Then I would break his heart, and possibly our friendship…

No, it was better to ignore the feelings… at least until Devon got back so I could see if they were the real thing.

I just wish I could understand the feelings, the love I had for her… Why did I love her? I just didn’t get it… there was no connection between me and Devon besides Rachel… and I had never talked to Rachel but once at a party.

Then that was it.

Trevor looked at me, “What you thinking about?”

I shrugged, “Just how aggravating it is to love someone who doesn’t love you back.”

“So you think you love her?”

I nodded, “I’m pretty sure… I just don’t get why. That’s all.”

“When did you know?”

“Not to sure about that one, I’ve only known her for four months… how can I already love her Trevor. That’s what confuses me.”

“You think you’re confused?”

I shrugged once more, “I just don’t know… I’ve never liked a girl, much less fall in love with one…”

“Do you like any guys?”

I thought about it long and hard, and I came up with no. The only guy I had really gotten to know was Trevor, and like I said before, I looked at him like a brother figure.

Until about two days ago… then he started getting to me.

But it was because Devon was gone… and until she came back I wouldn’t know for sure if I really liked him or not.

“I don’t know…”

He scooted next to me, closer this time, and he whispered, “Can I kiss you?”

My heart sped, feeling the palms of my hands get hot, my head nodded, but I’m not sure why it did. He moved closer, his lips inches from mine, and soon enough they were on me. It was a sweet, soft kiss, maybe it meant nothing to him, maybe it did…

But I’m not sure what it meant for me.

I felt Devon creep back into my head as our lips stayed together a little longer, then I pulled away.

Dammit.

He smiled boyishly, “Did you feel anything?”

I smiled sheepishly, not wanting to hurt him but not sure what to say, “I… don’t know.”

“Need to think about it huh?”

I laughed, he didn’t take my answer to heart, and we were still ok.

I stood, feeling the want to go home and sleep, to be alone to. I needed to work on some things and Trevor stood, “Want me to walk you back? It’s kind of late.”

I shook my head, “No, it’s ok. I’ll be fine, see you tomorrow Trevor.”

His eyes lingered on me a little longer and then he nodded, “See you.”

Then I was out the door.

The cold air hit me, it was late, maybe around 8:30? I hadn’t even noticed how long I had been at Trevor’s, time just flew with him.

So the kiss with Trevor, it was ok, I felt the nervousness in my stomach but I still thought of Devon when I kissed him. It was like the feelings were there… but I was just unsure of myself. Maybe I was just lonely, that’s why I had taken so much liking to Trevor, and it wasn’t because I actually wanted to be with him.

I guess we would find out once Devon decided to come back to Earth.

I felt the sting of the thought, I winced even, but I had grown used to it now. Devon had ignored me for almost two weeks… thinking about her didn’t phase me anymore.

Even though I knew the feelings were still there, hidden deep beneath the pain.

I opened the door to the dorm lobby and climbed up the stairs, to impatient to wait for the elevator that was at the third story.

I groaned as I approached the dorm door, debating if I should go and take a shower or not.

Tomorrow would be Saturday.

I turned the key to the door, opening it and seeing a tiny blonde sitting on Devon’s bed. Her eyes snapped up from her computer and she smiled weakly.

“Long time no see.”