《Dying to be thin》Chapter 6
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I awoke to the sound of my mum screaming down the phone.
"How on earth did you get our number? I swear to god Tom the next time you ring I'm going to call the police."
There was a long pause.
"She did what?" she screamed as she was frantically running towards my room.
"Lauren how many times have I told you not to reactivate your Facebook? Now look what you've done you idiot. Your dad is on the phone would you like to speak to him since you were so worried about him yesterday which happened to be when you decided to go back on Facebook. Why do you even have him as a friend?" I didn't know what was going on, what have I done? How did she know I reactivated my Facebook? "Do you think it's funny Lauren because I don't. You will go to school today you stupid, pathetic little girl. Don't bother crying either. You know how scared I am of this man and once I though I got rid of him for good you had to bring him back. I don't know why I ever trusted you. I'm going to work, I'll be ringing your school to make sure you're there. I try being nice to you and look what happened. Nice one." she finished as she slammed the door.
How could my own mum speak to me like this? I was too sad to cry, I just stared into thin air for a while whilst I was trying to process the words she had just said which shot through me like a bullet. I was in pain, proper emotional pain. I'd never felt like this before. When you've been so sad for so long and something bad happens, you don't cry, you just sit there and feel numb. That horrible feeling that you're not good enough no matter how hard you try had grasped me and wouldn't let me go.
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I couldn't go to school, no one wanted me to be there. No one wants me to be anywhere but dead. I mean nothing to anyone and I know that. It wasn't my fault that my dad happened to find our home number on Facebook was it? or was it. Everything is my fault. Unless you suffer the same you will never understand how difficult it is to live when you're in constant battle with yourself every day.
I pulled my laptop from under my bed and visited my favourite Pro-Ana website. 'Doing something you don't want to do will burn more calories than sitting and thinking about it.' This helped me build up the willpower to go to school. At least I would be burning calories by walking through the corridors. I watched my feet as they took step after step. I felt everyone glare at me, I could feel them all forgetting about me instantly as I passed but I was used to that. Everyone forgets about me at some point. I bumped into someone.
"I am so sorry." I said whilst looking up. It was a boy I'd never met before. He must've been new here. "Sorry I don't think I've met you before, I'm Lauren."
"Hey, I'm Mason." he said as his eyes lit up. For the first time in my life, I found someone who didn't hate me after thirty seconds.
"Sorry, you should um probably, go?"
"and why would I want to do that? I could do with someone showing me around."
His eyes shone like the stars in the night sky, his smile could light up a whole room. He was perfect. I told him everything about my life, well not everything. I think you can guess what I didn't tell him, he told me his favourite song was the same as mine too! Hurt by Christina Aguilera! Jodie walked past and smirked at me. I didn't even care, I finally had someone I could speak to and take my mind off things. I was beginning to feel so much happier. He told me that 'everything will be okay in the end and if it's not okay then it's not the end' that brought a tear to my eye. He understood me. Me of all people. We had no lessons with each other that day but I did see him after school.
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"Can I walk you home?" he asked with his arm held out for me to link onto.
"Of course!" I smiled. We got to my house and he hugged me, I got self conscious again but he held me so tight that I didn't care, I felt loved. For once in my life I felt true love.
"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" he winked and smiled at the same time.
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