/21-10-2014 Tuesday

I woke up crying again from a nightmare then i felt numb, it was so annoying! Ugh... my mind says just one cut... but i refuse to do it at least not now... ah it's been 11 days since i quit going to school , i just couldn't take it anymore, there's a teacher who comes 5 times a week to teach me , i got so insecure that sometimes i might not talk for a whole day or more, i stay alone in my room the whole time , sometimes i just don't bother to eat, i spend most of my time sleeping day by day everything is getting worst it's all being shitty... life is such a bad word that i feel like I'm cursing/

/22-10-2014 Wednesday

I can't remember anything... how did I get here... in the hospital and where's

My parents... what happen to me...all i remember is...

We were outside at the amusement park and finally after a long time i was happy again it was so perfect... wait! I REMEMBER!! NO!! THIS CAN'T BE REAL!! AFTER WE GOT INTO THE CAR TO DRIVE TO the COFFEE SHOP THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE FOR A LONG TIME...WE... HAD A CAR ACCIDENT AND OUR CAR FLIPPED IN THE AIR...and everything went black and here i am in the hospital bed now in the middle of the night... where's mom and dad...?/

/29-10-2014 Wednesday

It's a nightmare ... it's not real I'll wake up... and everything will be fine...

But...it really happened ... i did really lose everything now... my parents did actually die in a car accident before a week...its all because of me IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF ME!! IF I HADN'T BECOME SO MEAN LIKE THAT WE WOULDN'T GO OUTSIDE TO CHEER ME UP!! I'M THE REASON TO ALL OF THIS!! I MUST DIE !! BUT MY PARENTS DIDN'T DIE!!! IT'S ALL A LIE! EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THEY DIED BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IT !! ALL OF THEM ARE LYING MY PARENTS ARE ALIVE!! it's just a nightmare and it will end now or never... i don't want to live anymore/

/7-7-2015 Tuesday

It's been a long time since i didn't write here... but i had really such a hard time in those last months... after the last time i wrote here, i tried to kill myself... i got out crying from the house at 3:45AM i kept running in the road to get hit by a car but at that day i didn't eat anything and i was having a fever so i passed out in the middle of the street then i woke up in a house, there was someone sitting on a chair near the bed, he saved me that night, we talked a little and he told me that he's a psychiatrist and he said that he'll help me to get out of my depression, so here i am now all perfect , i didn't get panic attacks like before and i stopped seeing nightmares, i took so many medicines to help me... i feel like i can finally breathe again.../

/7-7-2014 Tuesday

Also since today is my birthday i decided to go to the coffee shop and start working, as for school i still don't go, that psychiatrist who saved me is teaching me now so it's like homeschool, he talked to my old school principal and explained everything to him, he understood and let me study in home and at the end of the school year the principal came to my home and tested me for the final exams, and I TOOK A+ IN ALL THE SUBJECTS! I WAS SO HAPPY!. in the coffee shop i had worked all alone, it was really nice seeing people coming here and enjoy...but i really someone to help me in the shop.../

i took a deep breath as i closed the notes and put her phone on the nightstand

*buzz buzz*

oh! I almost forgot that I got my phone back

i got a new text... for sure it's one of the boys since they know that i'm here in Busan

i opened my phone notes,and i saw something unexpected... she wrote something to me from 1 month now it's 4-2-2018

/'To Min Yoongi

3-1-2018 Wednesday

hey~ it's me yoomi,

you may or may not read this but i wanted to write this for you :)

thank you so much for all the caring you gave me! i really appreciate it, you're really so kind and you have such an amazing gold heart. umm i wanna say sorry to you... you might ask me why i'm apologizing but i actually... saw all your pictures in your phone while it was with me....and i think you're really cute >_< i really started to have a crush on you *blushing* i really wish that i can see you again! especially to see your smile... hehe you're gummy smile is so cute! 

and there's something else...if we will never see each other again i want you to know that i'll always miss you :)... by the way... if you perhaps... read the notes i have written in the phone... if you see me don't tell me that you read them... whenever i remember what happen i cry... actually i know that one day if i went to my parents bedroom i will get a fever and might get into a coma ... my doctor that i wrote about in the notes told me to stay away from anything that will make me sad or remember what happened...so i might not make it to see you again... i really don't know... take care of yourself bye~

yoongi you're awesome/

I smiled widely but in the same time i was sad because she's in a coma right now...

Yoomi...you're the cute one not me... and i want to say sorry too because i had already saw your pictures too... i miss your voice...

I sighed as i put my phone on the nightstand and then drift off to sleep