I roll out of bed and sigh as I glance at the clock on my way to the bathroom. It's only six-thirty in the morning. I guess I'm still on East Coast time right now. I splash some water on my face, staring at myself in the mirror for a moment.

It's been two whole weeks since the night Ashley and I had that conversation.

I've been avoiding her ever since. I mean, it's kinda hard to avoid someone who's living in the same house as you but I've been trying my hardest. Seeing Ashley and Lexy together hasn't gotten any easier. I think it actually hurts even more now. It hurts to think that she's right there...every single day she's right within reach, but I can't have her. I'm not supposed to even want her.

Lexy is still completely clueless, where sometimes it makes me wonder if she really doesn't know or she's just pretending not to know.

Ashley's been trying to talk to me every chance she gets. Pulling me aside when we go to the movies or out to restaurants. She even pulled me aside when I went to get popcorn from the kitchen, while her girlfriend was in the living room. She practically football tackled me! I managed to escape her grasp, grab the popcorn and make it back to the living room unscathed. She stared at me most of that night. It's not even like she's trying to pull me aside to say we should be together. She just wants to make things right between us.

Go back to how we were. I guess I don't really have a choice with the bands photo shoot coming up soon. I may be mad at Ashley, not even her really, more of just the situation.

Anyways, I may be upset but that doesn't negate the fact that I have a job to do. I'm serious about my photography and I would never let a girl get in between that. Even if that girl is as amazing as Ashley.

Ugh!

Getting off track.

So my mom has been making it her business to be in my business every chance she gets. Asking me how things are with Ashley, how they're moving along. They aren't moving at all! I keep telling her. Ashley is Lexy's girlfriend and no matter how much I wish it weren't the case, it is and there's nothing I can do about it.

Madison and I have been talking every day. She keeps telling me that I should just come back to New York and visit here again at a later time. Like visiting at a later time will change anything. That girl cracks me up. The only thing that's really keeping me going is the fact that her and Aiden will be here in a couple of weeks to keep me company for a few days. I need a bit of sanity in my life right now and Madison definitely provides that.

The sound of my phone ringing pulls me back to reality. I shake my head clear and head back into the bedroom to grab my phone. I scoop it up from the nightstand and see its my mom. I sigh before answering.

"Hey mom."

"Oh good you're awake."

"Mhm." I mumble flopping down face first onto the bed.

"How are things-"

I sit up quickly on my elbows. "Mom you seriously didn't call me at six in the morning to ask me about my non relationship with Ashley." I say the last part in a hushed tone, knowing Ashley and Lexy are upstairs asleep.

"No." She chuckles and I can hear papers rustling around in the background. "I actually called for Ashley since I don't have her number."

"Mom I'm not going to wake them up so you can ask Ashley questions about our non-"

"I'm not calling for that Spencer. I'm calling because my friend got in touch with his friend over at Domino Records and he wants Ashley's band to come in for an audition today while he's in Los Angeles."

"Oh." I breathe out.

"Yes, it's capable that not everything revolves around you my daughter." She says and laughs. I scoff and shake my head at her.

"I'll tell her when she wake up."

"Well she better wake up quickly, the audition's at ten. I'll text you the address. And I know you're not talking to her but this is a big opportunity and-"

"I would never do that to her mom." I cut her off, aggravated that she would even suggest it.

"Okay, good. Well I have to get back to work. Come over for dinner sometime this week. I miss you."

"Mom I was over there on Friday." I point out.

"Right, well. Still." She replies.

"Okay mom." I shake my head, not wanting to drag this conversation out any longer.

"Love you, sweetie."

"Love you too, mom." I reply before hanging up the phone. I groan as my phone chimes, signaling I have a text. I reach over to the night stand and write down the address my mom texted me, then throw my phone into the mountain of covers on the bed. I'm gonna have a hard time finding that later. I hear it ring and I know it's only Carmen calling. Yes, I changed her ringtone to know when it's her. Jennifer Hudson's Spotlight now plays every time she calls. I groan as I roll off the bed once again and head into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I think make the trip up the stairs to Lexy's room. Or I guess I should say, Lexy and Ashley's room..

Cue sigh.

I roll my eyes before knocking on the door and a few moments later Lexy answers it... In nothing but some boy shorts might I add. "Hey Spence." She peeks at me through one eye. Not that I haven't seen Lexy completely naked before or anything, it's just that right now... the thought of her in bed with Ashley dressed like this. It makes my stomach hurt.

"Is Ashley awake?" I question in a soft tone.

"Nope." She shakes her head. "She should be up in sec though, I have work in like an hour." Lexy says, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and yawning. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah." I nod. "My mom called and said that she got in contact with her friend and he talked to his guy at the record label and they want to audition Ashley's band today at ten." I finish, pulling the piece of paper I scribbled down the address on out of my pocket. "Here's the address." I hand it to her.

"Oh wow, this is amazing Spencer, thank you. Ashley will go crazy." She smiles. "Tell Paula I said thank you. I know she didn't have to do this."

"Nonsense." I wave her off. "My mom loves Ashley, apparently." I add with a chuckle.

"It's hard not to." Lexy smiles. I bite my cheek to keep from agreeing. "I should go tell her." Lexy thumbs towards the bed. "Thank you Spencey poo." She smiles before closing the door. I head back downstairs to the kitchen and fix myself a bowl of cereal.

"Breakfast of champions." Ashley's all too familiar voice says, walking into the kitchen. "Good morning." She turns to me with a smile and says. Has she completely forgotten about our agreement to pretend each other didn't exist. Well that's not exactly what was said but you get the jist of what I'm trying to say. I don't say anything I just keep eating my bowl of frosted flakes. "Look Spencer." She says as she sits down across from me with her pop tart. "This can't go on like this. I can't deal with not talking to you-"

"You did it for nineteen years of your life." I tell her with a shrug. "Just pretend like you don't even know me." I try to keep my tone as cool as possible because on the inside I'm hitting myself. I don't want to stay away from Ashley. That's the absolute last thing I want. But it's just how it has to be.

"Spencer I know this isn't really how you planned your summer but I don't want to go another two weeks... another two hours without talking to you." She tells me in a hushed tone. "I swear that I won't look at you in that way anymore. If it means you'll talk to me again, I can control myself." She nods.

"Don't you get it!" I half shout. We both turn slightly to see if Lexy was coming. I really don't want to have this conversation with her right now. "I don't want to be away from you Ashley..." I pause and close my eyes, feeling the tears building. "I need to." I stress the word need, hoping she would understand what I'm trying to tell her. I open my eyes and realize she's inches away from me. She must have moved closer when I closed them.

"Well I need to be able to talk to you and be around you." She matches my tone. Her sweet minty breath dancing on my lips. All I want to do right now is kiss her. "This isn't easy for me either Spencer. You're not the one in the relationship remember."

And that's all I needed to pull me out of my trans. "But that's where you're wrong. Lexy and I have been friends for nineteen years. That's longer than any relationship I've ever been in." I tell her standing from the table. "I can't lose her." I say finally, taking my bowl and placing it in the sink. I turn around to go back to my room but Ashley's blocking me. She has me pinned between her body and the sink. I sigh. "Please move." I beg, closing my eyes. The closeness of our bodies right now is killing me. I'm on fire but I don't want anyone to put out the flames.

"Tell me you don't feel that." She breathes me in as her words cut through me. Her left hand raises up to touch my face. She slowly guides it down the length of my arm. Breathing is impossible right now.

"Ashley." I moan. Her touch is too much. It's consuming me...every part of me wants her...more of her. "Lexy's right upstairs." I point out.

"Tell me you don't feel it and I'll leave you alone Spencer. Tell me this..." She brings the hand that just trailed down my arm, back up it again, then down. Letting it dance on my stomach. "...means nothing. And I'll go." She breathes out. But she knows I can't speak those words. I open my mouth to tell her something...anything, but nothing comes out.

"Ashley you better go before you're late. Did you call your band?" Lexy's voice pulls us back to the kitchen. She's descending the stairs and it's a good thing she spoke because I'm not sure we would have heard her coming down the stairs otherwise. Ashley quickly moves back to her seat at the table and I turn around to the sink to rinse out my bowl.

"I texted everyone. We're gonna meet up there." Ashley tells her girlfriend.

"Kay. Well I need to go before I'm late." Lexy says and I turn around just as she leans down and kisses Ashley. "See you guys later. I love you." She tells us both, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter and an Orange Juice from the fridge. "Oh Spence." She stops in the doorway and turns around. "You should totally go with Ashley to their audition thingy." I sigh and roll my eyes... on the inside of course.

"Oh, no I wouldn't want to impose or anything. This is their thing I'm just gonna stay here and catch up on some rea-"

"No you're not." Lexy cuts me off. "You've been sitting in the house for like two weeks straight, doing absolutely nothing until I get off work everyday and that's unacceptable."

"Lex I really don't-"

"It's cool if she goes, right babe?" Lexy turns to Ashley and asks. Ashley doesn't hesitate to nod a yes. "See it's settled then. You're getting out the house today. Okay I really gotta go." She says looking at the time on her watch. "Have fun my two favorite girls." She shouts as she leaves the house.

Guilty conscience anyone?

-

After getting dressed Ashley and I headed to the audition site. It was a nice sized building in downtown L.A. Very chic. We met up with the rest of the band at the place and they were called back a short time later. As they set up to perform, I stand on the side of them, looking on in anticipation. It's been two weeks since I heard Ashley sing anything. She's been really careful about that. I guess she figured that if I wasn't talking to her then I wouldn't want to hear her singing around the house either.

"Whenever you're ready." The man on the other side of the glass tells them. Ashley smiles, turning around to her band and whispering something. Everyone nods.

"This is a new song we just finished." Ashley says into the mic. The guy on the other side of the glass nods as they start playing. The bass and electric guitarist begin, playing a few cords before Ashley starts singing.

"I wish this could be a happy song. But my happiness disappeared the moment you were gone. Don't think I ever believed this day would come. Now all I'm feeling is lost and numb. And oh, I know I promised, mmm, that I would try. But I, yes I, miss you. And it's killing inside." She sings out and I shake my head at the lyrics to the song. She didn't...not again. Not another song about us. The look she turns and gives me tells me everything I need to know. I fall back into a chair against the wall as she continues.

"I'll always be thankful for the time we had. We were blessed I should celebrate but I feel too sad. All the wonderful memories make me fall apart. And it feels like somebody stabbed me in my heart. And oh, I know I promised, mmm, that I wouldn't cry. But I, yes I, miss you. And it's killing inside. Oh well I, yes I, miss you. Want you by my side." I close my eyes tightly, wishing I hadn't of let Lexy talk me into coming here. I can't deal with this right now.

"Walking holding hands. Talking making plans. Touching my heart my soul. I wish this could be a happy song. But my happiness disappeared the moment you were gone. Tell me it's not happening. Say its not as it seems. Tell me that I'm gonna wake up, it's just a bad dream. Please tell the that's it's fiction. Tell me it's just a lie. Whatever you choose to tell me please tell me it's not goodbye." The words flow so easily from her lips. The raspy tone of her voice flowing perfectly with the bands instruments. I can't turn away. As angry as she's making me, I have to give her my attention. The way she sways with the music. Her body moving so effortlessly with the beat.

"And I, yes I, miss you. And it's killing inside. Oh well I, yes I, I miss you. Want you by my side. Oh well I miss you. Want you by my side. Back here by my side. Here by my side." She finishes singing but the band plays out a bit more of the song. The stare at the man behind the glass, waiting for his reaction. I lean forward to see him better. He's not moving, his face is blank. Did he not like them?

How could he possibly not have enjoyed that?

I smoothe out my clothes and ready myself to get up and go give the guy a piece of my mind when the intercom comes on. "That was amazing." He tells them. I plant my ass back in my chair.

"Really?" Ashley questions...like there was ever any doubt.

"Really." He nods and smiles, giving them the thumbs up. "Absolutely perfect. You guys are exactly what we've been looking for." He tells them. As Ashley celebrates with her band I can't help but stare at her. The way her lips curl up into a smile and her nose crinkles a little. I can't help the smile that appears on my face. I must have spaced out because the next thing I know Ashley is in front of me waving her hand.

"Spencer you okay?" She questions with a worried look.

"Yeah." I nod. "I'm fine."

"We did it Spence, we did it. He thinks he wants to sign us." She nods enthusiastically and I can't help but smile at her cuteness.

"That's amazing. I knew he would like it." I tell her, standing up from my chair. Suddenly an awkward silence over takes us. I stare down at my shoes, not wanting to be the first one to talk.

"The band and I were gonna go grab a celebratory early lunch, you're welcome to join us."

"No." I shake my head. "That's something you guys should do together, I wouldn't want to-"

"You're coming Spence." She cuts me off, pulling me towards the exit.

Then what was the point of even asking?

-

Song Used- Jem- Missing you