DEAN THE OWLS POV

Ugh. I already don't like today. I mean, do you know how bad toad poop smells? On you? You don't want to know. Oh, and then of course, there is that FINCH that's just like all, "MINE MINE MINE MINE BLAH BLAH NARNER NARNER". Can they EVER shut their beaks???

Even worse, when I woke up there was a HAWK ON ME I MEAN WHO PUTS A FUCKING HAWK IN THE PLACE WHERE OWLS SLEEP?! So, I ended up chucking him off of me and accidentally in to Harvey the Great Grey's nest. Whoops. And of course, I bravely fought in the name of accidentally chucking hawks into bird's nests. But sadly he overpowered me.

"HEY CARL!" I hooted at the Pygmy Owl.

"Yep. What is it Dean?"

"DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE??!!"

He turned his head around and looked at where the great battle had happened.

"You mean you screeching for help and begging for your life? And you calling yourself an idiot doofus and the bottom of the food-chain?" He asked.

"Thanks for that, mate." I narrowed my eyes and flew off.

In the meantime, however. I had not managed to build the Death Star (YET), and my friends say that I look bad in a wig. So, my new hobby: the grim pooper reaper of Hogwarts. That's right: I pooped on people for a living. To make sure that they are kept in check of course....hue hue. No, no. That wasn't a suspicious laugh. No no!! That was a happy laugh.

Ok, yeah you got me.

I looked down on the courtyard and saw my favorite group of horrible school racist dudes. Master said they were the worst humans in the world! Sure, animals may not be able to speak your human gibberish-whatnot, but it doesn't mean we can't understand you. I decided it was time.

Time to bring out the poop canon.

I swooped down and.....missed? That's right. I missed. The question was how? I took a look down and saw that they had cast a protection spell across themselves. Greeeeaaaaatttt. I took another dive and saw white. Then a horrid black.

"Hey, Doodle?"

"No! It's Dean! Like that ghostbuster - hunter on the chocolate frog card!!"

"Oh. Sorry."

"Why did you throw that snowball at him?!"

"Uh....he was attacking us. Like had has been for the last week?"

"You idiot! This owl is (y/l/n)'s! I made a promise to her, you know. To not wreck her and her things."

"Dude. You're toast."

"No. You caused the problem. So you are."

Hearing the muffled voices, I began to wake up. I was sure it was Malfoy...and some other dude. I must've hit them this time! But the thing is, it seemed like I was still sleeping. I mean, I could feel myself get up and flap my wings no problem. It just was black. I rose into the air and I hit something.

What?

I could hear some more voices from the blackness.

"C-Crabbe what have you done?" said a high-pitched voice full of regret and fear.

"I-I just. I-I didn't mean to!"

"You have taken away possibly the only thing that has made her happy. You know what happened to her parents...."

"What do we have here?" said a drawling voice. YES BATMAN TO THE RESCUE.

"Crabbe hit (y/n)'s bird with a snowball. He is now blind. His pupils won't respond to anything." Draco said with both regret and honesty.

WHAT?! I WAS BLIND!? I started hooting and screeching out of fear. No no nonononono.....I wasn't going out deformed and ugly. No no! I stopped and huddled into a ball of feathers. Why did life hate me so?

"How long ago? I might be able to reverse the damage before she finds out."

"Three minutes or so I think. I'm not sure on the exact time, but it hasn't been for long."

I felt myself float off the ground. Holy crap: Luke Fucking Skywalker was force lifting me.

"Help me get him ready. It won't be pleasant, but it will fix him up." said Snape.

I felt myself being pushed through the cold air of I think was a hallway? I didn't know really. Know why? BECAUSE I WAS BLLLLIIIINDDDD.

A few minutes later, I heard a door open and I felt a hard surface against my back. I naturally tried to flip over, but I was strapped in tight. No no nooo.....I wasn't becoming Frankenstein! Being blind was bad enough!

And that's when I felt it. The searing, hot feeling of liquid being poured all over my naked eye ball.

"I-it didn't work." Sobbed out a voice. Wait was that Malfoy? No way.

"Give it a second!" Hushed Snape.

And within a second. Nothing happened. Wait...was that a piece of oily hair...ew. Get it out of my face. Wait....was that a nose? YES YESSSS. I hooted quite happily and tried to get out of the bonds.

"Alright owl. You can go now." Snape said with amusement.

I wiggled out of the bonds and immediately saw a tear-streaked Malfoy hovering above me.

"Thanks for recovering. Your Master would've killed me."

"Or hit you with a shovel." added Snape snidely. "Now go return him to her. I have...other business to attend to."

Malfoy nodded and held out his arm to me. I looked at him curiously. After I pooped on him several times, he was still okay not roasting my meat over a fire? Cool beans dude. I hopped on his arm and chirped quite happily.

"Whatever you say owl." Malfoy brought me through the corridors and up to the Gryffindor common room.

"Hey Malfoy. Should I be wondering why you have my owl?" said my favorite voice.

We turned around and I saw her. I hooted excitedly and hopped into her arms.

"Whoa there cowboy." She looked at Draco. "Did something happen?"

"N-no. I found him on the ground and brought him back to you."

"Are you sure that's all that happened?" said (y/n) with suspicion.

"Uh....no. Yeah, apparently Crabbe hit him with a snowball and he went completely blind but Snape managed to get his eyesight back." He looked rather nervous now. He kept glancing at me. Hue hue.

COWER IN FEAR MORTALS.

"Thought it would be something along those lines. Thanks for telling me anyways." She quickly muttered the password and we jumped into the portrait hole together.

"C'mon Dean. Let's give you some treats." she said.

Wow. Treats. And I didn't do anything but go blind and survive it. I should do this more often.