Sensuality is measured by your desire, not indulgence.

Not being allowed to touch him is more torture than accidentally touching him. I'd rather just kiss him than pretend I don't want to.

It feels like what my parents said realizing they had an addiction was like. He was my drug, his charming smile and laugh and music is all the things that keep me wanting more.

Because of my now flustered state, my morning run didn't go quite as planned, as I quickly discovered I locked myself out of the dorm and it's a miracle that I remembered to even bring my phone with me.

Though I knock twice and don't get an answer, I take the risk of waking Jasper up by calling him.

"H-hey?" He sounds disgruntled and a bit surprised when answering but I try not to think too hard about it.

"Hi." I sigh out. "I was a dumbass and locked myself out of the dorm and it's fucking cold out here. Can you let me in?"

"Course, just give me a sec," He grumbles, something muffling his voice so I can't quite catch what he says next. Hopefully though, it's not important.

It's a minute or two before the door opens but as soon as it does, I find myself unable to move.

Holy fuck.

Jasper Red is standing in the doorway, one hand brushing water droplets off his bare chest as the other holds the top of the door over me. His muscles and abdomen are on display, his biceps are bulging and the towel wrapped around his hips are low and showing off his deep V-line.

"Uh...you okay?" Jasper holds the towel in place, leaning into me quizzically.

"You- -bit hot innit- -don't have any clothes on." Is all I can say.

Just -holy fuck.

He is so handsome.

Would it be inappropriate to just grab him and kiss him like this? Would he let me do that? Would he like me doing that?

"Oh, right!" Jasper turns, as if going to change and I can't stop myself from choking on a gasp at the sight of his taunt back muscles covered by various tattoos.

His back would probably look a lot better with scratches on it, I think, then curse to myself as I blush bright red.

"Cas?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you..." I snap out of it as Jasper turns to face me completely. "Are you checking me out?"

"Never would!" Me saying this is a tic, and I'm instantly mortified I told this gorgeous man that and shake my head at him, motioning that it's a lie. "That was a tic," I hate that I have to explain this. "I'm sorry! Yeah- -bit hot innit- -I was checking you out."

My roommate hums in reply, seeming not to believe me but he has a small smile on his face that borders dangerously on a smirk as his hand comes back to raise above his head as he leans over me.

"You're okay with me answering the door like this?"

Raising my eyes from his body to his face, it takes a lot of self control not to glare at him. "Not with anyone else."

Call me pointlessly possessive, I don't care.

As far as I'm concerned, this man is mine.

"You should change before I jump you." I playfully tell him.

Chuckling nervously, Jasper flushes as his other arm crosses his chest, leaning closer to me. "I don't understand how you just say stuff like that."

Uh...because he's sexy and constantly looks good?

Because, just maybe, I want to kiss him until my lips bruise and press my body into his every chance I get?

My musician actually is hilariously oblivious, but that's adorable too.

So amused, I tell him, "How else am I going to flirt with you?"

His minty eyes snap back to me and he says "Flirting?" like he doesn't actually know what it is. "I can, well I know I already have been, but I-I have permission to flirt with you?"

Oh I can't wait until he flirts back with me.

Then I can actually start...teasing him.

Laughing, I roll my eyes at him. "Of course, if I didn't want to be flirted with, I wouldn't have flirted at all."

"B-but I'm um... I'm me?"

That's it, I'm not gonna wait, I'm definitely going to start teasing him now.

He just asked permission to flirt with me.

What else am I supposed to do with that and the daring way he decides not to think he's hot?

"Exactly, you're you." Stepping up to him, daring to drop my finger down his chest until I can hold the top of the towel between my fingers. "And- -bit hot innit-" I hate my Tourette's. "-that's my point."

Jasper gulps hard, taking a shaky breath in as his hand goes to touch me but he backs out of that last second.

"Come on Jitterbug, you should know by now," I drop my voice, stepping closer to him and grab onto his jaw to pull his face closer to mine. "That I find you attractive."

The musician leans into me, causing my back to hit the wall as he moves in front of me.

Switching our positions I push my body into his until he's the one pinned to the opposite wall -one of my hands hold his hand by his waist, the other making it so he can't lean down and kiss me nearly as fast as I can tell he wants to do.

He tries to completely close the distance between us. "Cas-"

"Wait, wait," I tell him, leaning closer to him until our lips are a hair-width apart, closing my eyes and just listening until I'm able to hear just how fast his heart is pounding. "Excited, are we?"

He takes a shuddering breath in, eyes half-lidded as he uses his free hand to hold our waists together.

"Ah, ah, ah," I pull away abruptly, half hating myself for doing so, but enjoying how easily I can make the giant go red and seem so dazed by simply getting close to him. "You should really-" I growl. "-do as I said, and go change."

"You said go change before you jump me, and I really wouldn't mind that." Jasper replies, cheeks flushed but eyes more than flirtatious as he tries to move his other hand closer to me but discovers that I'm actually strong enough to hold him down.

I have no clue why that's what makes his blush deeper, given what I'm about to do, but it is.

Maintaining eye contact, I pull him down instead of raising up on my toes. Leaning in, I pause and wait for him to do the same- -my grip on his jaw momentarily loosening just so he can freely move- -before pressing my mouth against his.

He gasps softly into my mouth.

That's even before I grab his jaw tightly, take his bottom lip between my own and bite down just hard enough to make him groan.

He tastes like oranges.

For the first time I feel so warm it's like there's fire in my bones, like all the stardust I'm made of has decided to turn back into a star.

"Fuck," I growl, leaving my reservations about just wanting to tease him behind as I drop his hand and grip the back of his head instead -fingers tangled in his curls as I pull us closer together.

My parents have always warned me about drugs.

But they never warned me that when I kissed the man I felt for that god, it would feel like a drug. They never warned me that when I did that it would change my life and god, nothing would be quite like it.

God, the fireworks dancing across my skin and god, the pounding of my heart.

My entire body fell into it and god, was I never happier at losing control.

Then I jerk, mouth pulling away from his a bit too harshly as I tic -in this beautiful moment, I fucking tic.

Of all the times.

"Jasper." I say his name, at the moment it's the only thing I can really say. His hands clenching on my sides.

Still taking deep breaths, Jasper nods.

I grin, dropping my hand from his hair and his jaw to grab one of his hands and tug him in the direction of his room.

"Go change."

Stumbling as he goes, he does just that.

Jasper's phone rings out a really weird, upbeat song that startles me while I'm taking notes for a culinary exam, trying to get the recipe down during practice so I'm not stressed and tic a lot when it's actually grade time

Picking it up I see 'Lucifer's Bitch' flash across the screen.

Whoever it is, I hope they know what their name in his phone is but if not, this is pretty funny.

"Jitterbug, your phone is ringing!" Shouting this, I expect a pretty instant reply -if I shout anything, he's usually startled enough to reply. Instead I hear nothing, but he's definitely still in the apartment. "Jasper?"

Standing, I get up to look for him.

When he's tired, it doesn't matter when or where, Jasper will just plop down and fall asleep. I've tripped over him more than once.

"Ah, can you answer please?" He asks, voice leading me to the kitchen. "I have to, urm...I broke something?"

"What'd you break?" I ask, pausing to correct one of his trinkets on the shelf.

"Myself."

I'm in the kitchen in seconds, cursing to myself, and storming over to see a cut across the top of his hand. My overprotectiveness kicks in and I narrow my eyes at Jasper's minty ones, that are wide and staring down at the blood.

"What'd you do?" All he's doing is dishes. "How deep is it?"

Hesitantly, making me believe it's a lie, he says, "Well, i-it's not bad."

I growl, twitching as I quickly grab a clean towel and hold it tightly to his hand -making the musician wince. Grumbling, anger fills me.

He got hurt.

It would be easier if someone was to blame, there's not, so I just want to have him in my sight constantly.

"Sorry, I, I just need to bandage it." Jasper mumbles out, hand coming up to keep the towel in place, letting me move my own. "I'm used to it, it's okay. I'll be fine."

You'd think me, the guy with Tourette's, would be the clumsy one.

"I know you'll be fine," My voice comes out harsh but it's not because I'm mad at Jasper, I'm just mad I couldn't prevent this and the sight of him hurting pisses me off. "But it doesn't mean you're not in pain. Why are you so clumsy?"

"It's hard for me to focus, mostly, and my feet don't listen to me," He mumbles softly. "I, um, I also get really jumpy? And sometimes I can't see. 'Cause of the, erm, because of my-- the sound."

"Synesthesia." I say, nodding, pulling on his arm to get him to follow me.

"Yeah." Jasper tries to tug his arm away from me but I hold it tighter to my chest, still pulling him behind me. "I-I can do it myself."

"I'm helping." Declaring this, I drag him into the bathroom and make him sit on the edge of the bathtub. "You have to be more careful."

"I get hurt all the time," Because he's clumsy. "I m-mean, I uh... I don't know what I mean. Sorry. It's just, urm, it doesn't matter that I got hurt?"

Did this fucker really just say him getting hurt doesn't matter? I think I look and sound mad. For the most part I am.

The protectiveness in me -it's relentless.

Jasper's wide, minty innocent eyes just make it worse.

Then he rambles, "N-not that it doesn't matter at all, because getting injured obviously isn't healthy but it just happens a lot? So I'm used to it? And it's not like it's super bad! Like getting a concussion or someone breaking one of my bones again ! It's just a little cut. Not a little cut like a p-paper cut but, but like-- urm, what is it called? A shallow cut! Yeah, that! Easily solved. Honestly, the bruise on my hip hurts a lot worse than--"

And that doesn't help either.

"Your hip?" I snarl, stepping closer to him. "What happened to your hip?"

Did that happen when I pinned him to the wall, or after?

I have to be more gentle.

"Ah, well, uh, I got into a fight? With a bench?"

Narrowing my eyes at him I almost scoff, "Did you trip?"

Maybe there's not a reason for me to be so protective after all, Jasper actually is clumsy.

"Um...one of my friends thought that since I'm, well, y'know," He motions to his body then made a 'big' gesture with both his hands. "That it would be difficult for me to lose my balance or that I'd catch myself so he kinda just jumped on me? And I have depth perception issues so the thing I was supposed to catch myself on caught me but in a n-not happy way."

I take that right the fuck back.

I'm practically seething as I ask, "Do a lot of your friends assume just because you're a giant that you're okay roughhousing with them?"

Reminding myself to stay gentle with my hands is easy, all due to the fact it's his skin I'm touching.

"Um," Jasper clearly lies. "N-no?"

"That's bullshit, Jasper." My jaw clenches. "They shouldn't treat you like that."

Jasper reaches out towards my face, causing my eyes to drift down from his hand to his wrist.

Then I discover why he wears such big clothes, why his arms are covered in inked-on sleeves.

He has scars.

Self-harm scars.

Ones I'm all too familiar with seeing.

"Sorry," The musician apologizes, looking away and pinning his arms back down to his sides. "I know they're ugly."

Ugly?

He's too much of a beautiful person to think any part of him is ugly.

These things they're not...they're normal for me. My parents struggle with these things, some of my siblings struggle, I struggle. Nothing about this is something I would judge him for, something I would deem disgusting or something I couldn't understand.

I understand.

But this is his moment and I'm not going to make it worse but showing him just how much I do.

Taking his arm gently in hand, I press a kiss against the inside of his wrist. "They're not ugly."

The ones on the tops of my thighs, my ribs, those? They're part of what makes me so...undesirable.

Nobody can undress me without flinching.

Without touching them, seeing them.

"I, I'm okay now, Cas. It's... I don't-- I'm safe." Relief so strong floods my system that I almost forget how to breathe. "I struggle but I'm safe."

"Will you-" I growl. "-will you tell me if you're not?"

He nods and I watch him, making sure it's the truth and I believe that it is.

Sighing out, I nod in acceptance. "Okay. Now let's get that cut taken care of."

"Oh right," Jasper mumbles, putting his hand back out for me to grab. "You wanted to bandage it."

"What do you mean I want to bandage it," I ask, frowning down as I clean the cut. "Would you otherwise not bandage it up?"

"Not really?" He shrugs, like it's not important. "I usually just let injuries run their course, or um, not if they could be life threatening? Then I usually tell someone?"

"Usually?"

"Mhm, like I've had so many concussions that I'm just like, what's a little more brain damage?" The musician says. "And move on."

Meeting his eye I can't help but notice how annoyingly beautiful he is.

"That's stupid." I deadpan, causing the giant to burst into laughter, his dimples popping out as he beams up at me.

He has dimples.

That's so hot.

Repeating the steps of how to take care of him in my head, I try desperately not to do anything embarrassing while bandaging him.

Finally, the moment comes to an end and Jasper checks his phone to see why Lucifer's Bitch called him.

Still feeling protective, I watch him and see all the small expressions of amusement and exasperation that come over his features.

With pursed lips, that are just begging me to kiss them again, Jasper turns to me and raises an eyebrow -flush instantly rising along his cheeks.

That was easy, all I had to do to get him to blush was literally nothing.

"Do you want to go with me to meet my siblings? I forgot it was national siblings day and they are all taking a bus there so I was supposed to leave to pick them up and spaced the whole thing. I even woke up early and took a shower too -oh! It's your fault! You turned my brain to mush by kissing me. Shameful." Yeah, what an absolute shame I can kiss that good. "So, like, yeah? Are you okay with going with me?"

"How many siblings are we talking?"

"Three-- Nyx, Eris, and Dela."

I'd say those are weird names but in my family, there's no such thing.

I shrug, "Then sure, but on one condition."

As if he knows I'm planning something, the musician's eyes blink owlishly at me. "Which is?"

"Well," I smirk, watching as he bites his lip. "I get to turn that brain of yours to mush at least one more time tonight."

"I-I, um, I," Jasper instantly turns bright red, both hands coming up to hide his cheeks as he nods. "Yes, p-please?"

My smirk widens, knowing that I'm going to probably make him flustered at a time he wouldn't expect me to.

I kissed him when I just wanted to tease him, and it's definitely Jasper's own fault.

That's not something I'm letting slide.