Unnecessary aggression is not justice or strength it is human weakness and desire.

Before he fell asleep, Jasper asked me to just let him sleep in but still do my morning run, as he was tired from yesterday's stress but still wanted to keep up our schedule.

Right as I got inside, the practice drill- -I don't quite know what it's for yet, tornado, earthquake, shooter- -started blaring.

My adrenaline starts pumping, making all my tics worse but as I see Jasper all my insecurities about acting this way fly out the window.

Because there Jasper Red is, curling into himself on the floor muttering to no one in particular to take him away.

He looks terrified.

As fast as I could, I crouch next to him, turning him over but that only seems to make it worse as he whimpers. His fingers hide his face, the grip he has on himself seeming to almost be painful.

This has been the only time I have been grateful that I used to haul my teammates up after every game or party and fight Atlas and take Nemesis to bed if she dropped from exhaustion.

Because now, with my arms wrapped around him, I can lift the musician off the ground. He whimpers again, slumping down but I manage to keep us both up right.

Why is he so tall and big?

I can just lift him but god dammit, if he's this upset at being where he is I'm going to help.

Taking him to the bathroom down the hall, I stumble all the way there but as soon as we step inside the sound is dampened.

Keeping him resting between me and the wall, so he doesn't hurt himself somehow and I'm blocking the door from him because whatever is in there is the problem, I climb onto the counter and open the small alarm.

I can't figure out how to get the battery out, so I break it.

Um...oops?

I guess I'll pay for a new one later and I don't even really care that I just broke something, it was bound to happen with how bad my tics are right now and I really, really want Jasper to stop crying.

Climbing down, I gently wipe his tears best I can and thankfully, he does quiet down.

Without warning, Jasper slumps into me, making me stumble into the counter which I tell you, is quite painful for the hips.

Easing him back into the wall, I struggle to hold him up but sooner rather than later he's able to slide down the wall. He causes me to stumble down to, one of his long legs spread out on either side of me.

Not knowing what else to do, I stay there and just try to knock him out of this.

Whatever this is, anyway.

"Jasp-" I growl, not wanting to touch him because of how jerky I am but more than thankful as his hands slowly lower from his face to show me his minty, tear stained eyes.

God I need to get myself under control.

"I'm so sorry," Jasper whimpers out, trying to sit up but unable to. Concern, more than I already have, enters my system. "I didn't mean t-to, I didn't mean to worry you. I just-- the noise-- I couldn't... I couldn't even see and, and--"

The noise?

What does the noise have to do with it -did the sound trigger a panic attack or something? Is that what's happening?

What else could it be?

The musician cups his mouth, reminding me how he sounds- -he's stuttering- -and he's scared and it's heartbreaking.

"Hey, it's-" I squeak, then growl. "-okay. Just, what happened?"

Is this a 'panic attack, eat ice cubes and relax in a bathtub' moment or a 'something is seriously wrong and take him to the hospital' moment? It's important to know the distinction.

"The, the sound." He flinches in on himself, hands shaking as they grip at his shirt. "It was too bright and I couldn't see or breath, s-so I freaked out."

I freeze, blinking at him. "Bright?"

Did he just say...bright?

How was anything bright, his eyes were closed...

Jasper flushes, showing how both his body and mind were upset. "I, um, I-I have a condition."

As soon as he admitted this I can see how hard it is for him. My roommate looks away from me, arms pinned to himself.

Does he think I- -the guy with Tourette's- -will judge him for having any sort of condition?

Hell, he could have an alien disease that turns him into a Martian and I'd be like, "Cool, let me know if you need help."

Continuing on, Jasper fails to meet my eye.

Which is a shame really, even crying he looks beautiful.

"The general term is synesthesia b-but what I have has more specific names-- I mean, it can be explained easier with the general names but they aren't needed and, and," Jasper pauses to take a deep breath. "I can see sound. Feel it. Taste some words and specific noises. There's this-- this music that plays around people, everyone has a different song and different colors. Every noise does too and that noise was just so, so bright and it felt like it was putting pressure on me from every angle. Like I was drowning in white. I'm sorry that I freaked you out, I really am. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Synesthesia." I repeat slowly, blinking at him. "What kind?"

Relief seems to cripple him and I can't quite understand why.

Noelle, one of my two friends who's my sister at this point and Circe's girlfriend, has synesthesia. It's a really moderate kind, it's never crippled her but it's still frustrating for her sometimes.

Wiping his tears, Jasper mumbles out. "Chromesthesia-" The one Noelle has. "And auditory tactile, lexical gustatory and...interoception."

Wrinkling my nose, I twitch a few times before saying, "I don't know what the last three are- I growl. "But I know about the first one."

Is not having to explain it making him so relieved?

I know I hate it when I'm out in public and people could tell there's something wrong with me. Then, if they happen to ask and I tell them it's Tourette's and they don't know what that is, it's even harder for me.

Talking or even thinking about my tics so hard make them worse.

Then I just seem like a freak.

He's not a freak, now he can just tell me what color my voice is.

It explains a lot of things -why he looks above my head instead of my eyes, why he gets lost and unfocused even when there's nothing to distract or blind him around, when he says people have songs and describes them in colors.

"It means I can feel sound, taste words and see emotions." Jasper makes a face like saying this out loud tastes weird itself and I don't doubt that saying it so casually is a bit weird.

Nodding, I shuffle so I can hold my knees to my chest. "My twin's girlfriend has it. She says my voice is green. She doesn't like it."

Something weird happens to Jasper when I say this, he definitely reacts but I can't quite tell in what way -I just know that this isn't something he expected me to say. My eyes catch something my brain doesn't.

"It's not see through, apparently." I continue on, well aware this is probably the most he's heard me talk about myself or my life. "And-" I squeak, hand fluttering out. "-it's distracting. So she doesn't like it."

He shakes his head, minty eyes finally meeting my own. "That's insane. Your voice is beautiful."

I can't help it, I blush.

"Bit hot innit!" I blurt, which just makes me flush more.

Jasper chuckles, smiling at me. "As thankful as I am for looking as cute as you are, is this, my synesthesia, going to be a problem?"

Did this motherfucker just call me cute?

Suddenly my tic is triggered and my entire body flinches and my arm shakes as I growl a few times.

God, fuck, shit, why is he calling me cute?

I'm not.

This was a lot easier when I was the one flirting with him but right now, I don't want to flirt with him because he just cried. I doubt he wants me to flirt right now.

"Why would it be a problem?" Asking this, I try to distract us both from my redness.

Pausing, the musician bites his lip. "With the... u-um, the emotions part?"

Tilting my head I hold myself tighter, not having realized that he thinks a human having human emotions would be a problem.

"Oh," But sure, I'll answer. "No."

"Really?" It should be illegal how adorably surprised he is at basic human kindness, it really should be. "But, but isn't it weird? And, w-well, some people really don't, they don't like me because of that or-- or I make them mad and I really don't want to make you mad. Are you mad? That I kept this a secret from you? I wanted to tell you, I did, but I don't like-- I don't-- I have problems explaining it but that shouldn't be an excuse and--"

He's so nervous and he's stuttering and it's cute but I'm still worried and flustered and this day is not going as planned.

"Jasper, please breathe." I say gently.

"R-right."

The giant in front of me decides then, to hold his breath again.

I poke his cheek, "Jasper. Breathe as in inhaling and exhaling, not as in holding your breath."

"I know that, it just..." He gasps, hands shakily cupping his face. "Kinda h-hurts still."

I'm surprised but not bothered by it, if he says it hurts then it hurts. I don't have enough information to question and even if I did, I wouldn't.

As a person that doesn't experience what he does, it's not my place to think he's lying.

"Does it-" I growl. "-ever hurt bad enough that you need to go to the hospital?"

Please say no, please say no.

I hate hospitals.

And I would hate it if you, my cute roommate, had to go to one.

"H-hospital? No, it..." Jasper blinks at me, watching as I tic. "It doesn't matter that much."

His pain doesn't matter that much? I really hope he doesn't think that way about himself.

"I, um, I can't-- it doesn't hurt t-that bad, I promise! It's all... it's all in my head, anyway."

Bullshit.

If growing up with two addicts- -one therapist and one seriously protective mental health advocate- -has taught me anything, it was that things like this, they're real.

Even if they are from the head, they affect every part of someone.

"It's not all in your head." Who told him that -I'll beat them up. "What you're experiencing is real and it matters, even if others don't understand that. What you're feeling is valid, okay?"

Being able to fully understand that I shouldn't be reacting this strongly doesn't mean that I'm not going to act this way, it just means I'll be determined and stubbornly disappointed in myself.

Jasper shouldn't believe that, he shouldn't be doubting himself.

If he can feel the things he can feel, then there shouldn't be a person in the world that can make him question or act like he's faking it -like it doesn't matter.

Because it does.

He does.

"Thank you." My roommate pauses, then blurts out, "You sound like a therapist."

I could groan.

"It's um..." Scratching the back of my head I realize just how riled up someone affecting Jasper in this way made me.

My dad's this way too and now, every single one of us kids is this way.

I'm overprotective the same time I rarely give a fuck.

Yeah, it's confusing for me too.

I end up saying "It's hereditary." off handedly, my mind in another place.

Though he's taller than me and can probably fight better, I'm still going to fight someone if I ever catch them being mean to him.

Literally, I'm going to fight them.

My dad taught me that too.