A/N: Hey, my dudes, welcome to the first chapter. I always looked up to those authors who've got something to say at the beginning of every chapter so here I am, but I've got no idea what to say. I hate green skittles. The song up there? would recommend, Broken by Anson Seabra, it's pretty good. I might put together a playlist for this thing if I feel like it. Alright, without further ado, the first chapter.

Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, that's what Logan had. That was the monster that loomed over his every thought. He wanted to be thin, even though everyone constantly called him 'too thin' or 'stick' he didn't feel like that, like it didn't register or something, not yet, but one day it would, he was sure. The boy had always been thin, but not thin enough. He always seemed happy and bubbly, he was a creative kid, but his thoughts got in the way, the panic attacks, the eating disorder, the depression, they consumed him. He eventually learned to put up a front so that everyone else could enjoy the happy Logan, laughing and making jokes along with his friends, even if he wasn't exactly that; he was partially, he knew that part of him existed somewhere, he just couldn't find it, couldn't conjure it up. It worked though, nobody thought he was sad, nobody knew his past, just knew he was adopted, they didn't know he remembered a time before his dads, they didn't know he obsessed over numbers and calculated every calorie and word and movement, they didn't have to know, though. They were happier in the dark, even if they didn't know they were.

Logan took in a shaky breath, looking at his friends. Ivy, and the twins Ty and Sy. They were his best friends. Ivy was pretty, red hair a bit darker red than Logan's, green eyes, and she was a bit taller than Logan as she stood at 5'6 and he was 5'2, but it didn't bother him all that much. She was funny, sweet, and she liked photography probably as much as Logan liked painting. Tyler and Syrus looked alike, but they were nothing like eachother, although they were best friends with eachother....most of the time. Syrus was funny, the class clown, he was bouncy and explorative, a daredevil. Tyler was analytical, nerdy, he enjoyed checklists and homework assignments, they were to the point, but he didn't enjoy social situations, people were complicated, and he wasn't all that charismatic, he was destined to be a mad scientist, Logan thought.

"Syrus, you can't just go...kanoodling with girls at social functions like this." Tyler said, using his hands to emphasize his point as he often did when he was on edge about something.

"Well how was I supposed to know she had a girlfriend?" He defended, crossing his arms.

"You didn't even ask her if she was single!" Tyler said crossly, sighing in annoyance.

"When you're at a party making out with a girl you usually assume, Tyler."

"How do you even get with a girl who has a girlfriend?" Ivy asked, dipping her french fry in ketchup before popping it into her mouth.

"She was like, bi, or pan, or something I think. She didn't mention she had a girlfriend or maybe I would have stopped it off before it got too far." He said, giving Tyler a pointed look.

"Wait wait, how far did you even go with this girl?" Ivy asked. Logan was fiddling with his salad, his fries off to the side.

"Uh...she may have given me a-" Tyler's eyes widened.

"No, Syrus James Scott, you did not!" Tyler said.

"Hey, it was just a hand job, okay? it's not like it meant anything."

"I feel bad for her girlfriend." Logan spoke up and Ivy nodded.

"Poor girl." Ivy agreed, dipping another fry into her ketchup.

"So then I've got this angry girlfriend calling me up, telling me that she knows Alexis is cheating and I was like 'Sorry, who's this?' and she just went, super dramatically might I add, 'Rebecka, Her girlfriend.' and I was shook, I'm telling you, she was mad." Ivy laughed at Sy's story, finishing her last fry.

"Hey, loggy, you gonna eat those?" She asked, pointing to his fries. He shook his head, giving her a little smile.

"All yours." He said and she took them, getting back to the conversation.

"It surprises me sometimes how...ignorant you can be, you just hook up with random girls, you hardly even knew her name." Ty groaned.

"It's not my fault, she didn't tell me. If she wanted to stay loyal she wouldn't have been hooking up with a guy at a party." Sy said, taking a bite of his sandwich. Tyler just sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Sometimes I don't even know how I'm related to you, let alone your twin."

"The universe works in funny ways." Logan said with a shrug and Ty gave him a little smile.

"How was your weekend?" Ty asked him and logan thought for a moment.

"Pretty good, I spent it playing video games and painting, my dads went out on a date so I got the house to myself friday evening and basically had a movie night by myself, ate popcorn and chocolate over horror movies...then I spent all night up with the lights on." He giggled and his friends chuckled a little. Most of it was true, he hadn't eated popcorn and chocolate that night though, just mineral water and two sticks of celery (14). The best way to lie: tell something close to the truth, add detail without too much, make enough eye-contact. He looked at his salad and poked his fork into the lettuce and tomatoes with shreds of cheese and bacon bits. the thick white dressing seeped into the leaves turning the whole thing soggy and wet, thick and sticky, disgusting, contaminated. He looked back at Ivy.

"Well whatever, I still think Lord of the Rings is like, ten times better than Narnia." Ty said. How had they gotten from weekends to books?

"Is not! Narnia was amazing and you won't tell me otherwise." Ivy said and Ty shook his head.

"It was good, just not as good as Lord of the Rings, Tolkien had superior talent." Ty said.

"What are we talking about?" Logan asked, a small smile on his face as if he was almost joking.

"The better childhood book series." Sy said and Logan nodded.

"I agree with Ivy, Narnia was better, less confusing." Logan said and Ty shook his head as the bell rang and Logan picked up his bag.

"Oh hey, Log, I'll see you in physics, you got the notes last time, right?" Sy asked and Logan nodded.

"I'll give them to you so you can copy them." He said and Sy smiled, shooting him finger guns like the humongous dork he was.

"My man." He said and Logan giggled, shaking his head as he threw his hardly touched salad in the trash on his way out.

The short red head walked up to his locker, black backpack hanging off his shoulders. He fiddled with the sleeves of his loose fitting yellow hoodie, the soft feeling a sort of comfort to him until there was a loud slam and his shoulder hurt. It took him a second to realize he'd been shoved up against the metal units, it always did. He stood now with his back to the locker, looking up at a much taller boy who wore a smirk. His backpack slipped off his shoulder and fell to the floor with a thump.

"Hey, bitch." Bitch? really? Jace wasn't the best with insults. Logan winced as Jace grabbed his hair, pulling his head up. "You really are a little bitch boy, aren't you?" Then Jace kicked his shin and punched him right below his eye not hard enough to leave more than a red mark. "Say something, mouse." Logan just yelped and Jace let go of his hair, punching him in the stomach, knocking the air out of him.

Logan let out a squeaking sort of noise that was abruptly cut off by the blow to his gut.

"Wow, you really are a mouse, can't even fucking defend yourself." Jace snickered, slamming the boys head into the locker and walking off. Logan slumped down, holding his stomach with shaking hands and trying to get his head to stop hurting. He leaned his head against the locker as words ran through him. Stupid fucking bitch fuck up hate you bitch slut stupid die you whore. He took a breath, closing his eyes as he rubbed them. breath Logan, in and out. in and out. in and-Stupid bitch fuckyoudiestupidwhoreyoucan'tdoanythingright! He shook his head and got up, pulling his backpack onto his shoulder with a wince. He walked down the hall towards his history class. I'llkillyoupsychobitch! He shook his head. He didn't have time for this, he couldn't, he wouldn't.

He took a shaky breath and turned the door knob, walking in as a few eyes turned to look at him. The history teacher, Mr. Gavinski, stopped his lesson, looking at the redhead.

"Mr. Pierce, do you have a reason why you're almost ten minutes late to class?"

"Well, see, the thing is, I..went to use the bathroom, but there's was sort of a line, and I wanted to be on time for class so I tried the other bathroom in hall B, but that one, one of the toilets was malfunctioning and-"

"Just sit down and stop wasting my class time." Logan gave a quick nod and sat down in his normal seat next to that one goth kid who was named garret or bryce or something, and Sarah Labell who was maybe probably a cheerleader or something. He wasn't sure, but she looked like she would be.

The day trudged by, and around 2:30 in the middle of physics the hunger pains set in, they always did eventually, he just sort of tuned them out before they got really bad. It wasn't the worst pain, not sharp, but dull, the feeling of being empty, too empty in a bad way. He tried to ignore it, but paying attention was pointless. He snapped the band on his wrist and winced, doing it several more times, then he distracted himself with drawing. He doodled, not able to think of anything but food. By the end of class there were sketches of apples, grapes, peanut butter, chocolate, ice cream, and a mango smoothie. I don't want food. I don't want food. I'm not hungry. I don't need it. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

When Sy glanced over at his friends notes, he chuckled.

"Dude, you must be super hungry, all you're drawing is food." Logan shook his head with a small forced laugh that sounded real enough.

"I guess. I'll eat something when I get home." He said and Sy nodded, pulling his fingers through his brown locks.

"I'll see you later then." Sy said and logan looked at him.

"What?"

"It's 3, time to go, stick." stick why did that feel like a compliment.

"Oh right, sorry, I must've just spaced." He said, grabbing his bag and hurrying out, walking quickly down the halls and out the door. He breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the bus, knowing the Jace couldn't get to him past this point.

Ivy sat in their usual spot on the bus and he smiled, sitting down and pulling his backpack into his lap.

"I'm so ready to get out of here, school is hell on earth." She groaned and Logan nodded.

"Yeah, I can't wait to get home." He said and she nodded but then frowned slightly.

"Hey, what's the red mark?" she asked, looking at a spot on his cheek and he covered it, knowing it was from Jace. He hadn't hit him hard enough to bruise, just redden it. Jace usually knew where to hit so it wouldn't show, he probably had a pretty bad bruise on his rib, he hadn't checked yet.

"Oh, I just..hit my head, it's no big deal."

"On what?"

"Coming down the stairs, yeah, I accidentally like, ran smack into a door." He said with a little laugh and she snickered.

"You gotta watch where you're going, you doof." She said and he nodded.

"I just don't pay attention sometimes."

"Oh I know." She said and they both laughed a little.

The bus stopped to let some kids off and Logan hopped up

"I'll see you later, Ivy." He said and she smiled.

"See ya, loggy." She said, waving as he waved back and ran off down the street to get to his house.

Neither of his dads got home until late, they both had full time jobs to manage the house, but they also had a lot of money. Logan didn't care about money, he felt loved by both of his adoptive parents and that was what really mattered to him in the end, they treated him as if he were their biological son, money was just an added bonus.

That night was spent watching netflix and getting homework done. At 5:30 pm he walked downstairs and into the kitchen to grab whatever he could call dinner. 6 baby carrots (20), 2 sticks of celery (12), and a half of a cucumber cut up (21). He ate while he logged everything in his journal, trying not to think about it too hard.

Breakfast: 1/2 apple - 35

Lunch: Water and a slice of tomato - 7ish

Dinner: 6 baby carrots, 2 celery, 1/2 cucumber - 53

Total: 95 calories

He took a breath and laid down, feeling not quite full, but not quite hungry. When he closed his eyes, thoughts swirled his head like a dust storm. Fuckyoustupidbitchdieyoustupidwasteofspacehateyouhateyou He hated this, hated his weight, hated himself. As the boy curled up on his bed, fingers strung through his hair, he breathed. in and out. That's what the therapist said to do. in and out. He dug his nails into his scalp, knowing what was happening and not knowing at the same time. in and out.

He stood up and paced, glancing between the lamp he knew his razor was under and his bedroom floor.

"Fuck it."