You gasped as you opened your eyes. It was dark and you were in a jail cell. Your hands and legs were tied. And as you tried to straighten out your back, you felt your whole body aching. And you felt nauseous. You had been captured by those men, and you couldn't even fight back before they got you. Maybe this was all your fault? Maybe this was the moment you would cease to exist?

You heard rustling coming from the lock. Someone was opening it slowly. Painfully slow. Was it someone coming to help you escape?

But it wasn't. "(Y/N)?" A familiar voice called out to you as a tall figure came in. And you gasped. He found you. How could he find you here? Nobody knew you were on that desert planet. Not even the others. How in the hell could he find you!?

You tried to move, but your aching body wouldn't even budge. You tried to calm your breath as you tried to get your hands free. But then he looked at you, and you couldn't move. You were his, again. He just looked at you, and you were gone.

----------

"Not again..." You sighed as you woke up sweating after another nightmare.

You leaned your head on your hands as you tried to calm down. Why now? Why again? Was it because of your feelings? Were you feeling guilty because of those? Or did you still feel that you deserved nothing? And least of all, not his feelings?

When your mind started to fill up with endless questions, you tried taking in a deep breath, to fill your lungs full of fresh air, to calm your fast beating heart. You put your feet on the cold ground as you got out of the bed. And suddenly the whole castle felt cold again. Those nightmares always brought out the worst in you. They made you feel so out of place that everything started to feel wrong.

You needed to calm your mind, so you sat down and tried to meditate. And as you did so, you couldn't help but think back at the Garrison. One night your roommate May had waked you up after you had been wailing in your sleep. And after that you had told her what was going on. And on that particular night, telling about it made you feel better, at least for a moment.

And in that moment you knew you had to talk to Keith about what had happened. You had to do it, even if it meant you would have to show your vulnerability. But maybe that would ease your mind? You liked him that much, so you needed to tell him.

You decided to go to the training deck and just talk to him. He would surely be there. So after psyching yourself up, you walked there with your bayard in hand. But as you arrived to the training deck door and heard sounds from inside, you stopped. You knew it was him.

Immediately your body tensed up and you felt scared. You had to close your eyes and take in a deep breath. You had to almost force your body to stay still as it insisted on running away. Back to your room and away from the world.

Then you quickly opened the door before you could back out. You felt so nervous, like your legs would give in and you would crash to the ground. And at the moment you saw Keith fighting a gladiator in the training deck, you started to chicken out.

Keith saw you entering the room, but continued with the fight. And soon it seemed like he was even putting more of a show as he saw you looking at him, making bigger and flashier slashes with his sword. And if you hadn't felt so lousy, you would have giggled. What a show off.

Then you sat on the bench, even though you really just wanted to leave. But it would be quite suspicious to come in the room and leave straight away. Maybe you could just try to act normal and train after him? Maybe you would talk to him some other time, when you would be better prepared?

"Are you okay?" You startled to a voice. And as you looked up, you saw Keith standing in front of you with a worrying expression on his face. And in that moment, seeing his face, you really chickened out. And you cursed yourself for it.

"I tried calling out for you." Keith said, and you immediately put on a fake smile. "Sorry. You know me and mornings don't fit together." You tried to sound carefree. "Then what are you doing here this early?" He then asked while crossing his arms. "Just felt like getting some exercise, that's all." You said smiling. But when Keith looked at you frowning, your smile cooled down. Did he see right through you?

Then you quickly got up from the bench. "If you're done, I'd better start. You can go do what ever you usually do..." You just said as you started to make your way to the center of the room. Until you heard Keith's voice from behind you. "What's wrong?" He asked in a partly repressed voice, like he already knew what you were thinking.

So you stopped as you slouched your shoulders and let out a deep sigh. For some reason you felt very afraid. Revealing yourself to someone was always so scary. "When did you become such an expert on reading people..." You mumbled to yourself as you went to sit back on the bench.

But as you sat there, you still stayed quiet. You just didn't know where to start. And as Keith sat down next to you, he seemed fidgety, like he had a hard time trying to sit still. But he still didn't say anything. He was waiting for you to talk when you were ready.

And it was quiet for awhile. Your heart was about to burst out of your chest as it was racing so fast. But you knew you had to talk, otherwise you would never get over those feelings. So you started, even though a bit hesitantly.

"We don't know much about each other, do we?" You then asked Keith. And from the corner of your eye you saw as he stopped moving altogether. "Well, no, but..." He quietly started, swallowing his last words before getting quiet again. And that just made you more anxious.

"Why did you enlist to the Garrison in the first place?" You then asked another question. And Keith seemed surprised by it, not answering straight away. Then after a moment he put his bayard on the bench as he finally spoke. "I guess I wanted my life to have some kind of a direction..." He answered slowly, careful with his words. And then he went quiet again, waiting for you to talk.

"For me...I think the Garrison saved me." You then hesitantly started. But Keith didn't say a word. "I know it sounds quite dramatic, but I think it really did." You then hastily added. "What do you mean?" He then finally asked. And even though you heard bafflement in his voice, you didn't look at him. You couldn't, or your courage would've faltered.

"Last night I had a nightmare. And it's not the first time, even in here. Back at the Garrison I had those almost every night. Probably for months." You carefully started again, struggling for every word that you had to speak. "What nightmares?" Keith then asked timidly. And you took a deep breath. Okay, here goes, you had to open up.

"Before I attended the Garrison, I was in a relationship..." You started, but paused to hear how Keith would react. But you heard nothing. "At first it was great. He was great. And then it went horribly wrong. He changed. He started to treat me differently. And I...I thought that I could fix it. That I could fix him. But he just broke me...well, not me...just my mind..." You spoke, your voice starting to shiver and your hands tremble. Making yourself vulnerable was so agonising.

Then you buried your head in your hands. You really tried to keep your composure, but it was hard. "When I attended the Garrison, I didn't even tell my family where I went. I couldn't. If he would've found out where I was, he would have come for me. So one day I just left. I took all my stuff and left..." You spoke with a shivering voice as you tried to get words out. But a lump started to form on your throat as every word became muddier than the previous one.

"Why...why didn't you tell this before?" Keith then asked timidly, his voice strained. And immediately your anxiety levels started to rise as you had to explain yourself. "How can you just tell someone that you are broken?" You asked back, taking in a deep breath to try to calm you down.

"I blamed myself for everything. I was in denial. He made me feel like I deserved nothing. Like I was worth nothing. And I believed that. I was just...broken. And every time I see the same nightmare of how he finds me. Where ever I am, he always finds me. And it took so much to get over that..." You explained, your words just pouring out in random babble, like a stream of thought. And then you finally quieted down. And for a moment it was dead silent.

That's when you finally glanced at Keith. And you saw that he was just looking at his hands, his expression a mix of sorrow and anger. And maybe because you had felt so bad for so long, you never wanted to see anyone else feeling like that. Especially if they were feeling like that because of you. And that made you put on your brave face.

"But don't worry, I'm alright with that already. I'm fine. These nightmares just leave me with this lingering anxiety that is hard to get rid of. But I've learned to deal with it." You said to Keith, trying to smile as sincerely as you could, even though it was fake.

And that's when Keith turned to look at you, his eyes hazy. And as he tried to reach out his hand to touch you, you immediately got up, to get out of his reach. You quickly turned away as your breaths were starting to get shallow. You liked him that much, and now you were feeling bad of how you made him feel. And you felt so vulnerable that you couldn't handle his touch now. You knew you would have just broken down.

"But I'm okay. I'm fine. And I'll train for awhile if that's okay." You then said, trying to convince him while taking your bayard and walking to the center of the room. Keith on the other hand stayed there sitting and looking at the ground with slouched shoulders.

You just forced your body to move, to make it seem like you were feeling better already. And as your bayard turned to your staff, you took your fighting stance. "Start training sequence level 2." You said and the gladiator appeared. And even though your mind was a muddy mess, you tried acting like everything was alright. Your courage was long gone and you just wanted to escape the situation.

That's when the gladiator started to charge at you. And you evaded it while quite lazily letting your staff hit it. And when the gladiator retaliated, you blocked its hit. You were just doing it for the show. But just as you were ready to hit the gladiator again, you saw as Keith got up from the bench and started leaving. And as the door opened up, he hit the wall with his fist before storming out of the training deck.

You startled at the sound and stopped completely. You just stared after him, feeling your heart sink to your stomach. And just as the gladiator was about to hit you, you commanded quietly. "End training sequence." You said and the gladiator disappeared.

After you were left alone in the training deck, you felt immense relief and anxiety at the same time for showing your vulnerability. And even though you had mostly gotten over it, it would still probably always affect you in some ways. It was such a huge part of who you were, and why you tried to put others before you.

But just then Coran's cheerful voice on the speakers snapped you out of your thoughts. "Attention everyone. We're just about to enter a wormhole. So hold on tight to your Gloobels!" He said. And that's when you remembered Kaylo. You were going to take him to a new planet.

You took a deep breath while trying to push back your anxiety. You needed to keep your composure. There was no time to wallow in your misery in the castle. You were always expected to do something.

So you quickly changed into your Paladin armour and went to the Amber Lion's hangar. And as you walked in, you immediately felt more relieved. It was good to see her back in business after the horrible crash landing that happened. It just took her some time to fully heal. And as she opened her mouth to welcome you in, you stroked her jaw. "We're going to have a guest flying with us today. So be nice." You kindly said to her. And she purred quietly. "And good to see you feeling better." You then added, leaning your forehead against her.

That's when Pidge came in, escorting Kaylo to you. And as soon as he saw you and your Lion, his eyes seemed to lighten up. "Are you ready Kaylo?" You asked him smiling. And he nodded excited, his enthusiasm already making you feel slightly better. And even though you kinda wished that you could let him stay in the castle, you knew it wasn't a place for him.

But before you went in the Lion, you realised that Pidge was looking at you. "What is it? Do I have something on my face?" You asked her, frowning. And she just took her glasses off and started to wipe them clean. "No. I just ran into Keith awhile ago, and he seemed grumpier than usual. You know anything about it?" She asked, putting her glasses back on.

And even though your heart started to race like hell immediately, you tried acting calmly. So you just shrugged your shoulders. "I haven't seen him today." You answered nonchalantly. But Pidge was still looking at you, so you just waved at her and went in your Lion. And immediately you felt bad as to how easily you again took the habit of pretending that everything was alright.

After that you flew Kaylo to the planet where his parents originated from. Then you landed the Lion near a village and escorted him out. And seeing him get excited of his new life, made you quite happy too.

"Are you nervous?" You asked when you saw him looking at the village with reserved enthusiasm. "I have waited to get back here." He said, nodding at you. And then he put his hand on your shoulder. "Thanks to you, I can start a new life." He said, looking at you with gratitude in his eyes. "No, thanks to you. If you hadn't helped me, we might not even be here." You replied to him, feeling honestly grateful.

Then you gave Kaylo a small remote device that you got from Allura. It allowed him to contact you if something was wrong. And he seemed touched by the gesture. "I really do hope that everything turns out right for you. I will come and visit you some day, alright?" You then said to him while smiling.

And as you glanced at him once more before heading back to your Lion, you realised how much he reminded of you when you had left your old life behind. And even though it would be hard at him first, you were sure that he would be fine.

When you had flown back to the castle, you went straight to the infirmary. Shiro was going to come out of the healing pod soon, and you wanted to be there when he did. And even though you were still feeling anxious of what had happened that morning, you were already feeling a bit better because of Kaylo. Seeing him so happy made your worries wash away, even if for a moment.

As you entered the infirmary, everyone was there already. And you walked in like nothing was wrong, even though you were careful not to look at Keith. Just knowing that he was there made your thoughts muddy again. You couldn't look at him or your nerves would have just crumbled down. You really had to struggle to keep your composure.

You walked to the healing pod where Shiro was. And as you looked at him, you suddenly gasped. It seemed like he was in pain. He was trembling inside the pod, like he was having the worst nightmare of his life. And it pained to see him like that. "Is he alright?" You asked concerned, turning your gaze away from him.

"Sometimes the healing process can cause involuntary brain wave reactions." Allura explained, even though you knew that already. You had also seen a dream when you had been in the healing pod after Sendak tried to abduct the castle. "He looks like he's having a bad dream." Hunk then said silently behind you. And it really did seem that way.

"He got blasted by a space witch and mauled by giant lizards. What dream could be worse than that?" Keith said, like he meant those words at you. And that's when you quickly glanced at him. And as he looked at you back, you immediately turned your gaze back to Shiro. For some reason you felt so tense since you didn't know what he was thinking at the moment.

Then finally Shiro woke up. And when he stumbled out of the pod, everyone immediately surrounded him. "Are you feeling alright?" You quickly asked. "Is your wound okay?" Hunk asked after you. And Shiro seemed a bit confused of all the attention.

"Coran, Shiro's going to have to clean his own pod too right?" Lance then asked from Coran. And you rolled your eyes. Timing wasn't his best assets. "Give the man some room. He just got out of the pod and is seemingly confused." Coran stated, trying to get you all to back away, giving Shiro some room to breathe.

"I'm fine, but..." Shiro started to speak, but cut himself off. "But what, Shiro?" Allura asked concerned, trying to get him to talk. "I think I remembered something from my time in the Galra prisons..." He then said frowning, sitting down while trying to clear his thoughts.

"I remembered being tied up. This one Galra male told me about Zarkon locating the Blue Lion back on Earth. He had planted a bomb to cover my escape, and told me..." Shiro explained, trying to remember everything. "...that I should go somewhere...that I have coordinates for it...?" He then continued, his explain still quite hazy.

"Are you sure about that Shiro?" Allura asked, looking at him suspicious. "Yes. His name was Ulaz. And he wanted me to go there..." Shiro said, still clearly trying to think hard. And then Pidge suddenly let out a sound, like she had just figured out something. "Maybe I can extract some information from your arm?" She suggested to Shiro, who immediately nodded.

And soon everyone was standing around Pidge in the control room. She had plugged Shiro's prosthetic arm to her laptop and was tapping intensely on the keyboard. And even though your mind wanted to wander, you tried to observe of what she was doing. You tried paying no attention to Keith at the moment. You had to try to concentrate and to keep your composure.

But after a moment Pidge lifted her head and frowned. "I'm not finding any coordinates in here. Are you sure it wasn't just a dream?" She asked, clearly disappointed. "I'm positive. Someone helped me escape." Shiro answered her firmly. "And he was Galra?" Allura suddenly asked from behind you. And you turned to look at her.

She looked very conflicted. You knew she had grudges against the Galra, but if Shiro said one of them helped him, then you believed him. "Yes." Shiro just replied to Allura surely, already knowing what she was thinking. "You know you cannot trust them." She then added firmly while glaring at Shiro. And you sighed. You knew she would say that.

"Your father must have trusted them once. Zarkon was the original Black Paladin, wasn't he?" Shiro suddenly said, looking at Allura like he was challenging her. And you frowned as you heard what he said. "What?" You asked before you could even think. "That was a long time ago." Allura said, confirming that it was true. And when you started to think it through, you wondered why you hadn't realised it before. That's why he was trying to get the Black Lion, he wanted it back.

"Didn't you see how he stole the Black Lion right out from Shiro? Or that he could do all that stuff with his bayard? Shiro's bayard? You know, the black one?" Keith then said to you all, his voice sounding really irritated and tense.