uh is this angst? it's our sad matty yall,

idk if its emotional enough but it's a bit y'know <3

❝ ❞

○●○●

Matty woke up early. Very early. It was 12am, the sun was still sleeping and so was half the world. She closed her eyes and prayed to whatever was up there to let her sleep. She needed it.

It was no secret that Matty had the worst sleeping schedule. Ever since she was just a kid, sleep didn't come easy for her. She tried everything, from downing warm milk or some scorching jasmine or ginger tea to ease her nerves, nothing worked.

She tossed and turned in her bed, grumbling as the little sleepy feeling she had when she abruptly woke was eventually non-existent. The sound of her AC buzzed quietly, reaching her ears and she hoped it would lull her back to sleep. She waited for a few minutes but alas, nothing. "Fucking 'ell." She muttered as she stared at her ceiling.

She stood up from her bed that no longer felt like the softest thing on earth and decided to just get on with her day. She might as well just wake up if sleep doesn't want her anymore.

She went to her bathroom, rubbing the dull ache forming on her neck from how she slept, turning on the lights and squinting at how bright it was. She cursed at it just because she was annoyed at everything right now.

She went to turn on the tap but paused as took a glance at her reflection. Her eyes were puffy, like she just ate something she was allergic to and the whites of her eyes were this pale reddish color, like she was intoxicated, but she wasn't, it was just her fatigue coming up to her. She scoffed at it, "Well, don't you look fine this morning." She sarcastically said with a roll of her eyes.

The cold water then rushed out from the faucet as she finally turned it on. Matty formed her hands into a concave-like shape so she could gather the water. The sudden cold made her skin prickle. When the water filled up, she immediately splashed it on her face to hopefully wake her up, and hopefully reduce the god-awful swelling, and went to brush her teeth. Doing things earlier felt nice.

She liked these kind of days though. There was something about being awake while others were still asleep. The air would feel different, breathing seemed different, everything just feels different. Like you were in some uncharted territory. It felt nostalgic in some type of way but it was also shiny and new.

She remembered when she was younger her dad would take her to the little lake near their house back in . It would take a 45-minute drive for them to get there. They go on that little trip when she wakes up from what used to be the most awful nightmare for a four-year old kid, or when she just has a hard time sleeping. Tear would start falling from her blue eyes and loud wails would shake the house when her dad would have to leave for a bit to go take her jacket from her closet, which was only a couple steps away from her bed, and put it on her, because she thought that the creature she'd faced in her dreams would swoop in and take her if her dad wasn't around.

" Give me a second little buddy.

'm just gonna get your jacket, alright?

Don't cry, don't cry. "

She remembers the beeping noise when the car would start backing out from the driveway, the smell, the knitted blanket her dad would drape on her small frame as the drive starts. She remembers watching the lights from the lampposts surrounding houses come and go. The sound of the wheels running across the rough gravel.

As they arrive, they would be sat at the old dark brown bench that would be damp from the rain the day before and stay there for a while, little her being cradled by her father, her face would be lying on the place where her father's heart calmly beats, acting as a soothing lullaby. His arms would hug her, protecting her from the dark, the softness of the sweater or whatever shirt he wore would be balled up under Matty's small fists. He would tell her the story of how he and Mat's mum met, and even tell her about how nervous he was when he asked her to the dance, until she would fall asleep or just until she calms down.

Her parents' story was Matty's personal book for when she was about to sleep and as she grew older, she found it much more captivating than the fictional books her relatives would buy for her Christmas. Those books would collect dust on the shelves as she would rather hear more stories about her parents rather than someone else's.

He told her that he'd almost slipped on the covering of the table that was longer than any of the dresses that the students were wearing that night. How annoyed he was when the DJ played the cheesiest song ever. How the lights dimmed and all the teens that went together walked to the center and slow-danced. How he was red in the face when her mum had agreed to dance with clumsy him. How her parents both ridiculed the song and mocked it as her mum laid her head to her dad's shoulder, both swaying and giggling.

" You know, little one.

That song annoyed the shit— oops...

I mean... Did you hear what Dad said?—

No? Okay, that's good. "

He said they hated that tune but that same song was played on their wedding day. They hated it but Matty remembered seeing them slow-dancing in the living room with that playing in the background.

Younger her would listen carefully, wanting to know every single detail that lead her parents to what they had. How she found it amazing. She would watch as her father quietly sung that song or even hum the tune that little Matty would hum the next day as they had pancakes for breakfast. The sight was sweeter for both her parents than the pancakes that were drenched in maple syrup.

Her mum would tell her the same story when her dad wasn't around to comfort her after a bad dream. But instead of the lake, they would be in front of their fireplace. She would make them both steaming mugs of creamy hot cocoa. Matty would have three small marshmallows floating in her cup, she used to say that those three mallows would tell her "i. love. wu." and relays it to her mum who just nods and mutters "and I love you."

Her mum never really liked marshmallows but always lets Matty put at least one in her cup.

" Just one, okay?

No, no, bug, just one marshmallow.

Why? I just don't like too much sweet fluffs for mine. "

Her mum also adds more detail when telling the story of the dance, even adding the other things that happened that day. She would tell her about their first dates, what she'd wore, what food they got and Matty would just lie there, staring at her mom with awe-stricken eyes.

The tune of the same song would play in the background, either from her mum's little cassette player or the vinyl player that was placed on this dark wood just behind them, next to a small cabinet filled with books of all sorts. Her mum would hum quietly, lightly swaying her head as she took small sips of the hot beverage that would scorch her tongue no matter how many times she blew on it.

" Ah, crap!— I mean shoot!

That burnt mum's tongue.

Be careful, little one. "

It would be weird if that song wouldn't be played at least once inside the household. It was natural instinct, a consistent part of their day.

Drop, drop, drop. The water from the tap clashed against the white porcelain and swam towards the drain, as if it wanted to escape from Matty's downed mood. It snapped her out of her thoughts.

Fuck, Matty thought as she finished brushing her teeth, she'd put both hands on her face, frowning when she felt something warm on her hands. She wiped at her face, laughing at the sudden tears.

She stared right back at the mirror and closed her eyes as she tried to remember the sound of her dad singing. It hurt to do so, to try and remember, but it made her feel better. It calmed her down.

Soon enough, she did, she heard him. Like he was there. Her dad, the one man who taught her how to braid her hair by herself when mom was called early to work. The man who secretly bought her strawberry ice-cream scooped in one of those freshly-made waffle cones even if she had a nasty cold. The man who sung her to sleep almost every night.

She also felt her mum's warm embrace. Home-y. Warm. Safe. Matty tightened her eyes shut, to stop the tears that were desperately wanting to be let go of. She lets out a sigh and rushed out of the bathroom, closing the lights and loudly slamming the door, and left her room.

She missed them. She truly missed them. With the sudden travel ban in England she wasn't sure if she'd be spending Christmas and New Years Eve alone again. The thought disappointed her. It was months away but goddamn she was so worried.

Her first Christmas alone was bitter, and cold. Cold even though Florida was hot. She wasn't sure how its people could still wear hoodies in that type of weather. She found it absolutely criminal. How can they fucking withstand it?

Matty fiddled with her phone as she entered her kitchen to fix herself some breakfast, she had to call them up today. Just to check up on them. She'd been so busy she always forget to text them back. It made her feel bad, but they'll understand. They always do.

God, so much for a little trip down memory lane. All this because of her anxiety, and the virus that won't go away.

Matty unknowingly went to her playlist and clicked on the song that reminds her of home.

❝ let them all, go chasing after rainbows. i have found my pot of gold in you.

your love is all i need to satisfy me. nothing matters but you.

nothing matters but you. ❞

13k (BEST number)

13 thousand of you guys, i'm intimidated but also overwhelmed.

thank you so much for giving your time to read this,

i hope you liked this one.

so, matty's parents huh? they're pretty cool a ha ha jk unless... jk there's no unless, they r chill parents.

also YALL your comments crack me up so much and it's so cool how some of u were able to see thee little things in between chapters, with the personalities and everything about karl and matty. i didn't think anyone would notice bc it wasn't really evident BUT YALL DID WOOOO LET'S GOOOO. *hands over cookie*