Lexies POV

Uncontrollable tears, that's what I would describe this as

My hands are shaking, my entire body is shaking

I can't even think straight

My own mom hates me. Where did I go so wrong?

I want her to love me like I love her

My chest is too heavy, I don't like this

I want to go home, but I am home

A thought pops into my head. One i wish didn't just pop into my head. I don't wanna go there, I don't wanna do that. But I do

I scramble across the bathroom floor, digging through the drawers for my blade. I deserve it, I know I do

I hold the cold metal in my hand, hesitating for a split second before sliding it against my leg

I wince in pain, covering my mouth to stop any noise coming out

That hurt. But I wanted it to hurt

Blood trickles down my leg

I sit in tears, my head thumping from crying so hard, my chest beating too quickly

Time passes as I feel the throbbing pain in my leg

I blink, clearing my eyes from the watery tears sitting in them

Looking down I see blood. A lot of blood

My heart sinks through the floor as I scramble up in a panic, my hand clutching my thigh as I try to get my breathe back

My eyes white out for a second, grabbing the bathroom sink in an attempt to steady myself

What do I do? What do I do?

I panic, unlocking the door and running through my room and out the window to Billie room

"Billie... billie please help me" I cry, falling onto her bedroom floor

It's pitch black, I can't see a thing besides what a street lamp in the distance is lighting up

"Lexie?!" Her sleepy voice crackles, darting up out of bed, fumbling for a light switch

"Please help me I don't want to die" I cry out, burying my face into the floor

"Oh my god, baby" her voice is panicked, I did something bad, really bad

"MOM" she calls out making me instantly grab her arm

"Stop Billie no, Maggie can't know"

"I'm sorry baby, I know your scared but I need her help here, please, be brave for me okay, it's gong to be okay" she takes my hands holding onto them so tight

I just cry some more, my head feeling all light and dizzy

..."Lexie keep looking at my baby please, don't close your eyes"

I look up, my head now somehow in billies lap, both Maggie and Patrick applying agonising amounts of pressure onto my leg

"It's okay lex, I promise it'll be okay" I hear the only voice I wanna hear for the rest of my life. Maybe that will be the only voice I hear for the rest of my life if I die from what I just did

..."Okay, sweetheart it's wrapped up now okay, I want you to stay laying here really still okay?" I hear Maggie's soft voice

"Am I going to die?" I cry

"Your not going to die sweetheart, I promise you'll be okay"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

I feel Maggie grab a hold of my hand and squeeze it gently "sweetheart there is not a single thing for you to be sorry about"

I sniffle, clutching onto her hand as tight as I can

"I'm going to run a bath for you" Patrick says softly, taking my other hand and kissing the back of it

I lay sobbing into billies lap, I'm a disaster, my whole life is a disaster