it's sunday. the auditions are due today, and austin will be calling back girls today.

i feel pretty confident with my application. i did everything i could, and i know if i don't get a response today that means i didn't get on. so i eagerly await a response.

only ten girls can be on the show, and there are thousands of people sending in applications. i can only hope and pray i'm one of the lucky ten.

i open twitter and check the dm. it's been read and austin reacted to it with a heart emoji. so he's seen it. he's seen my application and watched the video.

oh god.

the nerves are starting to kick in.

i glance at my clock. it's 1:30 pm, and my stomach is grumbling, so i figure it's time i get out of bed and make lunch.

i grab a protein pack from the fridge and constantly check my phone. the nerves in my stomach get worse and worse every time i pick up the phone, so i decide to power my phone off until tonight.

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i thought powering off my phone would be a good idea and ease my nerves, but it just freaked me out even more. but finally, the clock says it's 10:00 pm, and i turn my phone back on. i'm swamped with notifications, but one in particular catches my eye.

1 new twitter dm.

i know it might not be austin, but i immediately check anyway.

i don't see any messages from austin, but there is a message from someone else. gonedoc.

with trembling hands, i open the message.

"Hello, Valerie!" it reads. "We are pleased to inform you that we have taken a strong liking to your application to be on TommyInnit's Love or Host, and request to do a live interview on the GoneDoc twitch channel tomorrow at 2 PM PST. Please respond within 24 hours if you're interested and can make it."

my heart hammers in my chest. they like my application. they're considering me for the show. i slap my hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming. i quickly type out a response.

"hi! yes, i'm available, thank you so much for considering me! :)"

doc reads it a few seconds later, and reacts with a heart emoji. i squeal with delight. they're actually considering me for the show. this has to be a fever dream.

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it's 1:30 in the morning, and i've given up on getting any sleep. in 12.5 hours, i'll be on twitch, talking to gonedoc, doing my callback for tommy's love or host. i'm restless. there's no way i'm sleeping tonight.

i take this opportunity to clean up my room so it looks presentable in front of thousands of people. in the end, it looks like this:

i huff in satisfaction and brush my hands together. and now for an outfit.

it's an interview, so it should look somewhat professional, but not too formal. cute, but not too childish. after a few minutes of throwing clothes around and attempting to match random things, i come up with this:

i take another look at the clock. 1:45. not much time has passed. i decide to lay back in bed. sleep eventually drifts over me.

i wake up at 11:30, probably because of my very late night. my interview is in two and a half hours, so i have plenty of time to shower and get ready. i make my shower extra hot and wash it with extreme care. once i'm out, i blow dry it, which is something i rarely do. my hair is naturally wavy, so i don't have to bother curling it. i adjust my side bangs carefully, making sure they look exactly how i want them to. then, i turn to my makeup.

my makeup routine doesn't consist of a lot. mostly foundation, eyeliner, and eyelashes or mascara. i do my makeup carefully and slowly, seeing as i have plenty of time. i'm really satisfied with the ending result.

i throw on the clothes i laid out the night before, straightening and adjusting my sweater as i go. when i check the clock, only an hour has passed. i have enough time to get lunch and tune in to auditions before me so i can prepare myself for the questions.

once i grab a slice of leftover pizza from last night's dinner, i head back up to my room and tune into gonedoc's stream. he's currently interviewing a girl with long, thick auburn hair and extremely heavy makeup.

"welcome to your interview, miss ashleyinnit!" doc says. i sigh a breath of relief. luckily, i tuned it at the beginning of her interview.

"i'm happy to be here, doc!" she replies in a chipper voice.

"let's start off with the basic questions, yeah? what do you stream?" my stomach flip flops. that's the first question? i don't stream, how am i supposed to answer that?

"i'm a just chatting streamer. i do makeup tutorials and q&a's, along with some karaoke nights. super chill," she responds in her melodic voice.

"i see, and why are you interested in tommy?"

"well, as you can see by my name, i'm a big fan. been a big fan for a long time. at first i made this username as a joke, but my friends convinced me to keep it. they insisted it would be like a ship name, ya know, tommyinnit and ashley? so yeah."

"do you think tommy would find that weird?"

"no! not at all." she giggles and twirls her hair.

"okay, ashley, i think that concludes your interview... we'll dm you tonight if you're on the show."

"sounds great! bye!" she smiles a little too widely and waves at the camera. i check the chat and it's filled with "no" and "don't let her on." they don't like her because "she's a stan."

i suddenly get extremely nervous. i won't be able to see the chat during my interview, but what if they say the same things about me? what if they don't like me?

then again, why do i care about what people on the internet think of me?

the minutes tick by slowly. i join the waiting room to get into my interview at 1:50. my palms sweat profusely and i have to take multiple deep breaths to calm myself down. but, at 2:00 sharp, i get an invitation from gonedoc to join a call for my interview. i take one last deep breath, and enter.

"next we have valerie davis!" doc announces. "would you care to introduce yourself, valerie?"

"sure! hi guys, my name is valerie, or val. i'm 18 years old and live in los angeles, california." i suddenly realize i'm repeating myself from my video audition and get nervous.

"it's nice to meet you, val," doc responds. "your video audition was unlike any other we received. other people that turned in videos mentioned having a large following and aspiring to be a gamer the rest of their life. not you, though. so, why did you decide to audition for tommyinnit's love or host?"

"well, my friend loves tommy. and all streamers, actually. so when she saw tommy was having a love or host, she lost it. so i was like 'hey, let's watch his stream. i want to see what the hype is about.' so we did, and i thought he was super cool and i loved his personality. our personalities are really similar, actually, so i think we would click really well together. so i just yolo'ed it and auditioned for the show. since i'm not a 'stan' and only watched one stream so i could know who he is, i feel like it's not weird. and he would know i'm not just using him to grow my platform since-" i giggle. "i don't have a platform!"

"your personalities are similar... what would you consider your strongest traits?"

"i say they're similar because we can both be chaotic and loud, but i can tell tommy really cares about his friends, as do i. my friends would describe me as compassionate and caring, and that i always know what to say. not sure what the world for that is. i'm also very honest. i'm good at talking to people, so communication is one of my strong suits."

"i see... on the contrary, though, what is your biggest weakness?" i feel odd by doc asking this, i feel as if i'm in a professional job interview rather than an audition for a dating show.

"i'm sometimes a little too blunt. like i said, i don't lie to people, so if i have a problem, or i think someone is in the wrong, i tell them. i don't beat around the bush, and i usually don't sugarcoat anything either. which is fine in some circumstances, but definitely not all."

"valerie," a different voice says. i look around the screen to figure out who's talking, and turns out it's austin. "i don't know if you know about this, but tommy hates americans. why should he pick you, even though you're american?"

we're talking about picking me as if i'm already on the show...

"well, trust me, i probably dislike america just as much," i say, earning laughs from everyone in the call. "i'm thinking about moving out of america after college, if i go to college. i was actually thinking somewhere in the uk before i even knew who tommy was. i don't know why, england has just always attracted me and seems so beautiful. plus there's the queen, the legend herself. can't forget about her."

"i have a question for valerie, if you don't mind," a beautiful feminine voice says. i check to see who spoke, and her name is caprice mcbean. her voice is smooth like silk, and she has an elegant british accent.

"go ahead, dah-ling," austin says, mimicking her accent. caprice rolls her eyes.

"so, sweetheart," she says, directly her attention towards me. "you mentioned you don't have a large platform-"

"any platform," doc interrupts, correcting her.

"-you don't have a platform AT ALL. and you mentioned you have only watched tommy once. so what's in this relationship for you? why are you looking to fulfill a relationship with tommy?"

"because i genuinely think he's a good person. i don't care about his platform, if i just saw him passing through the halls at school i would still have the same impression of him," i respond, confident in my answer.

i check the clock quickly. 2:10. it's been ten minutes? but that other girl's interview barely lasted one...

"let's get back on track, shall we?" doc pipes in. "valerie, what sets you apart from other girls auditioning? why should we pick you to be one of the ten girls on the show?" i smile, i'm ready for this one.

"i want to prove that you don't need a large following to succeed. i'm sure there are many girls out there that would've loved to audition for this love or host, but didn't because they were worried that their follower count didn't meet your standards. and hey, maybe follower count is a contributing factor to being on the show. but i'm here because i want to show that you don't need to have an army backing you up to do the things you love, or accomplish things you want to do. i'm interested in tommy because of who he is as a person, not because he has millions of followers. and i'm sure tommy wants someone who isn't using him because he's popular, you know? so yeah, i want to show people that anyone can do great things, and i want to get to know tommy as the person he is behind the screen." everyone in the interview starts smiling. i can tell i definitely left a lasting impression.

"thank you so much for your time, valerie," austin says.

"make sure to check your dm's later today to see if you made it on the show," doc says, giving me a wink.

"thank you so much for this opportunity, i greatly appreciate it," i say, smiling brightly. i wave to everyone on the show, then leave the interview.

once i disconnect, i wheel my chair away from my desk and lean back. i can't believe i actually did that. and i can't believe how well it went.

now comes the hard part once again. waiting.