An annoying noise from a distance woke me up and I realized that it was already the next morning.

I didn't have much time to think about what I had done until I quickly had to open the toilet lid and let every bit of conscience leave my body.

The heavy retching made the tears come through my eyes. The acrid vomit that was leaving my body didn't make me feel much better. That was always a sign that it was over.

How could I be so stupid? I had destroyed what I thought I had succeeded with. I was so wrong about everything.

I wasn't strong? I wasn't clean? How could I even believe that?

I cursed to myself as I dried my mouth and raised from where I sat on the floor to brush my teeth. I had to go to work... Even if that was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

I felt so ashamed. Also, I knew that I had to meet with Brandon today since I was still his treating nurse.

I didn't know how to act in front of him anymore. As soon as I laid my eyes on him my heart melt down with attraction but still, I felt so decently frightened. By now I knew that something was wrong with me and my feelings.

I was far from healthy and I was probably going insane myself...

I left my house and arrived at work shortly after. I smoked a cigarette to keep some sort of control over myself before I walked towards the entrance.

While I walked through the hallways I kept my eyes on the floor and ignored almost everyone that I passed. I just shily lifted my hand when someone said hi or good morning to me.

I couldn't bare to look someone in the eyes, I was so afraid that they would understand right away. They all were medically educated after all...

Without entering the staff room to say good morning to my friends and colleagues, I immediately began to walk in the direction of Brandon's hallway.

I had made a decision.

This was the moment where I would tell him. Tell him that I would not treat him any longer, because I was afraid of him. I was manipulated by him and I was... In love with him.

I swallowed hard several times as I scratched the bend of my arm, which reminded me of what I had done just a couple of hours earlier.

Like I could ever forget about it...

I reached ward 5 and began to walk faster towards room number 401, I just wanted to get there faster to get it over with. Even though my heart was pounding in my chest, I was longing for the look on Brandon's face when I told him that I would never see him again, at least not alone and not as his personal treater.

A smile of evil formed my lips but as soon as I noticed it myself, I strained my lips again.

After meeting with Frank, and telling him that I wanted to get inside alone, I took a deep breath.

It was not appreciated that I wanted to head inside by myself, not was it allowed, but the guards had to listen to me and my demands.

I tied my fist and stepped inside the cellar. At least Brandon was back in his usual ward and not thrown down in the solitary in the state that he was in...

"Brandon," I said without thinking.

Brandon's eyes moved from the wall to look at me. He was very much awake, but he didn't move, and neither did he answer me.

I walked over to his bed and sat down on the side. It hurt my feelings just to see him and to know that this was probably the last time I would be with him alone.

"I'm here to check on you. I'm glad to see that you're awake" I said with profession in my voice.

Brandon just kept looking at me with his brown, doe eyes.

I wanted to throw up.

Once again my arm begin to itch and I moved my nails to scratch the tiny needle wound. The area was bruised and red by the itching, but I could gladly hide it with the sleeves of my grey dress.

Suddenly I feel a harsh grip around my wrist and my heart skips a beat of surprise.

"What have you done, Beverly?!"

Brandon's voice was dark and aggressive. It made me scared, as usual.

I snatched my arm out of his grip but he just followed my move and sat up in the bed so he could face me.

His eyes were big and black and the penetration of my soul made me feel forced to tell him. I swallowed.

"What the fuck have you done, Beverly? Answer me!"

I had only seen him this way once before, that was when he spotted the man that killed his family right in front of him.

I got so uncomfortable, what if he would hurt me?

Was he acting this way because of the treatment?

"That is not your business, Brandon," I said as I tried to remain calm and professional.

There was no reason for me to tell Brandon about my past or addiction, but maybe I had to now. Because he already exposed me?

"Don't you ever hurt yourself again!" He said. His eyes were still broadly open and his jaw was sharper than a knife.

I sighed out loud and hid the sleeve over my arm again. Did he actually care about me? Or was he only trying to control me? Even if I knew the true answer, he still managed to manipulate me to hesitate. Of course, he didn't care about me.

He was not capable of that.

"That is not your business, Brandon. And I am not here to talk about myself. Actually, I am here to tell you that I will not be in your treatment anymore"

My voice started to tremble out the words. I was terrified of his reaction, especially after this moment.

I knew he could turn into a monster within a second, I had witnessed it myself. I had witnessed his soul turn black and act out in rage and brutality. And that was something I never wanted to experience again...