- van's pov

I heard her crack the door open

I felt her lay beside me

"Love, have you been crying?" I whispered pulling her closer to me wrapping her arms around her she nodded softly

After a few moments her mouth opened

"I can't do this anymore, van" she whispered

I felt my heard breaking

"Good morning, lid" Larry said sitting down

"Alright, lad?" I asked him making some tea

"Fine, mate have you even slept last night?" He asked me lighting a cigarette

I looked at him "nah" I whispered walking towards him sitting down "you should look after yourself van" he said with a sigh

I looked at him "I'm fine Larry" I said as Lexi walked in

"Good morning" Larry said to her

She walked into the small kitchen and made some tea "good morning" she whispered avoiding eye contact with me

I lighted another fag and looked at her

"How are you?" I asked while Larry walked into the space where the bunks were

She looked at me with those eyes...

You know? Those Lexi eyes, the eyes that said ; you know I'm not fine and it will never be fine but I won't ever tell you.

Those eyes were red and puffy and broken at this point.

"Fine." She whispered with a weak smile

"Lexi..-"

"Van." She warned sitting down with a cup of hot tea in her hands

"Fuck sake" I sighed not knowing what to do anymore

-

We all sat down in this bar/ cafe that benji wanted to go to.

"Don't get to fuck eh?" Bondy joked

I chuckled ordering a beer

Lexi didn't sat next to me but a meter away from me.

She ordered two shots of vodka and drank them in a second

She wiped her lips and looked at me

I gave her the look that said ; don't do this Lexi

But instead of listening she ordered two more

And two more

And more

More.

At this point i walked towards her and stood next to her making her look at me

Her eyes were watery, she was far gone.

"We're going to the bus." I said grabbing her hand her head fell back a bit making me hold her head "fuck fake" I said under my breath

"I want to stay" she slurred

"Were not staying love your hammered" I whispered she looked at me "I'm nineteen years old van, I'm staying." She said sitting down again

I sighed "Lexi, please love, come on you'll regret this in the morning" i said

She looked at me "I already do" she whispered ordering another round

"That's enough" I said I lighted her off the barstool and carried her like bridal style

"Van" she whispered looking at me when we walked out of the pub

"Yes, love?" I asked "I don't want to stay here anymore" she whispered looking at me with watery eyes

That broke my heart.

I knew she was more than drunk but they always say that drunk people speak the truth right?

I swallowed looked at the road a head of me

"I can't stay here anymore" she whispered

We arrived at the tour bus and opened it

She fell asleep on the way there

I walked in with her getting looks from bob and Dan who stayed in the bus

"What happened?" Dan asked "drank too much" I said walking her to the lounge room

She was awake now

"Van?" She asked "yes I'm here darling" I said laying her down she nodded

I stood up looking at her "van?" She asked

I turned my head to look at her

"Yes?"

"Please, don't leave yet" she whispered with tears in her eyes

I lay next to her and pulled my arms around her hearing her cry softly

I closed my eyes "you have no idea what you are doing to me, Lexi" I whispered holding her

- the next morning

I woke up from a long sleep

I looked around but didn't see Lexi

I knitted my eyebrows together, normally she wouldn't wake up earlier than me.

"Lexi?" I said standing up

No answer.

I walked towards the bunks and saw Larry on his phone "you seen Lexi?" I asked him

"Probably in the kitchen right?" He answered confused

I walked towards the kitchen part but didn't see her so i walked back into the lounge room

My heart dropped.

Her bags weren't there anymore.

I grabbed my phone and phoned her up but she didn't pick up so i called Becky

"Yes, van?" She asked "is Lexi's at yours?" I asked her brushing a hand trough my hair

There was a short silence "van...she was on tour with yous right?" She asked confused

"She was smashed last night and told me she wanted to leave and when i woke up she wasn't there" I said walking towards the kitchen again "isn't she just having a smoke outside or anything?" She asked me "her bags aren't there anymore." I whispered sitting down

"Did you call her?" She asked "yes, but she didn't pick up." I answered

"Oh Christ" she said "what are we gonna do now?" I asked "we can't do anything can we?" She whispered I closed my eyes "what if she-" I started "I know, van" she whispered

I hung up and looked at the ceiling

-

"I'm going to Glasgow." I said yo the boys

"Van, we're on tour man, you can't leave" Dan said "I gotta go see where she is" I said grabbing my bags "we have four shows left." Mike said "that are four nights mate, I can't sleep or think i can't even perform tonight." I said looking at them "you have to" Dan said

"You know how much i love touring but me' girl is no where to be seen, i need to find her." I said Dan looked at the rest of the boys

"Which shows do we have then?" Mike asked

"One at reading and Leeds festival, one in Leeds it self, one in Sheffield and one gig in London." He said "can't we cancel?" I asked

I honestly didn't want to cancel but i had to

"Van, this is going to be a fuck-" he started

"I know i know I'll make it up to them I promise" I said they nodded

I grabbed my bags and got a ticket to Glasgow

"I hope you find her mate." Dan said

I nodded "I'll find her." I said with a nod

I made my way out of the bus and got a cab

I needed to find her.

-

-

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Thanks for reading!