Carmen:

Zach Zach Zach Zach. Focus on Zach. I looked at him, studying the way he looked at the television while tapping his fingers on his knee. He licked his lips, checking something on his phone. I took a deep breath, cracking my knuckles.

Don't compare him, do not do that. I couldn't help it.

It was normal, I mean I'd just gotten out of that thing with Van. I was thinking about him. He was miles away back in London so I just had him on the brain for now. But Zach could help me forget. Maybe he was a distraction right now, but in no time at all he'd be more than that. I'd make sure of it.

"Whatcha thinkin about?" His voice cut through my thoughts. I smiled at him.

"Nothing."

"Are you still game for Nicole's?" He asked.

"Yeah of course."

"Good, cause I can't wait to show off my girl to everyone."

"They already know me." I laughed.

"Yeah, but this is different." He looked at his phone again. "Shoot, I'm on drink duty. Would you mind if I run down to the store to get some stuff before we go?"

"No, I can go with you."

"Nah I'll be right back." He kissed my mouth, taking me by surprise. I watched him slam the door behind him, standing up and stretching. I turned the television off, walking to my room to finish getting ready.

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"Carmen!" Nicole threw her arms around me, squishing her face against mine. She stepped back, sticking her tongue out at Zach. "So glad you could make it Zeeko. Come on, everyone's been waiting for you and those drinks."The music was pounding. "My friend Jesse loves to man the music. So if you hate a song, complain to him." Nicole shouted in my ear.

"It's fine I like it!" I responded. A song began to play and it took me two seconds to place the voice.

And all the mixed feelings

It's like I couldn't go without one damn minute without having him thrown in my face. Zach looked at me. "Hey, isn't this"-

"I like this song actually!" Nicole shouted. "Have you heard of it?"

"Nicole tell Jesse to change it!" Zach shouted over me. I shook my head at him, and he looked at me confused.

"What'd you say?" Nicole asked.

"He didn't say anything." I turned back to Zach. "It doesn't matter." I yelled into his ear. "It's just a song."

I walked next to him, noting that he was off now. Nicole led us to where their other friends were, and everyone started looking at the drinks Zach brought. The song ended and Zach visibly relaxed. Jeremy and Bryan were trying to open a bottle but couldn't. Zach thrust his hand towards them. "Give it here, you guys are such girls."

I glanced at Zach, but maybe I heard wrong.

We settled down and everything went back to normal. Everyone was laughing at something when I felt my phone vibrate in my bag.

Katherine: Benji said that Van and you are ok now, is that true?

"What is that supposed to mean?" Zach's voice in my ear made me jump. He was unashamedly looking at my phone, reading the message.

"Nothing it doesn't mean anything." I locked my phone, throwing it in my bag and rolling my shoulders back. Zach was still looking at me, but he finally reached over for another drink, slinging his arm around my shoulders and giving me a kiss on the corner of my mouth. Everyone faked being grossed out, but then they were back to laughing.

I absentmindedly tuned in and out of the conversation, letting my hand rest on Zach's knee while he laughed at something. "What a fucking pussy!" I glanced up at him, unsure if those were his words again. The music and the loudness might be warping his speech. I'd never heard him talk like that.

I got hot quickly, so I figured I'd go to the bathroom for a breather. I got up, Zach grabbing my wrist. "What?"

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"Bathroom."

"Second door on your left babe!" Nicole spoke up. Zach let go of my wrist and I walked away, feeling more relaxed as I got farther.

In the bathroom I leaned over the sink, running my hands under the cold water and tucking my hair back. The atmosphere was too hot and sweaty outside, and though it was fun, I kinda wanted to go back home already.

Zach's attitude was different tonight. I don't know what it was, he seemed more aggressive. Maybe it was just a bad day or something.

I got back and sat down next to Zach, who resumed the position of having his arm around me. I laughed at something Nicole said, and soon everyone was throwing around the idea of body shots. "Oh no, I'm ok." I laughed, waving a hand.

"Come on, it'll be fun." Zach nudged me with his hand. "I'll do one off you."

"No really, I'm fine." I smiled.

"Carmen come on, don't be boring."

I stiffened. "Zach that's not my thing."

"But it's just one time." He begged.

"I said no."

"It's just a fucking body shot." He responded.

No one noticed his tone over the music, everyone was still talking loudly over each other. I grew hot again and I really wished I could step outside for a minute. He was still looking at me and for a minute I felt like I really wanted to not be here. He took another look at me and walked toward the phone plugged into the music deck.

Kathleen started again and he walked back. "There that good for you? Are you up for anything now?" He shouted into my ear. I looked at him.

"Zach, why are you acting like this?"

He grabbed my hand, leading me towards a more private corner. He wound his arms around me and pushed me into a hug, whispering into my ear. "You don't mind the music, your friend's asking about him, what the fuck is going on?"

"Nothing's going on." I broke away from him, looking at him in a new light. I didn't like the kind of guy he was being right now. The carefree guy who made me laugh was not the same one who now looked at me with a scowl and tense jaw. "Zach, what's wrong?"

"It's like your ex is following us around." He muttered. "I can't seem to have you to myself for one second without him coming up."

"You do have me, come on. Is he here right now?" I asked, looking around the room and then back at him.

He rolled his eyes, a small smile finally breaking through. "I know, you're right. I'm sorry. It's just come on, get where I'm coming from?"

I didn't bother to answer, scratching the side of my face.

We finally went back to his friends and everything continued. No one talked about body shots and Zach intertwined his fingers around mine. The music shifted and everyone got up to dance.

It's the remix to ignition

Hot and fresh out the kitchen

"Mama rollin that body! Got every man in here wishin!" Nicole wrapped her hands around mine, swinging me around. I threw my head back and laughed, feeling light. I looked around and met Zach's eye. He winked at me and then laughed at something his friend said.

"Roll that body for Zach and get him wishin!"

"Shut up!" I laughed. She tried to push me to him but I shook my head, feeling warm. "I'll be back." I started towards the bathroom again, but a pair of hands grabbed my hips. "Zach hold on." I laughed, trying to push him away.

"Come on." He said, not letting go.

"I really have to pee."

"No you don't."

"I do!" I moved his hands away, moving towards the bathroom.

When I came back out Zach was skulking in the corner, barely glancing at me before looking away. Ok.

I walked towards Nicole, having a full on conversation about something or other before walking to my phone. Zach was still being mad for some reason. I checked my phone, responding to Katherine's text finally.

Eh, we're not terrible

Katherine: So are you guys back together?

Nah

Katherine: ??????????

I don't know what to say, we're friends?

Katherine: I call bullshit.

Have you been talking to Benji?

Katherine: Yeah a bit

What has Van said?

Katherine: Van says he doesn't see why we should gossip about it like a bunch of old women

Funny, those are my sentiments exactly

Katherine: :(

I smiled, thinking of Van's response. So I guess we weren't on bad terms then? But then again, what he said didn't exactly give much insight on what he thought. Besides, maybe we both needed to not talk for a bit to really let some things heal over and whatnot.

Anything you need. Anytime at all.

He couldn't be serious, could he?

"Who are you talking to?" I snapped up to see Zach looking down at me. My nerves prickled, because Zach was going back to the way he was acting a couple of minutes ago, and I didn't much like that person.

"Just my friend. Katherine." I felt the need to add, standing up. "Listen I'm tired, so...."

"Yeah yeah ok." He put the cup down, walking over to Nicole. "The princess is tired, we have to go."

I ground my teeth. Where had he come from honestly?

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Van:

"Listen Benji, you should stop speculating about my life." I smacked him playfully on the head.

"I'm just saying, why don't you want to talk about what happened with Carmen?"

"Because nothing happened."

"So you hate her then?"

"Of course not, we're just, doing our thing."

"So you're like friends? With benefits?"

"Shut up honestly." I walked to door, throwing it open.

"Christ when were you gonna tell me you're back?!" A pair of arms wrapped around my neck, practically suffocating me. Abby stepped back, brushing her hair back. "Come on, let's grab a drink! The guys can come too."

"Thanks!" Bondy called from the back. I took a deep breath, pushing my hair back.

"I'm loads tired, some other time?"

"Van." She said in a stern tone.

"I swear, some other time, but I have to unpack and then we've got a meeting down at the label."

"For what?"

"Dunno, but I'll tell you later, ok?"

"Promise?" She huffed.

"Promise promise. OK, see you later Abby." She was turning away just as I shut the door. I leaned back, taking a deep breath. "Ok, now I can sleep."

"Why you keep ditching her like that? Sure she'd be a good distraction from Carmen or whatever junk you don't want to deal with. Just like the other girls eh?"

"Those were different. I know Abby, for real."

"For real." Bondy repeated. "So you really want her as just a friend?"

"That's what I've been saying for the entire time I've known her." I said. "I'm gonna sleep now."

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Carmen:

"'Night." I slid out of the car, shutting the door.

"Hold on." Zach rolled up his windows and shut the car off, sliding out. "Lemme walk you."

"It's fine."

"Really, what kind of guy lets his girlfriend walk alone?" He wrapped an arm around my waist, falling in step next to me. I took a breath, relaxing. Once at my door he leaned in and grabbed my face, elongating the kiss and letting out a groan at the end. "See you at work. Don't be late."

"Yessir." I shut the door at his retreating back, standing against it.

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I woke up in the middle of the night with a thudding heart and a cold sweat. I brushed a hand against my forehead, drawing my knees up and resting my head on them.

So vivid again. This wasn't the first dream I'd had of Van, but it was unsettling. He was walking right in front of me, turning to say something I couldn't make out. He was always within reach, but never close enough to grab onto. Towards the end I'd finally caught up to him, but it wasn't Van anymore.

It was Zach.

I rubbed my temples. Nothing made sense right now and my head felt eighty pounds heavy. But I had about three more hours of sleep before my alarm, so I figured I needed to sleep, no matter what weird dreams would play out later.

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"Waiting for something?" Zach asked out of the blue the next day. I glanced up, not realizing he was talking to me until he looked at me.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been checking your phone a lot. I was just wondering." He shrugged, taking a sip from his coffee. I took a sip of the one he'd brought me, but it had cooled already. I threw it away, turning back to my computer. "Didn't like it?" He spoke up again.

"What? Of course, it was good." I responded, turning back to my computer.

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Van:

"Abby if you take me out for drinks I'm going to drink a lot and then you'll be sorry."

She ignored me, grabbing my hand and pulling me forward. "No one will be sorry. Besides, you should really develop some self control."

"Gee I'll get right on that."

None of the guys had been able to come, so Abby had finally gotten me out into the city. It had been about four days since we'd gotten back, and I hadn't left the flat at all. All I'd done was watch TV and play FIFA, talking to Larry sometimes and coordinating games because we were grown men who could do so. Larry was begging me to come hang in Leeds with him and it wasn't taking much to like the thought. Besides, with the tour over I knew I needed to write out some tunes for the new record. Before Rich put a deadline on my head like a sentence.

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'"Another round." I slammed my hand on the table, leaning back.

People were glancing at me, I knew some of them recognized me. It wasn't until a couple of lads made their way to our table that more people got the idea to wander over. I looked at Abby, but she seemed unfazed by the whole thing. I think she liked the attention.

"Me, with a rockstar." She grinned, taking a drink.

"I know, you're welcome. Maybe I should charge you just for being here." I took a large drink, looking out the window of the place.

"Arse." She took a drink, moving her fist under her chin. "Maybe a little of your fame will rub off on me."

"Fame." I laughed, taking a drink. "I like it, but look what it's cost me. Can't even get with my girl anymore." It took me a second to realize what I'd said. Abby looked at me.

"If she couldn't handle it, she couldn't handle it." She muttered, taking a drink. "Some girls just want boring lives. If you give them anything else they'll get scared."

"She wasn't scared." I closed my eyes, taking a drink. "She just...we just...didn't know how to go along it sometimes."

"You need a girl who gets it. Who understands what the deal comes with."

"Really?" I looked at her, then back to my glass.

"Van." Her fingers wrapped around my chin and she pulled my face close to hers. "I know what I did was wrong before, but now there's nothing holding you down. Give me the chance, I'll show you that I can handle everything you come with. I won't ask for more, and I won't complain whenever you're away."

"Abby."

She ran her lips against my cheek, coming closer to my mouth.

Abby wouldn't mind it.

Bondy's voice rang clear through my mind. I wrapped my fingers into Abby's hair, squeezing my eyes shut and letting her kiss me until she moved back with a grin. She brought the glass to her mouth, looking out at the people gawking at us. I took a drink, resting my face on my hand.

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Carmen:

"Zach. Zach!" I whispered loudly, looking towards the door. Zach didn't mind me, taking my mouth with his and running his hands down my sides. I opened my eyes and looked at the door, hands still gripping him. "This is the worst place. Come on."

"It's kind of hot isn't it?" He laughed, breaking away from me. When he noticed my unchanging expression, he sighed. "Carmen why do you keep acting as if we're doing something wrong?"

"I just think, here's not the place. I don't want anyone getting a show here at work." I scratched my chin, looking at the window.

"Fine fine fine." He said, moving back to his desk. Thank god the other two hadn't shown up yet.

My phone vibrated.

Nicole: Hey sweetheart, I was thinking of doing something tomorrow, girls night!!!! Be there or be square :) My place, 7?

Sounds great, see you then :)

I glanced up and saw Zach look away from me, going back to his computer. More often I'd catch him looking at me. I thought about this weekend at Nicole's, when he'd acted so different and moody. That hadn't happened much since, but then again it had only been like three days. And we'd only seen each other at work.

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I went to school the next day and came back, throwing my stuff down and wandering over to Jesse's door. She was laying down on her phone, oblivious.

I knocked on the door and she looked up, grinning. "Hey, how was school?"

"It was good. You leaving tonight?"

"Yeah I was gonna go catch a movie with Johnathan. Something superhero related." She made a face. "But I'll see you after?"

"Yeah. So do you feel better now? About being here alone?"

"Well the alarm is here and I can't live in fear my entire life. Besides, am I really gonna lose my mind over a couple of pieces of jewelry and my laptop?" She smiled and shrugged, stretching.

"True, alright I'm gonna go eat something."

"Hey by the way, Zach called? He said he couldn't reach your phone."

I stopped, turning back. "Yeah it died. I'll call him later."

"Alright you should. He sounded a little off."

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Nicole said she'd meet me downstairs, so I wasted no time in getting ready.

As I was fixing my ponytail there was a knock at the door. I checked the eyehole, expecting Nicole.

But it wasn't.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I leaned against the door.

"You weren't picking up. I figured we could watch a movie tonight or something." Zach crossed his arms, taking me in. Something in his neck twitched, and he cleared his throat. "Where are you going?"

"I thought Nicole told you, we're going out for the night."

"She didn't. But then I didn't think to ask. Since I'd figured you'd be so tired from school. I thought I'd surprise you."

I bit my lip. "I guess it slipped my mind to tell you. But she should be here any minute and"- My phone rang and I turned away, going to pick it up.

"I'm here!"

"Be right there." I turned back, walking towards the door with my bag. "Zach I'm sorry I forgot to tell you, I guess"-

"It's ok, just get out of it." Zach said simply.

"What?"

"Tell Nicole you're sick or something. She'll get over it."

"She's right downstairs." I said in disbelief. "Zach, you"-

"Come on, she can see you any other time. Besides, I'm your boyfriend." He brought a hand to my face.