《The Advice Column IV》604

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This person says that she feels she's not good enough for her boyfriend.

Hello!

We're glad to hear that our previous advice helped you. That's why we're here! :)

You say that you do not feel good enough for your boyfriend, so let me ask you something: Do you feel like you're not good enough in other areas in your life?

That's the first question you need to answer for yourself.

Given that you think you're ugly, annoying, and over dramatic, it seems to me that the answer to this question is yes. However, you're the only person who can answer this genuinely.

If the answer is no, then the issue at hand isn't as complicated as it may seem. Here's my advice in this case: communication is one of the most important skills to apply in a relationship. The best solution is to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about this. First, ask him what he likes about you. Then, inform him that you are insecure about so-and-so, and it makes you feel insufficient as a girlfriend. The one thing I strongly recommend is talking to him about is the fact that you wonder whether he likes you as much as you like him. Ask him to help you find a solution that will help you overcome these insecurities. Make sure to request he sticks with you and helps you track your progress. If need be, see if you can visit a counselor who can help the two of you find a solution. Moreover, do some homework by yourself. Don't just rely on your boyfriend to help you in this situation; sit down on your bed and ask yourself how you can overcome these insecurities. Do some serious introspection. For example, if a person is ugly, does that really mean that they aren't worthy of love? Of course not. There's much more to being in a relationship than physical beauty; perhaps you feel like you're annoying, but your boyfriend does not find you annoying but rather funny. Sometimes, the way we perceive ourselves isn't the way others perceive us. No one knows us more than we know ourselves, and, so, this makes us harsh on ourselves. Sure, we're made of flaws, but were equally made of strengths. Write a list of what makes you a good person and good girlfriend and perhaps keep this list somewhere you'll always have access to when you need it. In times of need, pull out the list and remind yourself of the things that actually do make you worthy of love and affection. There are billions of people in this world, and most of them are in relationships. What makes them so much better than you that they can be in relationships and not yourself? Nothing. You are not any less than they are, and as long as you care for your boyfriend and he cares for you, then the relationship is just as valid as any other relationship.

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If the answer is yes, then let's tackle this problem by breaking down some things. When we feel that we aren't good enough, that means there is something or someone making us feel this way. Is this insecurity a person or thing in your case? Answer this question and write it down. It is obvious to me that something is telling you that you are insufficient; this insecurity is playing with your feelings and making its way to attack you in your relationship. You need to find the source of this insecurity and face it. Sit down and be honest with yourself when you think about this. Ask yourself what that insecurity is and what's causing it. Then, ask yourself how you can battle this insecurity and overcome it. You read that right. You must battle the insecurity. Overcoming negative perceptions aren't easy, especially when they are about ourselves, so, when trying to solve this problem, think of battling the insecurity. You want to bring it down. I recommend solving this issue by writing down the insecurity (or insecurities), the cause of it, and a plan on how you are going to kill it. If you need help figuring out what your insecurities are, then seek the help of a friend, parent, sibling, or counselor. From my knowledge, counselors are the best people who may help you change the way you perceive yourself. They can help you challenge yourself and learn a lot about yourself. With that said, having a loved one help you in this situation should be helpful such as your boyfriend. You could have discussions on what can help you change the way you view yourself and finally become more confident.

I hope this was helpful!

The Advice Column Team

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