Helloooo my friends...

After we got home Charlie was tired, and after dinner he went straight to bed.

I was sitting on my bed, sending my parents a text message after I had finished talking to Celia.

She had tried her best to cheer me up when I had told her about the argument on the flight, and about how I’d met Damien’s girlfriend, but it didn’t help much.

She was eager to meet the rest of the Black family though, and she was jealous that I got to stay with them over the weekend.

“You are so lucky!”, she had complained when I had told her about how great everyone -except a special someone-was, and how amazing this apartment and my room were.

Lucky wasn’t exactly the word I would have used to describe my situation but arguing with her was pointless, because we both knew I had brought this onto myself.

I had no right to complain.

I could tell that Celia couldn’t wait to come back to New York and without doubt she would make use of what Mrs Black had said, about her and Derek being welcome at their apartment any time.

Celia and I had already ended our phone call, when it suddenly knocked on my door and I jerked a little, quickly pulling down my nightgown a little, that I had put on already.

“Uhm… Come in?”, I said, and the door opened. I was expecting Clary, or Mrs Black. But not him.

“Damien? What do you want?”, I asked confused and I felt my cheeks turning hot a little when his gaze, if only for a split second, seemed to rest on my half exposed body.

Had Clary told him about the incident with Talia earlier?

“Can we talk?”, he asked, and I bit my lip and when I didn’t answer he just came in anyway.

His face expression was blanc and his deep blue eyes sent me a cold gaze.

“I just wanted to tell you that you can move into your apartment. Tonight.”

“Tonight?”, I asked perplexed, and he rolled his eyes.

“Yes, tonight. As in today. Now, actually. A driver can drop you off.”

“Are you serious?”, I asked in disbelief.

He didn’t answer my question but the look he casted me was enough.

“Why? I mean-”, I started but he cut me off.

“Why? Because this is not your home, Allison. This is not your family. Your family is somewhere in Europe because you lied to them, just like you lied to me. And the only reason why I am even helping you getting an apartment because of Charlie.

What was your plan? Did you think you could just move in here and let my parents pay for everything? After what you did to us? And to Charlie? Don’t try to fool yourself.”

I could just stare at him. Tears started dwelling up in my eyes while I tried to comprehend what he had just said.

I had heard the words.

I just didn’t want to believe that they were actually coming from his mouth.

But there were no hidden cameras.

I felt my face turning pale and I could almost hear my heart cracking inside my chest.

How could I have been so dumb?

How could I have actually believed he was going to kiss me that night? He had just been playing with me. And I had believed there was at least a small part in him that still liked me.

I had been so wrong.

It was all about revenge for him and now I was where he wanted me from the first day. I had hit rock bottom.

Knowing, that he had just played with my feelings, hurt more than anything else. My throat was dry and the lump inside it was so gig that I had trouble breathing and my lip was trembling.

“The driver is waiting downstairs. If you pack your stuff and leave now, nobody will notice for a while and the driver will drop Charlie off at your apartment tomorrow. Here are the keys to your apartment and I transferred some money onto your bank account.”

He set down the key on my bed and then he was gone, leaving me behind as a wreck. Confused, mortified and angry, at him, but especially me.

The pain was a dull and heavy weight, pulling me down. It was hard to breathe. I wanted to cry, but I wouldn’t let myself. Not yet. Not right now.

I didn’t even know how I managed to grab my duffle bag and cram all of my stuff in there. When I stepped outside my room, I couldn’t hear anything except my own heavy breathing and suppressed sobs, so I went upstairs one more time.

I didn’t know how long I stood in the doorway of Charlie’s bedroom, trying my hardest to be quiet and not wake him up.

It took all the strength I had left to carry the duffle bag down the hallway to the elevator and to the car waiting outside but somehow I made it, and I didn’t look back.

The driver hadn’t said a word on the entire ride, even though I was sobbing the whole drive to my apartment.

Damien must had given the driver the directions already because he didn’t ask for directions. Not that I could have told him anyways.

When he dropped me off he silently handed me my bag and left me standing there on the sidewalk.

A few people casted me looks but I didn’t care.

All I could think about were Damien’s words that seemed to have been burned into my memory, and the more I thought about them the more I realized that they were true.

All of them.

The apartment number was on the keys Damien had given me and when I finally opened the heavy door to the apartment, I didn’t even spare one look around.

Instead I curled myself up on the couch in the living room and cried myself to sleep which was hard because my ribcage felt like it was on fire because of all the crying and sobbing.

But my heart hurt worse.

How many times would my heart be broken again?

When I woke up my body was shaking from the cold.

A window was open, and I was only wearing my night gown.

It took me a few seconds to realize that somebody was knocking at the door.

“Ally? Open the door, I know you are in there!”, Clary’s muffled voice yelled, and I winced.

What was she doing here?

“Come on, your new neighbors are getting annoyed already. Just open the door or I swear I will break it.”

No doubt she would.

With a groan I lifted myself off the couch and yelped in pain when my chest started hurting again.

When I reached the door, I put my hand on the door handle, but I didn’t open it yet.

“Clary, just leave. Please.”, I begged but Clary started knocking again.

“I will not leave until you tell me what happened. Why would you leave just like that?”

My eyes started burning again.

“Maybe that is just what I do, Clary. I just leave without a word and lie to the ones that mean the most to me. I guess that is what I am meant to do, hurting people.”

Clary was quiet for a few seconds and I turned to leave before she started talking again.

“If you ever say something this stupid again I will kick your ass. And now open the door or I will kick it in, in 3… 2…”

I opened the door reluctantly and saw Clary, with her arms crossed, grinning. At least until she saw my face.

“Oh my God! What happened, Ally?”, she asked shocked.

It couldn’t be the messed up makeup. Half of it had come off yesterday while I had been crying and the rest was probably smeared into the new couch.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that is why you should leave. Thanks for checking on me though.”

I tried to close the door again, but Clary was faster and stepped in, blocking the door with her arm.

I sighed.

She looked at me for a few more seconds, then her face turned red in anger.

“It was Damien, wasn’t it? I am going to kill him. What did he do?”

I shook my head a little too fast.

“No, no really. Everything is fine. He didn’t do anything.”

I really didn’t want to be the reason Clary and Damien argued.

That would just prove Damien’s point.

I was no good for any of them.

“Don’t lie to me, Ally! Just tell me what he said, and I will take care of it.”

The way she said it had me convinced that her taking care of it would involve rather a lot of violence that reasoning.

I wiped a single tear away from my ice cold cheek.

I wondered how it was even possible for any person to cry as much as I had in the past 6 months.

“He was right though! Can’t you see that? If I would tell you, you would get mad at him. Because of me! I don’t want to be the reason why you two argue. I am always messing everything up, Clary! And after everything I did all of you are still so kind to me and I simply don’t deserve it.”

Clary shook her head indignantly.

“Ally, that is not true! Damien is my brother; we will always argue and there is nothing you can do about that. And you are not using us. I know that, my parents know that, and so does Damien. We want to help you. Can’t you see that? Whatever Damien said, I know he didn’t mean it. He might be arrogant sometimes, but not ignorant.

You said yourself you wouldn’t let Damien determine how you live your life, Ally. Just tell me what he said, and I will make sure he is going to regret it.”, she said determined and grabbed my cold hand.

She frowned.

“You are freezing!”, she assessed and got up, looking around, until she found a blanket in a drawer. She handed it to me, and I smiled at her a little.

“Thanks.”

After she had left I had started unpacking because I couldn’t sleep anymore, and I was trying to distract myself but all I could think about was Damien and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that he had been right.

But at the same time, I just couldn’t warp my head around him.

Had him being worried about me been just a lie too? But Clary seemed so convinced that he liked me, or at least, that he didn’t hate me.

I hadn’t told her what exactly he had said to me, just that he repeatedly told me that he didn’t want me around him or his family anymore.

She had known that wasn’t all but after a while she had seemed to accept that I didn’t want to talk about it for now.

She had seemed furious enough without me telling her everything. She kept saying, that I shouldn’t care about Damien’s stupid opinion. But I did.

I didn’t want to, but I did, and I wanted to slap myself for it.

Maybe I wanted to believe that he was still the same cute guy that had punched Connor in the face for me and had taken care of me and made me laugh that night.

But of one thing, I was certain, both of us had changed since that night, and wasn’t sure whether it was for the better.

Pondering, I kept unpacking the boxes that were stacked in the back of the living room.

It took me forever because at some point of time my head started aching again and I needed to take a break every couple of minutes.

It was already past 7 when my phone started ringing.

It was Clary but when I picked up the phone it wasn’t her voice at the other end of the line.

“Mommy?”, Charlie asked, and I smiled but suddenly there was a lump in my throat.

“Hey honey. I am sorry I left but you were asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you up. I went to check out our new apartment and get everything ready. I haven’t finished unpacking yet so I could really use the help of a strong man like yourself tomorrow, would that be alright with you darling?”, I joked a little.

Charlie laughed and just hearing him laugh made some of the pressure on my chest ease off.

“Yes, mommy. Can daddy come too? He can help us!”, he asked, and I froze for a second.

“No, I am afraid not, I am sure he has lots of work to catch up on, but maybe he can come visit us next weekend.”, I said and immediately felt guilty for lying to Charlie and I had to think of Damien’s words again.

He was right.

I kept lying to the one I loved most.

Charlie whined. “That isn’t fair. He always has to work.”

“I know, honey. But you can spend the whole next weekend with him, okay?”

Charlie didn’t seem to be happy, but he didn’t try to argue with me. We talked a couple more minutes until he started yawning and Clary eventually took over the phone and said her good nights before she hung up, but not without asking me at least five times if I was really okay or if she should stop by.

I put down the phone on the table and sighed before I stepped outside on the little balcony. It was already dark outside, or at least as dark as it could get with all the with light ablaze buildings.

New York really deserved its name of the city that never sleeps.

The wind was cold, but it calmed me and the many emotions inside me. I inhaled deeply while I stared down onto the busy streets.

My apartment was far from being only nearly as big or expensive as the one of the Blacks, but it was still really pretty. There were two bedrooms, and mine was big enough to install a small office -should I ever get a job that would actually require one-. There were also two bathrooms and the living room and kitchen had only recently been renovated.

There was even a pool and a gym for the tenants, and I knew that I could never afford this place on my own.

I would have preferred to be able to rent my own apartment, especially after what Damien had said, but this allowed me to be closer to the hospital so going to the appointments would be a lot easier this way and as soon as I found a good job I could maybe even pay the rent for the apartment on my own.

Because my pride wouldn’t allow me to keep living of Damien’s pittance.