HEY guys:)

It was quarter to 8 a.m. when I arrived at the park, the place I had chosen for our meeting. My parents had always come here with me and there was a big playground right in the center. I was sitting on a bench in front of a small lake.

He would be here soon, at least if he actually decided to show up.

I wrapped my arms around my torso as if I tried to comfort myself, but it didn’t help. I felt so cold.

Not just because of the rainy weather and the wind, also because the anxiety seemed to take control over my body.

It paralyzed me.

I had stayed at hospital this night, but I had barely gotten any sleep. Most of the time I had just sat beside Charlie, holding his hand, and asking myself where all of this was going to lead us.

How would he react? What would he say?

There were so many questions and with every minute that passed I got more nervous. There weren’t a lot of people in the park.

Just a few people exercising, and I had also seen a mother and her two children taking a walk.

I hadn’t been here with Charlie for a while. He had barely left the hospital in 2 weeks and I knew he missed being outside. It hurt so much to see him suffer like that. I stared blankly at the calm water while my fingers played with the zipper of my jacket.

For the 7th time in 2 minutes I checked my phone. 7 minutes to 8 a.m..

I wondered if he was actually going to come.

He had agreed to meet me here, alone, because I had insisted on it. But we were basically strangers. This must have seemed very strange to him; it would have seemed strange to anyone.

I didn’t have time to worry any longer because I heard steps coming. I stood up and turned around and my heart stopped, just to continue beating at double the pace.

It was him.

His hair was a little shorter and more tamed than the last time I had seen him but otherwise he hadn’t changed much, except that he seemed a bit tired and worn out.

He was wearing a dark suit but there was no tie this up and time.

Suddenly, I felt hot and cold at the same time.

This was crazy. I couldn’t tell him. I was just about to turn around and leave but at that moment he looked into my direction and saw me.

His blue eyes met mine and I held my breath. I had remembered that his eyes were this stunning blue, but my memory didn’t do him justice. It took me a few seconds to gather myself and I forced myself to take a deep breath.

It was too late to change my mind and run and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. Celia was right, I couldn’t run from my problems, not anymore, and I kept reminding myself that I wasn’t doing this for me but for Charlie.

He finally stopped in front of me and neither of us said a word, none of us were sure what to do. Should we hug? Shake hands, maybe? Both seemed ridiculous to me.

He still looked at me and his glare was so intense that I suddenly had a big lump in my throat.

Damien gave me little smirk that reminded me of the way he had looked at me the night we met and how we had sat at the bar, talking, at least until Connor showed up.

He looked around and when he noticed that no one beside us was here, his grin widened.

“Is that the moment where you take out your knife and try to kill me? Or are you going to do that little trick of yours again first?”, he asked amused and I felt my cheeks turn hot.

“Sorry. Usually there are lots of people here. My parents always took me here when I was younger. And believe me, I am not a serial killer or anything like that. I just-… wanted to talk.”, I said.

Damien nodded. “Uhm… Yeah. That is what you said. I have about an hour before I have to attend the meeting.”, he responded after checking his watch, and I shrugged.

“Of course. I- Maybe you should sit down.”

“I think I’d rather stand.” He raised an eyebrow. No doubt, he was thinking I was crazy.

“Okay. But before I tell you I just want you to know that I am sorry, okay?”

He didn’t look amused anymore and he rolled his eyes.

“It can’t be that bad.”, he said I clenched my teeth. He had no idea.

“Okay. First of all, I am sorry that I left that day without saying a word. I was confused and scared. Terrified actually. I mean, the whole thing with Connor and the getting wasted on tequila was already pretty bad. But it was kind of my first one night stand and I didn’t know what to do.”, I admitted, and he laughed dryly.

“It’s okay. I mean that one was a first for me, but I got over it.”, he shrugged, and I took another deep breath.

Now the worst part. I sat down on the bench again and looked away while my hands clasped the seat of the bench.

“Anyways, I really just wanted to forget about the whole thing to be honest but then, after a few weeks, I started feeling really sick.

First I thought I just had the flu or something like that, but it just wouldn’t stop, and I would just randomly start throwing up and…

My best friend made me take a pregnancy test. And it was positive. I didn’t want to believe at first. I mean we used protection, didn’t we?”, I rambled on and laughed hysterically. I didn’t dare to look at him and because he didn’t say anything I continued.

“It took me days to actually accept the fact that I was pregnant, but you cannot keep ignoring a child growing in your body forever, right? It was just such a shock and I panicked and at first, I wanted to get an abortion. I told myself over and over again that it would be the best for all of us. I mean, I was only 19!

I had so many plans and I thought a baby would stop me from doing all the things that I wanted to do. To be honest I thought that was what you would want too. But-”

He interrupted me. His voice was barely a whisper. “You are saying it- I mean I am -”, he didn’t finish his sentence, but I nodded.

Tears were streaming down my face and I didn’t even try to stop them.

“But did you-”, his voice almost cracked, and it broke my heart. I finally looked at him. He was paler than just a few seconds ago and his blue eyes were widened. Slowly I shook my head.

“I wanted to, but I couldn’t. My parents tried to have another child after me, you know? But they couldn’t. How could I have ever looked them in the eyes again if I had done it?”, I said, more to myself than him.

Finally, he seemed to catch himself and all of the sudden his face expression hardened.

“It can’t be my child. We used protection. Maybe Connor is the father.”

He looked at me and his voice was lacking any sort of emotion.

I shook my head.

“It cannot be Connor’s child because-”, my voice shook, “Because you weren’t only my first one night stand. You were the first man I ever was with. Something must have gone wrong, what do I know.”

My voice was weak, and I was too agitated to be embarrassed about the fact that I had just admitted to him that he had been the one who had taken my virginity.

He didn’t say anything for a while. He had turned his back on me and was staring at the lake while I stood there like a picture of misery. Tears were still rolling down my cheeks and I didn’t even bother wiping them away as there were always new ones coming, but at least I wasn’t sobbing. I had no idea how long we stood there until he turned around. There was so much pain in his eyes that I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds.

“I am so sorry. I wanted to tell you earlier but-”

“But what, Ally? How could you think that you had the right to keep from me that I have a child? I- I don’t even know if it is a boy or a girl. Or the name! I have been a father for more than four years; how can I not know the name of my child?”

With every word his voice got louder, and I winced. His voice was shaking, and it seemed like now all the emotions were leaking through now. So much pain, anger, and confusion. He breathed heavily while he took a step forward.

“It is a boy. His name is Charlie.”, I whispered, and I wasn’t even sure if he had heard me until he suddenly froze.

“Charlie?”, he asked, and I nodded.

“I remembered you talking about your grandfather Charlie and I could tell that he meant a lot to you. I thought that way, I don’t know, he would somehow be connected to his father’s family.”

He looked like I had just slapped him in the face.

“So, you never even planned on telling me?”, he asked, disbelieving, and I shook my head. “No.”

“So, you didn’t think that I had the right to know, that I have a son?” He was furious and I couldn’t blame him.

“I was so scared that you would try to talk me into an abortion. Or that you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with us. I thought, I was doing the right thing. I mean look at you. You are rich, handsome and young and- Imagine what the people would say if they found out you had a child with a normal girl like me?”

Again, it seemed like I had said the exact wrong thing. The hurt in his eyes was almost unbearable.

“So that is what kind of person you think I am? Someone who cares more about his image than his family?”

Now I started sobbing. “I didn’t know you, Damien. How was I supposed to know what you want? I mean I didn’t even know your full name and I didn’t have your number either!”, I cried out and Damien took another step forward.

“But you didn’t give me a choice. Don’t you think I would have had the right to decide if I wanted to be part of your lives, or not? And it seems like you did find me, didn’t you?”

I didn’t say anything. I just sat there, crying.

“So why now? Why did you call me now?” His voice was cold and hard, so different from the Damien I had met a few years ago.

“It is Charlie. He-”, I was sobbing too hard to continue. His eyes widened in horror.

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, I mean, no. No, he isn’t. He-” I took a deep breath and my whole body was shaking. But I needed to pull myself together.

For Charlie.

“About half a year ago Charlie started to get these headaches and he got exhausted super-fast. When it didn’t go away we went to the doctor and-”, my voice cracked, and I didn’t dare to look at Damien.

“He has a brain tumor. The doctors say it was detected in an early stage so it is probably completely curable but I- I just can’t pay the hospital bills anymore.

I tried to cover the costs with the rest of my college fund, and I dropped out of law school and now I work as a waitress.

This would have been my last semester, but I can’t afford the tuition anymore. I have been looking for jobs. I have probably applied to every single office here in Pittsburgh, but nobody seems to want to hire a single mom with an unfinished degree in law who can only work part-time because she has to spend most of the time at a hospital. And no bank will grant me another credit because I don’t make enough money, so…”

“So, you came to me because you need money.”, he asked and laughed. But it was so harsh and dry that I jerked back a little. Still, I nodded.

There was no reason to deny it. Not anymore. He already hated me, and I couldn’t blame him for that.

“I want to see him. I want to see him now. Let’s go.”, he grabbed my arm a little tighter than would have been necessary and dragged me towards the entrance of the park.

His steps were long and almost needed to run to keep up with him. I almost tripped twice but he kept going until we reached a black sports car parked on the street.

“Get in.”, he ordered and finally loosened his grip on my arm, but I didn’t move. “What- what about my car and your meeting?”, I asked, and he cast me a cold gaze that sent an unpleasant shiver down my spine.

“All of that can wait.”