Chapter 19: Awake

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A rhythmic thudding. Panting hard. The taste of copper was on my tongue. Stopping to listen, the world around me was dark and silent. Not even the wind dared to break the quiet. Colours were different. More vibrant. Sharper. Running again. No clear thoughts. Just run and breathe and hunt and kill. A howl broke through the air. A shudder of pain, the only sound escaping was a whine. A deep ache. Bones snapped slowly one by one. This wasn't right.

My throat burned raw as I screamed, agony waking me from my dreams. Every inch of my skin itched, scratched raw by my nails while I slept. I rolled over, trying to cry out. Torian wasn't in bed next to me.

Clouds parted and the room lit up with silver light as the full moon shone through the window. It was too bright, my eyes squeezing shut. My nightgown clung to my soaked body and even the bed beneath me was damp from sweat. My breathing was harsh and heavy and just as I was about to settle back down, the pain returned. It hadn't just been in my dream. Had my scream been real too?

The pain built slowly, my fingers gripping the sheets so tight that it stung. A low groan slipped past my clenched teeth as my muscles cramped, my back bowing in an attempt to escape from it. The crunching sound ground right through me and I couldn't hold back the cries any longer.

I was deaf to the thud of footsteps and voices that filled the chamber joined to the bedroom. My body contorted, my chest constricting so tight that no sound could escape now. I suffered more in my silence but in my head I screamed and screamed, sometimes Torian's name.

"Màili!"

The bedroom door swung open but I couldn't so much as move to see who it was. I wanted them to leave. To be left alone. Gods.

I really could taste blood now, it filled my mouth as my teeth sliced through my tongue and my next breath was choked. Red dripped past my lips. My stomach rolled, threatening to bring the blood I swallowed back up.

Cool hands pushed wet strands of hair from my face and I could only just make out Torian's blurry features. Only those hazel eyes were clear, shining brightly like swirling pools of green and gold. His fingers stroked over my cheek in an attempt to calm me.

"Make it stop," I pleaded wildly, my nails raking over my skin again.

He gripped my wrists, pinning them to the bed beside me and I could see the panic he tried to conceal. I fought against his hold, yanking and bucking violently, my fingers curling into claws, but he wouldn't release me.

I could tell that he didn't know what was wrong as he turned to the blurry shapes that stood behind him. Another body moved to the opposite side of the bed, the scent of heather drifting towards me. Lady Lyall, Torian's mother.

She reached across the bed for my hand, clasping it tightly and hushing me gently, her son's hand still tight around my wrist. The pain had eased off again but instinctually I knew it would return as it had before. The few moments of relief had a shiver wrack through me. Tears streamed down my cheeks, but even they felt cold against the burning heat of my skin. I slumped against the bed like a ragdoll and blood rushed back to my fingers when my husband deemed it safe to let me go. I gripped Lady Lyall's hand tighter.

My arms were red raw from scratching, nasty raised lines running up and down my skin. I'd done that to myself. Another wave of overwhelming heat burned itself deep into my bones.

"Please," I begged again, my thoughts scattered and fevered.

Torian let out a growl, tuning towards where his father stood. "What do I do? How do I make it stop?"

"Wait for the healer, my male," Lady Lyall answered for him, her features tense with concern.

When Torian looked helplessly back at me, grief in his gaze, it spiked my heart with fear. Was I going to die? A fresh wave of tears, my body trembled and the room swirled around me once more. The pressure built again until it felt like it was crushing and twisting bone and muscle alike. I didn't want to cry out in front of them, biting my lip to keep quiet. Blood smeared my chin now.

Torian quickly pulled my lip from between my teeth, sternly shaking his head at me. His own lips moved but I couldn't hear his voice over the rush of blood in my head. He twisted towards his father again, his face angry. I only managed to catch a few words.

". . .can't wait. . .shock."

I rolled, unable to help myself, trying to find a way to ease the agony but moving only made it worse. The bed was soaked with sweat, the sheets twisted around my bare legs. I didn't even care that my nightgown had slid up my body during my struggle with Torian. The damp material meant they could see everything already.

"Torian." His name slipped from my lips in a gasping breath, my hand searching for something to anchor myself with. The roughness of his fingers tangled with mine, strong and sure. It settled something that seethed angrily within me.

"Mark her, my male," Lady Lyall urged. Her husband grunted a sound of agreement from beside her while Torian stared with wide eyes.

"We haven't been mated yet. . ." His voice was low and husky, unsure.

His father shook his head, eyes flicking to where I writhed and groaned. "You're married. That will have to be enough. The pack won't care about that. They will care if they think they're future Alpha allowed his intended mate to die in fear of what others would think."

His words had a cry of horror peeling past my bleeding lips. This was it. I was going to die. My eyes squeezed shut and I was too exhausted to even scream as more bones snapped and shifted before moving back again. When I whimpered, Torian lay his body next to mine.

"Hush, my mate. I'll make it stop," he promised gently, his thumb brushing over my cheekbone. "I'll make the pain stop."

I couldn't comprehend his words anymore. My eyes rolled back, my conscience with it as I slipped into the dark that welcomed me with open arms. It was peaceful there. I felt like I was floating. No pain. I slipped a little deeper with one more slow, soft breath.

Before I could go any further, something sharp sunk into my shoulder; a double sting that scorched my veins with a different type of fire. My eyes flew open again, my back arching off the bed as my fingers sunk into the soft hair of the head at my throat. A body covered mine, the weight pinning me to the bed. The pain faded, mixing with a throb that settled low in my belly. The groan of pain softened into a moan, eyes fluttering shut as the warmth spread through me.

"Her eyes."

I didn't know who spoke. Didn't care. All I wanted was to press more of myself into the man above me. Something prodded at my bottom lip, my tongue flicking to explore the two sharp teeth that filled my mouth. The growing presence that had threatened to tear me apart settled back down, curling itself into the dark. For now.

There was another presence too. Feelings of worry, anger and regret swirled around my thoughts and I frowned. These weren't my feelings. The head pressed against me lifted, my eyes flicking to blood stained lips then to glowing hazel eyes. Torian. His hand stroked over my face, his gaze searching. When his head tipped to the side, I zeroed in on his throat. The press of sharp teeth against my lip became more adamant but Torian quickly tore himself away, stumbling to his feet only to be caught by the steady hands of his father.

Another man swept into the room, a leather satchel clutched to his chest. I recognised Asa standing next to him. She came straight to me, her hands wandering over my form. The man with her stayed back and when I looked at Torian, I realised why he was so afraid. My husband stood by the bed, his chest puffed out, stance wide, blocking the healers way.

"You have to let him pass," Lord Lyall ordered, but Torian didn't so much as shift on his feet.

Asa paused in her work, turning towards them. Tension was thick in the air, almost chokingly so. A growl from Lord Lyall and Torian tensed but still didn't move. I watched the scene groggily, my body soaking in relief now that the pain had faded to a dull ache. The crook of my neck throbbed, but it was oddly comforting.

"No male will touch her." Torian's words were low, glutteral.

Something tugged inside me, rearing it's head to watch as my husband stood up against his father. He shuddered with the effort. I didn't understand exactly what was happening.

Lord Lyall seemed impossibly bigger as he moved his wife behind him, eyes glowing. "Then you will leave the room, Torian."

The healer took a slow step in my direction and Torian roared, freezing him to the spot. Asa stood up with a whimper, her gaze locked on the man. Her father maybe? Someone she cared about.

All I could do was watch. Torian met his father head on, but Lord Lyall was far faster and stronger. He grabbed his son by the neck, easily maneuvering him out of the door. My husband struggled, his eyes a brilliant gold as he tried to get back to me. Air was lodged in my throat, panic rising. There was an echo as the pair scuffles down the stairs and growled at each other until I heard the massive bang of the huge front doors shut. Even from in here, I could hear the sounds of them fighting outside. I shouldn't have been able to hear that. . .

Lady Lyall quickly shut the door, leaning back against it with closed eyes. She was worried, whether about me or her son, I didn't know. More voices from outside rose and fell and I knew they were helping Lord Lyall restrain Torian from getting back inside. That tugging started again, I had the urge to go after him but I could barely so much as lift my arm.

"Màili," the man spoke quietly, a gentle smile on his lips as he started pulling things out of his satchel. "How do you feel?"

I groaned in response to his question, trying to push myself to sit up, to cover my bare skin with my blanket. He shook his head, tutting quietly. "I'm here to care for you. You have nothing I haven't seen a hundred times over already."

Maybe I would have blushed if I had the energy. Instead I slumped against the bed again and drifted in and out of focus as hands checked me over. When something brushed against my neck, I hissed, turning my head away.

"He marked her," Asa whispered, her tone awe-filled.

The shuffle of skirts against the wooden floor and I could smell Lady Lyall as she sat next to me again. "He did."

More shuffling. Something cold and damp pressed against my forehead and I let out a soft sigh. It felt so good against my scorching skin.

"A smart thing to do," the healer commented.

Snarls echoed up from the courtyard, a sharp pain slicing across my side and I hissed out a breath.

"The bond is holding then," Lady Lyall noted as I grimaced, her fingers stroking across my cheek. I turned into her touch, shocked at myself when I instinctually nipped her wrist. Opening bleary eyes, she was smiling down at me.

Something strong smelling was placed at my lips and Asa gripped my jaw.

"Eat this," she urged.

I shook my head, gagging as each inhale had the rotting scent of the herb coating my tongue. Her grip became firmer but I fought against it. A low growl from Lady Lyall had my mouth opening quickly, something primal understanding the dominance in her sound. Asa pressed the herb into my mouth and my jaw snapped shut, the taste burning my mouth.

"Chew," Lady Lyall ordered and the weight in her words meant I couldn't disobey.

As soon as I swallowed, a wave of exhaustion came over me. I fought against it in a panic, knowing it wasn't natural. Whatever the herb was, it was pulling me under.

"It's working."

My head fell against the bed. Darkness.

***

I sat in Lady Lyall's own private room again. She'd put me by the fire, a blanket on my lap, tartan shawl over my shoulders and was watching me drink slowly of the hot water mixed with the herbs the healer had left for me.

My gaze was locked on the flames. Last night still haunted my thoughts, the ghostly pain making me tense every now again. I feared it would happen again, that my body would betray me and I wouldn't survive this time. Lady Lyall assured me it wouldn't.

After whatever had happened, nobody had explained the events even though I knew they knew. I could sense what the Lyall's were more than ever. Their power seemed to permeate the air around them. I could smell the scent of their wolves on their skin as well. And I could smell it on my own.

The sleeping wolf had woken.

It also meant I was more aware of their hierarchy. The dominance flowing from the woman before me kept me from being able to look up. I'd been able to hold even Lord Lyall's eyes before, my wolf unable to sense that he was above me in the pecking order. But I sensed it now.

"You look a lot better. Your colour's returning," Lady Lyall commented softly.

I took another sip of the warm water. It had made me gag at first but the more I sat in thought, the less I cared about the taste. From the angle of the sun, I knew it was close to midday now and still Torian hadn't returned since his father had dragged him outside last night.

Lady Lyall had gotten me dressed when I'd woken and made sure I ate despite my protests. I saw nobody when she supported me while we walked to her rooms, as if she'd had the house cleared of people for me. Perhaps she had. She'd seen how suddenly skittish I'd become with her. But the tugging sensation that had coiled it's way tighter around me as the day went on had me only wanting to see one person.

"Where is Torian?" I asked, daring to look up.

The smile on Lady Lyall's face fell just a little before she chuckled and looked out the window. "He's being reminded who's Alpha. Once my mate is sure he understands, they'll come back."

I swallowed. A few times during the morning, I was sure the ghost pains were really Torian's. It was faint, but I swore I could feel him. Something to do with the fact he'd bitten me and the bond Lady Lyall had spoken of. My fingers pressed against the healing teeth marks on my shoulder.

She kept watching me, hands folded on her lap. I dropped my hand, fingers curling into the blanket.

"Why aren't you saying anything about. . ." I couldn't finish. Images of myself writhing in pain crept into my vision.

Lady Lyall tipped her head but kept her pose relaxed. Her movements all day had been slow and careful, like I was a wounded animal. "About last night? I'm waiting for you to ask, Màili."

"Why?"

"Because if I tell you before you're ready, I don't know how you will react. If you'd try to run again, if you'll lose control and bring about a repeat of last night. Where as if you ask me, it means you want to know. That you're ready to hear," she stated. "And I believe the one you want to ask these questions to, and the one who should give you answers, should be Torian. You're his mate."

Her words were wise, I couldn't deny that. She was right. I hadn't asked what happened because I wasn't brave enough to ask. I wasn't ready. And I did want to ask Torian questions I wouldn't feel comfortable asking his mother. Like why my shoulder now held the marks of his teeth. Why I could feel a faint glimmer of him in very marrow.

We drifted off into silence again and I lost myself to thinking through the questions I had. I sipped at the water until it was finished, my nose scrunching at the bitter aftertaste.

A knock on the door startled me but Lady Lyall looked as if she'd expected it. I could hear the harsh tones of Gaelic being muttered behind the door.

"A bheil sibh ann, a mhathair?" Artair's called, his voice muffled by the door.

"Tha mi!" she replied, getting to her feet and watching as her son's stepped inside.

She looked amused as she took in her eldest, her fingers grazing over his cheek. "Have you learned your lesson, my male?"

I heard him mutter a yes and she pressed her cheek against his and then Artair's. She turned back to me with a glint in her eyes. "I'm going to tend to my mate. You can use this room for now but you'll have to leave it eventually."

Nodding numbly, I couldn't make out my mate properly in the darkened shadow he stood in. Lady Lyall slipped quietly from the room and when she shut the door, I stood too.

Torian shifted into the light and I gasped. He was covered in bruises and scratches that I couldn't look away from. My heart clenched. I was reaching out for him without even realising but he quickly backed away, head hanging low. His father had done that?

Artair was grinning from ear to ear, uncaring of the bruises on his own face. "It took five of us to keep him from getting inside. He gave our Alpha a good fight when we managed to get him into the forest."

My eyes widened, looking back at my husband. He didn't look proud in the way his brother did. If anything, those words made him curl further in on himself. He looked like a scolded child.

I couldn't find the words and having Artair here only made me want to keep quiet. There were things I wanted to say that I didn't want him hearing. The very though brought a flaming heat to my cheeks. My fingers absentmindedly brushed against the mark at the crook of my neck. Finally, Torian's head lifted, bright eyes meeting mine. Artair shifted uncomfortably and turned his head away from us. I didn't miss the way he covered his nose.

"Well. I should be going." He chuckled awkwardly, roughly patting his elder brother on the shoulder and muttering 'good luck' before spinning around and out of the room.

The doors slammed shut, leaving me alone with my new mate.