In which we explore the unique trials of being No. 2 in the Ryodan...

Feitan Portor wakes up and he can already tell it's going to be a total shit heap of a day.

-His phone alarm goes off and he, in irritation, takes his pillow and puts it over his head to muffle the sound. A folded note flutters out

-He unfolds it and squints at it. It reads: "I have my eyes on you, you MF'er. I thought I could become No. 2 in no time. I was naive. But I just wanted to let you know I won't give up. I'm used to enduring. Signed: NUMBER FOUR."

-He shakes his head in exasperation. "Those damn Zoldycks," he mutters. "They bug the crap out of me and they keep getting worse and worse at an earlier and earlier age. How old is this one? Fifth grade? Why is the fucking kid not in school doing long division and reading The Outsiders?"

-He goes to get dressed and discovers all his masks are gone, again

-"I told you all to get your own damn masks!" he screams in exasperation. "This has been going on since March 2020!"

-"Chill out bruh," yells someone back. "We're all gonna be vaccinated soon enough"

-When he is ready, he leaves his room and is immediately accosted by Chrollo, who pulls him aside and starts racking his ass

-"Look," he barks. "I've been watching some playback of that torture session with that Shadow Beast--washisname, the hippie guy, Owl?--and can I just say that was some Deflategate shit on your part. You weren't half as hard on him as you could have been. You want me to send you to third string? I'll make you ride the motherfucking bench all season. Now run down to the 7-11 and get me a coffee before I call up Urban Meyer and trade you to fucking Jacksonville."

-Phinks is laughing hysterically at all this. "Oh shut up," says Feitan. "Who do you think you are? Patrick Mahomes?"

-While he's down at the 7-11, he runs into Gon, who is buying a candy bar. "Hey," says Feitan. "Aren't you that mouthy little shit I almost got to torture that one time?"

-Gon stares at him, then screams, "First comes ROCK!" and lands a punch square on Feitan's jaw

-"I'm going to ignore that," says Feitan. "Simply because if I don't get back with Chrollo's coffee, it's going to make my day worse. Let alone I burn the whole damn store down, that will really wreck my world, he's always sending me over here to get him snacks"

-On the way back, he runs into Kurapika, who accidentally bumps into him on the sidewalk

-"Watch it, asshole," says Feitan

-"No, I think you need to watch it, and apologize," spits out Kurapika. "Very rude of you."

-"Do you know who I am?" says Feitan. "I'm in the Phantom Troupe. I've killed at least--"

-"No, you're not," replies Kurapika. "First of all, the Phantom Troupe never keeps track of how many people they kill. Second of all--"

-"Oh Jesus, fine," screams Feitan. "You need to see my tattoo, I get it. I have to take off my pants to show it to you because I was stupid and got it somewhere down there. I'm not about to get arrested for public nudity just because you're all 'pictures or it didn't happen.'"

-"Fine, fine," says Kurapika, in a maddeningly taunting voice, and walks off

-Shalnark walks up. "Hey!" he says brightly. "Wasn't that Chain Dude?"

-Feitan flips him off and walks back with Chrollo's coffee

-Chrollo has calmed down at this point and accepts the drink. "All ready for tonight's showdown at the auction?" he says, pleasantly

-"Do I have to work it tonight?"

-Chrollo takes a sip of his coffee. "You're really asking me that?"

-"Why can't we make Hisoka do it? I'm burnt out"

-"Get with it, Hisoka left the Troupe a long time ago. I can't believe I have to tell you this. I actually let you be the de facto leader for a bit while i was waiting for this spike thing to be yanked out of me? Spruce it up, boy. Oh, by the way, we have a new No. 11 joining us"

-"Who is it? I feel most sorry for him," mutters Feitan

-"The Zoldyck kid, his older brother. You like those guys, right? Did I ever tell you, you kind of look like them? Are you related?"

-"I'm going back to bed"