《》Telling Your Parents The Big News

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Oh goodness!

He finally got a brain and asked you to marry him!

Now you have to go tell your mom and dad that they are about to gain a brand-new son-in-law.

Here's how it goes.

-"We're too young for this scenario, ya filthy animals"

-"See you in the next one!"

-(Gon, in a whisper to Killua) "Dude, I think we could actually even LEGALLY get them arrested for this! Hee hee!"

-"Mom, Dad...guess what? I'm getting married!"

-"To who? That Pooka guy?"

-"Yes Dad, and you better learn how to say his name right before the wedding"

-Your dad grumbles. "He's kind of a stiff. But at least I suppose you'll have all your insurance policies and finances and wills and stuff in order your whole life with him"

-Your mom gives you a hug. "I'm going to have such beautiful grandchildren! I do hope they take your eyes, though, honey...he's got something weird about his"

-Your dad breaks out the cigars. "Aha, my little girl landed herself a doctor, this calls for a celebration"

-Your mom is disapproving. "Jim. Don't be so gauche. It doesn't matter what the boy does for a living, as long as they are in love"

-Your dad lights a stogie. "Okay then. Let's celebrate the fact that she's not marrying Mr. La-Dee-Da-Dee, the one who paints hearts and shit on his face..."

-"...You cannot be serious"

-"Yes Dad, we are in love, and we are getting married"

-"You better be prepared for a little...what's the technical term for it these days? Polyamory"

-"No, Dad. We've discussed this at length and he says he's ready to settle down"

-Your dad snorts. "I give it a month. And that's if you play your cards right."

-Your mom claps her hands in glee. "A nice Jewish boy! This is exactly what I always wanted for my baby!"

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-"And isn't he all set up in the family business, too?" your dad adds. "Perfect. Can't ask for better. Remind me again what they do?"

-"Um..."

-"Sweetie, now I know you hate when I say this, but I'm going to insist you make him cut that hair before the wedding. Think of the pictures. He simply can't have all that hanging in his face"

-"Dear, Dad and I are thrilled you're marrying your young man, but I have to ask a favor of you"

-"Okay, Mom, what is it?"

-"Can you keep your last name? I really don't know how I'm going to explain it to my women's Bible study group if you change it to his"

-"Great, all my grandkids are going to be midgets"

-"Dad! I asked you before to please not make fun of his height!"

-"Is he going to wear that damn mask up there in front of the priest while he's saying 'I do?'"

-"Shal? My parents are batshit crazy"

-"Let's elope. Pack a bag, quick, we'll just go do it in Vegas"

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