"Cole? Cole!" Grumbles Alpha Drake snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

I take my focus from looking out of the window watching the world zoom by and look up at the review mirror to see Alpha Drake looking grumpily at me from the back seat of his car.

"I said, we're ten minutes from my brothers pack. Jesus Cole, did you listen to anything I just went through?" Drake sighs. Something he does a lot these days.

I get it, I'm his third in command and for the last two months I've been totally checked out, a ghost of myself. I can't concentrate, I can't focus. In short, since I lost Alice, I'm a fucking mess.

When I arrived back to the Grey Crescent Pack to find my father injured, Mitch dead and Alice gone, I totally fucking lost it. There're parts of that afternoon I don't even remember because pure molten rage took over my entire body and my wolf forced a shift turning me into an uncontrollable monster. When I woke up in the cells the following day, I discovered that my own warriors had to use several wolfsbane darts on me to knock me out and that Jay had fled to one of our allied Southern packs on the orders of Alpha Drake until I calmed down.

But I'll never calm down.

My wolf will never allow Jay to live if we see each other again.

For weeks I searched the riverbanks and the surrounding packs for Alice. I returned to the Red River pack where I thought I'd caught her scent the day Drake lifted his commands, but heavy rainfall and the fact Alice had disappeared into the river made picking up her scent near impossible. I even came to Lucas's pack borders trying to track her down. But nothing, his guards didn't even let me on his land convincing me that Alice never went that way as trespassers aren't welcome on his mountain territory.

Alice just vanished, for the longest of times I'd try and shrug it off that she's just in hiding, that she was safe away from Jay, but at night darker thoughts would plague my heart and mind. The fear I'd lost her to the bottom of the river, that Alice never made it out of the water. That I'd never find her again.

Days turned to weeks, then weeks turned to months till finally Drake called me back home. He'd finally grown impatient with my travels and demanded my return. Reluctantly I followed orders and went back. With the Beta still hiding out in the south and no gamma, I was leaving the pack weak and in danger. Something I just couldn't do any longer. Keeping busy helps me keep sane during the day, but at night my nightmares return and all I can think of is her and I crumble once more until the sun comes back up. Moving back in with my dad has helped, strangely we've never been closer, he's seems to be the only one that understands. I don't even know how I'll ever repay him for protecting Alice when it counted. Alice was right, my dad gives everything, every time.

Sooner or later, I know Jay will want to return home. His too ambitious, overconfident, and arrogant by nature to stay away forever. He'll be back and my wolf and I are ready for him. For now, he has been doing his Beta duties via phone in a makeshift office in one of Drakes allied southern packs, but even I know things can't go on this way for much longer.

"Cole, this is important to me. I need you on your 'A' game today. This union is make or break for my brother's pack. If he doesn't mate with Lady Allannah, he'll lose out to becoming the new Alpha to the Red River pack and be stuck up in those fucking mountains for the rest of his life." Drake says firmly before rubbing a hand over his face then across his hair to his braid.

Drake only messes with his braid when he's agitated, it's like a nervous tick he has. I frown at him as I take in his features more closely. He kind of looks like shit, the dark circles under his eyes are evidence that he's not been sleeping. He looks how I look. No doubt the stress of his two highest commanders being at war with one another is taking its toll on Drake and I instantly feel guilty. I've been so wrapped up in my own issue, I've been neglecting my duties. I literally don't know who the fuck I am these days.

"Do you think Lucas will go through with it?" I reply.

"He'd be a fool not too. Lady Allannah is everything a Luna should be. Intelligent, kind hearted... beautiful." Drake replies quietly before running a hand over his braid once more.

"...and not to mention he'll become Alpha to her father's pack, I doubt his current pack will last more than a few more winters up in the mountains. His numbers are dropping year by year." I add, surprised that wasn't the top of Drakes list.

"Yeah of course, that too." Drake nods, his reply almost flippantly with a wave of a hand. This time it's Drake who looks away out of the window deep in thought.

"Drake." I say, getting his attention once more. His piercing blue eyes staring back at me through the mirror. "When you met Lady Allannah during that training deal, how did you find her? Was she amicable to this union?" I question.

"Lady Allannah understands her duty to her pack." Drake grits out quietly before once again looking away.

But it's too late. I saw it. Even though I know he desperately tried to hide it. The Alpha's wolf surged forward for the shortest of heartbeats. His emotions getting the better of him which he rarely allows to happen.

It appears I'm not the only one that currently heartbroken and pining for a she-wolf that's out of reach.