29

"Wait what?" Ivy asks.

I was sat at the kitchen island, August stood leaning against it beside me and she was over the opposite side, her and Lottie were making cakes apparently. Mother daughter bonding. Honestly, I think they were bickering, well until August started to explain about what happened on the drive over here.

"What's his name?" Ivy asks, reaching for her notebook. She looks at me. "Did you get his badge number?"

I go to speak and August shoots his hand out and grabs my knee, rendering me speechless, which was his freaking intention.

He doesn't move it. His hand.

"Ivy, he didn't do anything technically wrong. I swerved, Emersyn did look scared, I did snap at her like-"

"What happened?" Ivy says her face scrunched up.

I lower my eyes, trying and praying for the blush on my cheeks not to be too prominent as my mind flashes to his hand between my thigh as I clamped them together.

Oh goodness.

I knock his hand of my knee. I needed to freaking breath not have a physical reminder too.

"Emersyn was messing around." He mumbles and I look up at him shocked.

"No. I just-..."

Ivy looks at me her eyebrow raised.

"There was a wasp. I was scared."

She doesn't look convinced. I look up to August and his smirk is probably the reason why she doesn't look convinced. I elbow him, frowning.

"Then so I swerved a little and he pulled us over, usual bullshit happened. He questioned why I looked high, told him it was the antidepressants but the guy didn't believe me. Then he looked at Em who did look fucking terrified and he started questioning our dynamic."

"Then I called him an asshole and August shouted at me." I pouted and Ivy sends me a soft smile.

"You don't speak." Lottie says to me, suddenly looking like she was listening. Her eyes on mine. "Don't antagonise."

"I know." I say softly.

She nods and starts mixing some colourful icing together.

"So you don't want me to put in a complaint against him?" Ivy asks, rounding the counter to reach him.

"No it's fine."

She nods and then she lifts her hands to his face and she pulls his head, which towers over hers and presses her lips to his forehead. "Be careful August. I know our Emmy here is distracting-" She shoots me a small grin which has me blushing. "But please don't ever give them a reason to pull you over again."

"I wont." He promises and she leaves him, and the sweet woman does the same to me.

"Now Emersyn as much as I love your presence in my house, Rayne is out with your dad and Jackson."

I look at her a little awkwardly. "I know."

"Oh." She says. "Okay."

August makes a noise of amusement, sort of, it could have been pain. I am not sure. And he rounds the counter and crouches down to look in the oven.

"Um..." He hums. "Whatever you're trying to make looks like it's exploded."

Ivy's jaw drops and Lottie freezes too.

They turn and Ivy opens the oven door, pulling out a tray of cake which does in fact look like it had been detonated. I press my lips together in amusement and look at Lottie.

She groans. "Mum this is why I prefer baking with dad."

Ivy looks so offended.

"Well I am sorry Lots but how was I supposed to know this happens? What even happened? I- Emersyn." She looks at me. "Help us."

A grin spreads across my face. "You must have added too much baking soda or something." I say softly. I stay sat on my chair but swivel a little, getting comfy and ready to give out instructions which were fully memorised in my head.

August takes the tray off Ivy and I watch in amusement as he picks a little at the cake.

"Leo wait, you'll have cupcakes in less than half an hour."

His eyes lift to meet mine and a small half smile gets tossed my way and he places the tray down.

"Ima go lay down." He says and he heads outside. I am guessing to their couch which they uncover outside in the summer.

I turn back to Ivy and Lottie. "You wanna make another batch?" I ask.

Lottie nods.

Ivy just looks at her and then looks back at me. "I guess so."

"Okay Ivy, take care of that disaster." I laugh, pointing to the failed attempt. "So we can have the tray back and Lottie grab the bowl you used before."

"Do yous still have plenty of ingredients?" I ask.

"It depends on what you will need." Ivy tells me.

"Um so we need, 110 grams of butter, 110 grams of caster sugar and 110 grams of self raising flour. Oh and two eggs and some vanilla extract."

"How do you remember that?" Lottie asks me and I smile.

"Lots it's equal parts." I laugh.

Ivy sniggers too and Lottie throws her mum and unimpressed look. "Mum don't laugh at my stupidity you literally just failed at making cupcakes."

"Lottie dots excuse me but you were a equal part in our failure."

Lottie rolls her eyes and although she is definitely giving off some attitude, Ivy grins at the back of Lottie's head, amusement radiating from her.

"Just do what Emersyn says." She tells her and I smile, leaning my head on my hand and giving out instructions for the next good part of an hour.

Once we were finally done, Lottie had soccer practice and so Ivy excused herself to take her. So I was alone and well, I grabbed two cupcakes and went outside to find August.

And like I expected I found him topless, flat back against the sofa, eyes closed but he wasn't sleeping.

"I come bearing gifts." I say and he lazily turns his head, slowly opening his eyes to look at me.

"Fun." He mutters, opening his hand out for the cake.

I hand it to him and then hit his legs a little, hoping he'll get up. He doesn't. He just ignores me so I huff and sit down on the grass, stretching my legs out and looking down at the cupcake.

I should eat lunch. Not a cupcake. A cupcake will make me feel gross and might set me off eating for the rest of the day, but my goodness the chocolate icing on top of the vanilla cake was literally mouth-watering to look at. But I should eat lunch and then if I feel okay I should eat this.

I sigh and set it down, then I lie back in the grass and stare up at the sky.

"August?" I say.

"Mm?" His voice muffled by the cupcake he was so easily eating.

"Do you wanna go get lunch?"

He swallows and turns to me. "Um. Where?"

I shrug. "Anywhere."

"Where's mum and Lottie gone?"

"They left for Lottie's practice." I say. I want the cupcake.

I sit up, reaching for it.

I pause. Nope.

Fuck.

"August please eat this." I say, reaching for it and then crawling a little to give it to him.

He takes it and shakes his head at me.

"Why don't you want it?"

"It's messing with my brain, please?"

He takes a bite and I immediately feel relieved.

Goodness.

"Do you feel guilty after eating?" I ask quietly.

He sits up, me close to his legs as he swings them around so his feet were on the ground. I just look up at him, waiting his answer.

"No Emersyn. Feeling guilty after eating is not normal." August sighs.

His almost sarcastic tone makes these random all walls, that I've never really seen before, slam up. Condescending.

"Okay." I stand, deciding that I instead of staying here, I'd go and walk into town, pick up some lunch for me and mum and eat it there with her.

"Where do you want to go for lunch?" August asks and I look around to him.

I shake my head. "I am going to go see mum."

He frowns and stands, following me inside and out of the harsh sun.

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

"Okay." He says. "Do you want a lift?"

I shake my head, but he interrupts me. "All your beach shit is in my car Em, may as well drop it home and then I can run you into town."

"Okay." I say.

I feel weird. I feel off and I am annoyed that my mood keeps crashing. Like I just wanted a cupcake and then I decided not to for like preventative measures, I didn't want to trigger a negative response to food. Like I- and now I feel sick and the thought of eating anyway if gross.

This is so freaking annoying.

Like for real. I just want to have a normal relationship with food where I can eat and my brain doesn't get annoyed with me.

"Em?" August asks, looking at me hesitantly.

"Yeah?" I ask, forcing a smile and grabbing my bag.

"What's wrong?"

I look up, connecting our eyes and I send him a small sincere smile. "Nothing."

"You seem off."

I cock my head. "It's weird that you are learning these things." I mumble.

"I have versions of you that I can tolerate more and versions of you that I can tolerate less. This version of you is the latter."

I know he's most likely just messing, that that's our dynamic. I say that we aren't really friends, it's more that he's now tolerating me. But the way he said doesn't like the me that currently has food and negative self-connotations rolling over and over in my brain doesn't do much to make me feel better about myself.

"Ha neither do I."

"Huh?"

"I don't like myself right now either."

"Emersyn." He frowns. "I was joking."

I stay silent, sitting down on the stairs and putting my shoes on.

"We could go to stars?" He says gently, I look up.

Stars is like Ivy and Jackson's favourite place, whenever Ivy was looking after me when we were younger she would always take us there.

"But you hate it there."

"Yeah but you being all miserable is weird so will it cheer you up?"

I look up. "Probably not."

He scoffs a laugh. "Emersyn what is wrong?"

"Nothing it's the food thing. It's just frustrating me. Like I am annoying myself. Like what the fuck right?"

"Are you hungry?" He says.

I nod.

"Then let's go get lunch. It doesn't have to be anything major. They do all sorts there don't they?"

"The idea of getting a meal and then like the pressure of- look August food and me are not friends this week."

He smiles at me. Like a very rare, soft August smile.

"But we are."

I furrow my eyebrows.

"You sang fucking top charts music to me for a whole hour last week. That was your way of helping my shitty ass day. Let's go to Stars. We can order loads of food. So much we'll never have a chance of finishing it and you can pick at bits and there won't be any pressure."

"No pressure?"

"Mhm. You can eat or you don't have to, I wont watch. I will eat because I am hungry even after cake so-"

I nod.

He was being very nice.

Like scarily kind.

"Any leftovers we can bring to your mum if you still want to see her."

I smile a little and look up at him, he was lent against the wall opposite me, looking down and I just observed his long body, his sharp features, strong jaw. "Careful Leo you almost sound like you care about me."

His lips tug up a little. "There she is."

I smile. Standing up and heading towards the front door.

"Lunch dates are my favourite."

"Emersyn this isn't a date." He huffs, following me out.

"Basically is."

"It's very much not."

I grin. "Let me pretend it's a date and not a let's force food down Em's throat thing okay?"

"I hate you honestly." He says and I throw him a cheeky smile over my shoulder. "How can I say no?"

I Shrug. "You can't. Don't worry it'll be a secret date. I won't tell anyone."

"Emersyn." He chuckles and I just walk up the path and he rounds the car.

I get in and he slides in beside me. "Do you want to drop your shit off home now or after?"

I look back at it, cringing how my things were literally all over his backseat.

"Now if that's okay. I am going to work at mum's for a little, like until she's finished for the day."

He nods. "And here I thought I was stuck with your company all day."

I look at his face and I can't help but feel a little giddy. "I mean, you can stay too if you like. If you have work to do? They have good coffee and the work benches are big."

He turns his head towards me and then pulls they keys out of the ignition. "Ima run and get my laptop. Don't see this as me wanting to spend more time with you Emersyn. I have loads of shit to do and coffee sounds good."

I don't say anything but when he does head back in through his front door, to grab his things, so he can spend more time with me, I grin.

Honestly, I am proud of myself, for getting August to not hate me this much. Like he- okay so I have been blocking it out because if I think about it I might die, but he did almost kiss me earlier. As in his lips were on mine.

Shit. When did this happen?

....

I am also proud of myself for eating. Which is slightly pathetic, but I am also better than hating on myself over food. Like we stopped thinking that was okay a long time ago so I just needed to remind myself.

Anyway what I was trying to say was that August and I ordered five different things from the menu. Most of them vegetarian or like just not meat based so like fries and fun things like that.

He ordered a chicken wrap and also a veggie wrap for me but he ate half my veggie wrap to show me we were sharing and I didn't have to finish things.

He honestly was being a fucking sweetheart and I am blatantly saying he is playing a dangerous game. Like I am already swooning when he looks at me and that's like when he's an asshole. What the hell is going to happen when he's actually a good ass guy and being sweet?

Maybe I will just loose interest. Girls like bad boys right?

"Stop dragging your feet and get in the God damn car Em."

Okay so sweet August was also mixed with demanding August today and like shit. Just shit.

"August don't use that tone with me." I say reaching the car and pulling the door open.

"Or what?" He chuckles, getting in besides me.

"It makes me wanna jump you, stupid. Your 'or what' is inviting dangerous imaginary situations."

His jaw drops, his head turning to me. "You need to chill."

I nod, sitting back. "I really do."

August laughs then, shaking his head. "I have never met someone so fucking blunt."

I shrug. "I think it's from my dad. He just blurts things. Mum said it drove her insane when they were younger."

"Well I suggest not telling your dad your caught that from him."

I laugh, sitting back as he pulls out of Star's car park. "Any why not?"

"Because it leads you to telling me you want to jump me. I don't think he'd be too supportive."

I grin. "Oh shush. We both know I was mostly joking."

He shakes his head at me. "Mostly."

"Well." I say sitting back and looking at him. "I honestly don't even really understand what the statement means. Like jump on you? What does that mean? Like would I literally jump at you because that sounds painful."

His big ass sigh just makes me even more amused.

"And I guess it just means attack you with like sex and well we both know I would have little to no idea what I was doing there. So I would be like- jump- and then I would be like okay Leo you are in charge now so the whole prospect of jumpi-"

"Oh my fuck Emersyn. Please shut up."

I pressed my lips together and looked at him. "At least you said please this time." I whisper.

"I don't know if I find you annoying or hilarious." He says and he looks at me. "Like I honestly hate you."

I smile. "But you're smiling."

"Yeah I think these antidepressants are messing with my brain."

My smile fell at that. "And here I thought I was a natural antidepressant."

"You are funny Em but not funny enough to change the chemical imbalance."

"That sounds like a challenge." I mumble. Then I smile. "You think your meds are working?" I ask.

He nods. "The last ones didn't do shit and like- ended up worse than I was before. But then my doctor changed me to these ones like after the last attempt and I feel better."

"I am telling you now Leo, it's my presence."

"Sweetheart it's not."

My lips part. "Did you just- you just called me sweetheart. Oh my goodness, I am totally making you fall in love with me." I grin cheekily. "Leo honestly we are-"

"Emersyn I can't tell when you are joking or when you are serious." He says, cutting me off. "Like sometimes you say the most ridiculous things and I want to laugh at you but then I am like fuck does she actually think this?"

I grin.

"I live in a world where I mean every word I say but also mean nothing of what I say Leo."

"I don't know what that means." He groans.

Do I? I just- whatever. I was happier now. And I ate a lot and I don't feel like shit.

"Thank you for cheering me up." I say quietly, utterly changing the subject.

He sighs, annoyed at how I change my train of thought all the time.

"You are tiring."

"Imagine how my parents must feel." I laugh. "They've had me for however many years."

"Eighteen Emersyn." He says and he throws me a look.

I smile. "That's right Leo." I wiggle my eyebrows as his eyes are still on me. "Eighteen."

He groans, like fully from his throat and my eyes widen at the noise.

"Jesus." I mumble.

"Em.er.synnn. Stop."

I pout. "Why it's fun." I say and he just shakes his head, pulling into the library carpark.

Urgh I hate this place. But money is money. So I will be going to work tomorrow. This carpark sits behind the seafront buildings so we can cut through a little alley to get to mums gallery.

"It's going to be busy, it's so hot out." He tells me.

"I know." I say grabbing my bag and then his from the back seat and pulling them into the front. I was embarrassingly struggling with Leo's bag. But I got it.

"If there are no tables we'll head up into her studio for a while and then when someone goes she'll grab us the table. This is like my life story." I laugh. "But on days like this people don't usually sit in if they get coffee. They purchase the drink, walk around and see mum's beautiful art and I guess who ever she's featuring and then they go out to the beach."

August nods and grabs his bag off of me and gets out the car, waiting for me to meet him round the car.

"Trev and Lue are going to Lue's mums tonight." Leo says and I look at him.