To say the garden was filled with people would be an over exaggeration, but people were everywhere and that made me pretty happy.

The sun was heavy in the sky, shining golden light over us all and I smiled at the way it hit our guests. It was nice, scenic. Everyone was so cheerful and other people's happiness always seems to coat me and pull my own out of my chest.

"You are smiling." My dad says, sitting down beside me on our steps.

I look at him. "Good observation."

He scoffs and nudges my shoulders. "What's got you so cheerful?"

"I am always cheerful."

He smiles. "I know, but not absentmindedly smiling at the sun sort of cheerful bub."

I shrug. "I just feel like things are good."

My dad nods. "Things are good."

I look down the garden and I smile at Rayne and August, they were stood beside one of the tables my mum had set up in the garden, she had fully decorated it. She was having sun a fun time being host, Uncle Dylan following her around at her demand.

It made me smile.

But I was also smiling at the way Rayne and August were talking, August looking amused, Rayne unhesitant to smile so wide as he laughs at whatever they are talking about.

"So." My dad says, following my eyes.

Oh goodness.

"Which guy is going to be your plus one? Brother one or brother two."

I pout a little at him, nudging his shoulder back. "Neither." I mumble.

"Well you are allowed to bring one of them, just not both, don't get greedy baby."

I look at him, moving away to make eye contact.

"August thinks that you hate that we are friends." I state. "That's problematic for me dad so please be nicer."

He laughs, shaking his head at me. "Did you just tell me to be nicer because me being tough on the guy is making it hard for you to move in Emersyn Rose?"

I scrunch my nose up, shaking my head. "No father dearest. I am just trying to be his friend."

"yeah well I am not that old. I know what friend means."

I huff. "Dad."

"What I am not judging you bubba." He laughs. "Plus we all know I'm team Leo, Rayne can do one." He jokes, his eyes literally sparking with amusement and I just frown at the man.

"There are no teams. That's not- I am not."

He smiles. "So it's just a coincidence that once August started to talk to you, you and Rayne broke up?"

"Rayne and I just weren't meant to be."

"I still think you to were up to something." My dad says and I look at him shocked.

"Huh?"

"You wouldn't risk your friendship over something you weren't sure of. Like you broke up so obviously you two weren't that compatible so I am curious as to why you made that decision-"

Goodness.

I stand.

He laughs at me. "Emersyn I am not going to investigate baby I am just saying I am confused."

"Okay." Is all I mutter, heading down the garden towards August and Rayne.

"Hi." I say quietly and Rayne turns to me, opening his arm and smiling and I just wince a little, for some reason, but walk into his side anyway.

"Have I told you, you look nice today?" Rayne smiles and I send him a small smile back.

"Thank you." I put effort into my appearance today, a nicer dress, straighter hair, focused makeup.

He wraps an arm around me and I lift my eyes cautiously up to August's.

His eyes are on me and then I watch as he slowly drags his eyes down to Rayne's hand on my waist.

"How was your date Leo?" I ask watching in amusement as his eyes snap back up to mine.

"Oo what date?" Rayne asks and I lean into him a little for comfort.

"It wasn't a date, I had a girl round that is all. The party was good Emersyn."

I smile. "I am glad you had a good time, hungover?"

He shakes his head. "Didn't drink."

I nod a little. "How's Nia?"

He sighs and then his eyes lift to Rayne and back to me, not having to move far because we were stood close. He narrows his eyes at me.

"Good. Had a nice night. She might be coming round later too."

"Sounds serious." I smirk.

His eyes are a little harsh. "You could say that." He grits.

I smile.

"Well have a good evening." My voice is sweet, soft and Rayne looks down at me, missing the way that August shakes his head at me a little.

I don't really understand the burning in my stomach but is it crazy to think he might be feeling it too? The way his eyes keep finding Rayne's hand on my waist, or my hand wrapped around him too, the way he flicks his eyes between us.

Yeah I was probably being stupid.

"You can both come round later, if you want." August says, looking at Rayne. "Trev wants people surrounding him, Lue's at her mums. And we are just going to be drinking a little, not a full blown thing."

I look at Rayne, searching his face and he looks down at me.

"You have work or anything?"

I shake my head.

"I am free if you wanna go." Rayne says and I look back to Leo and I nod.

"Sure."

I mean, why not right?

I look up at Rayne and then I turn my head to August. I need to talk to Rayne a little but I don't know how to excuse us.

"Um, I am just going to borrow Rayne for a second. We'll be back in five."

August's eyebrow raises at me, a look on his face that almost makes me blush. We aren't going to go and do anything Jesus Leo.

I shake my head at him and then link my fingers with Rayne, pulling him away from his brother, knowing August was going to go and re-join Ivy and Jackson.

"Okay so." Rayne says before I can say the exact same words.

"Yeah?" I ask, turning around and he pulls out a chair for me to sit at one of the desolate tables.

"August approached me this morning and told me pretty much out of the blue that nothing was going on between you two."

I splutter a laugh. Casual Leo.

"So that makes me feel like maybe something is happening between you two." Rayne says, his eyebrows lifting at me but his smile also makes my heart calm, he's not annoyed.

"Nothing is happening because I am your stupid ex." I say, pouting at him.

"Huh?"

"Well like you said before. August's not gonna come near me because he's loyal to you."

"Oh." Rayne laughs but he looks at me, suddenly serious. "You told me you were just messing around, do you, do you want it to be more than that?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, my eyes drifting from his and then I startle when I catch August's eye, they were on us, I look back at Rayne.

"Do you like him? And I don't mean fancy him or whatever you keep saying I mean do you like him."

I shrug. "I have no idea." I say honestly. "I don't like him half the time I am with him Rayne. Anyway. I came to ask you out on a date."

He sits back on his chair, blinking at me in confusion.

"Yeah I know." I laugh, pulling on his top so his chest comes back closer to mine. I wanted to keep my voice quiet.

"So I was thinking that tonight we should have a movie night but now obviously we cant because of Leo's thing. But I wanted to watch all the positive and happy LGBTQ love story films there are and I wanted to just celebrate that, like full on Brokeback mountain, Blue is the Warmest Colour, Je tu il elle, Beautiful thing, Moonlight and my personal favourite- awkward little Elio in Call Me By Your Name."

"Aren't some of those movies tragic and not happy?" Rayne asks.

"Yeah I guess." I smile a little. "But seeing as we can't do that-"

"I wanna do that Em, that sounds good." He tells me. "We can skip out on August's tonight. Plus he totally just invited you so he can get with Nia in front of you and you'll back off."

I frown. "August doesn't play those games." I say. "Wait listen to me. We can watch movies tomorrow if you like, like we could go to August's, get drunk, then spend the day being lazy and watching movies tomorrow."

Rayne nods a little. "That actually sounds like a plan."

I grin.

"Okay wait what freaking date?"

"To my uncles wedding." I say. "I think it might be good for you."

"Why?"

"Um because you'll see how much love and acceptance is in the room and you'll realise you are being silly being so scared."

"Oh I will, will I?"

I nod. "Mhm."

I reach my hand up to one of his curls and I tug on it. "You removed your braids?"

He nods. "That guy wasn't me. I have big hair and a big smile not a thuggy look and a complicated secret life. I am done with that shit."

I grin at him. "So no more Will?"

He shakes his head. "No more Will."

His voice cracks at the end and I narrow my eyes at him.

"Okay so."

"Rayne." I exclaim, covering my face with my hands in exhaustion and he laughs, shushing me and I just lean my head against his chest in annoyance.

"I didn't mean to, we bumped into each other."

"Yeah and one thing led to another I presume." I mutter, sitting up and shaking my head at him.

He lowers his collar, the hickie on his neck making me slap my forehead dramatically.

"God Em it's so toxic it's awful but I just-. I need someone else. I need a rebound."

That makes me grin a little.

"Yes you do." I laugh. "Cal is bi, single as well, I think him and Claire might hook up sometimes but she also told me she was seeing this guy from- it doesn't matter. I am just saying that Callum is pretty fit."

Rayne looks at me as if I am stupid. "Cal is also August's mate. Can't really get with him can I."

"August wouldn't care." I groan. "Honestly you coming out to Leo would make both of our lives simpler."

"Emersyn I am not telling my brother I am gay just so you can jump on him." Rayne whispers in disbelief.

I just send him a cheeky smile. I know. I did know. But also was my statement incorrect? Nope.

"He thinks we are still a thing Emersyn." Rayne says after my silence and I just look past his shoulder again and watch him. August was leaning now sat on the grass, Lottie besides him and she looks deep in thought, her lips moving and August was just slowly, half heartedly nodding along to whatever she was telling him.

He must have felt my eyes.

He looks up.

I look back to Rayne.

"Have you told him we aren't?"

"No." Rayne says honestly. "I told him we broke up, he said you had already said, then he's been avoiding me. Probably because of the shit I said on his birthday."

"oh yeah you were a dick."

Rayne chuckles, shaking his head at me. "I was just concerned Em, August doesn't respond well with blatant niceness."

"He also doesn't respond well to being attacked Rayne."

He smiles. "I am glad he has you looking out for him."

"Yeah? You aren't like all jelly because I am also now friends with your brother?"

"Depends, don't love him more than me okay?"

"I promise," I laugh, my eyes drifting again and I catch myself, pulling my attention back to Rayne.

"He was watching you earlier you know." Rayne says and I sit back a little.

"Pardon?"

"Like when you emerged from the kitchen, like he noticed you before I even did. The tosser stared."

A small smile creeped up on my face. "Really?"

Rayne shook his head at me, his eyes slightly concerned but a smile on his face. "You need to be careful. August's attention on girls extends to late night calls and late night visits Emmy. You deserve better than that."

I nod. I do. "I am just enjoying this." I say quietly. "Nothing's even happened, but I dunno maybe I am messing around too? Let's be real I know Leo can't give me more than what he can. And what he can give is like not exactly in my comfort zone. It's just fun, young even, this dynamic we have going on."

He nods. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

I grin a little at that. "Neither do I, but well I got told in Italy that I needed to write from my heart and how can I write about pain when I haven't ever experienced the type she was talking about."

He looks at me so unimpressed it makes me laugh. "Emersyn do not knowingly break your own heart for dramatic inspiration Jesus, I cant believe I have to tell you that."

I just smile widely, looking at him. "Why not?"

"Because it's a bad idea."

I shrug. Maybe I was feeling reckless.

"Okay then." He mutters, he looks around to August. "He's doing well at the moment, please don't mess that up for him."

My smile falls. "Rayne I am not."

"I just- it's not. I love you both." He says finally after stuttering.

I frown at him a little. "Rayne I enjoy making your brother smile, that is all I am doing."

He nods a little. "And getting him pulled over by the police?"

Oh shit.

I smile sheepishly and he laughs, shaking his head and we just stay here for a while, talking between each other, laughing a little too loudly and falling almost back into the way it felt between us before. Before all of this mess.

....

Spotting the object of my desires on his own, I threw him a grin and skipped over.

"You look lonely." I say.

August was just sat at a table with my dad and I was talking to my Mum and my uncle until my dad left August and I decided to sneak away from them.

"I was enjoying the peace." He says. The sun had gone down now and I knew both Rayne and August were waiting until Ivy and Jackson made a move to leave. They didn't wanna be rude but they didn't know my uncle that much, their dad was friends with him. But that is about it.

"Can I sit?" I ask, admittedly as I take a seat beside him.

He sighs and he stands up, walking away from me. I actually feel a little winded at that, confused.

Do I follow?

August walks down into my garden, like the back part where mum attempted to keep a good garden, there's a swing seat down there, but I- where was he going?

I stand up and follow, slowly, a little unsure of myself.

I walk through various family members and I took my heals off so long ago that my bare feet were cold against the cobbled stoned pavement, my eyes wide, searching for him in the dark.

He was sat on the bench swing, his arms rested on his thighs, head in hands.

"Hi." I say. "That was a little rude Leo."

He sits up, moving to the side and I take that as an opportunity to sit.

"Are you okay?" I whisper.

He looks at me, sighs and nods. "Yeah."

"You seem off." I repeat his words from yesterday.

He nudges his shoulder against mine. "It's weird that you're learning that." He copies me back.

I smile. "So you aren't okay?"

"No I am." He says, his voice sure. "Just we shouldn't-" He looks down through the bushes that were blocking us, then he looks at me. "I don't mind you being how you are Em, I do find it funny, but we can't be like that in front of them. For one- adults are way too invested already and Rayne won't understand it's a joke."

I smile. "Yes he will." I say. "He does. He likes that we are friends."

"Emersyn he would not like how friendly we are."

I smile, I can't help it. Him acknowledging it is fun, nice, almost sickening.

I move a little closer and he turns a little, shaking his head at me.

"Why are you here? Why are you edging closer to me?"

Okay so I blush at the way I was totally caught and his eyes drift from mine, to my cheeks and he just rubs his face, his hand covering it and sliding it over his short hair.

"Did you cut your hair again?"

He nods.

"Emersyn focus."

My eyes are slightly wide when I lower them from his head to his eyes.

"You are my brother's girl. We fucking can't." He states clearly, looking at me.

But I could see it. A longing. It was mixed in there with a lot of self hatred but all I could focus on was the fact that maybe, maybe he wanted me.

I stand up, slowly. Our eyes attached and I walk so I was stood between his legs, looking down at him, fully towering over him.

'I am not."

"But you are Em. You aren't with him anymore but fuck anyone can see how much you two love each other, I don't get it. Why are you here?"

"I do love your brother." I whisper and his hands slowly move from his lap to dangerously sliding across the skin of the back of my thighs, holding me there. The way his hands feel edged under my loose dress, each hand sprayed across one leg, fingers almost tight as I say that.

"But it's not like that."

He just shakes his head at me. Utterly confused.

"You cannot be here Emersyn." He breathes, our eyes attached. "You should go back with your boyfriend."

I roll my eyes and I lift my arms, placing my hands on his shoulders and he pulls me even closer towards him, the bench was low so he was looking up at me, my knees closely pressed to his waist and he edges his hands upwards.

I wanted him to. I leant back into his hands and he just stares up at me.

"August, I have no boyfriend."

He sighs. "This is still wrong."

I lean down now , my eyes level with his which admittedly dart down my freaking top as I guess I do literally dangle my tits just below his eyes, his eyes dart back up immediately.

"Your morals are attractive Leo." I whisper.

His hands tighten and he makes this annoyed noise and he I send him an amused smile as he grips my thighs and pulls me down on him. I smile even though I am thinking oh shit what am I supposed to do.

"Straddle me Emersyn." He instructs, as if reading my stress and I just fucking do. I climb on his lap, my knees either side of him on the swing and he holds me there.

"I only want this because I can't have this." August says. "You should go."

"I should." I whisper but the way his hands feel on my waist, the way he pulls us flush just like he did on the beach has my heart racing.

"You are hurting my brother." He whispers.

I wasn't.

But how could I tell this utterly beautiful and dangerous concoction of a man in front of me that Rayne was just using me, that we were just for appearances, for him to feel safe? That we were never together.

"Then take your hands off of me." I whisper back, shivering as I feel him tighten his grip around me waist.

His hands were dangerous, and they needed to disconnect from my skin. But hypocritically I lift my arms and softly cup his face between my hands.

I must look like an utter bitch, he must have so many negative connotations of me flooding through his head.

I never meant for this to happen.

He was my best friend's brother... My ex-boyfriend's brother actually, technically. To him at least.

"I can't stay away from you." August whispers. "I try and every fucking time you end up back here, besides me, searching for me when your eyes should be searching for his."

"You ever wanna just stop being so damn loyal?" I mumble back, pushing myself closer to him.

Shit I can hear people, like they are literally just the other side of the bush.

This feels like a secretive place but we both know it's not.