✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

All I've ever wanted is to feel understood.

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

-Chapter 9 part 5--180 degree-

Ever had a fever that made you feel like you were burning from the inside out? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling right about now, with all these unanswered questions and fear boiling up inside my head. It wasn't letting me think straight about a good explanation to give to my father.

Being in this empty room wasn't helping me calm my tingling nerves. Being strained to the bed wasn't comforting me at all.

I have spent the last 40 minutes thinking of a way to explain to my Dad how I had nothing to do with Kevin's sick game that he was playing with me.

Especially, waiting for dad to come back home from work. I don't know my father's occupation, but I know it must be something important and extremely stressful if they live in a house as enormous and beautiful as this one.

The guys took off too, who knows where on God's earth.

And... Honestly, I'm relieved by the simple fact that that sick bastard is not anywhere near me.

What was his goal in making me suffer? I don't know.

What does he accomplish by doing such things to me? I don't know.

At this very moment, this feeling of rage filled me inside.

Why did he have to bother me... Why me?

Do I seem so freaking defenseless and weak to be bullied and harassed by demented freaks?

On the other hand, Ms. Nancy hasn't come back to scold me at all. Thank the heavens.

A puff of air exits my lips, as this feeling of relief washes over me, relieved that she is not like my mother, who used to scold me for every little thing that I did or... because she felt resentment towards me for looking like my father.

Sometimes she just couldn't stand her own reality that she put herself into...She always had to take out her resentment, misery, and pin-up anger on me.

I could still feel that I was still inside that damn house. Sitting on the cold, hard floor in a corner with my head hung low, trapped with no way of escape... Waiting for my own miserable end.

For all I know, this could be a dream . And just maybe... I'm still inside there in my own room, napping on my old mattress, waiting for the next beating session.

I let out a silent chuckle at my own paranoia.

Maybe I was just being a bit too freaking paranoid about seeing things that were not there from the very beginning.

I tend to do that a lot whenever I meet new people. My mother and her lover always bring random people back home.

And... Honestly, I judged them secretly without even speaking to them. They were worse than my mother and her lover. The only difference between my mother and them was that they were more kind-looking and well dressed.

You would never have thought, in a million years, that they were crackheads at all with their appearance.

I stupidly laugh even more at myself for even thinking Ms. Nancy was like my mother.

If Ms. Nancy was anything like my mother, I don't think she would let me off that easily.

But this intense nagging feeling that was stabbing me deep down was yelling at me otherwise. Making me question my own sanity and my own perception of her. But who knows? She could be like those visitors that my mother always invited back home, nice looking but rotten from the inside.

The doorbell rang from downstairs; it startled me from my ongoing thoughts about my own crazy emotions and paranoia, floating inside my head, none-stop.

This panic surges through me again. Making my whole body shake uncontrollably.

Fuck… I hate this feeling of misery and fear that always eats at my soul.

I lick my bottom lips a few times in anticipation of the possible catastrophe coming my way, with no sign of slowing down or stopping.

I simply pray from the bottom of my heart that it's my father and not the evil bastard that wants to make me feel awful and miserable... 99% of the time.

I anxiously wiggle my foot, as I hold in my breath. My heart quickened when the faint footsteps became clearer and clearer with every step this person took my way.

Those soft footsteps stop in front of my bedroom door. My beating heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I bit my bottom lip nervously out of my bad habit.

What am I going to tell Dad?

What would he think, upon knowing what Kevin did to me?

Would Kevin point the blame at me?

No, his mother would tell my dad the truth...

Or, in the worst-case scenario, his mother would probably agree with her own son, to save face.

Why wouldn't she? That's her child, her baby... I'm nothing to her. It's cruel to think that way, but it's the hard truth. Sane mothers will throw everyone under the bus before they throw one of their own.

And she won't be any different, either.

And just the thought of that made me want to throw up at how my nerves were eating at me. I could literally feel my eyes sting as my eyes started to water.

A soft knock is heard from the door. I snapped my worried gaze to the opaque door.

Taking a profound breath in and one out, I nervously say, "Come in."

This creaking sound bounced off the wooden door that was slowly opening, adding to my edgy-emotions that were boiling me up inside.

I felt like I wanted to vomit everything I ate this morning. I can feel the burn in the back of my throat.

Confusion hits me in waves when I see a tall brunette entering the room. She was tailored in the finest navy blue suit. It complimented her dark complexion and plump red lips.

She gave me a tight smile as her gaze never wavered away from mine.

"Hello, there," she gently says, as she approaches the bed, gracefully. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She walked like she owned the whole world.

"Hi," I timidly say, confused by the situation.

What the hell is going on here?

Who is she?

And why is she here?

My eyebrows furrowed softly as I didn't take my wary gaze away from her dark ones. She gently sits on the edge of the mattress as a soft smile takes over her beautiful soft features.

I look at the door nervously, patiently waiting for Ms. Nancy too burst through that door and tell me... Why is this woman here? But to my misfortune, she never did.

" I am your psychologist… if you're worried about... Who I am and why I am here. Don't worry, I'm not a ghost if you're wondering. " A soft chuckle passed her lips as the fine line on the crease of her eyes displayed a little more.

"Oh, how did I forget something so important. An apologetic smile appeared on my face, as I nervously looked down at my lap... feeling embarrassed about my reaction to her sudden appearance."

"My name is Susan. But, You can call me Ms. Sue... If you like." She says as she starts taking out a white iPad out of her leather black bag.

"My name is Emma...."I quietly said, as I nervously looked around the room not knowing what else to say to her.

"So how have you been feeling with your new surroundings ? Emma. " Her cheerful self flew out the door, and the professional face took over in seconds, throwing me off guard completely.

"Fine..." I let out without thinking. From the corner of my eye, I can see someone's silhouette standing slightly in the doorway, where the door was 90 or 95 percent close.

" Would you like to explain to me in more detail?

Do you like it here? "She takes out what looks to be a white pencil and starts writing on her white tablet.

"I uhh... like it here, it's nice." That was a feverish blatant lie. I couldn't tell her the truth, she would surely think I'm completely insane.

She gazes at me for a small moment, like if she is trying to figure out what I'm actually thinking behind that obvious lie that spewed out of my mouth just seconds ago.

She types something down on her iPad, then she gazes back up to me and continues speaking. " Have you been having nightmares, Emma?"

She tilts her head slightly to the left, keeping her strong gaze on me, seeing if I had given anything away. But my face wasn't letting any details out... afraid that whatever she sees, she wouldn't like at all.

"Yeah, I have been having nightmares " horrible one of being still inside that dark filthy basement starved for days on end.

But, I don't bring myself to tell her that part, scared to let her know what I fear the most in this world.

In a physical sense, I wanted to believe that I was okay. And that the more I just ignore it, the more the pain inside me will ease.

Maybe I'll just forget about it all one day.

But... Nothing was that simple in reality, was it? It's not bad to just have a little hope, even if the road ahead is not going to be an easy one.

She writes down what I say and continues speaking as she never wavers her dark chocolate eyes from mine. "How was your mother like with you? Emma."

When she mentions my mother... I couldn't control the expression that displayed on my face. The room went completely quiet, so quiet that I could literally hear my own heartbeat picking up speed.

Why was she asking about her? Does she know her? No... Let me not be that stupid here.

How could a woman as elegant as her, would even know my mother?

I don't say anything at all. What could I honestly say to this woman without making her think that I am exaggerating with my words... That my mother is a demon that liked to see me in pain all the time?

This woman would surely think I'm an ungrateful daughter. I could already feel her judgemental thoughts through her dark eyes, which stared right back at me with curiosity and wonder.

I simply wonder... What is she thinking of me, right now?

"I don't know..." I turned away from her, feeling awful and dirty for lying like that to her. I can't tell her the truth. No one can ever find out the truth. I'm just going to play dumb.

If I ever tell her the truth, she will probably lock me up in an asylum forever. And probably throw away the key at how outrageous I would sound.

Her eyes soften when she sees me struggling not to break down and cry, my eyes out in front of her.

"Emma, I'm here to help you. I can't help you if you don't open up to me, sweetheart. " She said softly as her professional demeanor started slowly cracking when a small frown appeared on her face.

I nodded my head as I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep my jumpy emotions in check.

Should I tell her? What if my mom finds out? She'll kill me for badmouthing her.

Should I trust this woman? She seems like a nice person.

But is she really a nice person, though, that I could trust? I don't know... last time I trusted someone and they tossed me under the bus when my mother discovered that I was telling them what she was doing to me behind closed doors.

"Okay,... How does your father treat you?" She changes the topic seeing that I wasn't going to budge at all.

I wasn't going to take any chances, anyway.

Everything I do or say always comes back to bite me in the end.

"He's nice. He treats me well." I said, not knowing what else to say about dad. I haven't even talked to him alone since I got here.

So I honestly don't know where I stand with my father. For all I know, I could be a damn burden to him.

But maybe he could be acting friendly to me because of his wife and kids.

Can you guys blame me for having a little trust in my father?

Who knows if one day or even a week from now, His whole attitude does a 180 degree on me like my mother.

She spent the next twenty minutes asking me different questions and writing down every response I gave.

Some of the questions that she asked me... I kind of lied. And for some reason, I think she had noticed this but proceeded to ask me more questions.

And for that alone, I was thankful that she didn't pressure me to tell the truth.

By the time I knew it, she was out the door, leaving me here alone again with my ongoing thoughts.

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

If you liked it, click the star to vote!!💫