We all sit on the cold cliff by the water in our own thoughts. Kevin sits with his hands on his knees with Julia cuddled to his side with one arm on his. Travis lays on his stomach, resting his head in his hands and I'm just crouching down, not wanting to get my white pants dirty.

''I remember how I didn't like this place when we were her first, now I kinda fuck with it'' Travis says, looking out over the water. ''How did you even find this place?''

''I used to be here with my uncle. We would always go here fishing at summer when I was a child'', he says, not moving his gaze from the light blue water that calmly spreads over the clifff.

''Have y'all been here lately?'' Travis asks, making Kevin look at him.

''He died from cancer five years ago'', he says, biting his lip.

''Man, I'm sorry'', Travis starts, looking concerned.

''It's fine, bro. It's just stupid. I guess that I'm here a lot to remember him. I don't know. I'm here alone a lot'', he says, making us all turn quiet. Julia comforts him by leaning her head against his shoulder, rubbing his arm. I want to help him by talking about it, but sometimes you just need to process some things inside your head. When I lost Evan, it didn't really help when people came to me a while after it happened and tried to talk about it. It just felt as if they wanted to bring it up again and tell me obvious things that I've already thought about before. Suddenly, I receive a snapchat from Billie.

''Guys, Billie is done. Let's pick her up'', I say, standing up. Kevin stands up as well and hold his hand out for Julia to take it before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Travis jumps over to me, doing the same to mimic the cute couple.

''Aww, Julia I love you so much!'' Travis says, trying to imitate Kevin's voice.

''I love you more, Kevin!'' I say with my hand placed on my heart. Kevin and Julia laugh, shaking their heads. Kevin looks happier, that makes me happy as well.

''Y'all will never be as good as us!'', Julia says, acting mad and Kevin agrees. We then all laugh before returning to the car. As usual, I sit next to Travis in the backseat and Julia sits next to Kevin who drives. It's kinda funny how many hours we have spended in this car the last two weeks. I never thought that the guy with the eyebrows who gave me vodka at a party would be together with my best friend. It's weird, but weird things can be good sometimes.

After a while, Kevin stops outside of the radio house where Billie had her interview and she already stands on the steps, looking like she's freezing her ass off. When she sees the car, she runs to it, making us laugh.

''You have no fucking idea how cold it was out there, man'', she says when she sits down by my side. Her nose is red, it looks adorable. I take her frozen hands in mine and rub then fast to warm them up.

''I'm hungry as fuck, can we eat?'' Travis asks, thinking about food as usual.

''Sure, there's a restaurant not long from here'', Kevin answers before driving away again.

Billie keeps her hands in my lap as I continue to warm them up. I pull out my phone from my pocket and open snapchat, holding up the phone in front of us all three before taking a picture. It actually is a good picture with Billie leaning her head on my shoulder and Travis wrapping his arms around my shoulders, slightly touching Billie's as well.

''I'ma post this to instagram, we look so dope'', I say before opening the app. I choose the picture and upload it on my account together without a caption. Kevin stops the car after a while and I see that we're at a chinese restaurant. I walk through the glass door, looking at the menu.

I realise that there are two couches that will only fit for four people so someone will have to sit in a chair instead of the couch. I don't want to spend the dinner in an uncomfortable wooden chair so I run as fast as I can to one of the red, soft couches. Everyone sees what I'm doing so they all run after me to get a seat as well while laughing. I almost collide with the window when I throw my body onto the couch, looking at the others to see who's gonna be alone. Kevin is fast, so he sits down by my side and I give him a high five.

''We're the best, man'', I chuckle.

''We are'', he smiles before looking at the others as well. Travis and Julia manages to get a couch as well, leaving Billie alone with the wooden chair as her only option. She looks disappointed, making me laugh.

''Eat a fucking dick, Ember'', she says, throwing her napkin at me.

Later

''This was so good!'' I say after swallowing my last piece of orange chicken.

''Agree'', Billie says. ''But this is so uncomfortable.''

When I see Billie's pout, I feel really bad so I open up my arms and pat on my thighs. She smiles before squeezing past Kevin and sitting down on my lap. I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder.

The others start a conversation that I add to every now and then, but actually, I'm in my own world, thinking about everything that's going on. I wonder how my mom feels. What if she's awake? What if she won't wake up? I hate that I don't know anything about this. The hospital never text or call me and it makes me feel as if there's no hope at all. I try to visit her as often as I can, but her state doesn't change and that makes my heart break. What if I would have helped her earlier? I promised Billie not to blame myself, but I can't help it.

''You good?'' Billie whispers in my ear, looking a bit concerned. I quickly try to forget what I was thinking about, smiling at Billie before answering.

''Yeah, I'm fine.''

''Promise? Try no to think aobout shit you shouldn't think about, okay?'' she asks.

''Yeah, but I want to go home. I don't feel good'', I mumble, feeling a bit sick.

''Okay, baby'', she whispers before raising her voice. ''Y'all ready to go home again?''

''Sure'', Travis answers, standing up and waiting for us to do it as well.

Later

It's 2am and I can't sleep. I hate when I overthink all the time. I throw a glance at the sleeping beauty next to me. She's spreaded out all over the bed with her mouth slightly open, looking adorable. After a while of trying to sleep, I realise what I have to do. I need to smoke. Carefully, I approach my bag to find some cigarettes but I can't find any. Fuck, Billie must have thrown them away. Immediately, I feel mad. Why does she care about my business? Now I need to buy new cigarettes, just because of her. I run a hand through my hair before unlocking my phone.

I put my phone down, sneaking towards the door to get out from the bedroom without waking Billie up. When I manage to get out of the house without anyone waking up, I start to walk towards the bus top. Thomas Jackson is a forty year old man who sells drugs, tobac and alcohol to kids here in LA. It's a miracel that no one has caught him yet, the police should be chasing him as fuck.

After a while, the bus arrives and I sit down in one of the seats. I really hope that no one saw that I left because if they did, I'm fucked. They would probably lock every single door and have a guard or whatever. Sometimes, I wonder why they trust me. Like, isn't it pretty obvious that I will do something like this? Maybe not.

When I get off the bus, I approach the forest that Thomas talked about before looking for the tall man.

''Here'', a voice says. I turn around and there he is in a white tank top and ripped jeans in this cold weather. Overall, he looks really creepy with the black, messy beard and the lifeless eyes. He reaches for the cigarettes in his pocket, approaching me while I pull out the money from my wallet. We hand each other the stuff at the same time before shaking hands.

''Thank you'', I say with a smile.

''No problem!'' He says back, before waving goodbye.

I turn around, cheering quietly at my success with getting something to help my cravings. Immediately, I put one between my lips before lighting it and inhaling the smoke. The familiar, calming feeling return as I inhale again, walking towards the bus stop to get to Julia's house.

Later

As I open the bedroom again, I breath out in relief as I realise that Billie is sleeping in the exact same position as before. Carefully, I slip under the covers before closing my eyes. The whole trip to get my cigarettes is enough to make me feel exhausted, and I eventaully manage to fall asleep.