''Babe, wake up!''

I groan and turn around, burying my face into my pillow.

''Ember! It's about your mom! They are calling'', Billie says, finally catching my attention. I rip the phone out of her hands, answering the call.

''Hello?'' I ask with a nervous tone.

''Hi, Ms. Clayton. We need to speak with you as soon as possible'', the woman says, making my heart drop. This is bad. I hang up before she gets to continue, pulling a hoodie over my head.

''What did she say?'' Billie asks, confused by the whole situation.

''Just leave me alone'', I mumble, shutting the door in her face and walking down the stairs. I walk past Kevin, Julia and Travis who eat breakfast and slam the front door before towards the hospital. Furtunately, my headphones are in my pocket so I plug them in, putting on some music.

Dead inside

Spend a lot of time stuck in this head of mine

Under the assumption love is dead, already

Just let me be here

Where was I?

When he was feeling on you with his hands, at night?

Seen the vivid pictures in my head, at night

It left me in tears

The bus ride takes forever and it feels as if it's never going to arrive at the hospital, but it eventually does and I walk out through the glass doors before walking to the familiar buidling. I enter the hospital and approach the desk where the same, bored old woman stands.

''Hey, I got a phone call from-''

''Three rooms to the left'', she interrupts me, making my raise my eyebrows. I don't even thank her, I just start walking towards the room where an important conversation will be hold.

The room is white with blue curtains and a matching blue carpet. There are two couches with a table between them in the corner of the room and a desk with a computer in the other corner.

''You must be Ms. Clayton. We have some new about your mother that we would like to talk about. Sit down, please'', one of the doctor says, and I hestitantly sit down in the couch in front of the two.

''As you know, your mother is in coma right now and her state is complicated. We thought that she would probably wake up after a while, but unfortunately her state has gotten worse'', he explains with an apologetic look on his face, making my stomach ache. I bit my lip and look around in the room.

''Will she make it?'' I ask, trembling while digging my nails into my palms.

''I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I can't answer that question. What I can say is that we will do absolutely everything we can to help her'', he sighs. That answer is not enough. Does he think that I will be fine when I don't know if my mom will survive because of something I did?

I mumble my goodbyes to the two men before standing up, almost falling because I'm shaking so much. Where should I go? What should I do? I have no idea who I am anymore, what I want or if I can stand being here much longer. If it weren't for my friends and Billie, I'm sure that I would have been dead by now. The problem is that I don't even know if I'm thankful for them saving me anymore.

I want to escape, but I know that the few people I love will find me so I decide to go back to Julia's house. While on the bus, I try to realise what the doctors told me, but I just can't process it right now. Sure, my mom has been treating me like absolute shit the last years, but she's still my mom. The reason to why I'm here in the first place, and now she's... dying. I try to push the thought away, but it makes me feel guilty. Like my mom told me a couple of weeks ago: ''Do like you always do, run away from your miserable life instead of getting help, or doing something about your problems.'' The sentence gets stuck inside my head and I can't get it out. It's my fault, don't push the thoughs away. I deserve to feel this way.

When I finally arrive at Julia's house, I open the front door and slam it again in one move. Again, I walk past everyone, up the stairs to the bedroom me and Billie share. I throw myself onto the bed after closing the door, staring up in the ceiling. Why me? Why is my spirit trapped inside a body filled with sadness? I just want to escape from this, my friends probably want me to, as well. Who wants a depressed idiot as their friend? Who wants to hang out with someone that's constantly in pain? I literally can't stand bringing everyone down, but it still happens and I hate it more than anything. Suddenly, I hear a knock on the door, making me sigh.

''Leave me alone'', I shout before slipping under the covers of the soft bed. I try to get some rest and sleep, but my messy mind keeps me awake. Everything feels empty, as if it's not happening. I'm not sad, I'm just confused. Is this a dream? Suddenly, I realise that I can't lay here in this comfortable bed. Billie should lay here, and she probably doesn't want to sleep next to me so I throw the covers off of me before laying down on the floor flat on my stomach. My cheek is pressed against the cold wooden floor and it feels really uncomortable. What I deserve. I don't know how I manage to, but after a while I feel more and more tired until I travel to the world of sleep.

I wake up, opening my eyes. I'm still on the floor in the dark room but something feels off. I try to sit up, but I can't move my body at all. I'm paralyzed. This is a sleep paralyzis. Suddenly, a silhouette pops up in the doorway, making me swallow hard when I see who it is. Dad.

''Dad!'' I try to scream, but nothing happens. He just stares at me with his blue, sad eyes, tilting his head a bit. In desperation, I try to reach out my hand to touch him but I'm still stuck. From nowhere, he starts to walk towards me with creepy, unrealistic steps. I try to move back but he comes closer and closer before his face is inches away from mine. The two eyes that are intensely staring at me are not my dads, it's from someone else... someone evil. Out of the blue, more and more faces start to pop up around my dad's. I realise that every face belongs to a person that I have let down. When Evan's face pop up, I scream as loud as I can. It feels as if I'm screaming louder than I've ever had, but at the same time it feels as if Im quiet.

Finally, I get pulled out from the terrible nightmare and I sit up immediately, looking around me while panting. Now, there's a blanket over my body and a pillow where my head was. It was probably Billie who put them there. I sit up on my knees, peeking over the edge of the bed and I see that Billie is sleeping in it, looking calm. After thinking a bit, I walk over to the bed to wake Billie up and tell her about everything, but I regret it before I even get close to her. She's sleeping, what gives me the right to wake her up? I feel broken as I lay down on the cold floor again, throwing the blanket off of me. Good night.