The bus is empty, so I sit down in one of the seats in the back of it, leaning against the window with my forehead. The hospital is open now, right? My phone starts to vibrate and I know right away that Billie is calling without even throwing a glance at the white iPhone. I sigh before denying the call, even though I want to answer. I knew it. I knew that this was going to happen but I still didn't do anything. If it wasn't for all my fucking problems, our relationship or whatever it is would have been fine. I ruin things and I hate it. I'm tired of being the one who's always crying and the one who everybody feels bad for. Why can't I be like everyone else? I'm wasting Billie's time by bringing her down all the time. I don't deserve her at all and I will never do. Without thinking, I unlock my phone and open mine and Billie's conversation.

Billie answers almost immediately.

The bus stops outside of the big, white building and I turn my phone off before exiting the bus. I put my hands in my pockets and enter the hospital, immediately heading towards the elevators. After stepping in and pressing the "2" button, I see several new calls and snaps from all my friends but I decide to ignore them. Do they even care? It's 2am and I'm about to visit my mom who is in coma to tell her about my problems. What is wrong with me?

I open up the door and I see my mom laying in the hospital bed, excactly in the same state as she was when I was here before. Why was I expecting something else? After making sure that no one else is in the room, I sit down on the stool and grab my mom's hand before opening my mouth to spill out some words about the chaotic evening.

"Hey, mom. As usual, I don't know if you can hear this, but I'm going to tell you about something that just happened. Basically, I was going to a party with my friends tonight at John's. I've never really liked John because he is really... weird, but we thought that it would be fun anyway. So, we went there and the first thing that happened were that John hugged Billie in a very... sensual way which I didn't really like for a special reason. Anyways, later John decided that we would play "spin the bottle" and of course, the bottle had to land on John, so Billie had to kiss him. She tried not to do it, but he forced her to and I... overreacted and went to the bathroom. I just sat there and thought about how much of a failure I am. Suddenly, I think I had a panic attack and it felt as if I was going to die in that room. I don't know why I reacted that way, I was just stupid as usual, I guess", I explain, mumbling the last words.

Suddenly, I hear how the door behind me opens, making me turn around. Billie stands in the doorway, looking sweaty as if she ran all the way here. Just seeing her makes my eyes ache again, why did she come here?

"Ember", she breaths out before running towards me. I try to stop her but I give up when she throws her arms around me, holding me tighter than ever.

"I'm so, so sorry", she mumbles against my head, making my tears spill out again.

"It's not your fault", I manage to say between my sobs.

"I made you feel like this, so yes it is. I'm so sorry", she repeats.

I just keep crying into her shirt, trying to stop but I just can't. Nothing seems to work at all.

''Please, just leave me'', I crack out, not meaning it at all. I don't want her to leave, my anxiety does.

''Never. We are leaving now and we are going to my house'', she says firmly but still softly, however someone manages to do that. She grabs my hands and pulls me up onto my feet gently before putting her hand on my back and leading me out from the room.

Later

''No one is home right now, just so you know'', Billie says as she locks the door to her apartment. I sit down on the edge of her bed, knowing that she probably wants to talk about everything.

''Okay, so I'm sorry for kissing John but I promise that I didn't want to do it'', she says, furrowing her eyebrows.

''I know-'', I start but cuts me off, moving closer.

''I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, okay? You mean so incredibly much to me and I just wish that you could trust me. I don't think that you're a burden to me, but I know that you think that so you push me away.''

Her words are so accurate and it's almost enough to make me cry. I would like to sob my eyes out, but it almost feel as if i'm out of tears.

''Ember, I...'', she starts, looking away. I observe her in confusing before she continues.

''I love you.''

I just look at her, taking in the three words that she told me. Me.

''I love you too'', I breath out, my lips shaking as I feel more and more emotional. Billie lifts up my chin slightly and puts her lips on mine. It feels like our first kiss, but even better this time. I wrap my arms around her waist and she throws one leg over my lap, straddling me as we continue to move our lips against each other. I feel how she swipes her tongue against my bottom lip, asking for permission and I gladly accept. I just want so much of her as I can get. A moan almost slips out my mouth as our tongues move against each others. She pushes me down on the bed, taking her shirt of before moving her lips down my neck. I let out a quiet, soft moan as she sucks on my pulse point, sending pleasure over my body. She tugs on the fabric of my shirt and I nod before she pulls it over my head. We just look at each other and I wonder, how can someone be so beautiful? It's unbelievable.

''Are you sure you want to do this?'' she breathes out against my chest, placing a kiss right over my bra and I nod, not having any intentions to stop her. She gets off of me and takes her pants off before pulling mine down my legs, leaving us both in underwear only. Billie straddles my hips again and I caress her thighs with my hands before putting her mouth against mine again. We strip of so we're completely naked before intertwining our bodys. It feels as if we are the only one in this world that matter. I let out a moan when her tongue comes in contact with my most private part, my hands getting lost in her hair.

''Fuck,'' I breath out, gasping for air. Her movements are slow, but it just makes it feel more amazing. Her nails are scratching the skin on my thighs lightly, sending shivers all over my body. When she puts more pressure against me with her tongue, I pull her hair slightly, making her moan quietly.

''Are you okay?'' She asks with a low voice, looking up at me for a moment. I nod fast.

''Yes, please don't stop.''

She nods before returning to what she was doing earlier, now grabbing my thighs and putting them over her shoulders. I let out a quiet moan as she speeds up her movement, closing my eyes.

After a while, the pleasure takes over my body more and it doesn't take long before i throw my head back, my toes curling.

''Shit, don't stop. I'm gonna-''

When I come down from my high, I start panting as Billie lays down in my arms, her head resting on my bare chest.

''You alright?'' She asks after a while, making me look at her. She looks so perfect, I almost want to cry. My emotions take over as I place my lips on hers, kissing her slowly. The kiss soon gets heated, and I get on top of her before kissing her neck. She starts breathing faster as I place kisses on her chest area, moving lower and lower. Eventually, I move so that I'm sitting between her legs. I caress her thigs before spreading them slightly, looking her in the eyes.

''You want to do this?'' I ask lowly, not wanting her to regret anything.

''Yes. Please.''

I nod shakingly before placing kisses on her inner thighs, making her body tense. Feeling nervous, I look at her one last time before kissing the area where she needs me the most. She reacts immediately, placing her hand on my head. I start moving against her with my tongue, making her open her mouth and letting out a low moan.

''More,'' she breaths out. ''Keep going.''

Her words send shivers all over my body as I speed up my movement, making her groan. My nervousness is suddenly not as strong as before and I feel more confident in what I'm doing. She eventually start breathing faster, her grip on my hair tightening. The sounds that she's making tell me that she's close, and her body starts tensing. My eyes move so that I can watch her. She throws her head backwards, arching her back while furrowing her eyebrows. After that, she relaxes, her eyes finding mine while panting.

''Come here,'' she says with a slightly husky voice. I lay down in her arms panting before cuddling into her side. Billie pulls the blanket over our naked bodies and rubs my arm.

''That was amazing'', I breath out, wiping away the sweat from my forehead.

''It was'', she agrees, chuckling.

''What's so funny?'' I giggle, making her look at me.

''Nothing, I just never expected us to fuck when we worked on our penguin project. Shit changes'', she laughs, kissing my head.

''Same here. We wouldn't have been here now if it weren't for Mr. Wilson'', I laughs and she hits me on my arm.

''Shut up, I don't want to think about him now.''

''I'm sorry babe.''

We just lay there, calming down and I feel more and more tired. I bury my face in the crook of her neck, kissing her skin before feeling how I drift off to sleep.