It's friday night. John's party will start in two hours and I'm trying to get ready in Billie's room while she's jumping around in the bed behind me.

''Billie, do you have a hair tie?'' I ask the blue haired-girl while looking at her in the reflection of the mirror. She doesn't answer my question, she just throws a hair tie in my direction and it lands on my nose, making her laugh.

''So funny'', I sigh, brushing my hair. She jumps off the bed, standing up before walking over to me.

''You look beautiful'', she mumbles, kissing my head.

''I don't'', I snap back as usual.

''Why don't you trust me when I compliment you?'' She asks, resting her chin on my shoulder. She probably already knows the answer, but I think that she wants me to get things off my chest. It's cute.

''What do you think?'' I ask as if it's obvious.

''I actually don't know. You do look beautiful.''

''Thank's, I guess'', I mumble, convinced that she's lying. I still don't understand why she would choose me. Why would the most good looking girl in the world who can gets whoever she wants, choose me? It's so confusing to me. I still don't know if she wants ot be with me though. It could just be something else that she's planning and it scares me. She sighs before laying down on the bed again.

Later

''Ember, they're here!'' Billie shouts from the kitchen and I immediately jump off the chair, looking at my reflection in the mirror one last time before following Billie to the front door out of her apartment. She locks the door while I nervously push the button to send the elevator to our floor. The reason to why I'm nervous is that I've never been at a party with Billie while we're dating. Tyler and I went to a party together one night and it ended up in complete chaos. He gave another girl a lapdance and it ended up with Julia throwing a drink at him.

When we exit through the glass door, we see Kevin's car with both Travis and Julia in it, too. Me and Billie squeeze into the backseat next to Travis.

''Let's go to that fucking party!'' Travis cheers, we all agreeing. I don't know if this is going to be fun, weird or both.

John's house is far away from Billie's apartment in the city, so it takes a while before we arrive at the small, green house. I feel bad for John's parents, man. Imagine going away over the weekend and realising that your son has been partying when you come home. I giggle a bit of the thought before stepping out from the car. We walk towards the front door and I feel anxious. I'm so tired of never being able to feel normal. I keep it to myself, though. My thoughs get interrupted by a dark, male voice. John.

''Hey! Y'all look amazing, man'', he cheers before giving Kevin and Travis a corny hand hug each. He then hugs Julia and I swear that I can see a pretty uncomfortable look on Kevin's face when they pull away. John then looks at Billie before wrapping his arms around her waist in a slow hug, making us all raise our eyebrows and gasp. I feel a knot in my stomach, biting my bottom lip when Julia looks at me to see my reaction. Even Billie looks uncomfortable when they pull away and I don't get to think more about it because John hugs me as well, not as sensual as with Billie. I hate this fucking guy now.

Billie hands me a drink, before mentioning the awkward hug.

''That was so fucking weird, bro. Why would he do that?'' She asks, confused while looking at the blonde fuck boy.

''He's obviously interested'', I sigh, feeling self conscious.

''Well, I don't like him back that's for sure'', she chuckles, shaking her head before we get interrupted.

''Let's play spin the bottle!''

It's John again. He is fucking annoying, man. Me, Travis, Billie, Julia and Kevin sit down in the couch, our eyes locked on the empty wine bottle on the table. A lot of other girls and guys get to sit on the floor, making me grin.

''So you all know the rules. We will choose someone who will start and the one that the bottle lands on will have to make out with that person'', John says with a satisfied look on his face. He loves the fact that he gets to kiss people and that shit creeps me out.

''Make out?'' Julia asks.

''Or kiss, depends on how sexy you think your offer is'', he smirks, almost making me laugh. What is wrong with him? He wasn't like this the last time we met. Shit changes.

''Travis, we'll start with you'', John says before spinning the green bottle. We all watch in excitement before it lands on a random blonde girl who giggles a lot. Travis doesn't look happy, but he still walks over to the girl and kisses her, not really feeling it. When the awkward kiss is over, he walks back, shaking his head a bit before sitting down on the couch. Billie sits next to Travis, so she looks pretty nervous when the bottle spins around on the wooden table. We all gasp when it OF COURSE lands on John. I shuffle around on the couch awkwardly, not liking the situation at all. Why did it have to point against John who had already showed that he's interested in Billie?

The problem is that no one in this room except me, Billie and Julia knows about our little dating thing so this doesn't seem like a big deal to everyone else. Before John approaches Billie, she tries to come up with an excuse to not kiss that idiot.

"Wait, hold on. Do I have to?" She asks, holding her hands out in front of her to prevent the blonde fuckboy from coming closer.

"Come on, you know you want to", he smirks, looking at her.

"I'm seeing someone right now, it doesn't feel right", she finally says, making the room turn quiet. Her words make me feel appreciated, a new feeling for me.

"Billie, it's just a kiss. It doesn't mean anything. Come on!" He says, moving closer.

"Embers this doesn't mean-" Billie starts before John practically shovs his tongue down her throat. Okay, not really but he cups her cheeks, leaning down while ruining her perfect pink lips with his dry ones. I can't even process what's going on and before they even finish, I leave the room.

I lock the bathroom door before sliding down the wall onto the cold floor, burying my face in my hands. I can't do this. I can't trust anyone. Why did I have to go to this stupid ass party with someone that I actually like? Why do I let people into my life? I'm so stupid, I swear to god. This isn't even a big thing, why am I reacting like this? I want to go home, I don't want to be here. Suddenly, I feel breathy. I move my hand to my chest and feel how my heart beats faster and faster. Fuck, I'm having a panic attack. I try to stand up, but my head spins so much that I have to grab the sink to not fall. The room looks smaller and smaller, almost swinging around. I press my fingers to my temples to stop everything that's happening but it just keeps going. My hands find their way to my chest and I try to take as many deep breaths as I can to calm down and finally, the spinning stops. The room turns back into normal and I can finally control my mind. I just lay on the floor, panting from the sudden attack before feeling a tear escaping my eye. As if that's not enough, I start to cry more and soon, I'm sobbing in my own hands while feeling like the most lonely person in the world. I haven't had a panic attack in years, it's the worst feeling ever.

After opening the bathroom door, I push everyone else away, trying to get to the front door without being seen by any of my friends. I ignore everyone that's staring at me and I take it as a sign that their night is boring. Fortunately, I manage to get out from the house without anyone I know detecting me. While walking on the cold street, I pull out a ciggarette from the small box before putting it between my lips and lighting it. The smoke burns my lungs but I crave the calmin feeling. Now, I need to go somewhere to get some things off my chest.