When we're on our way, I start to feel a bit nervous. What if they hate me now? I will fucking eat their food that they prepared. Why? I don't deserve that. The thoughts flows over my and I can't take it anymore. Before we get to the kitchen, I grab Billie's hand and pull her away to the hallway.

"What?" She asks, confused.

"I'm scared, Billie. What if they hate me?" I ask, biting my nails while feeling more and more anxious. She grabs both of my hands in hers, rubbing her thumbs over my knuckles.

"Hey", she starts. "They won't hate you, okay? You're great, don't worry."

She pulls me into a hug, resting her chin on my shoulder.

"Let's go", she says with a smile before entering the kitchen with me behind her.

Later

"You two met when Billie tried school, right?" Finneas asks, after drinking from his glass.

"Yeah, excactly", I answer. "The teacher put us in the same group to work on a project and we became friends."

I try to be as polite as I can, I don't want her family to dislike me or anything. Finneas nods before eating his food again. If I'm good at something, it's acting as if I'm fine. I'm literally a master of that. I may sound comfortable when I talk to Finneas and Maggie, but it's killing me on the inside. It feels as if I'm going to die. Fucking anxiety.

"This is really good, Maggie", I compliment her, pointing at the grilled chicken with my fork.

"Thank you, Ember", she says with a warm smile. I feel really stressed, so I start to bounce my leg up and down, fast. Billie seems to be the only who notices and she puts her hand on my thigh, rubbing it with her thumb to calm me down. I'm glad that the table is covered by a cloth, otherwise the others would have seen our small interaction.

"Is it okay if Ember spends the night here?" Billie suddenly asks, making me raise my eyebrows. Oh my god, why would she ask that? What if they say no? What if they hate me and tell me that I can't come back here again?

"Sure, that's okay", Maggie says with a smile, making me raise my eyebrows even more in surprise. My mom would never do this.

When we've finished eating, we go into Billie's room again.

''You did great!'' Billie says, referring to my fear before the dinner. ''Yo, John is having a party on friday. We need to go there!''

I approach her and look at her phone, seeing the invitation.

''Let's do it'', I say before jumping onto her bed, landing on my stomach. I can't even think before Billie jumps from nowhere, landing on my butt.

''Ouch, Billie you're breaking my back!'' I cry out, trying to get up but she just laughs while laying on top of me from behind to prevent me from moving.

''Get off of me'', I say, my voice being muffled from the pillow.

''Nope.''

''Eat a dick.''

''I'd rather eat you'', she says, making me blush as fuck.

''Shut up!'' I gasp, making Billie laugh and I finally see my opportunity to get her off. I stand up fast, making her fall down from the bed and landing on the hard wooden floor. I expect her to stand up and attack me again, but she just lays there. Fuck.

''Billie! Are you okay?'' I ask with a panicked voice, rushing to her side. She lays on her stomach, so I can't see her face. I put my hand on her shoulder and roll her over so she's on her back, revealing a laughing Billie.

''You should have seen the look on your face!'' She laughs, her eyes sqeezed shut. I hit her lazily on her shoulder before sitting down on my knees.

''That was not funny'', I mumble and Billie pouts, cupping my face and pecking my lips over and over again.

''I'm sorry baby, I was just joking'', she says, pulling me against her before leaning back on the floor so I'm laying on top of her.

The real reason to why I didn't like the prank is way deeper than just being embarrassed or something. It's just that it reminded me of the way I found my mom a couple of days ago, and I wouldn't stand loosing Billie, too. I won't tell her that reason though, because she would probably feel too guilty and it would ruin her day.

''This can't be comfortable for you, man'', I mumble against her neck, referring to our position. Billie is laying on her back with her legs spreaded, while I'm on top of her so my stomach is pressed against her front.

''It is'', she mumbles back, hugging me tighter. She pulls up her phone and puts on some music, singing along to it.

Can't seem to find someone's shoulder

Who will I rely on when it's over

Took a chance with you, it made me colder

Better on my own when it's all over

''I miss him'', I mumble, thinking about Jahseh. His music helped through a lot of hard times and I still can't get him off my mind.

''Me too'', she mumbles. ''He was a good person.''

Her voice is cracking and it almost sounds as if she's crying. I decide not to continue the conversation, not wanting her to be more sad. All people have a sensitive subject, something that they can't talk about for long without breaking down in tears. Mine is Evan, Billie's seems to be Jahseh. I know that the two had contact and that he helped her a lot. I lean on my elbows, hovering her before wiping away the few tears that slipped out during the words about the way too young, deceased rapper.

''You wanna lay in the bed instead?'' I ask her, standing up and offering my hand to help her up.

''Sure, I just have to get some clothes'', she answers with a weak smile, taking my hand and standing up. Billie walks over to her closet, choosing some clothes to sleep in, while I lay on her bed, looking at her. How can someone be so beautiful without trying?

''Take these'', she says, throwing a pair of black shorts in my face when she sees that I'm wearing jeans that are way to uncomfortable to sleep in.

''Thank you'', I answer before wondering if I can change in front of her. Can you do that? Before I get to think more, Billie takes her shirt and pants of before pulling an oversized T-shirt over her head, answering my question. I pull my pants of and throw them aside before putting on the baggy shorts. When I've changed I slip under the covers, opening up snapchat.

''What are you doing?'' Billie asks, probably seeing how I smile at my phone like a freak.

''Nothing'', I say before turning my phone off, laying it next to me.

''I'm tired'', she complains, throwing herself onto the bed and cripping under the covers to rest.

''Good night'', I mumble before pecking her lips and turning around, closing my eyes.

This day has been weird. I got to see Billie perform live and it was amazing, but of course my fucking depression had to ruin that, too. It's so annoying when I do feel okay, but then I start to think about bad things and I end up sad again. Will it be like this forever?