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As I got ready for the day, I couldn't help but reminisce the night before with Jaxon.

The night went surprisingly well, he took me ice skating and on a walk to see all the Christmas lights displayed.

We got hot chocolate, ate some cookies, it was when he took me home that I couldn't get him out of my head.

"So did you enjoy the night?" He asks me as he pulls over in my house.

"I did." I smile at him, then turned to open the door.

"Hold on. Let me walk you out."

Before I could protest he gets out, and opens the door for me.

"You didn't have to." I tell him.

"I just wanted to talk to you more. I hope I was successful in making you forget today."

Even though I felt comforted by Jaxon, at the end of the day it was still Bryson.

"I had a great time today. Thank you." I only say, then dig for my key to open the door.

"I did too. And I mean it." He says and pushed my head up with his finger.

I froze, and stared into his eyes.

He leans in, and whispers into my ear. "Have a good night Koleen." Then walks back to his car.

I blink trying to seem unfazed and found my keys, before I went in , I waved to him goodbye.

He smiles and waves back.

I didn't think I had any lingering feelings for him, I'll admit I did kind of liked him before.

But that was before I got into a relationship with Bryson.

And now it just felt like it wasn't real.

Maybe he was taking advantage of my broken heart to get closer to me.

Yes that was probably it, afterall Jaxon was quite the playboy.

"Honey are you almost ready?" My mom asks peeking into my room.

"Yes, I just need to put on some pants." I tell her.

"Well lets get going, the tour will start in an hour. We'll get something to eat on the way there."

"Okay." She closes the door, and I put on some pants.

I looked into the mirror, and couldn't help but feel nervous.

I was going to visit the university my mom went into today , I was excited but at the same time terrified.

I was going to meet so many new people.

My mom said the university was pretty diverse, that I'd meet so many people.

It had a good medical education, but if I wasn't interested there was also other good programs.

I always dreamt of going to college already when I was younger, I just wanted to go to a different school with different people, to finally feel like I fit in somewhere.

Now that I was a senior, I didn't know if I wanted to go to college anymore.

What if it was with the same snobby people?

I could only hope it will be different, especially now where I desperately wanted to get out of this town.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

"I think the stadium is this way." My mom looked towards a huge building walking in that direction.

"No, mom." I took her hand before she could walk any further. "I think it's over there." I pointed towards another building where people were walking in.

"Those could just be students Koleen."

"Well let's go and ask."

We walked frantically towards the doors.

Inside was a huge stadium, everyone was seated in the chairs waiting for the presentation to begin.

It was so refreshing looking at new faces, new people who were different.

We took a seat in the middle.

A Hispanic girl with beautiful long black hair handed everyone out pamphlets.

I couldn't help but notice she had bigger thighs than me, and yet she was wearing a cute plaid bodycon dress with a white turtleneck underneath.

I wished to have her confidence.

I still struggled wearing anything tight, and revealing sometimes. Especially after getting dumped. I felt insecure all over again.

"Ooh nice top!" She compliments my T-shirt as she passes by.

I couldn't help but smile. "Thank you!" I tell her before she moved on to the next person.

The presentation took over two hours before they dismissed us to explore the campus.

As my mom and I were exiting the building, the girl who complimented me earlier stopped me. She was with a friend this time, her friend was equally as pretty, a goddess to be exact.

Her black skin glowed underneath the sun, she had the prettiest lip color combo, I made a momento to myself to ask for it later.

Her hair was structured with two little hearts on top of her head. How she made them stood up, I had no idea but it looked so cute!

"Hey girl!" I stopped and turned towards her. She explained to her friend, "This is the girl I was talking about Steph."

Steph looked at my T-shirt, then to her friend.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to wear my school state champion shirt. I just wanted to be comfortable.

"Koleen I'm gonna go ask that professor something okay?" My mom informed me pointing to one of the professors ahead.

I nodded, then looked back towards the girls.

"Koleen? You go to that rich school!" Steph exclaimed. " I used to play basketball in my high school, the girls from your school were all tall and fast! I've heard a lot about you too! I'm not a runner, as you can tell, " She slaps her ass as a response making me chuckle. "But I did do powerlifting, you were so good why did you stop?"

"Um." I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know college girls heard about me. "I don't know, I just wanted to stick to mostly running."

"Why in the world would you do that willingly? Why would she do that?" She turns to her friend and asks her.

"I'm Mónica by the way." The girl who complimented my T-shirt originally laughed, "Excuse my bff, but we're just amazed by your sportsmanship. We're athletes ourselves here in this campus. You should join if you're looking to apply here."

"You should!" Steph exclaims. "But don't do running. You have the muscles to lift!"

"She has the endurance to play." Mónica joins.

"I don't know, I'd much rather like to be smaller, not more muscles." I wholeheartedly explain.

After high school, I wanted to keep pushing for my dream body.

Steph looks at me with a confused look. "You're joking right? You're already small. Girl what are you talking about?"

Now I look at her confused. I've never considered myself small. Medium yeah, but not small.

"It's probably the body dysmorphia from that school huh?" Mónica asks.

Steph nods, "I would too."

I couldn't look at either of them, before I could answer my mom calls me.

"Koleen! Let's go, we're gonna miss the rest of the tour!"

"Oh let me get your Instagram! We'll follow you on there!" Mónica exclaims to me.

I gave them my Instagram, said my goodbyes then followed my mom for the rest of the college campus tour.

That night I decided to google what they said, I've never came across that term before.

Was it another term for body image ?

Body dysmorphia: A mental disorder characterized by the obsessive idea that some aspect of one's own body part or appearance is severely flawed and therefore warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it.

I hid in baggy clothes sometimes, and sure I always pushed myself when working out, but I didn't see it as a problem.

That's what an athlete does, don't they? Push themselves for better results ?

I went to bed that night brushing off their words.

♡.♡.♡.♡.♡.♡.ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ♡.♡.♡.♡.♡.♡.♡.

ADULT~