It's been four months. The apartment door is filled with gift baskets from Garcia still. He won't let anyone in. I've come to the door every day just to sit outside and talk to him, even if he doesn't talk back. I just want him to know i'm here for him. Spencer never even got to touch Maeve and she was killed right in front of him. He blames himself and I know that because I know him. I hear footsteps coming from his stairwell, it's JJ.

"Hey." I whisper, so as to keep things quiet and not disturb him.

"Have you gotten him to talk yet?" She sits down toucing the cold floor on the other side of the door.

"Only a couple words. I have made progress though. Watch this. Hey Spencer, knock one time if you are listening." The two agents hear a soft knock on the floor, coming very close from inside.

"That's good at least. He must be hurting so much, I can't imagine what he's going through. If something happened to Will I don't know what I would do. I-" A loud crash sounds from behind the door and footsteps begin to walk farther away from us.

JJ apologizes, realizing she's upset him and lets me know that Hotch is allowing me to take off time from this case to make sure that Spencer is doing okay. I smile weakly at her as she takes her stuff and leaves me gently leaning against the door that separates me and Reid.

"Hey, Spencer? I know you're in pain but I need to know you're okay in there. I mean- I know you aren't okay but. You-. You know what I-" I fall back onto the floor as the door swings open and a very disgruntled and sorrowful man is peering down at me from above.

I stand up and brush myself off. Spencer still hasn't said anything. I turn to look at him and my eyes go straight to the tears streaming down his face. His eyes are puffy and red, the dark circles under his eyes are more prominent than usual and he looks as though he hasn't slept in ages. I go to give him a hug and he pulls back for a second before hugging me tightly. I pull away from him seeing his sad face staring back at me and nod at him knowingly. Stepping into his apartment I see all of his books are all over the place and there are papers everywhere. The book that Maeve had bought him is sitting on the coffee table by his couch. Untouched.

"Spence, can I do anything for you?" I sit down on the arm of the couch, staring that the depressed man before me.

He just shakes his head. I don't know what I could possibly do to make him feel better. There really isn't anything to say that can comfort someone who's girlfriend has just been shot in front of him. I go for the kitchen, making tea. I go to grab two mugs from the cabinet above me when I feel two arms wrap around me from behind. I turn my head to look at his and he places his chin in the crook of my neck. I bring my hand to the back of his head and start running my fingers through his tangly curls. He doesn't smile one bit, he just lays there.

"Okay, lets go to your bedroom Spence, you look like you haven't slept in a really long time." I drag him into his room and turn on the light. I tell him i'll be back with tea.

When I return with two cups of tea, there is a peaceful man sleeping with his hands underneath his ear laying in bed. A gentle smile grows on my lips as I place the tea down on the nightstand and watch him. He is so handsome when he sleeps. I have always loved Spencer, he's just never known it and I have never told him. It scares me to think that he'd never like me back. That problem sorta got solved once Maeve came into the picture but, that's not really an option for him anymore. I am pulled out of my thoughts when the man speaks for the first time.

"(Y/N)?" He sits up confused as he runs a hand though his hair.

"Hey, you fell asleep." I laugh slightly but he just rubs his eyes in confusion and looks up at me.

"Why are you here?" He asks clearly forgetting what had happened earlier. He must have fallen asleep so quickly.

"I'm sorry Spencer, i'll leave." I begin to walk out of his room and down the hall, towards the door.

"No, (Y/N), wait." I hear him from down the hall.

I walk back to where he is laying in the bed. He is crying again. I get in the bed and lay next to him, giving it my best shot at comforting him. I spoon him and he cuddles up as close to me as he can. I run my hand over his arm and in no time he's asleep again. I get out of bed, turning out the lights and leaving to read a book on his couch.

I have dreamt of the moment when I got to lay with Spencer for years, I just never thought it would be under these circumstances. It pains me to see him as upset as he is. He is always a joy to be around and he makes everyone at work so happy. So, to see him in so much sorrow and hurt, makes me sad. I sift through all of the books that are scattered around his apartment, looking for one that looks decent. I settle on Wuthering Heights.

I am on page seventy nine when I hear footsteps from the hall coming increasingly closer to me. I glance up from the sentence I was in the middle of reading to see a groggy man walking towards me. I smile at the sight of the well slept boy. He slept for nearly three hours. In that time frame, I had read some, cleaned up his apartment, read a little more, did his laundry and then I was back to reading. He stares down at my book while rubbing his eyes.

"Wuthering Heights?" He plants himself on the couch adjacent to me.

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind that i'm reading one of your books I just needed something to do and I already cleaned and did your laundry so." I smile and look back down at the book.

Spencer's eyes scan the apartment and then his eyes pass over the laundry basket full of folded clothes on the floor next to him. All of his books have been alphabetically organized and placed back on his shelves, his papers were in neat stacks on his desk and all of his dishes were put away.

"No, I don't mind at all. Thank you by the way, you didn't have to-" He stops talking, his eyes settling on the one book I had chosen not to put back on the shelf. I didn't know what to do with it.

I place the book down on the coffee table, not bothering to bookmark it. I stand up and tug on Reid's arm. He follows me to his bathroom. I start to take off his sweater and shirt. He gives me a mortified look.

"What are you doing?" He asks scared and out of it.

"You probably haven't showered in days Spence. Plus, a warm shower never hurt anyone and it will make you feel better." I respond, continuing to pull his clothes over his head.

I walk off into his room and gather some more comfortable clothes for him to put on after he gets out of the shower. I bring them back to him and tell him to call me if he needs anything.

I go back to the couch and pick up where I left off before I hear crying. I quickly rush to the bathroom and see Spencer, sitting in front of the shower, his head in his hands while the water runs behind him. Normally he'd have an issue with wasting water but he doesn't seem to care now. I sink to the floor and pull him to me.

"It's okay. I love you Spencer." My eyes widen as I realize what just came out of my mouth.

"What did you just say?" He sits up, not taking his eyes off of me.

"It's nothing. Let's just get you in the shower okay. I promise it will make you feel better." I try to change the subject but my attempt fails.

"No, (Y/N). What did you say?" He demands to know, standing up as well and walking close to me making the air between us thick.

"I- I said I love you Spencer." I look down at the floor, seeing the towel I left for him at my feet.

I don't dare look up because I know how much he must being going through right now. I am trying to make him feel better but now I just confused him even more. What am I thinking? Why would I say that to him? That has to make our friendship hard for him now. I wish it was more than a friendship.

"(Y/N), I love you too. I have always loved you I've just never said anything. I was too afraid you wouldn't like me back." He brings his hand to my face.

I look up at him, relived and surprised. I can't believe he just said he loves me. Spencer Reid loves me. Me. I pull him into an extremely tight hug. We stay there for a while, just feeling each other in our arms.

"Spence?"

"Yeah (Y/N)?"

"I'm sorry about Maeve."

"It's okay. I'm just happy I have you here to help me get through it. I don't know what i'd do without you."

"Me either Spencer, me either."