• genre: angst

• 4077 words

• 04/22/20

warning: mentions of smoking, physical & verbal abuse

– if easily triggered by the mentioned content, i recommend you to not read this chapter.

– not an x reader imagine. point of view will focus on the members and other characters.

---

Subin's POV

"Do it again," Jisang, the dance instructor orders me. I did the dance sequence once again. I believe that I finally did it correctly.

While I stood in my spot after doing it, he walked around me, giving me suspense. All of a sudden, he hits the back of my knees with the wooden stick, making me yelp in pain.

He bends down to face me while my knees were on the ground, grabbing my face by my chin. "Just because you're a new addition to the debuting group doesn't mean you won't work hard." He harshly says, throwing me on the ground.

He stood up and hit me a few more times then dropped it. "Training a kid like you is draining the soul out of me. Just go back to the dorm already." He says before exiting the practice room, leaving me alone.

I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. Sweat and blood rolling down my face and arms. I just lay there for several minutes, letting my thoughts flood my train of thought.

It's been a month since our dance instructor has been treating me like this. Although, no one knows about his treatment towards me. He's a complete two-faced, showing his kind and a bright side to the staff and the other members while he treats me poorly.

He says that he treats me like this because I need to progress faster since I was the last addition to the group that will soon debut. But from what I see, I don't think that's the mere reason why.

I slowly stood up, trying my best to support my aching body. I limped to the restroom to clean up myself since I couldn't show up at the dorm looking like this.

If anyone else would know about this, he said he'd threaten my life. Meaning I can only rely on myself, which sucks.

[♡]

"I'm home," I said as I entered the dorm. "Oh hey- what happened to you? Are you okay?" Hanse asks, running to me as he checked my face. "And why are you limping? Did you get into a fight?" He starts asking more questions.

"I just tripped while practicing so I fell on my face. And I wouldn't get into a fight, the practice room isn't that far from here." I explained.

"Oh, take care next time, okay?" He says. I nodded back in reply. "Where are the others?" I asked as I looked around the empty place.

"They went out to buy a few snacks," He answered, sitting back down on the couch. "Hey, I have a question," I told him while I poured water in a mug.

"Hm?" He hummed, questioned. "What do you think about our dance instructor?" I asked curiously, drinking the glass of water.

"Kang Jisang? He's okay. Knows how to teach well and even treats us sometimes." He compliments, making me sick of his words. "Why do you ask?" He asks, facing me.

"It's nothing. I think the same too," I lied, grasping hard on the handle of the mug. "Oh, okay," He replied, going back to what he was doing.

"I'll be right outside, just gonna get some fresh air," I said and went out, knowing he wouldn't care.

The sun slowly disappeared in the horizon as I walked through the dark alleyway behind the building. I took out a cigarette stick from its box and lit it up.

I looked at the smoke emitting from the stick as it disappeared into the air. The feeling cleared all my worries, even just for a while. People say smoking is bad for your health, but for me, it's helping me a lot considering I have no one else to ask for help. You could say it's a coping mechanism.

Not so long after, my phone buzzed from my pocket. I checked it and got a message from Seungwoo.

We're already home. Hanse told me you just went out for a while. Text me back when you're going back.

I looked at the message with a blank expression. Knowing that the others care for me, I couldn't ask for a helping hand in my problem.

I'll be home soon.

I replied and kept my phone. I dropped the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, crushing it as it let off the pieces of ash.

I left the alleyway, walking while my head was down. I received looks from passersby noticing my limping figure. Nevertheless, I kept a smug face until I got home.

"Oh, Subin, you're here! Join us, we bought a few snacks." Seungsik says as he saw me enter the door. I hid my grim face and flashed a not-so-heartfelt smile.

"Sure!" I replied and excitedly went to them despite my legs having a hard time.

"Subin, why are you limping? Did you get hurt or anything?" Chan asks, concerned. "He said he just had an accident during practice," Hanse answers and he just nodded.

"Be careful next time, okay?" Chan says, ruffling my hair. I nodded in reply, even though I couldn't do anything about it.

[♡]

I've hidden it well for quite a while, but it doesn't make me satisfied at all. Even if I just want to scream out all the pain and suffering, I'm incapable to do so.

My eyesight was blurry, making me lose balance from time to time. Even if I was having a hard time, I still managed to get back to the dorm.

"Oh hey, you're back! How's practice?" I hear someone ask, but I couldn't make out whose voice it was. "Subin?" The same person asks, knowing I didn't reply.

I heard footsteps approaching me. "Are you okay?" Sejun asks as he held me by my shoulders. "You don't look well, what happened?" He kept asking questions and I couldn't make out a single word.

As much as I wanted to reply, my aching throat couldn't. Before I could react, I blacked out as I felt Sejun catch me before my body hit the floor.

Sejun's POV

Out of the blue, Subin falls forward, making me catch him mid-air. "What happened to him?" I wondered while in panic. I carried him into his room and laid him on the bed.

His sweater was oddly wrapped around his neck. Out of curiosity, I decided to remove it. I dropped the sweater on the floor as panic filled my body, my eyes widened.

There was a long red mark on his neck. Meaning only one thing. He could've got strangulated or choked by someone else.

It's almost impossible for the mark to come from something else. I just froze in my spot, unable to think of what to do next, knowing this was too unexpected.

"What have you been doing, Subin?" I thoughtlessly asked his passed out figure. I was eager for an answer at that moment but I had to be patient for him to go back to consciousness.

A few moments later, his eyes slowly opened. "Are you awake?" I asked as soon as he regained consciousness. He slightly nodded in response and I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Can you sit up for a while?" I asked him and he nodded. I helped him up, still not looking at me. "Drink some water first," I told him and gave him the glass of water I got a while ago.

He took the glass and drank half of the glass. "Are you feeling much better?" I asked him and he just nodded. "Hey uh, w-what happened?" I questioned him, my voice unexpectedly shaking. My finger was also trembling as I pointed at the mark on his neck.

He just shook his head, not wanting to say a word. "You can trust me, I won't tell anyone if you want," I reassured him, making him place his gaze at me.

"Don't tell anyone," He replies in a whispering raspy voice. I nodded, locking my eyes with him. He had a long silence before saying a word. During that moment, his eyes started becoming watery.

I wholeheartedly hugged him to help him out. "As much as I don't want you to tell me, nothing will be solved if you don't explain a thing." I told him, eager to heal his mind and heart.

He wiped away his tears and fixed his posture. He came closer to my ear, wanting it to be a secret. Also because his voice wasn't well so I moved nearer to him as well.

"You know I take extra hours of practice, right? Since I'm the last addition to the group." He explained and I nodded in response. "Our instructor Kang Jisang has been-" He stops mid-sentence. I noticed his getting watery again.

"You don't have to finish if you can't. I don't need to know the details, I understand." I said, understanding his feelings. I pulled him into a hug once again.

"Oh wait, I forgot to remove your backpack," I noticed and removed it from him. "Thanks," He said while I put his bag on my side. "You don't need to," I replied.

When I put his bag down, I noticed a white box popping out from the side pocket. I got eagerly curious about it and took it out.

My eyes widened due to the unexpected item I found. "Hey Subin, why is this here?" I faced him and showed the box of cigarettes I held up.

He immediately sat up from his previous position and snatched the box from my hand. "Oh, I get it now. I won't ask further," I said putting my hands up in the air after letting go of the box.

"So how long has this been... going on?" I asked, unsure about asking it. He showed '1' with his pointing finger. "A year?!" I questioned in shock. He shook his head violently, meaning a 'no'.

"Oh, a day?" He shook his head once again. "A month?" He finally nodded in agreement. "That's still a long time, why didn't you tell us? Do you not trust us?" I asked, utterly shocked about his choice of action, hiding it from us.

He went nearer to me, wanting to whisper it to me. "My life is at threat if even one of you knew. Now I don't know about the consequences." He replied, making my heart skip a beat hearing those words come out of his mouth.

I covered my mouth in shock, unable to think of a response. He pulled away and looked down as regret filled his face. "Don't let his words of threat faze you. We're gonna end this man's career together." I said as I boldly looked at him, reassuring him. He slowly looked at me and nodded.

"I have to go out for a while," Subin says, standing up from his bed and went to the door. He went out rapidly that I couldn't stop him. He needed to rest more, but how he left looked urgent so I didn't really have anything to do.

Subin's POV

I pulled up my hood to cover my face. I put my hands in my pocket while I walked, almost making no sound.

I walked down the familiar alleyway, doing the usual habit. I reached the back of the building and leaned on the wall. I looked up at the sky and sighed, thinking about the eventful day.

I took out a cigarette stick from its box. But before I could light it, someone snatched it from my hand.

"Sejun? What are you doing?" I asked in shock, not making my voice quite loud due to my raspy tone. "I should be asking you what you're doing," He said as he held the cigarette in his hand, not showing any sign of giving it back.

"After you got through all that trouble, then I had an effort to help you out. All you went out for was this? Are you out of your mind or just plain dumb?" Anger present in his tone. He breaks the cigarette stick in half and threw it on the ground.

I looked down as he scolded me. "I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" He suddenly apologizes, realizing what he just did due to my reaction. "It's okay, I think I am out of my mind," I replied, trying to make him feel less miserable.

"An addiction is an addiction. We can't do anything with that," He says, making me nod in agreement. "But still, at least don't do it today," He said and I just nodded. I knew it was for my good.

"Let's go back, okay?" Sejun asks. I nodded and followed him back home.

[♡]

The rest of the group leave like they always do. "Sejun, can you stay for a while?" Jisang halts him before he could exit the room.

I gulped, sensing something off. "How about us?" Hanse asks, looking back at Jisang. "Oh, you guys can go. Now hurry, it's getting late." He tells the boys in his disgustingly kind tone.

Jisang's POV

A few minutes after the five boys left, I looked at the two boys on the other side of the room. "You two, come here," I ordered them as they looked at me.

Subin had his typical emotionless face while Sejun was quite in a shock. Knowing it's his first time seeing me like this.

"I suppose both of you know why you're staying here together," Their eyes widen in shock as I told them. Both of them nodded, their heads shaking in the process.

I stood up and went up to Subin. "Do you think you can carelessly ask for help when you can't take it? Weakling." My eyes darted at his as I noticed his eyes shaking, unable to speak.

"And you," I looked at the latter, his eyes as fearful as Subin's. "Why did you bother asking? Just mind your own business and stop worrying about others. That's why you can't survive alone." I said, belittling him. His eyes reddened, water forming.

"If you didn't even bother, it wouldn't have ended up like this. But, it's too late," I stepped back and watched their faces filled with fear while their bodies were frozen in their spots.

"Now that you broke the promise, you know the consequences," Subin couldn't control his breath and looked like he was about to pass out. I took out my pocket knife and played with it, frightening both of them.

I placed my hand on one of Subin's shoulders. I slowly motioned the metal dagger forward. "Wait! Don't do it!" Sejun says, begging on his knees as he stopped me before I could successfully pierce it in Subin's chest.

"Why should I?" I asked, pulling back the knife. "Wait," I stopped him before he could say anything.

"It looks like your friend over here wants to spare your life, isn't that sweet?" I asked, slyly smirking. I turned to my left and bent down in front of Sejun. "You want your buddy over here to live?" I asked him as he furiously nodded.

"Well then," I stood up and looked at the knife. "A soul for a soul," I said and placed the knife on Subin's palm. "What are you waiting for? Kill him," I ordered.

His hand was trembling as if he just wanted to drop the knife. He went down on one knee, followed by the other one. He made Sejun turn to him.

Sejun's face was mixed with shock and fear. "W-what are you doing?" Sejun asks the other boy. "I'm sorry," Subin says in a whispered tone.

Subin rested his head on Sejun's shoulder. He pulls back then knife and pierced into the other's chest. Sejun's eyes widen as his life flashed before his eyes. Blood started dripping on the floor which assures that'd he'd pass out anytime soon.

"Easy, isn't it?" I asked as I crossed my arms. Subin sat back and looked at his friend's body as it collapses on the cold ground. He drops the knife and breathed heavily.

"Can you take care of his body for me? Do it properly because your life depends on it." I threatened as he looked at me in fear.

He nodded and stood up, his shaking body cautiously stood up while he carried the lifeless boy in his arms. "Why are you crying? You should be happy he spared your life," I told him as I looked at his miserable frown at me. He didn't say another word and ran out of the room.

[♡]

Subin's POV

"Oh, Jisang?" I heard Seungwoo's voice from outside. I eavesdropped their conversation while I was still inside.

"What made you come here?" Seungwoo asks. "I heard you're debuting soon, so I thought of treating you guys before we practice!" Jisang replies in a joyful tone.

"Really? Wow, you never fail us," Seungwoo praises, making me disgusted.

He doesn't deserve any praises.

"Hey, where's Subin? He's taking long," I heard Seungsik from outside. I quickly put on my shoes and went outside.

I saw Jisang looking at me from afar with a smirk. "He's treating us today! Isn't that great?" Seungsik asks, looking at me excitedly. I hummed in agreement without showing much amusement.

"I can't really go today, I have plans," I lied to him. "Oh, okay. We can't have Sejun here now we can't have you with us," He says, dishearted.

I bowed goodbye and left. Before I could leave, Jisang stops me, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Where'd you hide his body?" He asks, whispering so the others wouldn't hear.

I didn't respond at first and looked away from his face. "At the abandoned reservoir," I told him as I looked to the direction where that location is. "Good," That was all he said and let me go on my way.

My destination wasn't so far so I got there not so long. I looked at the clean wooden floor as if nothing gruesome happened yesterday.

I cleared the thoughts in my head and went to do what I planned to do. I went to the shelf across the room and took the box I placed on the shelf the day before.

I opened the box and took the camera I hid in it. I reviewed the clip and kept it right after. Without distraction, I went back home and kept the box hidden under my bed.

[♡]

It was the end of another day of practice. We said goodbye like usual, but we weren't saying goodbye just yet.

"Why aren't you guys going?" Jisang asks in his jolly voice. We just stood there with blank expressions. "Looks like you guys know something," He says, now changing his tone in a blink of an eye.

Without warning, Hanse throws a punch at him out of rage, but Jisang dodges his attack. We expected he'd be skilled to fight back.

Jisang kicks Hanse in the stomach, bringing him down on the ground. While he was attacking Hanse, Seungsik bought the time to hit him with a mop, but he catches it in time.

One by one, we attacked but failed, until it was just me left. He took the mop that Seungsik used a while ago, he attempted to hit me, but I luckily caught the end before it could hit me.

Even if I caught it, he pushed it, causing me to fall down on the ground. He pushed the mop on the side and pressed me down on the floor. My eyes widened when I noticed him take out something from his pocket.

He put the knife in front of my chest and looked at me furiously. "You're not so good at keeping promises, huh? Now that you spoiled it to them, I guess I'll have to kill them too," He says, laughing afterward.

He motions his arm backward, about to push the sharp metal. I closed my eyes, ready to accept my fate. But I felt nothing.

I slowly opened my eyes and frightened at the sight I saw. Jisang's head was bleeding as blood dripped down to his neck.

He looked back to see the attacker. "H-how," Was his last words, then passed out. "That's for wanting me dead," Sejun says, holding a metal microphone stand.

Sejun's POV

Subin placed his head on my shoulder while my body was shaking in fear. "Act like I will actually stab you," He whispers as I obeyed, slightly nodding.

He motions his hand in front of my chest and did what he told me to do. I widened my eyes as if it really pierced through my chest.

I looked down slightly and noticed he pressed the knife on his hand to secrete blood. I noticed his face filled with pain but continued to do so. He then wiped his bloody hand on my chest so that it would look more realistic.

After that, I closed my eyes and played dead. I overheard Jisang telling Subin to hide my 'dead' body. He acted like I was actually dead, but still obeyed and carried me outside.